Laddo Report post Posted October 29, 2014 Just wanted to let off a bit of steam by posting this poem (if it can be called a poem). There's no real rhyming scheme and it's more of a waffle than a poem, but constructive criticism is welcome. I want to be free to be me I want to be happy to be me I want to be comfortable being me I don’t want to feel pressured into being someone else I don’t want to feel judged for being me I don’t want to feel the crushing judgement The instant dislike The mistrust Don’t grind me into dust The lack of belief is dragging me down Down Down How can I be free? How can I avoid the judgement? How can I get people to accept that I, just like they, am an individual? Am I human? I am human I am made to feel inhuman I am different I am not the same as them But I am still HUMAN Homo Sapiens Freakus Is that me? Am I a different species of human? That is how I am made to feel I look the same Or similar at least But my behaviour That’s different Equality We need equality For everyone Not just a select few But for EVERYONE Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition I sometimes like repetition But that’s not “normal” So people make comments So-called “friends” make comments Who can I trust then? If not people who claim to be friends? Who? Me I can trust me I should trust me I can trust me I will trust me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted October 30, 2014 Very poignant. It echoes how I've felt too, for most of my life. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 2, 2014 Do you have any writing you would like to share Mihaela? I was sort of hoping that others would post their poetry here but I've only just realised that I didn't make this very clear in my initial post Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted November 3, 2014 Yes, good idea, I'll look for some and post it. I've not written much poetry, but recently I was talking to an aspie friend who says she's started a course on creative writing, including poetry, and that's inspired me to do a little more myself. Most of what I write is either very obscure and 'technical' or general essays on just about any aspect of life - including my own life and how I see the world. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 3, 2014 I look forward to reading your work! To me, writing like that is poetry too. Art is all about expressing oneself - it can still be technical if there is emotion behind it. I am fascinated with how other people see the world and how they express themselves, no matter how they do it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted November 4, 2014 Very good, I too feel the same. As I stare in depths of silvery glass In my mind I am free to be a boy I see not my face but reflections past Outside is a world I seldom enjoy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 5, 2014 That's really good Unusual Patronus! It's very moving - much better than mine! You've got some talent there my friend Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted November 5, 2014 Thanks Laddo, but don't downplay your own, honestly it speaks truths Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 6, 2014 (edited) Thanks. I so wish it didn't speak the truth though - the world we live in is so brutal. Here's another one: Poisoned Behold the traits of many The socially ambitious Spewing words of hate So poisonous and vicious Slash me with your razor tongue You cut me to the ground What do you hope to achieve? What do you think you’ve found? In all these hostilities Milking my fragilities Ignoring my abilities Snubbing all civilities You spread your hatred They all become infected You push my spotlight upon me Your insecurities deflected Drag others deep down To your own personal hell You want them to suffer Feel the way you fell But what do you hope to achieve? What do you think you’ve found? In leaving me so beaten down Unable to make a sound You will not stop until I am silenced Bloodied, gagged and bound Edited November 6, 2014 by Laddo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted November 6, 2014 That is really good and again unfortunate that it's true, you use strong visions in your words. I hear you, I see you, I fear for your sole You try, but you lie, to realise your goal It's ok, I feel you, I truly understand When you fall, which you will, I'll be there to lend my hand Time is a healer, it is an enemy and a friend Though time has never managed to heal the wound of social trend There's still time left, it's not too late, there's still a ray of light We see it, we hold it, we fight for what is right Only if you'd realise what beauty lies in truth You'd be better, you'd be stronger, you wouldn't shy away from proof This world, it is beautiful, there's so much you just don't see But it differences that scare you, that's why your scared of me The impact in your poem was there, as it should be. I like it, their insecurities ... there deflecting the light. I got the feeling that they're scared in your poem ... even though they'd deny it. I just couldn't help myself writing that little piece to show that it's them (those who ridicule and torment) that fall, that for all that they shun people like us, it's them that really miss what's right in front of them ... the world ... People like that are to scared to understand, they're the ones who not only bound us, but bound themselves. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 10, 2014 Thanks mate That's a great poem showing the other side to mine. It's kind of like a 'counter-poem', so to speak. I'm quite interested in seeing alternate perspectives on a situation so it was good to read your little piece. You speak a lot of truth in your sentences as well as your prose too - the tormentors often feel tormented themselves, trapped in their own cage of hatred and fear of difference Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted November 10, 2014 Thank you, I was worried that I was a bit rude at flipping your poem before anyone could comment and cringed afterwards realising that it might seem as though I'm countering your poem. I wasn't, I had read your poem a few times searching for meaning, I do that all the time with any poetic, abstract or deep writings and I'm glad you're interested seeing a different perspectives of it. I do have a tendency to try and show my use of words without thinking, a jumped up show off is what I thought of myself after that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dotmarsdotcom Report post Posted November 12, 2014 awesome poetry laddo. sorry I've not come across this post until now. 100% excellent. ticks all my boxes. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 18, 2014 Thanks dotmarsdotcom, glad to hear it. Anyone feel like the forum has been really quiet the past few days? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 20, 2014 Lord it over me because you're neurotypical Correct me when I'm right Be the superior, the pedant, the critical Throw yourself in the limelight You're better than me I am broken Don't let me be The NT has spoken Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted November 21, 2014 Brilliant poem, Laddo! All NT's should read it. You should send it to Asperger United.I've been neglecting this thread due to lack of time, but I've not forgotten it and I'll be coming back to it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 21, 2014 Thanks Mihaela I didn't even know about Asperger United until now! It sounds like an interesting magazine. Please do come back to it and share some of your writing! I'd love to see some Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 21, 2014 Tread on me Crush me Ignore me Hate me For I am nothing Worse than all Full of suffering Further I fall Down I go Sink into your hell I heard your 'no' As to hell I fell What am I to you? What wrong do I do? I am nothing We both know it's true Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted November 21, 2014 Well written and powerful Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted November 22, 2014 (edited) De Profundis Sink, sink, sink into your hell, Fall. fall, fall into your well, That deep well of loneliness, Yet there, elusive Truth lies waiting, Waiting, waiting, waiting... For Time to release her, When she will rise unadorned, Holding aloft her mirror; Reflecting stark and dazzling reality Upon a world that lost its way Long, long ago. Edited November 22, 2014 by Mihaela Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 22, 2014 Very nice Mihaela, powerful stuff! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted November 26, 2014 You are big We are small We are losers You are cool You are smart We are fools You're the mechanic We're your tools This is your thinking Your beliefs and ideology Your esteem of self high and mighty All part of your psychology This is how you think You believe you know all But let me tell you a thing or two That might make you appalled The truth is You're our leaders But you know **** all! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted November 26, 2014 Very good peom Mihaela, is it from De Profundis or inspired by it? I just googled it. Written in truly difficult times Laddo, your poems are deep, that's an ending that even though I don't like swearing shouldn't be censored Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted November 28, 2014 (edited) That's just how I feel too when battling with so many 'professionals', Laddo! Why should be so very difficult dealing with these faceless people? Their behaviour makes a mockery of the Autism Act.As for my poem, it's written on several levels. De Profundis is the traditional name of a psalm (its first two words in the Vulgate) that was ritually read in pre-Reformation England at wayside crosses during funeral processions. (De profundis clamavi - From the depths I cry). Many authors have used those words to express a feeling of melancholy, helplessness and frustration at all that's wrong with the world. Crying out from the bottom of a well, seemingly with no escape.The well imagery was inspired by Laddo's previous words:...Full of sufferingFurther I fallDown I goSink into your hell...Which reminded me of three wells - the well of depression (as in Bunyan's 'Slough of Despond'); Radclyffe Hall's Well of Loneliness - which in 1928 was considered by the medical 'experts' of the day to be a danger to the