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Mihaela

Desperate

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My mother died over 2 years ago, leaving me entirely alone. I was having bereavement counselling when serious mistakes made by solicitors and the local council caused my life to get even worse. I now feel as vulnerable as I did when a child, and often burst into tears without warning.

 

My parents had always protected me and handled money matters. I miss them so much as I have no-one to talk to. I just can't grasp dealing with large amounts of money, as I only ever lived off 'pocket money' all my life. I don't undersatnd bills, the jargon, my short-term memory's useless, I can't plan ahead, etc. I don't answer the phone (don't even want one), never open mail and my 'meals' now amount to one sandwich 3 times daily (using a single slice of bread each time, and they never change). I spend more on cat food than on my own food. I went without water for 6 months (used a stream), and have no hot water. I've no idea how much or little I can afford to pay so I spend the bare minimum, I often have panic attacks when out shopping and end up coming back with nothing.

 

I've been reading intensely about Asperger's and I'm 99% sure that I have it, and it's haunted me all my life. My parents never realised. I've no idea where to turn for help. The stress of phoning is bad enough, and I don't seem to be getting anywhere however hard I try. I need support, I know I do, but how can I get it? Any advice much appreciated. Thanks.

Edited by Mihaela

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First off, have you talked to your GP? That might be the first port of call. Are there any other relatives or friendly neighbours who you could ask for help? How about the Citizen's Advice Bureau, they might be able to point you in the right direction of where to go for support. Social Services can offer support but it could be that your GP needs to help you with getting referred.

 

Hope you can find some support.

 

~ Mel ~

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Thanks, Mel.

Yes, I spoke to my GP a while ago who referred me to a specialist, and I'm still awaiting a formal diagnosis. All this waiting can be so frustrating and causes situations to get worse. I'll try the CAB tomorrow. Just doing these things, such as having to repeat my story and explain things to strangers, is very stressful and tiring. Even travelling there, the noise of the traffic, busy places, etc. (I have lots of sensitivity issues). I'll let you know how I get on.

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Good luck with it, I know it is a challenge. How about if you wrote down a few basic 'facts', maybe just a bullet-point list so that you don't have to keep saying things over and over again and it could also help you to not forget important things.

 

Let us know how you get on. Not much we can do here, but we can care and listen.

 

~ Mel ~

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I've read your post Norfolk broads, and relate to it.

 

although not personally, since I've never been in the same situation, but I know some folks that have been/ are.

 

but to me it's unclear what you are asking for?

 

obviously your interested in a diagnosis?

 

but that's going take a while?

 

(it took me two years of asking and before I even got seen.)

 

so I'm thinking, what are you needing in the short term?

 

are you saying you need help with your money management? & getting out and shopping. managing your basic requirements. running your personal estate so to speak?

 

or, are you saying....

 

you feel isolated and alone? and want to get into situations where you don't feel so alone since your mum passed?

 

I have a third thought also, which relates to both points which is -->

 

did your mum at the time she passed have anyone who maybe you didn't really get involved with...

 

...but they liked your mum enough, they'd help you on the back of that? even though they don't really know you?

 

I'm just thinking of all the options. good luck anyway.

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Thanks for the replies. I'm seeing someone rcommended by the CAB in a couple of weeks who may be able to help, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Just to clarify things, A few weeks ago I saw a psychiatrist (only a couple of months after my referral) for an AS diagnosis. He saw me for an hour, but I've heard nothing since - so I'm still waiting. In the meantime my executive dysfunctioning remains unchanged and I have no help.

In the short term, I need help with dealing with bills etc. Everything is on hold at the moment, but I don't know for how long, as I hear nothing from people. I can manage my small amount of shopping quite well, as long as I don't have a panic attack. (I had one the other day in a supermarket and just left my shopping there and ran out). I'm not lonely, but I feel isolated and very vulnerable. I have a few friends and I often work at an animal rescue centre as a volunteer which is very therapeutic.

I think my Mum had Asperger's too, she only had few friends and they died before she did. This leaves nobody but a cousin who isn't really in any position to help. I'll just have to wait and see I suppose.

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Have you tried phoning the National Autistic Society and getting their advice. And asking them for an Advocate, because you need an adult to support you in making the decisions you need to make about how to move forward, and how to get the help you need.

 

Or is there a disability organisation within your city? Your Local Authority maybe able to give you a contact telephone number.

