Feel like wanna talk with somebody.

[Shamankailona]

Hello, few days ago my daughter was diagnosed with ASD, shes 12 now. And Im happy that finally she have that diagnosis, because, I hope, we can have some help, was waiting about year, and about 2 years ago found out about autism at all, didnt knew anything about it, and teachers in school found that she (daughter) possibly autistic. I started to read everything about it. And to be honest, feel very sad and lonely last years. I wanted good life for her, different than my life, but looks like it will be even worse, I really hope that its still possible for her to have all the best in her life. I was so upset when she told me few weeks ago, when school started, that she feels lonely, nobody wants to talk with her and calls her weird. As far as i can remember myself I always had problems with having friends, other kids bullied me a lot and now I feel so bad about my daughter. And another problem is that I dont have friends with who I can talk about it and feel so lonely as well I can help myself and I cant help to my daughter, I cant teach her anything, I cant find friends for her, because I dont have any, because if I had friends with children I possibly could introduce her with them, and help somehow, but I cant. And most of our time we spend with each other and thats all. I know that nobody can help me with that, I just wanted to talk somewhere with somebody, maybe somebody else have similar problems.

[Mihaela]

Hello,

I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties. Life isn't easy. Although your daughter has Aspergers this needn't be a problem at all. It's the way others treat her that can be a problem. It's good that she's had this early diagnosis.

 

I was bullied badly at school and at that time nobody knew why I was different. I've struggled with being different all my life, but now manage quite happily unless others treat me badly. Don't let your daughter feel that getting the diagnosis is bad in any way. There are many good things about being an Aspie, and she needs to be encouraged to develop them. I was called weird too at school and had no friends. People can be so cruel, and the schools should never allow bullying. Unfortunately so-called anti-bullying policies are only too often ignored. Have you ever thought of teaching her at home? I've seen many sensitive children flower when taken out of school. Bullying can cause lifelong damage, and your daughter must be protected from it at all costs.

By the way, I still have very few friends, and none are very close, but thanks to my interests I'm never lonely. You said neither of you have friends. I lived with my parents for years, and they had few friends too. Maybe you could both find friends who share your interests.

Please PM me if you ever want a chat

[oxgirl]

Hi Shamankailona and welcome. Sorry that you have had bad experiences in the past and that you feel so helpless and lonely. I agree with Mihaela, having a diagnosis of AS doesn't mean that your daughter will not have a good and happy life. It is really good that she is now going to get some support and help, support and help that it sounds like you yourself did not get when you were young. This will help her to develop and grow and I hope you can both start to see it as a positive step.

 

Have you spoken to her school about the bullying and her loneliness? It would be a good idea to speak to her teacher about how isolated she feels. They could set up a buddy group for her who could be encouraged to include her she should not be putting up with being called names.

 

Are there any groups you could both join together where you could meet new people? If you went together you could support each other and give each other confidence.

 

Take care and I hope you start to feel better and you certainly shouldn't be feeling guilty in any way. I know it is worrying and a frightening time, but things can and will get better for your daughter, and hopefully for you too.

 

~ Mel ~

[Sally44]

Do you or your daughter have any interests that you could use to meet other people? Do you like walking, could you join a rambling club. Would your daughter be interested in something like Scouts - where there is a peer group and adults supervising it all?

 

I think almost everyone can go through times of feeling and being lonely. I also don't have any close 'friends'. I also tend to spend most of my time with family [husband, children, mum, siblings etc]. And you can become isolated if you have a special needs child. Obviously that can depend on many things. For example my son goes to an independent school, which is great for supporting him with autism and OCD and other diagnoses he has. And he is with a peer group with similar needs. But it is not a local school, so he does not have any friends locally. So weekends and school holidays are spent in his bedroom.

 

But please do not make any conclusions about how things are now and how they are going to be. Nothing is written in stone.

 

There maybe a parent support group in your area run by the National Autistic Society. I would also suggest that you find out about their "Help" seminars, which are for parents of newly diagnosed children. When I think back to how I was at that stage it was a horrible time. We had spent years trying to get answers, and then we got the diagnosis, a leaflet and that was that. I was all at sea emotionally, my son was not coping in school. Things are alot better now. It has taken years of learning about the system, and years of fighting to get my son in the right school with the right level of support.

[Shamankailona]

Mihaela, thanks

Although your daughter has Aspergers not really aspergers, nothing specfic, just ASD, and I dont understand how serious it really is or can be in future and how can affect all her life.

Don't let your daughter feel that getting the diagnosis is bad in any way she doesnt care about diagnosis, even not interested to know something about it, she just feel bad when somebody call her weird or strange and that nobody wants to talk with her

 

Have you ever thought of teaching her at home? Yes, but she doesnt want, because she want at least some communication, if she will be all the time at home with me, it wont be good. School helps her, and without schools, council and I dont know who else was helping to her, many people and organistaions, without them I could be much harder for me and her.

 

Maybe you could both find friends who share your interests. Yes, I was thinking about it, but dont know how and where to start, and before somebody can be your friend he/she is stranger and I cant just ask somebody to be my or my daughters friend, it doesnt work like that Thats the main problem. I want to make friends for me and my daughter, but dont know how to do that. And we are from another country, we live here (UK) about 5 years, and Im not sure about my language and everything, and cant talk normally to people, sorry about my moaning... I know it will take time to adapt and I hope everything will be fine later, just emotions...

 

 

oxgirl, thanks for comment. having a diagnosis of AS doesn't mean that your daughter will not have a good and happy life yes, of course, and I really hope that one day she can have family, kids and be happy and have friends and good job, I worry because of my own experience and dont want that she suffers like i did and sometimes still feel very bad. But now Im 35 years old and can look at things different than in 13, and my daughter almost 13 and I know its crazy age and its very hard to understand and accept some things.

It would be a good idea to speak to her teacher about how isolated she feels. I will try

Are there any groups you could both join together where you could meet new people? Dont know, need to find about about that and prepare myself to meet many strangers

 

Sally44, thanks. Do you or your daughter have any interests that you could use to meet other people? Not sure, I like different crafts and to be honest, dont like to meet people, she likes to watch different videos about science, history on youtube and play minecraft I know I must think about it and do something about it, but it feels so hard for me, I dont know why and dont know what to do with all this feelings.

I also tend to spend most of my time with family [husband, children, mum, siblings etc]. And you can become isolated if you have a special needs child. Yes, I know, all my family live in latvia, I dont have familu in England, only two daughters aunts, thats all what I have, of course its better than nothing and when they can they help me, but one of her aunts have depression and her own problems i dont wanna ask her anything now, another lives with us, but she doesnt have friends as well, last year found one and sometimes visits her, so there is no any advice from her Sometimes I dont understand why so many strange peopel around me but maybe its good, I can learn somethign from them and at least I know that other people have problems as well and Im not the only one. Sorry, maybe out of topic little bit, but I feel now that I must talk about everything with somebody.

 

So weekends and school holidays are spent in his bedroom. Yes, we spend mostly our weekends and holidays at home, but Im trying to go somewhere, to another towns, museums, nature parks, cinema, restaurants, cafes etc. We like to stay at home, but sometimes its too boring and need new feelings, emotions.

 

I know, maybe need more time to understand, accept, I think I almost accepted everything, I was ready for diagnosis, but now it became real and I feel happy and sad, strange but this are my feelings, happy because finally I know it and sad because its for real now. Maybe its not so bad how it looks like at the moment