country, and so it was banned and so truth was suppressed... and the well of truth, which is an allegorical motif used in art and based on Democritus who said that truth lay at the bottom of a well. In other words truth can be difficult to reach.Here are some examples: http://www.jcbourdais.net/journal/18avr08.php (very good text too, but it's in French).The mirror never lies, it reflects reality.What I meant was that we may find ourselves in the depth of depression, but we can rise out of it feeling stronger and wiser having caught inspiring glimpses of the truth, both the truth about ourselves and about the NT world. Lux in tenebris - the light in the dark, the gold amongst the lead, etc. This theme of hidden/suppressed truth is related to the esoteric Tradition, very strong in France, and one of my special interests - where poetry with multiple levels of meaning is known as la langue des oiseaux (language of the birds) or langue verte (green language).(Old Father) Time will eventually 'unveil' Truth (his daughter) revealing her in her unadorned glory. Tempus veritas revelat. This is another allegorical motif in art and there are many examples. Here's a well-known one (that painting is full of symbolism) - and an interesting article on enlightenment. https://floliblog.wordpress.com/2012/11/05/ Edited November 28, 2014 by Mihaela Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted November 28, 2014 Mihaela you have a much better grasp of deeper meanings in things than I do, I can't even pretend to know the full meaning of what you've wrote, though I do have a basic understanding. All of my views have been spawned from stories and films and media, luckily I've been able to filter right from wrong. Though I've never actually consciously researched such deep meanings other than to grasp what someone else is meaning. That picture is powerful, I've seen it before, though I've never thought of it in that sense. I admire your thinking Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted November 30, 2014 Thanks, Unusual one. My unconventional thinking style, as well as having so many interests, can be very useful socially. Although I've had no formal training in any of the many subjects that I've studied, I find I can talk (often pretty much as an equal) with anyone who happens to share a common interest. I also learn more in the process. Our mutual passions feed each other. Last year some high-flying academic arranged to meet me to discuss my work on one of my specialised interests, with the intention of demolishing once and for all my original theories - which had been niggling him for some time. Having blinded him with detail to the nth degree, he left in a daze and with his academic arrogance totally deflated! I soon found his knowledge of his 'specialised' subject was inaccurate, hazy, partial and full of holes. I had a ready answer to all his criticisms which instantly stopped him in his tracks, and he ended up doubting all he'd been led to assume to be true. My experience of turning the tables on these types has vividly shown me just how little general knowledge they tend to have, how narrowly-conventional their thinking has become, and just how indoctrinated they are with the fashionably bland, cosy 'university discourse'. All so different to the original purpose of university learning.Not too bad for a 'nonentity social misfit' who has chronic executive dysfunction, umpteen vulnerabilities and the emotions of a child. I know not many Aspies are as seemingly-paradoxically complex-naive as I am, but we can all be true experts in our own fields, and need to have pride in this. Don't let the NT's grind us down. We have so much to offer the world. Let's all try our best to improve it in our own small ways. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted November 30, 2014 (edited) I've not had the pleasure of challenging an academic yet, but I've come pretty close with typical know-it-all's. You're not entirely alone on the naivety, I am incredibly naive, I don't even feel like I can compete with anything complicated in a social setting at all. And thanks to you, I've learnt that I too suffer executive dysfunction. I totally understand money and its value, but paying bills is a challenge that's almost impossible, I thought it was just stress. Life skills in general, an act until I'm at home. And sorry but I'm going to tag a poem on the end, it's not so positive this time, but was inspired by Laddo's and yours I hurt inside. I'm hurting inside. My insides hurt! A blanket of silence, a cloak of darkness I am falling, eternity lasts forever Deeper and deeper, time will not wait Loneliness amongst a tide of many Do you see me? My hand outstretched as further I fall The silence of many against the cry of one An echo, a dissonance, an unanswered call I'm shouting in silence, answered by none. A thought, a feeling, what is my life without meaning I'm falling through hell and as I fall I am screaming Do you hear me? My heart, it is bleeding Edited November 30, 2014 by UnusualPatronus Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) Very nice, UnusualPatronus. A very powerful piece once again! Reading through the poems here (excluding my own