What Can I Do So That I'm Not Lonely Anymore?

[Gold MD]

Hello. Please try to be serious here. I know you are always helpful, but I'm just saying that I prefer good responses.

 

Anyway, I've been crushing on my support worker. She's this lovely Spanish woman. However, that's all she'll most likely ever be in my lifetime. If she were to date me, you see, then she'd lose her job. We only have a working relationship. That's it. We don't hang out as friends. She has a friendly nature, yes. However, we are not really friends as we cannot do social things together unless it's something we do during an allocated support shift, but even then you have to be careful not to make it appear as if you are in love with the people assigned to help you. She does care about me, but you can see I want more.

 

I've seen loads of people come and go during my time gaining support from Number 6 in Edinburgh. There aren't any service users that I believe fancy me and I cannot really approach other people to get a conversation going without feeling anxious about what I'm doing.

 

There's no policy about dating other service users. It's just that you cannot have any romantic relationships with your charges. As in, you cannot express an interest in the staff for dating. But there's no reason why you cannot go out with women or guys who use the same facility that are users and not staff.

 

While I respect that this is the job my key worker chose for her career ambitions, it is hard to keep being around her knowing that I have feelings for her. And there was a day where she was talking about maybe going to America one day, as she felt winter in Scotland was cold and she didn't say this was definitely what she was going to do. Just the thought of losing her scares me, but I got one woman removed from my support team already over attachment issues and going against the boundaries. I'm sure you may recall I posted about that stuff before.

 

Like I said already, I've seen many people come and go. When you get used to being around certain folk, they just eventually leave and it sucks a lot. It's unfortunate that I don't have a big social circle. It's just hard for me to mingle with people that you would call ordinary. Most of the people I am mates with have some type of disability themselves, like autism or a learning problem. When I do try to interact with normal people, I struggle badly to engage with them.

 

Well, my friend / neighbour Scott is like myself. We both are single and we both find it hard to get involved in group discussions, although it's clear we'd like to try. We have gone to these Meetup dating events, but I think the bars they use are too busy and there's loud music, crowds and booze on the premises too. To me, it's just that everyone will steadily get more in the zone but then begin some nonsensical chit-chat as well. Nobody seems to be on the same page let alone in the same library. It's a figure of speech, by the way. And yeah, the noise is quite bad.

 

Therefore, I was thinking that we should just try joining standard interest groups. Although the thing is, they aren't for dating as such. You may then meet nice ladies but then find out they are not single. So obviously it makes more sense to be in a singles group if dating is what you aim to try. However, I just dislike the way they run them. There is also speed dating events that cost money and there are of course lots of free dating websites. In my opinion, they are a huge waste of time because they have trolls, fake profiles and can come with a scam catch.

 

So suddenly, I feel lost in the world. I'm amazed that there are actually such major complications involved in being a human being with a mental disadvantage.

[oxgirl]

^{Hi Gold MD,}

^{I wouldn't dismiss internet dating sites personally. I know a lot of people who have had success with them, whether it be just finding like-minded people to date or more serious relationships. You have to be cautious, but I think there is a lot to be said for them.}

^{Also, your suggestion of joining interest groups is a good starting point for meeting people, including women. A lot of lonely people go to evening classes to make friends, and you never know what this could lead to.}

^{Good luck with it.}

^{~ Mel ~}

[Gold MD]

Once Sara leaves the job, I won't want female helpers assisting me anymore. I generally prefer women to men, but if it's a young woman or at least one roughly the same age as myself, you can see how it can obviously be quite tempting not to develop feelings for her / them, if that's even the right term to describe my situation.

 

It's so easy to get attached to women you frequently see if there is no other women to be social with. But there are rules about latching onto her if she's a care worker.

[oxgirl]

Yes, I think it would be a good idea to have a male helper in future. If you are someone who becomes dependant upon and overly attached to people, then having a female worker will ultimately lead to difficult feelings. Could be that you just become so fond of the people who work with you that these strong feelings become mixed up and turn into something that could be seen as inappropriate. At least if you have male helpers then you can be sure that this will not happen in future.

 

Good luck with it.

 

~ Mel ~

[Gold MD]

Well, we went up a hill several days ago and I'm not keen on the sight of being high up, as I don't like heights. So I removed my glasses, so I could not see clearly. Then she got concerned I'd be unable to see and fall, so she said if I didn't put them back on, she was going away. There are like these steps that go up onto the hill and you cannot fall off it but you can fall over, I guess. It looks more like a large piece of ground when you're up there. I also sent her many text messages being nice but she never responded. She acts a bit moody sometimes now. It's probably because she wants to motivate me to 'get a life' now that doesn't involve relying on support workers 24/7 and I think that's a good way to move forward and in fact, it's realistically the only positive way.

 

She says that when I act like I can't do something, I'm making an excuse not to bother making an effort. Maybe I am making an excuse about things being too hard, but it's not easy to be a social person and meet strangers when you have anxiety. But of course you must try to overcome that problem anyway. Or then you are going to be one sorry and messed up individual. Eh?

Edited December 29, 2013 by Gold MD