 

Or you could phone Adult Services [Adult Social Services] direct - again you could get their telephone number from your local authority. But it might be worth waiting until you have seen someone at Citizens Advice.

 

It sounds like you need adult help, and it would be adult social services that would assess you to see what you need help with.

 

So, currently you are living in the family home? Was it owned by your mum? Was the mortgage paid off. Or is it rented accommodation?

 

Did your mum leave a Will and who [solicitor?] is sorting out the financial side since she died.

 

This is a disability organisation that should be able to give you some advice. http://disabilityrightsuk.org/how-we-can-help

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I go with sally44's advice.

 

she's got all the number's. she's been around the block and I hope knows the score :-)

 

(it's also reassuring to hear that you aren't as alone as I was worried you might be?)

 

.I feel better now. (re; your welfare.)

 

but if you have anyone you trust 100%, they could be a good resource to pull upon, to make sure you don't get ripped.

 

if you have an estate, and wander into a lawyer to help you out, they will see "ching ching!" and strip you of 25% of what your mum left to you, and celebrate having done it.

 

but a trusted person from your own life, would be a valuable asset to make sure what your mum left to you don't get streamed off in lawyers fees.

 

I would like to clarify. choose no one from the net! make it someone you know and have known for a long time in reality?

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Thanks Sally & Dotmars. Sorry about being slow answering - for some reason I missed your replies.

The NAS advised me to have an advocate, and I do have one although not an expert in AS - so I can only get limited help, but very useful anyway.

 

I'll try and find out about local disability organisations. Meanwhile I'm writing to see that person that the CAB arranged to visit me - on the 8th.

 

"It sounds like you need adult help, and it would be adult social services that would assess you to see what you need help with". Yes, I suppose that happens after this visit - I've no idea really.

 

No, I've no mortgage but it's all very complicated and I've been following the advice of various people. Sometimes they give conflicting advice. I'm living in my parents' old house most of the time, but I've ended up with two others. One was my brother's - he drowned in the sea and no-one knows how it happened. The other was a house my Mum bought for me. She was hoping that he'd look after my money problems after she died, but he died first :(

 

"Did your mum leave a Will and who [solicitor?] is sorting out the financial side since she died". Yes, and this is still going on. The solicitors made some really bad mistakes and my advocate is trying to make them admit it. (They even gave me a case full of somebody else's private papers!)

 

"This is a disability organisation that should be able to give you some advice". I'll try this next week. The phone line is only open until 1 p.m. and it's 2 now.

 

"but if you have anyone you trust 100%, they could be a good resource to pull upon, to make sure you don't get ripped". My cousin can't really help very much. She doesn't know what's best. She said I didn't need house insurance and the other day my advocate insisted that I had it, but I had no idea the houses weren't insured. Yes, the solicitors severely ripped me off - it cost 5 times the estimate bill! AND they made many serious mistakes.

 

"a trusted person from your own life, would be a valuable asset to make sure what your mum left to you don't get streamed off in lawyers fees". But now my brother's gone there's no one left who could do this.

I've now just had a call from my surgery to say my doctor wants to see me for a 'routine appointment'. The receptionist didn't say any more and I'm worried. A few days ago my psychiatrist spoke to my cousin on the phone asking about my childhood. (At last!) She gave good answers, so I hope things start moving now, but why would the doctor want me? Could there be a connection? It's never happened before. What should I do?

Edited by Mihaela

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If the GP is calling you in for a routine appointment, then it is probably not related to the psychiatrist at all. Definately go and see what it is about.

 

Regarding the property you have inherited. I would advise that you see an accountancy firm that can give you advice on how best to use that property for income and what tax you might become eligible for.

 

You need the advice from them, and then from an independent organisation about what support or benefits you are entitled to.

 

Because some benefits and support are means tested. Which means that depending on how that capital [bricks and mortar or money] is invested, will affect whether you have to pay for certain things or not.

 

But if you have a 'disability' you should be entitled to DLA, or the scheme that is replacing DLA, and could use that money to employ someone to help you manage your daily life. Regarding your finances, especially your inheritance, I would not leave that in anyone elses hands other than a company such as and Accountancy firm, if you are happy with what they propose you do with your inheritance. There are ways of doing things that will significantly reduce your costs.

 

For example I borrowed some money from my sister, who has a disability. She works, but she also gets a means tested benefit. If I repaid her back monthly, she would lose that benefit money as that would be viewed as 'income' by them. But if I give her a payment once a year it is also viewed as income, but just a one off payment. So she can invest that money in an ISA, for example, and not lose money on any benefits.