because I don't want to play my own trumpet ) is sparking an idea in my brain to get a collection of art and poetry by autistic people together. Maybe that will finally put another incorrect assumption about ASD people to waste - the assumption that we lack imagination. We're creators by nature, whether it be art, literature or solving equations. I would give anything to see the results of a brain scan of an autistic person whilst they're creating. I imagine it would be fascinating. I can be naive too and have learnt that I suffer from executive dysfunction as well. It's a bit of a pain in the neck though - where do I go from here, knowing I'm always going to find looking after myself, the things that NTs take for granted, to be so challenging? I'm certainly having a hard time convincing my parents that I'm executively dysfunctional - they're of the impression (as are an infuriating number of people) that I'll be fine as long as I put my mind to it. They don't understand that if I give too much focus to social 'norms' overloads my brain and causes epic meltdowns of Chernobyl calibre. It's depressing to think that I may have to rethink my entire career so soon after finally deciding what I want to do with my life. Edited December 1, 2014 by Laddo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted December 1, 2014 That's a great idea, artwork, poems and stuff all in one place, but it's where to show. I'd suggest here, but a new thread and copy paste these ones over, pictures can be uploaded, only problem is not many Neurotypicals would see what we have to say, or what pictures people might have to show, but word could spread. Well that's what I've been thinking the past two days ... what happens in the future? This is not advice, but it's what I've started doing for a few years, writing anything like paying bills, re-booking appointments or jobs that I'm going to write to in my tablet. It takes the stress of planning once you've eventually written them ... though weirdly adds stress waiting for the alarm to remind me. But if I have executive dysfunction that's got to help, it's just hard writing tasks in the first place, I'm not organised :/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted December 1, 2014 I was thinking it could start here and potentially grow it to a full website in time. I'm very keen to teach myself web coding so I would be up for trying to get the website up and running if there was enough interest. (And if I can organise and motivate myself!) I just think it would be a good way to communicate with NTs that autistic people do have a purpose, as well as maybe giving the aspies whose artwork is showcased a little self esteem boost. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted December 12, 2014 Old Jack Frost is settling in You can feel him in gusting wind So light up the fire Crack open a beer Cos it's that time of year Winter is here! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted December 13, 2014 Inspired by that poetic masterpiece Jabberwocky and other serious works, here's some more quality poetry I've just penned with my sharp quill: Ode to a Nematode'Twas brazen in the winter light, And the heat was hot to behold. All fervid were the nematodes, And my own type turned bold. So too did the mome raths, - At least, so I'm told. Yet my memory doth not hold, So I must be growing old... "Like Father Quilliam", the young Alice said, "And your nose has become very red, Like the famed Dong's in the night. Do you think, at your age, it is right?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UnusualPatronus Report post Posted December 14, 2014 Nice festive poem Laddo. Don't step on the mome raths Father Quilliam lol I had to check the book to see if that was his name, brilliant poem Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted December 15, 2014 "Don't step on the mome raths" I heed your wise advice, but I'm no fool.I wouldn't want to provoke their ire, wrath and general discomfort - especially if they were outgrabing in the Wabe at the time. My stress levels would shoot to the roof at the discordant, chaotick sound of their raucous howls and plaintive wailing. I could drone on and on about this frightful scenario, but alas! will now restrain myself, for I have less important things to do. Welcome back, Unusual One. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted December 30, 2014 No rhyming in this one. I'm such a maverick. The ache begins to gnaw beneath my ribs My shoulders are petrified An icy knife glides across my lungs Oxygen released I cannot breathe For I need you But I do not know who you are Who are you? Where are you?How will we meet? Time keeps me begging Snatches away my treat just when my teeth sink in I am hurting I am bleeding inside This longing It will kill me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted January 1, 2015 Powerful words. I only found contentment when I stopped seeking it. It's the effort that causes the anguish. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laddo Report post Posted January 1, 2015 I could never stop seeking love though, never. I feel it's my main purpose in life Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites