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Paul1234

Hello - new member here

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Hello All,

 

Been reading through this forum and I am finding it very useful. Lots more reading to do before I start posting questions though but its hugely exciting for me to have a resource like this available.

 

I can't say I'm 100% an aspie but getting 42 out of 50 on the AQ test and also this output from the RDOS test http://i.imgur.com/pMDFtTY.png pretty much confirms what I've suspected all my life, that I have a very much polarised IQ profile and a lot in common with Aspergers. And thats 45 years of social embarrasment, forgetfulness, putting my foot in it, not getting the joke, being oversensitive, being completely disorganised and incapable of doing very simple things even though I'm lucky to have been reasonably successful as a techie :)

 

Anyway, since discovering these aspie tests (and also having my son diagnosed similarly last year (a 50 page diagnosis!)) I'm actually now quite excited about it .. why ? because now I've got some "handle" with which to find research papers, forums, articles, etc etc - even if I'm not a 100% aspie (is anyone?) I'm pretty sure that the strategies aspie people use would help me too. I'm probably too old to change much but this just seems like a voyage of discovery in that new doors are opened that could help me out.

 

I'm still 50/50 on whether to get an official diagnosis.. having seen my son's write up it was like looking in the mirror. I did the mensa stuff aged 26 and got in, and I know I'm as daft as a brush socially as described above so I'm not yet convinced there's any need to "make it official".

 

So I'll leave it there for now and I've got some serious reading to do ! But if anyone can point me to some good reads to get me started I'd be grateful :)

 

thanks in advance

Paul

Edited by Paul1234

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Replies are good ! -- thank you Brooke :) please don't apologise !!

 

I did wonder if anyone else on here also felt that a formal diagnosis was not necessary or helpful. I suppose I could do the wechsler tests self administered.. I think learning how to interpret the results would in itself be a good education. But when something like this is as obvious as a broken leg, do I really need a diagnosis !!???

 

But the main thing for me is to learn about strategies that others use. I'm not sure a formal diagnosis would make any difference there either :)

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Hello. :)

 

I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and am also happy to find the forum, though I am still coming to terms with it myself.

 

I always knew there was something and that I was different but I kept putting it down to anything but or blaming myself etc etc.Then I read about add for the first time and convinced myself I had that, but when I went for the assessment I was invited to return for another assessment for asc (I think that's what they call it now). So during the past month or two I have been reading about aspergers for the first time.

 

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it has made a big difference for me and it has been quite an emotional event looking back through my life at the all difficulties I have had and that I finally have my answer. I was quite shocked at first nevertheless and am still surprised but funnily enough none of my family were surprised by the outcome as they knew I would be diagnosed as soon as it was suggested. I was quite taken aback by their unsurprised responses actually.

 

What you wrote regarding your general traits sounds very familiar to me and I will be sure to come back later to talk about strategies as I'm sure we could all benefit by swapping some of those.

 

I look forward to reading and sharing more with everyone on this forum.

Edited by cookiemonster

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Thanks cookiemonster. (why can't I think of cool names like that when I join forums ?!)

 

I think I'm NVLD more that ASD now, but some literature seems to suggest that the diagnostic process is the only substantial difference and that most ASD's will also be NVLD's ! In other words the two overlap with more people in common than not. (I'm not 100% sure on that so comments welcome !).. So the other difference is I suppose that means I'm a bit more social that the average ASD, but I can assure you I could live in a cave and never see a human again and I would be happy enough! IOW - I'm not that social at all, just enough to hold a family together although the misses is always on that I never want to go out ! yes dear, I'll take you to the pub tomorrow.. seems to work !

 

But seriously the problems I have faced and to an extent learned to live with and deal with, are similar to asd for sure, so I'm not sure an accurate diagnosis is relevant. I don't particularly wish to dwell on the problems (I'm very grateful for the talents that come with it!), but I would like to up my social confidence a bit and not feel like a dork after everytime I talk to someone that I don't instinctively like !!

 

For the moment I've been thinking back to my "consultant" days when I suddenly became able to do job interviews and speak with confidence (I had so many embarrasing interviews in my early 20's) - I did a lot of work back then before I'd ever heard of aspergers or nvld, to increase my confidence, to practice talking to people, and that included going out to get more qualifications and the mensa thingy I mentioned also helped there - it was as if I was prearmed for the task so I could go into an interview with confidence. With hindsight it seems like career suicide to pack in a 7 year stable job to go and do contracting, but it was the best thing I ever did.

 

I remember once they asked me in an interview - "why have you done no courses recently ? we'd expect you to be keeping up with technology." my answer - I try to work one to two hours each evening during the week on working with the latest technology, so I am one of the first to know this stuff and I am one of the few giving those courses, not sitting in them. I got the job ! And that was how I got through it - by becoming very good and very confident at the technical side of things, I could get through interviews and I could take on a role as a mentor, lecturer, and techie. Lesson learnt !

