Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
Sign in to follow this  
Laddo

Managing ADHD without medications?

Recommended Posts

Laddo   

I have ADHD and struggle quite a bit with it. I'm really getting tired of constantly losing things, forgetting appointments, being late etc. but am weary about going to my GP as I'm worried they will just prescribe me with some stimulant medication. I would really rather avoid this as I used to be addicted to some of the more evil variety of stimulants and my heart has not felt the same since. I want that big old chunk of muscle to keep beating for a good many years so would rather avoid anything that is going to put pressure on it.

 

Soooo what I'm asking is, does anyone have any tips for managing ADHD without chemical assistance?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No expert on this or anything really. But here goes.

I assume your fairly young to have a diagnoses such as this. Myself I have always just been plain odd, accused of so many varying and strange things over the years, such as being a 'manic depressive'/bipolar?

The bad schooling we are subjected to, is the most likely cause of many diagnoses such as yours.

When thinking of bringing new life into the world, its best to be sure that one can afford all its needs, one of which is to completely avoid the state school system, which is not fit for any child.

As to managing self, difficult, only real control is what goes in and where you rest your head.

Food, avoid being a vegetarian, even more important not a vegan. Myself I am a third generation vegetarian, that really did not help, old style relied too much on cheese and nut based products! Not good. Ok one can still be a vegetarian, but one has to have sensible levels of animal fats, butter, full fat milk and cream, cheese in moderation as it does not have enough of the correct fats. Vegetable and nut oil is really quite useless, ok in small quantities, but can be a source of problems. Varied diet, if not sure of getting enough, then do as I do, l use powered "Cow & Gate Infant Milk for hungrier babies" it has a "teddy bear" on the front, this ensures that all my blood tests show nothing lacking there, keeps my skin in good condition and helps with my joints.

I use caffeine as pain killer, in quite large amounts, real mud coffee and bean approximately 24 to 30 grams of bean per day. I frankly do not care if it kills me. Quality not Quantity!

Its up to you, growing old is no fun, older one gets worse things tend to get! So if your medication makes you feel good, but is killing you at the same time, just hope your end is quick and not lingering.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Laddo   

Erm thanks for the reply, but I was really asking for help with managing ADHD, like coping strategies, ways to stay focused etc. I don't really want to be thinking about dying from medications just yet

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mihaela   

I don't have ADHD, so I'm sorry I can't really advise, but I do have strong ADD traits. One of my cousin's ADHD though, and it was found to be caused by artificial colourings in food and drinks. Once he began avoiding these he was fine,

 

"...completely avoid the state school system, which is not fit for any child".

I agree, and for many reasons, however, unfortunately few of us have much choice. To 'give in' to this pressure may mean abandoning principles, and some of us wouldn't be happy about doing this. A private education is generally preferable, but a good home education would be ideal. More and more parents of autistic-spectrum children are taking that course.

Food, avoid being a vegetarian, even more important not a vegan.

I can only speak for myself, but I'm virtually vegan, and have been since I was about 19 - due entirely to my concern for animals. I've always been physically fit and do a lot of walking. Only recently (after my mother's death) have I started to neglect my diet spending less and less - due the stress of having AS without support for executive dysfunction. I don't want to start going downhill because of this. I drink the cheapest instant coffee twice a day (weak) and very weak black tea (once a day) with cocoa at night. I very rarely drink anything alcoholic, and have never touched tobacco or drugs.

I'm lucky in that I've never needed to take painkillers or medication all my adult life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mihaela   

Erm thanks for the reply, but I was really asking for help with managing ADHD, like coping strategies, ways to stay focused etc. I don't really want to be thinking about dying from medications just yet

 

Sorry, I must have just missed your last post somehow. Staying focussed is my problem too. My mind's just far too active, and this is why I have executive dysfunction. I can only stay focussed if I work on my special interests - and then for hours on end! Remove distractions can help a little too,.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

An aid to memory, if you can afford it, is a smart phone such as apples Iphone which is my main assistant in life, alarms to eat during the day, calendars with alarms for appointments, and map applications so I do not get lost anymore. As for finding things, I tend to put everything similar together in boxes or draws and always return items to their correct place. My wheel chair has old wearable pockets thing hanging on the back.

It's hard for anyone to stay focused on something that really does not interest them, being paid to do it helps, persistence and it's possible for me to adjust my brain setup, normally next day I can do it without fuss.

All things are learned stratages to cope, having too is the most important.

