Help

[etie]

Hi

I am new to this site, I have a 14 year old son who has yet to be diagnosed but his psychologist is almost certain he has Aspergers.

He has not been to school for over 18 months, we had an LEA tutor for a while but he stopped seeing him and now my 24 year old daughter tutors with the help of his school.

In November he started to attend school just for the odd lesson her and there but at least it was a step forward, but his sister had Uni deadlines and the teacher that was helping at school was off sick and so he stopped going.

We are now into a new term at school and I can't even get him out of bed in a morning without literally dragging him. I keep him to a school day even though he is at home otherwise he would just stay in bed.

I don't know any other parent that is going through this and I am starting to feel that I really can't cope any longer, do I just leave him to get on with it or still keep pushing him even though we are both upset.

I would love it if there is someone that could help.

The school are very good and going at his pace and CAMHS are also very good.

He is taking fluoxetine which has helped with his OCD and mood.

Thanks

[cathcart3303]

Hi,

 

I have a 15 year old son who was diagnosed at aged 13 and has not been to school for 2 years. My son has had no educational input in that time. Has the LA recognised your son has a medical need?

 

Have you applied for an assessment of his special educational needs? You do not need the diagnosis to do this. You can request this by your local authority.

 

My son had a 'breakdown' and would not get out of bed for 4 weeks after one term at mainstream secondary. He went back to school sporadically for 3 terms until he school refused. The local authority placed the onus on his mental health needs and ignored his diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. CAMHS refused to see him and that took a year. Instead of looking at the environment the LA kept him on roll at the mainstream school with no reasonable adjustments. They refused to assess him and agreed to only 2 weeks before tribunal. He now has a statement and has managed a few 10 minute visits to a specialist ASD school. We have another tribunal to name the ASD school as it names the school he has not set foot in for 2 years.

 

I no longer worry about academic qualifications although he was regarded as 'gifted' when he attended school. I want him to build his confidence and low self esteem and enable him to learn communication and social skills.

 

My son refused to take Fluoxetine and when he saw the Neurodevelopmental team they suggested Sertraline but refused that as well. He sees a Mental Health Practitioner, who comes to the house, with his head covered. He goes out only infrequently.

 

I think you are doing a great job as my sons sleep pattern is awful. He never got off to sleep well but when he does sleep I cannot wake him. His phone alarm repeated helps. I have found it difficult to keep to a routine as he does not regard me as a 'teacher' and when he stopped going out it has been very hard to think of motivators and maintain routines. His mood improved after I spoke to Young Minds and he built his computer with help from an uncle.

 

 

Following his interests are real motivators. Listen to your son and support him. Keep his trust and always be honest.

 

It appears the 'system' wanted me to force my son into an environment which would be extremely detrimental to him. Professionals who have no knowledge of ASD make conflicting and ignorant suggestions.

 

I have found this forum very supportive.

[etie]

Thank you so much for that, at last someone who understands.

 

My son is also on the gifted and talented register, the school have been very good so far but the few hours that george has spent in school, although he enjoys it, because he has been out for so long he really doesn't know how to behave.

 

I will look into young minds as I have not heard about them

My son has also just built a computer as that is a big interest to him.

We have a psychologist that comes to the house and depending on what mood George is in he doesn't always speak to him but I find it helpful to talk to him as he puts thing into perspective for me and explains that some things are just normal for him.

 

We live in a very small village and two boys here go to the same school and they still come round for him and sometimes he goes out with them but not usually any further than the next village which is a mile away.

Does your son have OCD tendancies when he is stressed? My son spends a lot of time in the bathroom and always bathing or showering.

Thank you for your reply

[cathcart3303]

My son is ritualistic in his behaviours. He also has sensory processing problems which I had to employ a private OT for assessment. The LA Educational Psychologist was great and visited my son every week for 5 or 6 months and like you say was supportive. However his assessment completed he withdrew and CAMHS have not been much help.

 

My son was going out last year but this had lessened. We did have a good Christmas where he came downstairs all day and joined in when we went to family on boxing day. Small steps.

[etie]

CaMHS have been very good to us and even when he won't see them they come to the house to speak to me.

 

As you say everything is small steps even though some days it seems as though we are back to square one.

[oxgirl]

Hi etie and welcome,

 

Are you currently home educating your son yourself or does he have some tutoring? My son is now 20 but we did home educate for two years when he was not coping at school. He also has OCD and spends a lot of time in the loo!

 

Personally, I would not try to keep to school hours. I would sit down and agree a timetable with your son, which I would print out and post up somewhere. I would be inclined to set an alarm for him at around 9am and start working around 10.30 to lunchtime. Then I'd schedule a short session in the afternoon and the rest would be free time to do fun or interesting things together or go out, etc. Is there an Education Otherwise group in your area? They are a group of home educating families who get together and organise learning sessions and social outings.

 

Hope things improve for you.

 

~ Mel ~

[trekster]

Hello and welcome from someone who had a really difficult time at mainstream school without a diagnosis.