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Canopus

Christmas and kids with AS

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My son has always struggled with the change in routine at school and the lights/noise/crowds in town. Everything is different and he doesn't like it!

 

Although he does like getting presents (who doesn't) he doesn't like surprises and is not particularly into aquistions so (depite the annual apoplexy from his dad) he wil usually open one present, take it away and play with it for the rest of the day without even looking at the others!

 

As he's got older, he's coped better. He understands it will all go back to normal soon, and his specialist school doesn't get quite so excited about it all December! His little siblings are all very excited and he has been great this year at not stopping them:)

 

His favourite aspect of Chistmas has got to be that normal nutrition rules are relaxed and he can eat terrible food all day;)

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I have one(age 7) who couldn't care less about Christmas, its just any other day to him. He is not all that interested in presents and never asks for anything. He doesn't like any traditional xmas food so will just eat his usual selection.

 

Then I have one(age 10) who loves Christmas but everything has to be done by the book! The 12 days of Christmas rule applies and he still strongly believes in father Christmas. He therefore has to get what he requests(the list is usually not very long though) He loves all the traditional foods mince pies, trifle etc, but will not eat these any other time of the year. He hates going out though and has got worse with age. So is unlikely to attend the panto and did not want to see father Christmas chose to just write him a letter.

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My lad has always found Christmas very difficult. He could not cope with not knowing what he was getting for Christmas. We started telling him what we had bought him and he was much happier with this and could then relax and look forward to getting his presents. His grandparents thought we were terrible telling him what presents he had, they used to accuse us of spoiling Christmas for him and spoiling the surprise. They didn't understand that it was the surprise that he couldn't cope with!

 

He used to eat very poorly when he was younger and wouldn't eat any Christmas food. He used to have normal food on Christmas day, for example pizza. One year when he was about 14 or so we were at relatives for Christmas lunch. It was terrible. He couldn't eat any of the food they had made and sat in the other room on his own with a sandwich while we sat and ate our dinner. I felt terrible and could have cried.

 

Now he is 20 and copes much better. The last two years he has had some 'normal' Christmas food so we can share a meal and he will have some of it. This year he had some turkey and gravy, some roast potatoes and carrots, stuffing balls and sausages. He even had a mince pie:) So things do get easier.

 

~ Mel ~

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My experience is that not very many adults or teenagers with AS like the concept of Father Christmas delivering them presents. They think it is a silly lie once they find out that Father Christmas doesn't exist and neither do they share any the joy or fun that the people who believe in continuing the custom do.

 

Christmas food is another problematic point but why should kids be made to eat food that they don't enjoy just because it is festive?

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i agree with Mel, things do get better as our kids get older. This year at the care home Glen has coped really well, but they understand him and know what to do in not to overwhelm him at this time of year. They didn't give all glen's presents to him on Christmas Day, they gave him a couple a day for a few days which worked out really well and Glen had his normal routine of going out for a walk or a drive each day including Christmas Day. Thank goodness I've found a very good care home where Glen can stay long term :-)

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There definitely is some truth that Christmas is handled better as kids get older. It makes me wonder whether a significant proportion of kids with AS do not enjoy or appreciate the so called magic of Christmas that is upheld by adults who enjoyed Christmas as a child themselves. It is not unknown for kids with AS to spend Christmas at the homes of friends or classmates who do not celebrate Christmas in activities they want to do.

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We never went in for Father Christmas ourselves. I didn't like the idea of 'pretending' to him something that wasn't real, so we never tried to push the idea of Santa onto him. Again, we were criticized, some people in our family thought were were ruining his Christmas and not allowing him to enjoy being a child and enter into the magic of it, but it just wasn't something that he wanted or needed in his life. He much preferred what is real and to pretend to him would only confuse and upset him.

 

~ Mel ~

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Hi,

A token to Christmas tradition is rigidly upheld in our household by my youngest (12 years old) although neither my husband nor my eldest son (both AS) see the point in Christmas or enjoy the festivities. Balloons are banned in the house because my eldest son hates them with a vengeance. When my eldest son was younger we had a lot of problems concerning the changes around the festive period. This year we agreed to take down the decorations and the tree on Boxing Day because my husband and eldest son declared Christmas to be over. My husband and eldest son, however, have a very keen sense of justice and they are both appalled or confused by the extortionate price of turkeys and the cruelty of factory farming, the waste of energy caused by Christmas lights, the need for food banks and the unseasonal weather. My youngest son is cool about the certain adaptations we make (and he enjoys post-Christmas play with his friends). So yes, things improve as children get older. There are things that my husband and elder son do enjoy as well: the smell of scented candles, some Christmas lights, the colder weather and, perhaps strangest of all, the absolutely stupid jokes in Christmas crackers (although not the crackers themselves).

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There is a heated discussion on the NAS forum about whether Santa is silly with salient points about the ethics of telling a lie in order to uphold a childhood joy and the situation regarding classmates who follow religions other than Christianity.

 

http://community.autism.org.uk/discussions/general-discussions/general-chat/santa-silly

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Hi,

 

We learnt the hard way it is better to tell our son what he was getting. Last year we decided to give him a laptop as a surprise - he cried all day. It was terrible. This year he got a few small presents, then chose something else he wanted himself. Much better Christmas this year. He is 14 now.

 

We don't have a problem with food - he likes roast meat and potatoes, and mince pies - and he loves Christmas cake, but can't understand why I only make it at Christmas.

 

Diane

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I think that a lot of the problems originate from almost every family having one person who insists on celebrating Christmas according to tradition or the way they celebrated it in years gone by. Usually it is some elderly relative or in-law who would be devastated if Christmas wasn't celebrated their way. Sometimes they, and younger members of the family, feel that they have to comply with this individual's wishes because it could be their last ever Christmas.

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