Woman interested in me - help!

[collectingrocks]

Good morning

 

I know a really nice woman (whom I see professionally sometimes) who lives with her partner. Recently we have been exchanging texts which I do out of politeness and being friendly.

 

However her texts are now becoming a little bit personal. I wonder if she is unhappy with her man/life.

It's a bit awkward as she knows where I work but also me having AS with no friends, I am not sure as to where friendliness stops and inappropriate behaviour begins.

 

Of course I want to be nice and friendly to people and despite getting dirty looks from many (it must be obvious I have AS !) I rather feel quite flattered that I am getting attention (from another woman).

 

Any advice?

[positive_about]

Its a tricky one for anyone, but having autism makes it even more difficult to read people/situations. Its going to be difficult for outsiders to know what the exact situation is - you may be misreading things, or she may be genuinely interested in more than friendship, only you can find out what the reality is. She is with someone though, so be respectful of that. My advice is just see how things develop, and then if she gets too personal you can ask how things are, what she is looking for. See it as a learning experience.

[collectingrocks]

Thanks Tim, this is exactly what I'm doing - seeing how things develop. I am happy to have her as a friend but I hear of stories where things like this go sour if she doesn't get what she wants (i.e. sending nasty texts/emails etc or turning up at place of work). At the moment it's all a bit of harmless fun (hopefully I think...) and personally, I just think there is something in her personal life/marriage that is making her unhappy. Perhaps she is "playing away" to get her OH jealous - who knows?

[Sally44]

When you say "she" do you mean woman in general, or have you heard stories about this particular woman?

[collectingrocks]

Sally

 

I see this lady occasionally as a client and I always act professionally towards her at work. but we are on first name terms, greet each other with a hug/kiss etc which I/we put down to just being friendly. I don't have a problem with that as that is what many people do and I don't see her outside of a work environment.

 

I can't make friends easily, nor do social small-talk and have always been a social outcast as a result. But without interaction, how does one learn? I am pleased that this lady wants to be friends with me but what I am concerned about is if I upset her in any way, I do not know whether or not she will turn nasty. I do not know any stories or background about her. She comes across as very genuine and friendly but can be very flirty at times with her text speak.

[Aviemorticia]

Is the client relationship of the sort where there are rules against developing a personal relationship? If the line of work involved is anything which includes confidential information or any kind of care or support (financial, medical, education, pastoral etc) or the workplace has any rules against it for whatever reason, then this could become very complicated and distressing and have consequences which would be very hurtful and damaging to either or both of you, especially as she is in a relationship.

 

Your instincts are very important and you are already uncomfortable. There is no harm in enjoying a friendly interaction with someone but everything you have shared suggests to me that you need to be very careful. It sounds as though it would not be a good thing to reveal too much to her about your vulnerabilities nor to let the personal relationship develop any further. When a developing friendship is healthy, it doesn't usually involve worrying about the person turning nasty if you have to set boundaries.

 

Are you her client or is she your client?

[collectingrocks]

She is my client. Thankfully I did not text her over the weekend because she texted me today on a different phone to say her partner had borrowed hers. Thank goodness for intuition ! But after she texted me, she texted me again and from I got from this text was that she either wanted to be extra careful or cool things down a bit. I am perfectly happy with that.

[trekster]

I would say go for the cool things down a bit approach. Can you pass her onto a colleague of yours so she's someone elses client?

[collectingrocks]

I would say go for the cool things down a bit approach. Can you pass her onto a colleague of yours so she's someone elses client?

Passing her on to somebody else would not go down well and would do her an injustice. We have a professional rapport which would be destroyed if I passed her on; this would deeply upset her and as I am the most senior person, passing her down to a junior would be insulting to her. And if I were her, I would not appreciate this either. Anyway, for most visits, her partner comes with her but prefers to wait outside.

 

I think for both of us, but especially me, having this texting contact is fun, it's really quite innocent in the grand scheme of things and from what I glean from her, she is a genuinely nice person.