 

So I would advise you to write down all the questions you have about your daily living situation, inheritance situation, benefits situation etc so that you can go through them with the person from the CAB. Also ask them to put their advice in writing so you don't have to try to remember it all.

 

Then, if you go and make an appointment with an Accoutancy Firm [or any other professional such as a solicitor etc], ask them to quote for the advice they will give you and quote, in writing, for the work they would carry out for you. And a quote should be stuck to. You should not be charged above the quote unless there is a significant change in what you are asking them to do for you, and your permission for that increase should be sought and agreed.

Edited by Sally44

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hi again mehaela,

 

i won't reply to the practical aspects of your situation any more, because sally44 has done a pretty good job of covering "all the bases" on those subjects,

 

so anything I'd say would just be repeating her advice.

 

but on the emotional/ personal side of it...

 

...all I can say is I hope you can get it all sorted out soon.

 

...I also can end up with troubles and issues lodging in my head, and they become overwhelming. i know it's not a nice place to be :-(

 

re: your panic attacks when you go out....

 

do the supermarkets do on line delivery in your area? I believe for a £5 premium, most supermarkets will bring your groceries to your door?

 

(on days when i can't cope with confronting "normals", on line supermarket shopping is excellent :-)

 

 

on these forums things are difficult cause it's not like a live chat, and often it's not appropriate to be too familiar with folks,

 

but i sympathise and relate to so many of your issues (even though I have no experience of them myself)

 

keep us posted with how it goes mehaela. i feel invested in your welfare now :-) lol!

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Thanks very much for your reply Dotmars and Sally. I had the visit from the CAB lady yesterday and she stayed for over an hour (and agreed with your reply, Sally). She's made a list of things she needs to do, so everything looks more hopeful. She says I'm entitled to a doctor over here and she's arranging for that. She said it would have been easier if my solicitors had been able to handle my money, but having learnt about all their mistakes she understands why they're unsuitable.

 

I told her Bradford Council had got away with breaking both their Equality Duty (under the Equalities Act), and the Autism Act (this had been explained to me by someone who understands laws). I realise they didn't know I had AS at the time, but they should never make assumptions when dealing with the public - we're not all on the fiddle; we're not all liars; some of us are very vulnerable! I'm still suffering from the trauma of their inhuman treatment and it's made me nervous, depressed, confused and scared. I should never have made that phone call to them in August 2012 - I naively trusted them and they let me down. IMy mother had died and I expected them to help me, but all I got was abuse, and then layers of lies and cover-ups. They didn't believe I had no bank account or that the solicitors had made bad mistakes. I'm not used to dealing with people like that and can't understand why they behave so badly - they have no principles. :(

Everything stems from my solicitor's original failure to pay the bills and follow my mother's instructions - and from me stupidly trusting in them and the council. I just can't help trusting people - it's a bad weakness I have. My cousin kept reassuring me that I'd be able to cope with money - but I now know that I simply can't! My brain just can't take it all in. Throughout my life I've been exploited by people and organisations (either for money, presents, power over me, humiliation, or sexually) because I trust too much and can't see that they're using me until it's too late. My parents protected me as much as they could against this. Since they died, two new 'friends' tried to take over my life. The last one tried to get me to transfer all my money into her account and the ownership of the houses. I went to the bank and said I wanted everything transferred into her name, and the only thing that stopped this happening was that they wanted her to come in too. Before that could happen, I talked to my cousin about her and we worked out that she suffered from a personality disorder and cared nothing for me, her own mother, or anybody else. All this makes me more and more afraid of people.

So now I'm hoping that yesterday's visit will take some of this awful pressure off me. :) I'll let you know how things go on.

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hi again mihaela,

 

thanks for your update. I'm glad things are moving "upwards" for you.

 

it does appear you have been through the wars, and had a lot of really bad experiences :-(

 

(I was shocked when you said someone had tried to make you transfer your assets to them. shocked, and very relieved when you typed it didn't happen.)

 

please continue to post how things progress for you (if you want to.)

 

all the best.

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"it does appear you have been through the wars, and had a lot of really bad experiences"

Sadly, there's much, much more - but now that I know why I am as I am (AS), it's given me strength, and I'll no longer meekly put up with bullying, exploitation and humiliation from anyone, and that includes officialdom.

People say I should write my life story.