A good diet rich in essential fats is important to maintain healthy brain function. If your skin is dry then most likely you are not consuming enough of these essential fats, these are not easily optained with a compromised digestion from anything other than animal or fish based fats.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Laddo   

My diet would probably be a good place to start, this is true. At the moment I usually eat little more than about 600 calories a day because my appetite fluctuates a lot due to stress and I regularly forget to eat. I am close to becoming vegetarian - I love animals and strongly believe in treating them well. I just have the problem of finding bacon too delicious. I know it must sound silly, but bacon always has a profound positive effect on my mental state. It has been proven to contain a lot of nutrients that release serotonin and its saltiness helps to regulate fluid levels in the body - perhaps there is a vegetarian alternative that provides similar nutrients? I could not become a vegan - couldn't give up milk, eggs and cheese - but will always go for free-range eggs etc.

 

Pursuing my special interests - that's a very good coping method. Trouble is, these days I have very little interest in anything. I spend much of my time lying in bed watching comedies like Only Fools and Horses. I used to be very into both playing and developing computer games and still really enjoy them but can't find the energy to pursue this these days. I crave a companion to do things like this with - a friend who is understanding as well as sharing interests.

 

I definitely need a smart phone. I can't get a contract for one at the moment as my credit score is too bad though unfortunately. I wonder if there is any way my credit score could be overlooked? Some help through an ADHD charity, perhaps. As for finding things, keeping similar items together is a very good idea waterboatman. I will try to stick to this.

 

Thank you both for your replies and all the best

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All life forms should be respected, but all life consumes another one way or another. You can love other life forms and still eat them. It should be noted that vegetarians consume cheese, milk and eggs, these come from another life form, modified and kept for the purpose. For milk a calf must be born, removed from its mother early, cattle are as intelligent as horses.

Try to eat only free range, humanly reared creatures. Enjoy your bacon, if it does you good, on no account stop eating it.

I think there is only one rule that needs to be obeyed. 'Try to do no harm'.

Trees, wild flowers need respect too. So as an enlightened person, I see no reason for anyone to be a vegetarian, eat vegetables yes, but enjoy your flesh.

I too spend most of my time in bed and eat about 800 calories daily.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mihaela   

I've studied and written on the philosophy, ethics, history and health benefits of veganism. I doubt that there's much that I don't already know about it. Much research has been done on the health benefits over eating animal products.

But for me all this pales into insignificance when I consider the deliberate killing of other sentient beings by humans for food. Then there's the whole murky subject of animal husbandry itself. By all means choose the most humanely reared meat if you feel you need to eat meat, but it still has to be killed. That's what I cannot come to terms with. Eating roadkill or animals that have died naturally - yes, but I could never kill a living, breathing, feeling being, so why should I expect someone else to do the dirty work for me? I for one couldn't look an animal in its eyes and then kill it. Few people could. It takes a certain type to do that, and it's long been recognised that these people tend to have low IQs combined with psychopathic personality traits - which stands to reason. Cases of gratuitous cruelty are common in slaughterhouses, just as they were in workhouses, asylums and orphanages - in fact in any place where people can wield power over their defenceless, trapped charges.

We don't kill our pets. Why then kill a pig - who is as intelligent as a dog and makes a good pet? What makes a pig or hen any less worthy of living a happy life?

 

By the way, meat rearing is a grossly inefficient use of valuable land, and also causes many environmental problems.

Sorry for going off topic, but I feel strongly about exploitation whether of people or animals of the natural environment

As for that bacon taste, try spreading yeast extract onto comfrey leaves and frying them until crisp. :)

Edited by Mihaela

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mihaela! Really! Enough. Vegetarianism and worse still veganism are not sensible ways to eat for anyone! I know too well the downsides of silly diets. Humans are like pigs omnivores.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Laddo   

We are all entitled to our opinions Waterboatman. To be fair, a diet that works for one person may not work as well for others. Our digestive systems are also remarkably good at adapting so the body does make adjustments for not having meat in its diet. Also most of the healthy eating guidelines we're given by the government and health organisations are not necessarily all that accurate. For example, we are constantly told to eat our five-a-day by the government yet there are people living in very cold regions of the globe that eat a diet primarily consisting of fish with very few - if any - fruits or vegetables.

 

Anyway, scientists have successfully grown animal tissue and organs in a laboratory setting, so hopefully soon people can continue to eat meat without having to eat the flesh of a slaughtered animal. I will be one of the first to tuck into a lab-grown burger when this happens!

