newbie - slightly over 21!

[climber9]

Hello everyone. I've been lurking on this site for a few months, but have only recently taken the plunge and joined. Communicating with others has never been easy for me, but I can say things to a keyboard that I've never been able to say in person.

Now in my 50's, I've always been a loner. Not really through choice, but because I've never known how to form friendships with other people. I used to make myself go to social functions, but never enjoyed them. I don't think there's anything about my life that others would find interesting, and I can't do small talk.

I first heard of AS about ten years ago, and immediately thought 'that's me'! The on line aspie test comes out positive, but I've never done anything about getting a formal diagnosis. Are there any advantages?

I've done pretty well in my career – work has tended to fill the place in my life that, for other people, is occupied by friends, family and a social life. But now retirement looms. I've never liked change anyway [an Aspie trait], but this one is particularly scary since work has been so important to me.

I function OK in the world as long I don't have to interact too much with people. I have acquaintances, rather than friends. I've always told myself that I'm alone, rather than lonely, but I think I'm starting not to believe it.

Mustn't ramble on too long in a first post. Wrong Planet is OK but seems to be US-biased. UK support services seem to geared towards children. Do Aspies meet? Are there adult groups? Is it worth seeking a formal diagnosis?

 

[marjoram]

Hi Climber9, I am in a similar position, in that I'm also in my 50's. diagnosed 5 years ago and finding my working life has begun to tail off.

 

When I was young I enjoyed writing poetry, drawing and going to the theatre, walking, etc. But work took over and I haven't had a hobby for 30 years or more. And having no friends, I'm very isolated, but also wary of allowing others in (bad past experiences). Basically, I'm in danger of getting lethargic, or taking to the bottle etc.

 

So now I'm trying to schedule in "fun". It's incredibly difficult. I'll sit and play online solitaire for hours, rather than pick up a pen, or go for a swim. There's nothing stopping me apart from myself - it sounds pathetic but life without a job structure and deadlines is truly scarey.

 

Last week I bought a timer - the sort cooks use. I'm setting it for an hour at a time and trying to fill each hour with gardening, housework, etc. It is a good discipline for a couple of hours each day. I am planning to join some group activity like aqua aerobics, or a green gym, to be among people without having to socialise as such. I think that might suit me better than sitting with other aspies discussing aspiness - I may be wrong.

 

The only adult asperger social group here in Norwich is very paternalistic and the one time I went, I was the only person over 40 and didn't fancy being "escorted" by some keen social worker type, to 10 pin bowling, like a child on a school outing.

 

What recreation or sport did you enjoy when you were a teenager? There may have been something you let go of that would be interesting to look at again.

[trekster]

If you go on the NAS website there could be a social group in your area. I have a feeling there is a social group run by NAS in Newcastle.

[climber9]

Thanks, people. I'll check the NAS website.

 

Marjoram - I used to play bridge when I was at school. I might try an evening class - it'd mean being among a group of people, which I usually avoid, but this way there'd be a common purpose and something to talk about.

Over the last twenty years my main hobby has been fellwalking and my dog. Unfortunately an old injury means that a joint replacement is likely in the near-ish future, so I think that my days on the high fells may be over.

Volunteer dog walking is a possibility, health permitting.

 

That Norwich social group sounds awful! If I find a group in the North East I hope it's not like that.

[trekster]

There is a conference in Norwich this summer for and by autistics.