Yes, I'll keep you updated. :)

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There are good people out there. But when money becomes involved, coupled with someone vulnerable [like yourself], there will also be many people that would take advantage. So never discuss with people what you own. That is your own private life. If someone had thousands of pounds under their mattress and kept telling people about it, it would not be a surprise if they were burgled would it? So don't make yourself a target.

 

I am sorry the solicitors let you down because they should not have.

 

You can trust Citizens Advice Bureau. And any advice they give to you in writing.

 

You can trust companies such as Accountant firms that specialise in tax advice for individuals.

 

CAB maybe able to give you a couple of names of reputable solicitors.

 

What you need is advice on how your inheritance should be used to support you and how to pay the least amount of tax possible. And maybe a solicitor for other legal things you may need to do.

 

If you are assessed by Adult Services you should receive DLA and you should get a carer, that you pay for or who is provided by Adult Services to help you with your daily living such as paying bills, buying food etc.

 

But don't ever let anyone else get access to your inheritance. Don't get a joint account, putting another persons name onto your account because that means they can withdraw your money without you knowing. If you must have another name on the account, maybe that could be a solicitor that could access your account if you were unable to.

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completely agree with sally44.

 

I do confess I was surprised when you'd posted so much of your financial particulars on here.

 

as a rule, like sally44, I do believe it is best not to put up too much of your personal financial particulars to the public on the internet.

 

(because.... alas not all people are nice :-( :-(

 

I found sally44's "money under the mattress analogy" quite relevant,

 

& remember some old dude in the news a few years back, who used to go down his local and tell people "he kept all his money under his bed", cause he didn't trust banks...

 

...and sure enough eventually some of his supposed "new bar" mates actually robbed him.

 

they did say at the time it was nothing personal whilst they robbed him???!!!

 

like i said earlier, alas "not all people can be nice :-(

 

sally44 is always better than me at explaining the practical advise, so I won't go on anymore about that for fear of replicating her comments.

 

...but it's ok mihaela, i believe you when you say there is much much more!

 

we've all got our (true) stories to tell of being abused and exploited.... more than we'd wish to remember most times :-(

 

one thing that does seem to be consistent about us aspies, is we are very trusting, and in certain areas, that is great, but in others it is not :-(

 

but you seem to be on the path "upwards" so I'm glad for you.. & keep me (or us? (including sally44)) posted.

 

all the best.

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Thanks for you advice, Sally.

 

"I was surprised when you'd posted so much of your financial particulars on here".
LOL I didn't think I had. My mind just doesn't think in that way. Money has never interested me, although unfortunately, I have to put up with it.

 

"one thing that does seem to be consistent about us aspies, is we are very trusting, and in certain areas, that is great, but in others it is not"

I've learnt this the hard way, and I've not been a fast learner Some people don't like me because I'm 'too' honest. :(

 

"more than we'd wish to remember most times"

Yes!

 

I phoned the surgery about that appointment. It wasn't urgent, and my doctor is ringing me today about the results of a blood test, so I have to stay in all day.

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hi again meaeala,

 

just to let you know I'm a completely different forum user to sally44.

 

I don't know who she even is.. I'm a new guy on the block (only been on for a month, and she seems to of been around for ages.)

 

just so you know me & her are two different people.

 

but I find her practical advice sound.

 

I'd probably say the same things she does, but she always pips me to the post, and get's in first :-)

 

it's just I've noticed sally does practical where as I do emotional :-)

 

(which is weird considering Asperger's like me aren't meant to do emotional or even know what emotional is?...

 

so to assure you I am not sally.

 

re: where you said you've been abused,

 

I've be there done it.. got the t-shirt.

 

bad times.

 

I've been so taken advantage of, I block my head thinking about it.

 

the best example i can think of, if when my granddad died,

 

and he left an estate.

 

I went thinking people would be fair? divy it up according to grandad's will? etc. and everyone would get a fair deal.

 

...what actually happened was a sick gross display of repulsive neural typicals, taking everything they could get as soon as they could get it?

 

it was such a repulsive thing to see,

 

especially since it was from my own family. i felt like being sick.. and i was :-(

 

that is what normal people do nihaela, then thank god we aren't NT.

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Hello everyone. Yes, I know you're two different people, Dotmars & Sally! :)

The doctor rang me to tell me I had anaemia. I'd had a blood test but forgotten about it. It came as no surprise because I'm eating very little, and there's no variety in my diet. I used to cook a lot, and make quite imaginative meals, but now I don't really have meals at all. I've been wondering why this has happened. It began after my mum died. I sort of lost the will to make meals, but it's gradually becaome a lot worse due to the money problem. I don't know how much I should be spending on food, so I spend the bare minimum, (About 4 pounds a week, and the same amount on cat food). I rarely feel hungry, so I never really think about eating properly. The doctor is going to put me on folic acid and iron tablets. The CAB say some organisation will be contacting me soon (can't remember who they are). I've also to see the man who's dealing with the council (on 5th November) - and I'm already feeling nervous about this. Apparently he can't open letters I've taken there when I'm not present. I'm not sure how I'll be able to cope, as the council treated me so badly that anything about them frightens me. :(

"which is weird considering Asperger's like me aren't meant to do emotional or even know what emotional is?..."
True, but I'm the same. I'm far more emotionally sensitive than most people. Small things can make me cry, and I never know when it might happen. I've always been like that. I have empathy overload - so this doesn't at all fit in with the usual Aspie lack of empathy/emotion.

That was an awful story about your relatives, dotmars... and these NT's actually consider themselves normal! Some bad things happened at my mum's death too. Two people completely ignored me and backed out of dealing with the will, and one of them left a horrible long 'love letter' on the grave. It was very upsetting, and at first my cousin kept it from me, but eventually she showed it me. I never did like that woman, for years she tried to take over my parents, and she'd cause me to have meltdowns. It was only in her last year that I managed to convince my mum that this woman was using her and had HPD.

Edited by Mihaela

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Anyone surviving on £4 a week on food is going to get very ill. Did you tell the GP this? You really need someone to help you asap to budget your daily living expenses and to have someone help you with shopping/cooking etc. Is anyone coming to see you soon to do this?? If not can you go back to your GP or CAB and ask them to refer you to Adult Services? I don't think you can continue like this until 5th November.

 

In the meantime, if you don't feel like cooking, do you have a local cafe that you could go to to have one decent meal each day? And have toast or cereal for breakfast and a snack at night? You need to be eating much much more than you are. You are much much bigger than a cat!

 

Loss of interest in eating could also be a sign of depression.

Edited by Sally44

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I agree with sally44.

 

(is that beginning to become a catch phrase for me!)

 

I'm going to have to randomly start disagreeing with her just to show I I'm not some kind of weirdo stalker fella :-)

 

(joke.. I won't do that. if someone says sense, it's sense. one can't disagree with sense.)

 

I guess there's 6 billion people on this rock we all live on, so it's just random luck of the draw that eventually people who agree with each other will come into contact.

 

you do need to eat properly nihaela!

 

like you said in your previous posts, your "loaded", so at least eat properly.

 

I love cats , so it's nice you have a cat,

 

so see it from this angle...

 

if you don't look after yourself who is goanna look after your cat?

 

(eat properly for your cats sake?)

 

I think I mentioned in a previous reply, about the joys of supermarket home delivery (so you don't have to leave your home if you don't want too) and sally44 is right, if your loaded why not get your tuck at a local café?

 

...for those days you do have the confidence to leave your home?

 

I personally love a nice café breakfast... when I'm able to deal with NT's around me.

 

(do you get days like that like I do?)

 

NT's usually pick on me, but some days I'm more resilient that others? on those days I can cope with it.

 

re: my family situation about granddad's will

 

it's like we discussed a few posts back.

 

when it comes to money, people can be truly repulsive. truly truly repulsive.

 

I'm like you. to me it means nothing.

 

I've already told my parents (who disrespected my granddad's will and overrode it), I don't want a single penny from their estate, and I've told them so.

 

cause I know my sister will be flocking!

 

so I've anticipated her putrid behaviour, and already removed myself from having to see her be an amoeba.

 

all the best (and get yourself back on proper tuck girl! please? cause I am invested in your welfare now :-)

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Thanks both of you.

No I'm not 'loaded' at all, at least not according to my advocate, who says I need to be very careful spending money, as I have no money coming in, it's all going out. He's looking into pensions etc. at the moment. The trouble is I have no idea how careful I need to be, so to be sure I spend as little as possible. I've no sense of money at all - it's like a mental block. At last I'm now renting a house out to someone, but I'm not making a penny out of it for many thousands was spent on renovating it. I think that rent money will just about pay my council tax. If only I knew how long I was going to live, it would be a great help, for then I'd know how much I could afford - but I don't.