 

I will have to try the comfrey leaves and yeast extract Mihaela, it sounds lovely!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mihaela   

Waterboatman. I too have no time for 'silly diets', food faddism, etc. and I base this opinion on scientific evidence, so I hope it's a sound and informed opinion. I'm sorry, but I've yet to see any evidence that a vegetarian diet is 'silly' - quite the opposite in fact.. Trendy diets are profit-motivated and exploit our weaknesses.

I used to cook quite a lot, and meat-eating friends would enthuse about how delicious my vegetarian cooking was. Now I barely cook at all :(

Tony Attwood recognises that it's a common trait for female aspies to feel more for animals than people (and to have 'remarkable' levels of empathy for both). I feel equally for both and can't bear either to suffer. Let's suppose that eating meat was proven to be healthier than vegetarianism (even though all the research increasingly says otherwise) I would still not eat it - for I don't wish to be complicit in suffering in any way. Can we care too much? I don't think so. I challenge any thinking, feeling person to study this subject deeply and not begin questioning themselves and their relationship with the natural world.

 

In my own family, after I gave up meat, the others all followed over the next 20 years or so. My mother died at 93, and was still working around the house and garden. My father had smoked for most of his life, died at 76, and his colon cancer was almost certainly exacerbated by meat eating. If we were true omnivores we'd eat uncooked carrion, worms and insects - so why don't we?. Unlike true omnivores, we have socially adapted to an omnivorous diet which involves using fire (cooking). We lack the biological attributes of carnivores - claws, speed, canine teeth, short digestive tracts, etc. Example: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/09/are-humans-carnivores-or-herbivores-2/

One of my special interests is learning - seeking truth, i.e. facts. I'm quite open to changing my opinions in the light of new, more convincing or irrefutable information - and often have done, having read up on it, checked sources, agendas, etc. Truth often hurts, but it's persistent, and I either have gracefully to submit to it or deceive myself - put my head in the sand - which I simply can't do. That's my logical thinking/scientific/analytical side at work. Another 'special interest' could be termed compassion or love - my intuitive, feeling, empathic side, and the third one is seeking beauty, my aesthetic side. All are far more 'extreme' than would be found in a typical NT person. These three passions gradually turned me into the polymath-philomath that I now am. They're central to my life, thinking and world-view, and I strive to live and act accordingly.

By the way, I once asked a materially-poor Moldovan girl (aged about 17) what her ambitions were. She simply replied that she'd strive to learn as much as she could about the world, do her best in everything she did, help anyone in need and make the world a better place. She had no wish for wealth or fame and not a trace of vanity. I never forgot this. I only wish everyone was like her.

PS - You don't have to use comfrey leaves to get that bacon flavour but it helps. Just spread yeast extract on bread and fry it! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Laddo   

Mihaela, after 23 years of eating meat I think you have finally tipped me over the edge - I am going to become a vegetarian!

 

It's a shame you barely cook these days. I hope you find your flair for cooking again soon. My father, stepmother and brother are all vegetarian so I know how delicious vegetarian cooking can be!

 

I feel like a rare breed among men, especially aspie men: I'm very empathetic too, almost to point where it is painful at times. I had to watch a few animal welfare videos at school and although they made me feel a bit sick, I forced myself to watch every second of them. It woke me up to a few things - the fragility of life and how quickly it can be extinguished, the reality of both what is inside us and its relation to what ends up on our plates on a regular basis and the brutality of meat production. Nothing but my own weakness to the taste of some meat has kept me from turning vegetarian since then.

 

You raise some very good points about our 'omnivorous' nature. The link you posted is interesting (I couldn't help but give off a juvenile laugh at the comparison of a herbivore bowel to a 'windy mountain road' :wacko:) and presented some facts that I was previously unaware of. Considering how much DNA we share with chimpanzees, it is arguably likely that our common genetic ancestors had a similar diet to a chimp's - mostly vegetation with some insects and other invertebrates. As we have access to many other protein sources that our ancestors may not have had, the need to eat insects is now null and void. The digestive system ill-adapted to eating meat is something I think I can personally relate to as well. I have IBS so I am not all that good at digesting more unnatural food - it leaves me bloated and sometimes give me indigestion. Meat really seems to exacerbate the symptoms, so I suspect that I personally am not built for meat eating like I used to.

 

I think I'm quite similar to you in that I love learning new facts and seeking truth, I am very compassionate and empathetic and I have a strong aesthetic side to me, hence my love of art. All of those traits combined have been slowly awakening in me a desire to get out there and fight for changes, to try and make a difference - however small - to the world we live in. I am a strong believer in equality and hate injustice. Perhaps fighting for change would help with the ADHD symptoms? After all, many of the symptoms I experience are rooted in frustration.

 

PS. I love yeast extract on toast anyway but frying it sounds amazing! :P

Edited by Laddo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mihaela   

Mihaela, after 23 years of eating meat I think you have finally tipped me over the edge - I am going to become a vegetarian!

Haha! I'm always tipping people over edges (not literally, and in the nicest possible way). :D Congratulations!

 

My father, stepmother and brother are all vegetarian so I know how delicious vegetarian cooking can be!

Well. you've no excuse then! ;) Eating habits are addictions just like smoking, drugs, gambling, alcoholism, chocoholism :) , shopping, watching soaps, hoarding, etc. They can be controlled or stopped if we're determined enough and have support. Some addictions are culturally approved - such as meat eating, but all addictions are harmful to self and/or others.

 

I feel like a rare breed among men, especially aspie men: I'm very empathetic too, almost to point where it is painful at times.

 

It sounds as if you might have dominant female-type aspie traits. I know about 10% of women have the male traits, so it probably applies the other way too. I know an aspie woman who has zero empathy, even for her own family. She can't wait for them to die so that she can inherit their money. Because of this and other extreme traits I certain she has a lot more going on than Asperger's.

 

I had to watch a few animal welfare videos at school and although they made me feel a bit sick, I forced myself to watch every second of them.

I've seen many such videos (and also seen it in real life), but I can no longer watch these any more - they are too horrific - like human beheadings, stonings, etc. I know only too well how bad it is, so I don't need educating any more. Many people watch stuff like this, as well as gory accidents, gross deformities, child abuse, extreme pornography, anorexia, etc. out of a morbid voyeuristic curiosity, and it can become compulsive/addictive with some. Some are sadist psychopaths. It's the equivalent of the Victorian freak shows, tourists paying to watch the Bedlam inmates, bear-baiting, etc.

It woke me up to a few things - the fragility of life and how quickly it can be extinguished,

Yes! How few of us are truly aware of this!

the reality of both what is inside us and its relation to what ends up on our plates on a regular basis and the brutality of meat production.

Yes! Reality, i.e. truth. We can't escape it. You put this very well :)

Nothing but my own weakness to the taste of some meat has kept me from turning vegetarian since then.

Most people try to rationalise their habits and addictions. It's good to see that you don't. Your reason is shared by most meat-eaters who are confronted with the facts, the difference being that they'd rarely admit this, preferring to rationalise it and cite dubious 'research' to support their opinions. They often come up with the inane remark: "But you can't prove plants don't feel pain".

That link I posted was just the first one I found. There's much more and in greater detail.

it is arguably likely that our common genetic ancestors had a similar diet to a chimp's

Of course it is. This is logical - and scientific. The same reasoning applies to all similar species. A lion's DNA is close to a domestic cat's - both are carnivores. My cats behave as if they're omnivores. If my back's turned they'll eat cakes, bread, melon, biscuits, cabbage, potato, etc. simply because they live with me, watch me eating and have adapted. If we suppose all domestic cats do this, anyone who claims that we are omnivores may as well claim the same of cats, but they'd be wrong for there would be no biological basis for this opinion. We domesticated ourselves with the help of fire, weapons and eventually rearing animals for food.

 

I think I'm quite similar to you in that I love learning new facts and seeking truth, I am very compassionate and empathetic and I have a strong aesthetic side to me, hence my love of art. All of those traits combined have been slowly awakening in me a desire to get out there and fight for changes, to try and make a difference - however small - to the world we live in. I am a strong believer in equality and hate injustice. Perhaps fighting for change would help with the ADHD symptoms? After all, many of the symptoms I experience are rooted in frustration.

