Bullying has made me viciously angry at times

[Aura Todd]

When I was at school some girls used to make fun of me because I was quiet, a group of them said they hated me but didn't have a reason for it. This carried on until I left, in which time I learnt to keep my mouth shut and to be cautiouse of trusting people (because I couldn't be sure if they were prending to be my friend etc or waiting to kick my ass).

 

I have now left school obviously) and moved onto other schools and colleges where I met more maturer people. Recently i had to come back to home town to sort a few things out to do with family. One girl (after 20 years for crying out loud) thinks she still has to carry the bullying on! She tells people who know me that I am wierd and a bit dopey, I'm going to be honest here: if I met her in the street I'd probably knock her out.

 

I get angry with myself when things go wrong, I just fly off the handel. I've had a bad time but I still see red when thinngs go wrong for me. Is this part of my Aspergers? I am very shy and yeah I don't talk a lot. One of my friends admitted to me that when she first met me, because i didn't speak a lot and was quiet, she thought I was stuck up!!!

 

I am a nice person when you bother to get to know me, this girl didn't and has now made an enemy of me. When I get cross I self harm myself. I don't mean to get wound up and probably need anger management classes. I love my mum dearly but I feel guilty when I have this uncontrollable temper. Any advice please? I also have bed depression which don't help.

[smileyK]

depression in itself can make you lash out ,physically angry and frustrated , are you on any medication for your depression? how long you had depression? do you receive any form of outside service help or support for depression? as may sound like past events, issues are overwhelming you , I can totally relate to your anger outbursts as that has been me also DSH too! it's hard ,difficult to work through so many issues at once need work through step by step I was also bullied for years at school and this has massive impact on your self -esteem and this can make you mistrust and resent lot! I found my depression made me angry an awful lot makes feel horrid! I now got my anger under control lot better than I did hardly anything these days just struggled ,battled through can be so draining and feel so misunderstood and isolated do you speak to close friend or family member about how your depression affects you makes you feel?

 

XKLX

[Alain Menai]

Hi,

Nothing but nothing makes me angrier than bullies. In fact anyone who deliberately harms another living thing makes me very angry.

Over the years I have had to develop strategies to cope with this......as do we all.

I have found that there is no overall winning strategy. Every person and every situation is slightly different.

I feel that the best survival strategy is to avoid potential situations in the first place. This can of course lead to accusations of aloofness.

I may have mentioned on other threads that I find Buddhist type mindfulness extremely useful.

I also think that behaviours can attract behaviours, so try to be mindful of my behaviours.(Is that too many uses of the word behaviours.... and 'I' oops)!

So in short....Care for others as you would care for yourself and do no harm.

Best wishes

AM

[Aura Todd]

Thanks for your reply. I don't take medication for depression, I have someone at the spiritualist church I sometimes talkto. I have learnt now to ignore all the narrow minded idiots, because a person is different they r a target for arsholes.

[styks]

I do have quite a temper under certain circumstances, other difficult circumstances I'm very patient.

 

If I see something like bulling a vulnerable person it assaults my morals, I have a strong moral base and I think it's an Aspie shared trait, I'm an Aspie.

I have a strong angry reaction, practically fury. It can also happen if I'm challenged over agressively, folks swearing at me showing aggressive body laguage etc etc. .... I mentally and physically colapse afterwards.

Or if I see a very self centred/selfish attitude to someone else I can act inappropriately. If someone who knows me well ie family, (no real friends I'm sorry to say,) I've asked them to use a trigger word to stop or temper my reaction if they see it escalating.

My trigger word is simply ; Aspie.

I believe this is one negative Aspie trait. ........... Although in certain circumstances I guess it could be seen as posstive?

 

I agree mindfulness is very useful but in the heat of the moment it's very hard to use and also takes many years of practice to master it, mind you (pun intended ) I do think it's worth the effort. It certainly helps in all aspects of life.

Edited March 2, 2014 by styks

[Alain Menai]

Hi styks,

 

What a lovely honest post. I recognise everything in your post that also apply to me.

 

I used to get depressed before my diagnosis.

 

In my twenties and thirties my temper could be explosive. I used to refer to that side of my personality as 'The Beast'.

 

The Beast would escape the cage when it saw or was subjected to plain old cruelty... to anyone or any thing.

 

The Beast is now on the leash partly due to 'Mindfulness' and Tai Chi exercises.

 

Recent events in the news have stirred The Beast and it could truthfully be said to be straining at the leash with regard to certain issues.

 

I believe you might also be describing Aspie Empathy, which we are apparently incapable of. That is complete tosh as I personally believe that Autie/Aspies can have an overabundance of empathy.....which can lead to complex social inter-action issues.

 

I also have no friends....but I kind of prefer it that way due to a deep yearning for a simpler life. I do however love fish and dogs as pets and they are my friends.

 

Best wishes.

 

A.

[Aura Todd]

I know the feeling. I've had so many setback and dissapointments in my life where I have missed out on things and been forced to watch other people's sucesses. It makes me cross that some people are so narrow minded that they have to go round making an issue about it because someone is different.

[sesley]

I think you are very well restrained not to respond. So good on you.My 14 year old is now learning its ok to be angry, but not ok to respond with violence and vandelism to things. Its very hard not to be provoked and takes a lot of discipline. Bullying is awful it has long term effects on the victims.If you can keep cool and maybe get a punch bag to hit, that releases your feelings with out causing any harm yo yourself and others.

[trekster]

hi

 

angry depression can be part of aspergers. I happen to have angry depression on top of my asd. I have found avoiding gluten, dairy, benzoates and tartaric acid helps with controlling my anger. also being 'due on' can increase anger in some folk.

 

I also get stuck in the past experiences cause anger so I get wound up causing more anger trap as well.

 

can you pay for asprgers friendly counselling?

[Aura Todd]

The sort of councelling I lokk for is spiritual. I have been to some so called councillors who when I start talking about spirits and the afterlife, a glazed look of 'here we go' comes over their faces. I know stright away they are not the right one's for me.

[Gold MD]

I was bullied in school too. I got excluded from 'Helpy' a lot. It's a game where when you catch someone, they help you and you know they're one of the chasers because they roll their sleeves up. Well, if I had an argument that day, the person organizing this game would exclude me when he was getting people to stand on or next to a bench. What losers.

 

In high school, I had no mates. It was so lonely. I'm lonely to this very day. I'm not a virgin however and I did have a "girlfriend" once, then another one for a week.

[Aura Todd]

Nasty things happen to nasty people. Anyone read the article in this week's woman's own bout a girl who has aspburgers?