I'm very Childlike

[JordanThomas1995]

Hiya, my name is Jordan and I'm 19 years old and I have OCD and Aspergers. I wanted some support from other members that post on this forum because my parents don't understand my condition and all of my friends except my girlfriend call me weird. Basically, I like a lot of things that little children would like. I'm very childlike. For example, I love dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals and I don't consider them to be childlike but I like a lot of child related things such as toys and books. I also love wildlife and I like collecting soft animal toys and I like to read older children's dinosaur and animal books. I'm also looked down upon by people for saying childish words in sentences like 'I have a poorly tummy'. I recently asked my parents if I could decorate my bedroom and when I showed them the wallpaper I wanted, dinosaur wallpaper, they told me to stop being a baby and to grow up. Obviously I'm not all childlike, only in some subjects but what do you guys think, is anyone else like me?

Edited February 24, 2014 by JordanThomas1995

[martinjs]

Interesting. The fact that you are conscious that you do childish-seeming things suggests that you might do so perhaps just a little bit on purpose - could that be true? Maybe this is actually a form of resistance to "growing up"? For someone "normal" this would be quite worrying. However, I am of the opinion that for someone with ASD it is probably quite normal. People with ASD will very rarely find it possible to fit into the adult world in quite the same way as "normal" people. In some cases, they will put themselves through huge amounts of pain in order to "conform" with the normal expectations for an adult. However, this is not necessarily a good idea, as it can lead to massive breakdowns in later life. On the other hand, with the right kind of decisions made early on, a person with ASD can sometimes find, perhaps an unusual, "eccentric" way of fitting into the adult world, which will see them through for the rest of their life. Maybe your parents just have to be made to understand this? That you are willing to grow up, but only when you are ready and have found the right way of fitting in? And this might take a little longer than for someone "normal"?

 

Are you working/studying currently? I think the most important thing for someone at the higher-functioning end of the spectrum is to find what I would call a "lifestyle job" - a career that you feel comfortable with, that interests you and doesn't force you into situations that induce panic. I know that a lot of people just want to go down the benefits route, or just to continue to rely on their parents, because that sometimes seems like the only option. However, it seems like a bit of a waste, when people with ASD often have abilities that could make them useful to society, if only they could find a working environment that is interesting to them in the right sort of way and doesn't induce panic and misery.

 

My personal opinion, as someone with borderline Aspergers myself, is that academia offers the best opportunities for this kind of working environment. From what I have seen, academics, especially theoreticians, are often able to work mainly from home (quite important for me, as I find it hard to concentrate with other people around me), only coming in to attend meetings, give lectures, etc.

 

You are also most likely to find opportunities to engage your interests within academia. A lot of "proper jobs" (non-academic), even ones that are supposed to be quite intellectual, are actually quite dull and repetitive with very little intellectual stimulation. In fact, if you work especially hard, because you find something in your work that you actually are interested in, in some jobs it might only end up causing your workmates stress because of the extra workload it puts onto them; and because you get very engrossed in the work, your level of focus and the things you do to block other people out can make people think you are weird and maybe even a bit scary. From what I have seen, people are only able to stand these jobs because they don't really care about them and they have social lives and other interests besides work. I speak as a former software developer, so YMMV.

 

Are you/are you able to/have you thought about attending university? If attending classes at a bricks-and-mortar university is too much, what about something like the Open University? Then, you parents would probably start singing a different tune - "our son the palaeontologist/zoologist". ;-)

 

P.S. I know that I can sometimes come across as a bit of a psychoanalyst, so sorry about that. :-)

[martinjs]

Oops, there were meant to be a few more line breaks in there. Don't know what happened, must be the forum software. Sorry. :-)

[Aura Todd]

 

I love dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals and I don't consider them to be childlike

 

 

No not childlike. If you worked in the British museum or were an archelogist this wouldn't appear childish. My friend likes Dinasaurs (and she's fourty) and recognises all the types like the

Velociraptor which lived 75-71 million years ago and was a very advanced hunter. If you like wildlife, so what? People used to probably think David Attenbrough was wierd but look where he he is now.

