To say or not to say?

[JeanneA]

I just wanted some views from you good mums out there Hubby thinks I'm worrying unnecessarily.

Hear goes, Glen seems very happy, and settled in his new care home. Glen is taken out every day for a drive and a long walk which he loves, this motivates him the most, unlike glen's previous care home which wouldn't take him out daily, in fact he only went out once a week! this home understands how important drives and walks are to Glen. The only criticism (if that's the right word) I have is staff don't appear to put any demands on Glen, apart from personal care and helping with lunch he doesn't really do anything else in the home. They ask Glen if he would like to do an activity but he usually shakes his head. From past experience with Glen you had to tell him to do something not ask, thats how it was.

Hubby thinks I shouldn't interfere just leave staff to it, as Glen is happy, he is not aggressive, he's only had a couple of small incidents in the 8 weeks he's been there. Staff have told me Glen likes to observe everyone rather than join in.

So do you think I should just let things be and stop worrying?

I welcome your thoughts, thank you.. p.s my oldest son, daughter and myself are going to visit Glen tomorrow. :-)

[Special_talent123]

I think feedback is vital so say it to them if u feel whats right

[JeanneA]

Thanks Sp I will have a chat with staff tomorrow, I'm worried that knowing Glen as I do he may be ok now but he could get bored if he isn't doing much in the day I think he does need to be 'pushed' a bit.

[lisac]

Glen sounds very much like my son. He is also an observer not a participator. I would say leave it well alone if he seems happy and content. With my son it can be the build of people putting pressure on him that then leads to very high anxiety levels and self injuring, even people keep asking him questions or getting him to get involved with stuff when he doesn't want to can trigger him off. Maybe wait till hes been there six months or so.

[JeanneA]

Hi Lisa thanks so much for your comments. I think you are right it's probably best for me to leave things alone. I should learn from the past when he was constantly pushed to do things which then led to his aggressive behaiour and I wouldn't want that to happen again. As the saying goes 'if it's not fixed why mend it?'

[Special_talent123]

I would just encourage him, but give him the option of what he wants to do. If he doesnt want to do anything not to force him, but if he wants to do then theres no pressure?

[JeanneA]

Hi, the visit went well. Glen seemed so pleased to see his brother and sister, he hasn't seen them in a long time. He was smiling, looking relaxed and really happy. I could tell that he gets on really well with one particular care worker there Pam, she is a lovely lady.

 

I think I've been worrying over nothing, I found out that staff has introduced activiites, one in the mornings, he's been doing some pottery (making mugs that you put in the oven) I'm sure you know what I mean? Glen does love his arts and crafts. Also regarding chores, Glen does washing up every day, he also brings down his dirty laundry and makes his lunch each day and lays the table. Staff feel that they don't want to put too many demands on Glen too soon so they are taking it slowly. I feel happy with what I've learnt today, to see Glen looking so well and settled means so much to me as his Mum.

[Sally44]

At my son's school they do ask me about things like that. What would I like him to achieve over the next year. What do I think he likes/is good at/would like to do more, what do I think he does not like/would avoid etc - and also whether he should be allowed to opt out.

 

I think there should be a plan for Glen, what they are aiming for with him over the next year. And rather like IEPs, for you and the home to discuss what, if anything, it would be good for him to participate in.

 

It maybe that you both decide that he should be able to opt out of everything. But that still needs to be discussed and agreed.

 

And I think you should discuss your concerns with them if you feel he is not being encouraged to engage in things.

 

You may come to an agreement that for the next few months, and that he doesn't have to join in. But again, that should be discussed.

 

The only similar thing I had with my son was when he was in primary in his first school. He was eventually given a work station. But the class teacher used to give him the option for each task of "do you want to join the other children on the carpet, or do you want to stay at your special place." Well he always chose his special place, and he still would.

 

And using rewards can work wonders. I've been trying for weeks to get my son to tidy his room. I've used various punishments ie. no TV/computer time etc. But then I remembered how I used to get Yugioh cards from him. So I ordered some off the internet, and they arrived today. I told him he could not have them until he had picked up all his toys off the floor. And guess what. He picked them all up today. So finding the right thing to motivate him is also crucial.

 

And I think that finding something that would motivate Glen to do something is very important, because at some point they may need him to do something, go somewhere, take some medication etc and knowing what they can 'tempt' him with as a reward is very important.

 

I don't think it is healthy to always be allowed to do exactly what you want all the time. It maybe easier for the staff because they won't get any of the fallout. And I suppose you have to think to what extent is any of this benefiting Glen to either opt out, or be encouraged to join in with rewards.

Edited July 13, 2013 by Sally44

[JeanneA]

Thanks for your input Sally. I think at the moment I will leave things as they are, because of previous placements breaking down I do not want that to happen again. The staff are just taking things slowly with Glen and it seems to be working well. I am in regular contact with the manager and can voice any concerns at any time which I will. I want Glen to be happy and settled he has been through so much over the last couple of years due to previous care homes placing too many demands on him so I think now he deserves to have fewer demands on him at this current time. Staff are aware of what has happened in the past therefore they are taking things slowly.

[Sally44]

You are probably right to give Glen time to settle in. And if you need to discuss any issues you can do that in the future. Communication is very very important.

[JeanneA]

Thanks Sally, yes I agree communication is extremely important. I am in regular and plus unlike before I can visit Glen more often due to him being only being a 30 minute drive away.

[lisac]

Hi Jeanne, the home sound very good. Do you think it is the new medication, the home, or a bit of both that has mad all the difference to Glen?

[JeanneA]

Hi Lisa, I think it's a bit of both. The new medication has definitely helped regarding Glen's self harming. He rarely hits himself now and if he does it is a half hearted attempt, unlike before when he would hit himself with extreme force. Also he is now in a good place where staff are not putting demands on him unlike the previous care home. They are taking things slowly, which seems to be working well for Glen. Long may it continue!

[oxgirl]

It's great, Jeanne, that you were able to get reassurance from the staff at the weekend. It's important that if you are worried about something that you should feel free to bring it up and get it off your chest. They can then reassure you that they are doing very good work with Glen and put your mind at rest. I think you said it perfectly earlier, 'if it's not broke, why fix it'. You say yourself that he his happy and relaxed and that is the basis for everything really. He won't make any progress unless he is happy and relaxed in the first instance. The longer he is there, the more he will come to totally trust the people working with him and the more they will be able to get him to take part in, but he has all his whole life ahead of him, doesn't he, and doesn't need to rush into doing things straight away. With time and patience of all involved, he'll continue to grow and will, most important of all, continue to be happy.

 

So glad you had a happy visit.

 

~ Mel ~

[JeanneA]

Hi Mel thank you so much for your kind words. As you say Glen doesn't need to be rushed into doing things, it will come. Like you say Glen needs to trust the staff and its still early days after all. He is happy and that's the main thing long may that continue. How are things with you and your son?