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Flower1983

Son won't use public/school toilets or drink enough

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Hello

In comparison to everything else we have been through, this does seem minor; but I am concerned for my sons future bladder Heath.

 

He's 10, has a diagnosis or aspergers.

 

He holds his wee in from leaving home at 8:15am - 4:30pm - even then he doesn't go as soon as he gets home.

 

He won't use the toilet when we are out or at friends houses and it is very difficult to get liquids down him.

 

Any advice to how I can encourage either of these things would be great.

I've tried sticker charts to try and get 6 glasses a day in him - didn't work!

Is this a common problem with aspergers?

Thank you in advance

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Certainly was with me at school age! Any idea what the issues might be? Unpleasant smells? Unfamiliar noises? Bullying in school toilets?

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My son had a fear of the toilet at school. It started one day when he went in and the urinal suddenly made a very loud sucking noise that he wasn't expecting and had never heard before. He ran out in a panic and refused to go in after that. Any attempts to persuade him failed and he was allowed the use the girls toilet after that (he was only 5 at the time). He also had sensory issues which meant he did not recognise when he was hungry and thirsty. He wouldn't drink unless told to and never asked for food or drink.

 

Is your son thirsty but just refusing to drink or does he not recognise his thirst, do you think? Or do you believe he is not drinking so that he won't need to use the toilet? When he is at home and presumably comfortable using the toilet does he drink normally or is he still reluctant? I would try not to focus too much on it but would monitor it. Does he get his own drinks or do you get them for him? Have a quiet, relaxed day at home and leave drinks available for him to help himself to. Take note of how much he decides to drink on his own. I'd also do the same with the loo, see how much he goes to the loo on a quiet day at home.

 

~ Mel ~

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Hello, thank you for your replies.

 

Chris - it's the smell and the lack of privacy I think. He's very private at home and hates using the barhroom if anyone's nearby.

 

My son only really drinks when I remind him to or give him a drink. Occasionally if we are out or at bedtime he will ask for a drink!

 

I'm wondering if he's not drinking as he doesn't like using the toilet - or if it's because he doesn't feel thirsty; or make the connection?

 

Another thought is he has always had a sore penis on the tip (it is under review and been seen by a specialist). I'm wondering if because it's probably sore for him to wee, has he always drank less so he wouldn't have to go to the toilet very often do you think?

He's 10 and has had a sore penis since he was 1year.

 

So, any tips on drinking more or encouraging toilet use would be great! Thanks :-)

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If he isn't drinking much then his wee will be much more concentrated than it would be if he drank a lot, so it will sting much more when he wees so this could be causing a vicious circle. He is old enough to understand the 'science' of it so perhaps you could explain that the more diluted his wee is the less it will sting, which might encourage him to drink more? Worth a try.

 

Or you could set up a timetable, writing down times when he will have a drink. My son is very routine-driven when it comes to food/drink, so he has snacks at certain times of the day no matter what plus his normal meals at very set times. Perhaps if your son got in the habit of having snacks at certain times, biscuits with a drink, and he can see this written on a timetable maybe he'll accept it more? Maybe encourage him to drink a glass of juice before he has the biscuits as an incentive. Are there particular drinks he prefers? Will he eat stewed fruits, yogurts, custard, things like that so he is getting some liquids in other ways, maybe soups? Milkshakes or smoothies?

 

~ Mel ~

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Some good advice here already.

 

I think the unannounced flushing of urinals in male toilets can be alarming for the nervous. In my experience disabled toilets are usually in a cleaner state, are more private, and only flush when you tell them to! A RADAR key might be useful for disabled access at public toilets? And what about an air freshener spray that he likes the smell of, that he can use to 'claim' a loo as 'his own' when he goes in to it? Alternatively there are some very powerful little sprays I have seen that can deodorise a toilet spell virtually instantly. I have access to these, but don't know how generally available they are.

 

Might any of this help?

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Of course, if it's the smell of his own urine that he doesn't like, explaining to him that if he dilutes it by drinking lots then it will smell less strong could help.

 

~ Mel ~

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It could any or all of the reasons you've mentioned.

If he does not like using toilets [for whatever reason], and he knows that drinking = going to the loo, then he maybe restricting the liquids for that reason. Or it might be a sensory thing that he does not feel thirsty, feel the need for the toilet. Or it could be because it is sore and again he is avoiding drinking to avoid having to wee.

 

I think the first step would be to get a sample tested to make sure there is no infection.

 

Then you need cream for the soreness.

 

Your son is 10 with a diagnosis of Aspergers. Can he give you any help as to what would help him to drink more, and what would help him to go to the toilet out of the home and in the home.

 

My son also had the soreness [is his foreskin tight?]. And he has OCD and fears of germs and contamination make it so that he does not like to use any toilet other than that at home.

 

He also has a sensory processing disorder and often cannot tell if he needs the loo, or what he needs it for ie. cannot distinguish between a wee and a poo sensation.

 

But he isn't limiting his drinking. That is the main thing out of everything you've said that is worrying. Can you see the GP and be able to tell him that your son has drunk xx ml in a 24 hour period. It maybe that the GP will say he is drinking enough - or not.

 

Is there anything he likes to drink? My son drinks milk and nesquick by the litre. Infact i've now changed to fat free milk because of the amount he was getting through. BUT he drinks two or three very large drinks a day. Not smaller drinks throughout the day.

Edited by Sally44

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Hello all - thank you for your replies.

 

There's some good advice so I will try some. I think the drink and snack time may work.

 

Sally - he's been to see various doctors & a urologist and they say it should correct itself and just keep it clean with water, no soap and no cream.

 

I think a lot of his not liking public toilets is probably down to his sensory issues.

I just wasn't sure whether I needed to worry as much about his lack of drinking and how bad it is for his bladder to hold it in for 9 hours. He tells me he needs it but it goes away!

 

I'll see how I get on, thank you!

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My son is 6.5 and exactly the same. We are under the continence service and she tells us that this is a very common problem

 

Often Leo only goes for a wee first thing in the morning then perhaps once or twice in the evening, once he is home. He has never used the toilet at school or out and about and only recently at his grandparents

 

They never seem concerned about his lack of fluid, though try at regular intervals. I queried about health and she said if he had an infection he and us would know about it

 

One thing that was suggested to us was to get a disabled toilet key. Think they are called Radar keys. Then your child can use a toilet on his own with no unexpected flushing or hand dryer noises.

 

LisaKaz

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Hi Lisa. Thank you for your reply. It's good to know its a common problem and that your specialist doesn't seem too concerned about it.

 

I'll see if school will let him use a different toilet - his mainstream one did so hopefully his a Aspergers school will.

Thank you :-)

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My son was allowed to use a staff toilet because he had problems with the hand dryer suddenly going on [and this was an ASD school, so I didn't understand WHY they had those things in the toilets in the first place!].

 

The other thing I wondered if whether he has any worries or fears about germs or contamination? My son started with sensory issues, but his anxiety grew until it became diagnosed as a separate disorder, and he also now has a diagnosis of OCD. I recognise that he has had OCD traits [because OCD type traits are also typical of an ASD], but it is now a separate disorder. So can your son tell you WHY he does not like to use public toilets?

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Hi,

 

My son is now almost 15, and has been the same - he hates public toilets. For him it was a privacy thing. When they went swimming the teacher let him have one of the only cubicles for changing as he'd refused to change with the others. But he has started sort of 6th form college this year, and now manages to use the school toilets occasionally. And he has just come back from a trip to Venice, and managed ok. He is still not comfortable with public toilets, but will use them now.

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Hello - thank you for responding. It's so refreshing to know he's not the only one!

 

Sally - he says he won't use them because someone can come in, people can hear you and they smell

 

Thanks.

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Morning.

School are sorted! He's allowed to use the ones in the boarding school upstairs (he doesn't board) - no one uses those during the day and they will go through it with him today at school!

 

That's one more thing sorted! Move on to the next problem now - thanks everyone :-)

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My lad will use public toilets in shops and shopping centres, but will only use cubicles. He won't use urinals and I think he still sits when he wees! He's 20. Sometimes in mens' toilets there is only one cubicle and lots of urinals, so can be a problem. Sometimes he's in there ages, waiting for the one cubicle to be free. When we recently went to the theatre they only had urinals in the mens' toilets and he couldn't use them. We found a disabled toilet in the lobby and he snuck in there instead. He is the opposite to your lad, in that he has an anxious bladder and needs to go frequently so this can be a problem when we're out and about.

 

~ Mel ~

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