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QuietBloke

Go for diagnosis or social-skills training ?

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Hello -

I'm in my forties and think I have at least some Aspergers traits, and would like some advice on dealing with them better. I'm fortunate to be reasonably successful as a computer programmer, but outside work my social life is almost non-existent, and I've never been in a relationship with a woman. I was fairly resigned to this until the death of a parent a couple of years ago, but since then I strongly feel the need to experience life more fully.

 

I've always had problems making friends, and social situations are confusing for me. I'm worried about doing or saying the wrong thing (and sometimes realise afterwards I have), and as a consequence avoid social situations. I've tried things like travel, language classes and joining a sports club to improve my social skills, which I think has helped a bit, but it's also made me painfully aware of my social oddness. For what it's worth, I've had borderline scores in an on-line AQ test. I worry about the negative impact my behaviour has on those around me. I think on-line dating might be beyond me at present.

 

I think I might benefit from some kind of professional help. Is my GP the best place to start? I don't necessarily want a formal diagnosis, and I'm a bit concerned that it might jeopardize the security clearance I need for my job. Is private counselling a sensible option? How would I go about finding one in the Bristol area?

 

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if you have enough money (just under a grand should do it) - I would recommend Sharon Lloyd at learning insights in bristol.

 

If you go NHS you might end up with a wrong diagnosis in my view.

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Private counselling can be beneficial and ive found it helpful in the past. However having a counsellor who has experience of dealing with adult autistics is essential. Ask to be referred to the Bristol Autism Spectrum Service by your GP is also an option. There was a feature on this service in the NAS recent publication 'Autism' magazine.

 

This website is fine with having pre diagnosed and post diagnosed people posting on here along with parents and carers. Whether you seek a diagnosis is entirely your choice. However as social skills training is a very abstract concept and autistic/Asperger folk struggle with this concept hard to tell whether social skills training would benefit yourself.

 

Would joining a local computer society help you to socialise? Then you can talk about your job with people also interested in computers.

 

Some changes I have made to my life include joining forums like this one (well done you have done that and even better have posted), reading up about autism/Aspergers, getting my eyes tested for visual stress, checking out other disabilities associated with autism to get a fuller picture of me, using weighted jackets and blankets to help me sleep and think better, adding in food supplements and taking out certain foodstuffs.

 

I'm unsure what to advise regarding the security clearance for your job, however if you work at the MOD I hear many ASD folk do work at the MOD.

 

hope you have found some of my suggestions useful.

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So formal diagnosis or social skills training?

 

I would highly recommend both. However I would keep in mind there can be quite a few hoops to climb through to get diagnosed, it's worth approaching someone for this now but be prepared for it to take a few years. In the meantime, consider yourself as 'possible aspergers but yet undiagnosed' (if you feel the need to idnetify yorsel in some way or if you're ever asked) and get help with your social skills.

 

I would not recommend private counselling or life coaching though, as these people are unlikely to give you the exact help your after. Their services are more generic, theyre not specifically experts in social interaction, they will try to help you socially but they will probably not help in a way that suits someone with asperger's, by assuming from the start that you have a certain level of intuition that you may not have.

 

What you really need is to find people who are

a) socially savvy with above average social skills and

B) understands how they communicate and what it is they are doing that makes them attract friends and succeed socially, and are able to break it down and teach it to others

 

This is not about changing your personality but learning to communicate more effectively.

 

Travel, language classes and sports clubs are all very well if that's what you want to do, but I believe you need more than just to do more social things if you actually want to improve you social life. You need someone to teach you direct in my view.

 

You may be able to find a social skills coach in your area however this is something that is very much neglected by the life coaching community. But this is the type of service you need and understanding what help you need is the first step, as I know from experience how this help, and there are people around that can help so I would go and seek after a person or people who can help you out. :balloon:

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