 

Anyway thats getting a bit deep but as a strategy here, I'm convinced that all the answers I need are there for me to think through and work out myself - I don't want to sit in front of a psychologist because it would take huge amounts of digging and as a verbal communicator I'm really useless at getting points across, its like I can talk but the rest of my brain goes into panic mode or simply doesn't recall whats really important (- I don't get that problem when I write). The number of times I've walked away from a conversation (even visiting a gp) and forgotten about half the stuff I wanted or needed to cover ! grrr

 

So, thats what I'm up to - going back and finding those bits that worked in the past, and seeing if I can give myself a kick to get back there.

Edited by Paul1234

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Hi Paul, welcome to the forum :)

 

I can relate to what you have written, I've always been a 'techie' and mostly self-taught in those aspects, I just found it easy pick up new technologies. I've always lacked confidence though, even with my technical abilities - I never feel competent enough, even when i'm doing well. Unfortunately, throughout life I've struggled to cope with things that I'm not so interested in, like social interaction - I just can't free myself to communicate around people, I lock up.

 

I'm on the road to being diagnosed, or not, and feel it would help me to understand myself better. I know I have difficulties that I can't just ignore, I've tried being 'normal' and it doesn't work - for me, or other people. I should have pushed for help/diagnosis when I was in my teens when I was struggling at school/college, but was too unaware of myself at the time, and too anxious/depressed. It will be hard work but I just want to make the best of things for the rest of my life.

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Thanks for the compliment on my name choice, Paul. What is nvld and iow?

 

I'm rather sociable myself, too, but i will become lonely if i stay by myself for too long. i can stay in for a few days without any company or other human contact but then i start to feel weird and isolated.

I've always had a keen interest in psychology and can act so i guess that gives me an advantage too.

This is for a limited amount of time, mind, as when my steam runs out and a social situation exhausts me i start to switch off and gaze into space (how i usually stim). i have to go home to be on my own at that point.

 

One thing i can't do is talk to groups of people, i think you have a huge advantage there. i wanted to be a teacher at one point but i hated being watched, both by the kids and the assessor. i couldn't deal with that. i can act through interviews though, I have done and can do well in those.

 

When i went to my gp and psychologist for my assessment, i had to write down all my symptoms to remind myself of what to say, is that the scenario you dread, when you think your mind might go blank?

 

Hey tim, I've lacked confidence for most of my life too, but I've gained a lot more lately. Wonder if it's because i choose to work from home these days ..

Edited by cookiemonster

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Hi Guys,

 

This is the only website I can find so far that gives a decent run down of what NVLD is.

 

http://www.nldontheweb.org/nldentrylevelreading/nvldanemergingprofile.html

 

(IOW is just an internet thing - "in other words".)

 

NVLD has much in common with ASD

 

Socially I'm often hopeless, like I'll forget what the point of the conversation was since the time I started talking !! arrrrgh (small example, lots more). but actually there have been odd times when I've been able to get on ok socially, so I've been looking back and working out what was different between now and then. I think years of parenthood and running a business under a lot of pressure to keep going even when my brain is not interested, and in the last few years a difficult illness too - all that and the rest of life can make you perpetually tired and I think tiredness is when the ASD-like tendencies seem to show up most. Well its not the only part of the equation but I think it counts for a lot. And the brain doesn't always differentiate between mental tiredness and physical tiredness which can make things more confusing ! I do quite a bit of sport so I have to keep the whole tiredness thing in check otherwise I'm really zombified, but I think the sport keeps some of the monsters at bay and I seem to skislope into depression when I stop so lets just keep it going !

 

But I really think that simplifies things down waay too much, and there can be a huge amount of detail and years of work to build these things. For now I'm mapping out things like confidence, health, motivation, diet, outside interests, getting life straight so I'm not tired, some things to "go for", and how can I do all that and still be me!?.. I think the answer is to leverage the things I'm good at and the things I like doing.. work in progress :)

 

I'll definitely post some progression updates here

Edited by Paul1234

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Yeah, working hard and having children definitely kinda forces one to push on forward and deal with things. I was working full time when I had my daughter and I felt like a robot when I returned to work, I was so busy. It was depressing though.

 

Still, I have days when my mind just feels zombified, like today. If I am doing anything today I am doing it really slowly and i'm trying to come to terms with a range of things that I'm sure should be quite simple. I think I'm just in temporary shut down mode because the stress of the christmas period has just ended and my mind feels the need to recuperate before accepting that we're getting back to the normality of actually having the time to breathe.

 

Do you ever have days like that, when you just need to work really slowly or your mind just wants to switch off??

 

I exercise regularly too .. I try to find the time every day and I also dance. Similarly, I quickly start to feel down if I stop doing that. I definitely keep in shape and eat healthily .. I'm too sensitive not to and I'm not masochistic.