[JordanThomas1995]

Thank you for your comments. Martinjs, I feel like I don't want to grow up in some aspects but I consider myself childlike because I've had people point it out to me. For example 'I was talking to a child in a toy shop about a triceratops and I was basically telling him about them and his father came up to me and called me a pervert'. Its my birthday in two weeks time and I'm not excited for celebrating at all because I'm now an adult. In regards to jobs and careers, I'm studying animal management and care, I graduate in May and I would love to study evolutionary biology and paleontology, but every single person I talk to about it, even my family, tell me it is a bad idea because I won't get any money to live and it upsets me. I would love to go to university. My girlfriend has aspergers too, so she understands how I feel in some ways. In regards to the workplace, I'm a very quiet person and I like to shy away from people so I'm not really that worried about if people think I'm weird or scary. Aura Todd, I love watching David Attenborough's documentaries and I don't find dinosaurs or animals childlike at all, its just I have lots of people and my family tell me to grow up. I was often called homophobic names and bullied at school because I have no interest in sports at all and I always used to read in the library instead of paying football like the other boys. I was often laughed at because I never used to chase girls and because I never talked about sex, I was waiting for the perfect Mrs right and I'm glad I did, I've never been happier with the girl of my dreams.

Edited March 6, 2014 by JordanThomas1995

[BrightEyes]

Hi Jordan

I know what you're going through at the moment. I'm 17, and although I'm quite mature (so I've been told, by family and teachers and older friends), I have some childish mannerisms and I like colourful/shiny things and talk a hell of a lot when I'm excited. Most of the people I hang out with are in their early 20's and they seem to treat me like I'm a child because of this (and the fact that I don't drink, but hopefully you don't have to deal with that), whereas another friend who is only a year older than me, they treat as "one of the gang". Unfortunately I think the best thing for you to do is try to find friends that understand you and treat you with respect. Just because you're young, and like some childish things, it doesn't make you a child. Hope everything goes okay for you, and I'm glad you found such a nice girl

[trekster]

Hello

 

I also have a family that misunderstands my behaviour. One of my hobbies is palymobil characters, they are for children age 0 onwards. I still have over 400 playmobils and I enjoy them, my hobby is enjoyable to me and I can share it with children. I use voices and I have bought 3 dolls houses to keep my playmobils. I also attend autscape and show my playmobils there and even take them to my volunteer work.

 

I also enjoy teddy bears and cheap pop type of music. I have other 'more grown up' tastes in music and hobbies as well. I share whichever hobbies I have with whoever will enjoy them with me.

 

As im dyslexic easy read books also attract me which in some respects appear childlike.

 

Part of autism is social naivety which is difficult for others to understand and to make allowances for. I wish I knew the answer to this aspect of your autism.

 

The answer to your question is yes many other autistics are also childlike in their behaviour and hobbies. I had to move away from my family because comments about 'needing to grow up' kept being thrown at me for being upset. Can you move out of your parents home to somewhere your hobbies would be accepted? If your parents have expressed they find your behaviour bothers them why haven't they asked for a carers assessment from social services?

[trekster]

 

 

No not childlike. If you worked in the British museum or were an archelogist this wouldn't appear childish. My friend likes Dinasaurs (and she's fourty) and recognises all the types like the

Velociraptor which lived 75-71 million years ago and was a very advanced hunter. If you like wildlife, so what? People used to probably think David Attenbrough was wierd but look where he he is now.

 

Well said and excellent point, your hobbies can be channelled into finding suitable work. In fact some autism literature says that's what we should do, find a job using our hobbies.

[trekster]

A list of adult autism services in the West Midland area can be found here;

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/directory/search-results/pg=1~sid=-1.aspx

 

There is also the organisation Autism West Midlands

 

http://shop.autismwestmidlands.org.uk/

[cookiemonster]

It shouldn't matter whether or not some of your interests and personal tastes are similar to those of many children, they are *your* interests, not any body else's. I think that the problem lies with finding the confidence to do and to be whatever/ whoever you like and who you naturally are. Perhaps question those people who try to change you, rather than questioning yourself.

Perhaps consider 'growing up' when having child-like interests begins to affect your health? (If it ever would).

Personally, I love some cartoons and books aimed at teenagers and/ or children and I'm in my 30's.

 

With regards to your parents, I'm afraid that whilst living with them and in their house you may need to compromise on the wallpaper to make them happy too. Although, when you become more independent and perhaps fly the nest, so to speak, you will then be able to buy yourself all the dinosaur wallpaper (etc) that you like. Although whether or not it will be a winner with your lady friend is another matter! But that's for you and her to worry about, if you so choose to.

 

Be yourself, that is my advice.

 

.

Edited March 24, 2014 by cookiemonster

[martinjs]

With regard to studying evolutionary biology and palaeontology not getting you money to live, that's total rubbish. Even as a PhD student, it should be possible to get a stipend (aka studentship) which is usually enough to live on at least in the North of the country. Have a look at www.findaphd.com and www.jobs.ac.uk . Evolutionary biology in particular is a big industrial area at the moment (including partnerships between academia and industry) with researchers in high demand. You'll probably have a more secure job than most of the people who've said that ######, and be twice as well paid to boot.

Edited April 8, 2014 by martinjs