 

My mother used to tell me to go to a cafe for coffee or tea once in a while, and to spend money on bus fares and little luxuries. I lived happily off the pocket money she gave me and didn't need more to pay bills, etc. I knew what I could afford for I can handle small amounts. She felt I needed a change from time to time so I did visit cafes a few times a year, but after she died I stopped. I daren't do that now for I think I'd soon run out of money.

It's not that I don't like cooking. I recently bought some sprouts to eat (rich in folic acid) and actually used the cooker. A big event! :) But then I worry about the cost of the gas. :(

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Quick update. I had a call from CAB yesterday to say Creative Support will be contacting me soon. I'd never heard of them, but I hope they can help me. She said Adult Services had suggested trying them. Oh well.... I'll wait and see.

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it's ok mikaela,

 

it will all work out in the end <hugs>

 

hope CAB get's back to you with some useful advice.

 

one thing i never thought to ask you, is are you any good at spread sheets?

 

(you know?.. Microsoft excel or open/ libre calc?)

 

I've found they are quite useful. you can tap in your incomings and outgoings....

 

...and seeing how one will stand financially at any given point in the next year or two?

 

it's quite handy for me, cause say for example i need to lash out on a house repair, or big car bill, it tells me how it will affect me down the line (cause they automatically update future entries if you change something in the more near time?)

 

(there are some really good tutorials on line for using spread sheets on you tube?)

 

good luck, and let me (and anyone else who's following the thread) know how it goes with your CAB session.

 

all the best.

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Thanks Dotmars. I keep missing replies on here. Sorry.

 

I'm afraid I didn't even know what spreadsheets are, although I'd heard of them. That's until I watched "Introduction to Spreadsheets Part 1" on Youtube. I got lost at about 5 minutes and my brain just couldn't take any more in.

I've no idea what my incomings and outgoings are. All I know is roughly what I spend on food each week. I can't get my head round any bigger amounts of money. I just have a mental block with figures, and I can never be sure if I've got a calculation right.

It all seems so complicated and daunting. Just thinking about a house repair or big bill is enough to send me into flight mode.

 

Yesterday I got a letter from my psychiatrist for an appointment for an ADOS test on 13th November. Can anyone tell me more about these tests? Are they reliable for women with high IQs, but very poor 'executive function'? I'm also meeting someone from a housing association on 5th about the problems with the council - which I'm dreading. If I find my stress levels increasing I can see myself just running out screaming. Due to the way they treated me, anything to do with the council makes me very nervous. :(

 

One thing I've learnt this morning - I've just discovered that I have Excel on this computer. I typed excel into the search box and it popped up - and I've only been using this thing for two years! :D

Edited by Mihaela

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Hi Mihaela. I'm really sorry to hear you have been through all this. I think you are such an amazing person for doing so well so far - I think a lot of people would have completely broken down if they were in your shoes. Stay strong!

I'm glad you are getting some help with the CAB. I have found them to be very useful in the past. It's great to hear you have an appointment for an ADOS test too. Hopefully the test will be conducted in a way that isn't too stressful for you. Regarding the meeting with the person from the housing association, you should know that housing associations are separate from local councils, so you shouldn't face the same treatment you did from the council.

I know I don't know you, but your story has really touched my heart and I will be thinking of you. I just wish I could do something more to help you. Also don't forget that when you go to your meetings you will have all of us on this forum thinking of you and wishing you well :)

I hope everything goes well and you find the answers you're looking for. I wish you the very best of luck!

Edited by Laddo

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Thanks for your kind words, Laddo. I think it's my special interests that help keep me sane, but there've been many times when even that coping strategy has failed. I used to talk to my mum a lot, and we were like friends and she'd distract me, but I can't do that any more. Life isn't fair at all.

Yes, I know the housing association isn't part of the council. It's just that it all reminds me of the months of dishonest and insulting treatment I got from the council. I'll be taking a few unopened council letters with me and I don't feel able to see them being opened. I even hate having to touch them, almost as if they'll infect me. They promised not to send any more and for months they didn't, but now for some reason they've broken their promise and started again.

 

 

Edited by Mihaela

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I'm always up for making new friends so if you want to talk to someone, please do feel free to send me a message. People say I'm a good listener and I see you're interested in art and writing so we can always discuss them :)

 

Hopefully the CAB will be able to get in touch with the council and stop them sending you letters. They can often act as a 'middleman' in cases like yours and are always good to lend a sympathetic ear.

 

Hoping you're well and you get the help you deserve soon

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hi again Michaela,

 

thanks for posting your latest.

 

I'm a bit knackered tonight to type anything significant, but I relate to what you say about the "council"

 

I know the company who wrote their computer systems, and they'll say the same.

 

anything you get from them is just rubbish and changes every week.

 

they are well known for bombarding people with automatic letters generated by computer (sometimes three in one day all with different stuff in them)

 

(it's the same for the dhs computer system. )

 

..and even if you are lucky enough to get through to them on the phone, it's often a human who has to use their inadequate computer system, so you get the same rubbish.

 

so I'm totally with you about not opening any of that rubbish!

 

(I remember once I had four letters from the Manchester council when I lived there, one told me I owed them £2300, next one said I owed them £700, next one said they owed me £600, next one said they owed me £3200.)

 

(I also remember getting letters from the benefits office, back in the day when I was signing for a short period of time,

 

and first letter said they owed me £500, next letter said they owed me £200, next letter said I owed them £1000, next letter said I owed them £4300.)

 

I hope you get my point?

 

(sorry for the rant. I just hate the way people are made to stress out by government or council computer system's that aren't written correctly and consistently dish out complete rubbish.

 

I do love CAB though. usually very well meant people.

 

I might think of volunteering. it is one of the few worthy institutions around.

 

all the best

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That is so typical of the council. I think they just make it all up as they go along! It infuriates me too that poor management and outdated technology on the government and local councils' parts cause to so much unnecessary stress and fear in people and families. I am baffled at how people continuously put undying faith in these institutions when they are so obviously incompetent!

 

The CAB is great. The volunteers get nothing at all out of doing what they do, just the satisfaction of helping people in need

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I just hate the way people are made to stress out by government or council computer system's that aren't written correctly and consistently dish out complete rubbish.

 

Not just the computer systems, Dotmars, but their blind obsession with 'procedure' and pigeon-holing us all, their arrogance, their bare-faced lies, and their unwillingness to accept they have done wrong - as I learnt to my eternal regret when I was naive enough to phone them explaining my situation. I now see them as a prime example of how not to treat customers and of everything that's wrong in this world.

And yes, Laddo - they do make it up as they go along, blithely ignoring their own guidelines, twisting them in their favour to suit the occasion, not to mention their statutory duties under the Autism and Equality Acts. I have the written proof of this - many pages of creative dishonesty and meaningless jargon churned out to cover up themselves. The last thing they want is to get caught up in claims for compensation.

I suppose volunteering keeps me linked with the NT world in a non-threatening, safer way - and also it's worth doing for its own sake. Without volunteers where we be?

Edited by Mihaela

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Latest update:
That meeting with the housing association advisor went far better than I imagined. I never panicked but I did get angry at some of the comments made by the council in a long, jargon-riddled, incomprehensible letter. Even the advisor couldn't understand it. He phoned them and I had to confirm my identity (a silly ritual, for I could have been anybody). I became wary when she attempted to carry on speaking after this ritual had ended. She said her records stated that I'd moved house and my old house was empty and liable to much higher council tax. This made me angry for I haven't moved at all! I couldn't speak any more so I just passed the receiver over to the very assertive advisor. It seems they're making many further mistakes. Even information on their website seriously conflicted with what they were telling him. It turned out that a couple more 'pretend' court summonses were amongst my junk mail. I was to take no notice of them, and he's now trying to sort out this latest mess. All this rigmarole took over two hours, and by the time it had finished I was totally drained. Couldn't face doing shopping, so walked back the long way through the woods to avoid the stress of cars and roads and people. I've eaten nothing since, and it's gone 9pm :(

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Mihaela try Ocado it is an online supermarket, I use it all the time. I used it even before I became disabled. Do you have a bank debit card or credit card? If you have then try it, you must spend £40, that can be the heavy bulky stuff, I shop every 28 days.

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I'm really glad to hear it went better than expected! :) Honestly though, where do the council hire these people from? The bottom of the ocean? That's really bizarre that they think you've moved house. It's very worrying that these are the people who are responsible for the upkeep of our local areas! They are just proof that personality and the ability to talk big are more highly valued in council/government workers than actually ability to do their jobs.

Have you got anything to eat in the house? If so, please please please eat something!

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Mihaela, a slightly off the wall thought, how about having a companion? There is a young woman looking for a quite spot somewhere on this site. Its a recent posting, I notice her mother has posted about her problems before on this site. A change of scene would do her good, and might be good for you as well.

If this idea is too much, then I apologise.

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That housing adviser knows how incompetent and cruel the council can be. He told me of a case where a couple leased a market stall, but had to close it after a month due to low custom. The council charged them 64,000 pounds! YES - 64 thousand! But worse still, they're continuing to charge them business charges and rental on the empty stall. The couple can't afford to pay, for the council had forced them into bankruptcy. I asked whether what the council did was legal, and apparently it's a grey area of law, and he knew of no case where a council had tried this dirty trick, but he says there's an increasing trend for council's to gain money by unscrupulous means.

I've often thought of having a companion, WB. Due to being vulnerable to exploitation (by three women since my mum died) I'm very wary, but yes, it's an idea. I'll send her a message and find out a bit more about her. :)

PS - I've never heard of Ocado. My mum used to order from Sainsbury's online, but all that stopped after she died. I've never bought anything online. Spending 40 GBP all in one go gives me the shakes! :D I've never spent over 10 GBP in a supermarket. I might look into it though, now you mention it.

Edited by Mihaela

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Holy macaroni, £64,000! I am not at all surprised that councils attempt to gain money in controversial means though - the Tories have been making cuts left right and centre while simultaneously encouraging people to spend less. They seem unable to get it into their heads that the economy is not some all-powerful entity, rather it is made up of individual people. People spend less money, less VAT is charged on goods and services. Less VAT means less money contributed towards the running of the country. Less money means more cuts, so they encourage people to spend even less, and so on. As less money is coming in to the economy from ordinary people, MPs have to pay theirs and other government/council workers' salaries from somewhere so they encourage councils as a whole to milk ordinary people dry as much as possible. Of course, this is a catch-22 - the council leeches ordinary people's money, those people then go bankrupt and therefore cannot spend and also have to claim benefits, which costs the economy money. Sometimes they can't cope with going bankrupt so they turn to drink and drugs. They end up in hospital as a result of this, costing the NHS money which of course is publicly funded. And so on and so forth. It doesn't take a genius to work it out, yet our 'leaders' seem totally unable to comprehend this. They totally lack the ability to plan ahead.

 

I'm sorry to hear you have been exploited so many times Mihaela. I hope it doesn't happen again. I have often thought about having an aspie companion myself but I think it would be best to be with someone a similar age to me. A romantic partner would be most ideal, but this is proving very difficult. On an ASD forum I used to be a member of, I frequently had women contacting me ever since I put a photo of myself up, but I understand photos are discouraged on this forum. Anyway, that's a story for another time. Good luck with finding a companion! :)

 

Another website you might want to have a look at is Approved Foods. Basically they sell products that are past their 'best before' date and may have a slight loss in quality (taste, smell or texture) but are otherwise totally edible and safe to eat. They are usually very cheap compared to supermarket prices although the range can be a little limited at times.

Edited by Laddo

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With regard to the £64,000 lease story, that sounds like a commercial rate for a reasonable sized stall for a reasonable period of time. Where in the country and for how long makes a difference.

Its a case of look before you leap. Its possible that the lease can be sold on to another.

It has shock value to the unknowing, but I have looked at leasing commercial property, it looks ok to me.

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hi again Mihaela,

 

thanks for the update.

 

sorry to hear you've yet again encountered the problem of

 

"people being slaves to computers"

 

I.e. they go to computers to get their information, but they haven't been trained correctly to use those systems, or more lightly those system's are rubbish.

 

we used to, in the computer business have a saying "garbage in.. garbage out"

 

anyway.. I ranted about that a few nights ago, so I won't do it again.

 

re: your meeting with your housing association rep,

 

I'm pleased for you they have offered to go away, and sort out all the "mistakes"

 

it sounds like he's well meant, and is on your side :-)

 

but with the best intentions in the world, I've noticed- people in those positions are so over worked, underpaid, and have rubbish information systems (rant lol)

 

..I would suggest you give it a few days, & chase him on it to keep progress ticking along, so he doesn't forget about his offer to sort it all out for you.

 

(if you aren't comfortable with phone calls, try repeated short emails to him every few days. i.e. just a few sentences reminding him of his promise, and that you waiting for his input :-)

 

sorry to hear that after the meeting you were drained.

 

I hope today was a better day for you, and you've had something yummy to eat.

 

I'm a big fan of curries at the moment.. really hot ones. mmm! can't get enough of them.

 

keep us all posted.

 

best regards,

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