When going out drinking/ socializing, I like to exercise vigorously first and then bathe so that I feel confident and perky enough to keep up communication and pay attention. The increased adrenaline and blood flow often gives me what I need to be able to do that.

 

 

Hi Dian11. >:D<<'>

 

:)

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I seem to become zombified when I'm not interested in something, so if I want to be productive in work I need to get interested in what I'm doing. Often that means time away from the desk drawing diagrams and scribbling out ideas on paper etc, then get to the desk and challenge myself with how quickly or well I can implement them. I can often light a spark that way and get motivated. But not always.

 

Actually I've been pretty zombified since christmas. Its funny how coming on here I can easily state some of the things I do to fix it, and yet there can be days and days when I don't do that - I almost need to look in from outside, see the bigger picture, and give myself a kick.

 

<virtual self-kick administered /> ;) I'll let u know if that works tomorrow :) I think I spent more time today reading forums and playing chess than I did working, thats got to stop !

 

Sport is really good for me, although too much of it also leads to yet more brain zombification ! But yes being in good shape is definitely a plus for making you feel good in social situations, but the amount of life you have to give away to maintain that is a lot of course, so I imagine, its not for everyone :)

 

Sensitive ? yep me too

 

:)

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I tend to feel like a zombie much of the time, and looking back I probably was when younger too - I have to put a lot of effort into motivating myself to do something, and some days that can take a long time or i just can't engage myself at all. Its easier if there is a reward for doing something, or i can think of a way to reward myself for doing it. At work I have tended to focus on tasks I am most interested in, or get a lot of reward from doing, and tend to put-off tasks I really don't like doing - which obviously caused problems. I tend to get a lot of ideas popping up, and tend to get distracted or carried away thinking about them. I have always struggled with prioritising things, and never really been able to multi-task. I've tried planning each day out on paper to help me, but I still put-off difficult/dull tasks.

 

I've always been too self-conscious and awkward about sports, though I have tried jogging in recent years as a way to kick-start my day but found it hard to keep doing it. I do like walking, but I don't get much enjoyment or benefit from walking locally, its too urbanised, too many people - I prefer walking in the countryside, wide open spaces, but due to circumstances i have been able to do that for some time. I feel drained from all the people and activity where I live, and feel relieved when i'm somewhere peaceful.

 

I know that being active is good for mental health, so its something I need to work on.

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I cant tell you how wonderful it is to hear people talking about their experiences - experiences that have so much in common with my own. I thought I was reading my own resume, Paul, when reading your initial post. I was a graphics specialist and technical illustrator working in environmental engineering consultancy for many years, but suffered when I became more senior: More meetings with clients and colleagues, and more socialising. I never got any training in new tech - I was always ahead of the curve, and could always pick it up by myself; I wrote the training manuals. When time came to downsize - out I went. Now I have a rubbish job in a school covering absent teachers. I tried to get other work for three years - always getting the interviews but never the job. Now my CV is a 5 page car crash, but now I have my formal diagnosis - I don't care so much. I have never really trusted my own judgement (too many faux pas), so self diagnosis was out. The formal diagnosis means I can live more or less blame-free for the first time in my life - Everything I used to stress about has kind of faded into the background a bit. I only got the diagnosis a few days ago, so I guess it might be the honeymoon period! Still, looking forward to doing thing because I want to, not because it's what I think others want me to do. Talents can be blessing or a curse - people don't expect anything much of the talentless - no pressure.

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Paul I could also do quite similar jobs to yourself and NVLD was ruled out for me.

 

Anyone who feels they need a diagnosis should be entitled to get 1, anyone who self identifies but feels a diagnosis wouldn't help them should also get that right.

 

I have also been trying to recall what strategies worked for me in the past to try and replicate them now. They helped me get through a difficult time but were before

my last 2 breakdowns.

 

Positive about your 'locking up' sounds like a shutdown where you just overload and cant get the words out. Sometimes you freeze and cant move either. To others it

looks like a trance.

 

Cookie monster im the same regarding social isolation. I can isolate myself for so long then I get lonely and venture out. I also need lots of defrag time after socialising to recover.

I cope with groups of people by being the 1st person there, then I can wait for the others to arrive gradually to sit with me if they choose. I have done talks on autism most of my life

so have been used to giving talks since I was a teenager shortly after my diagnosis.

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Some answers brewing.

 

But the one thing I like about a diagnosis, whether home grown or official, is ... ITS NOT MY FAULT !! that changes things, everything, in a very nice way.

 

More to come soon :)

 

oooh and the self kick, it semi-worked :) did some good stuff friday, but didn't wake up Saturday morning brimming with ideas and motivation - thats how I like it ! Back into it today now.. nah lets get a coffee first, then check facebook, then.. no no no.

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I can fully understand the 'at last people believe me and I have a name' feeling especially as my family were all blaming me pre diagnosis.

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