Considering telling someone at work I have Asperger's

[anewman]

Background. Been working at current place for just over a year. Separated from ex girlfriend about 4 months ago. I have no friends and not sure how to make any. The social isolation bothers me. There is a woman who works in the same room within my office. I find her immensely attractive, an illogical emotion as logically I shouldn't be interested, particularly as she is very early 20's and I'm nearly mid 30's. I'm just drawn to her, due to a combination of her physical appearance and her behaviour. Logically I know she wouldn't be interested and there's no hope of anything along the lines of a romantic relationship. We both go to a language class at work for 2 hours each week, though she has not been for 3 previous weeks as she had more important work-related training courses. She came this week and sat next to me and tried engaging me in small talk on the walk back to the office.

The reason I am thinking of telling her is that I think people see me as difficult to engage socially. Most give up quite quickly, and she has put more effort in than most in engaging me - though this would not have happened without the coincidence of attending the language class together. I hope that if I provide an explanation for my unusual social presentation that she might be more forgiving and this might facilitate the development of some superficial friendship as a colleague. I also hope that if she knows, it might help in other ways, for example in the language class.

There is a small chance she already knows as my line manager knows and is a "social butterfly" around the office. I get the impression my line manager would not mention it unless it was necessary to do so, though I did once learn on one occasion that someone else within the office is diagnosed with Asperger's. Though this was not directly referenced as Asperger's but a "condition" that creates social difficulty, and the diagnosis would seem to fit to that individual. But even if she already knows, and is interested, at least I could try and put my spin on how it affects me than leave it as just the name of a diagnosis.

Anyone have any thoughts? Many thanks

 

[scumble]

I can understand the situation. I haven't hidden my diagnosis and it has helped justify me working from home a lot more than I was previously. That does imply a certain amount of trust. It is possible people are going to be more understanding than you think. I have gone through many years of being unaware of why I don't seem to be the same as everyone else, so armed with a diagnosis you have an explanation. I think it is better not to hide it if you have genuine problems because of it. If you can explain what your problems are you can educate people on how they can help you.

 

I think I know what it's like when you suddenly realise you like someone a lot. I can be indifferent to most people and then suddenly find I really want to be around someone. Perhaps it is because we don't often feel a connection and when it happens it is a bit of a shock.

[Shnoing]

This might be a case of "workplace flirt", which might be fun for everyone who takes part, but is nothing to be taken too seriously.

 

The knowledge about that phenomenon helps me being around attractive colleagues while I know that they (and myself) are in stable relationships (with children) at home.

[oxgirl]

Anewman, I think it's a good idea to share your dx with your colleague. Like you say, it may give her a better understanding of why you find it difficult in some social situations and she may then continue to make an effort with you rather than maybe giving up and feeling that you either don't like her or don't want to talk to her. I know I often come across as stand-offish. I don't mean to, I want to be friendly, but just find it incredibly hard. My son is also very difficult to approach sometimes and I wish that others would make an effort to talk to him and not give up on him. He wants to hide his dx from people but I don't think that helps in the long run, if people don't know then they think up their own reasons why someone might be like they are and they might not always be accurate or correct.

 

~ Mel ~