 

We sound so very similar! I'm passionate about all this too :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Laddo   

It can be hard sometimes having more 'female' traits sometimes. I'm still very much a bloke in many ways, but I still have people questioning my masculinity and even sexual orientation as a result. I think part of it is that a lot of men still think they have to show no emotion to be a 'real man' which I think is quite pathetic. It just suggests they're deeply insecure. However I wouldn't say having no empathy is a particularly male thing. The woman you mentioned definitely sounds like she's a lot more going on than just Asperger's if she can't wait for her family to die. She sounds a bit like my ex, actually. Sadly it sounds like she's become a product of the endless materialism that is flooding our planet and she thinks money is everything. Has she considering a career in politics? She sounds like she fits the role perfectly! :P

 

Yes, it's quite horrific how some people watch these sorts of videos for pleasure. I used to know someone who watched them quite regularly. He's a compulsive liar, steals from his 'friends' and also seems to have very little empathy too. It's interesting you comparing this sort of thing to a Victorian freak show. I've always thought programmes like The Jeremy Kyle Show are just like the freak shows, too.

 

That's a good point regarding your cats. Dogs are designed to be carnivorous too yet they will still try and eat anything and everything. Part of meat eating is, as you say, a cultural thing. Cultures don't like to break habits unfortunately, hence the fact that we are still in a very unequal society and the fact that difference people tend to be stigmatised.

 

There are probably a few people on this forum and elsewhere who are passionate about all these things. It's just a shame that we're all so scattered throughout the UK otherwise it would be great for us all to meet up and discuss what we want to change and how we're going to do it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Laddo a must. Please ensure that you eat something, and strive to consume more than you do currently, a recent post suggests that your blood sugar is awry.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Laddo   

Yes, I think you're right. I'm very conscious of changes going on in my body and I can usually tell when my blood sugar is low - I've been feeling it a lot lately. Just out of interest, what post made you think this?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Laddo   

Hmm, not sure that it was a particularly ASD response. I think most people would say something like that in those circumstances.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mihaela   

Interesting post Laddo.

It can be hard sometimes having more 'female' traits sometimes. I'm still very much a bloke in many ways, but I still have people questioning my masculinity and even sexual orientation as a result.

I can well believe it. People seem hooked on stereotypes.

I think part of it is that a lot of men still think they have to show no emotion to be a 'real man' which I think is quite pathetic. It just suggests they're deeply insecure.

Yes. It's a very British/Teutonic thing. Eastern and southern European men openly show emotions. It even shows in their traditional music (known as 'populare' in Romania - because it is, and with all ages) National psyches fascinate me...

However I wouldn't say having no empathy is a particularly male thing.

True, but it's more likely to be found in males. The vast majority of crime is committed by men, and the most prison inmates have personality disorders where a lack of empathy is key.

The woman you mentioned definitely sounds like she's a lot more going on than just Asperger's if she can't wait for her family to die. ... Sadly it sounds like she's become a product of the endless materialism that is flooding our planet and she thinks money is everything. Has she considering a career in politics? She sounds like she fits the role perfectly! :P

I'm sure you're right over the first part, but you're wrong with over second. That's what makes her such a very, very unusual case. She's not really materialistic at all, but is addicted to receiving and never giving - not even a card. Her meanness is pathological and unparallelled. She won't even allow her mother to use the toilet at her home - for it wastes water. She won't even give me a glass of water when I'm dehydrated. She's obsessively mean with herself too. I could go on and on.

 

Yes, it's quite horrific how some people watch these sorts of videos for pleasure. I used to know someone who watched them quite regularly. He's a compulsive liar, steals from his 'friends' and also seems to have very little empathy too.

Sounds like a classic criminal profile to me. Much more could be done to prevent PD's by addressing the early traits during childhood. This would drastically reduce crime, but society has a vested interest in maintaining narcissists and sociopaths in business, politics, police forces, etc.

It's interesting you comparing this sort of thing to a Victorian freak show. I've always thought programmes like The Jeremy Kyle Show are just like the freak shows, too.

You won't belive this, but my odd 'friend' lives for Jeremy Kyle and Big Brother - the high points of her day. Her daily routine hinges on getting back home in time to watch them. Very sad. I could say a lot more about this.

 

That's a good point regarding your cats. Dogs are designed to be carnivorous too yet they will still try and eat anything and everything. Part of meat eating is, as you say, a cultural thing. Cultures don't like to break habits unfortunately, hence the fact that we are still in a very unequal society and the fact that difference people tend to be stigmatised.

Yes, we tend not to question why we do the things that we do, especially when everyone else around us is doing the same things. We take so much for granted, assuming that we've chosen what is best. Just because it's always been the way, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's natural or right. It may be highly unnatural and very wrong.

 

There are probably a few people on this forum and elsewhere who are passionate about all these things. It's just a shame that we're all so scattered throughout the UK otherwise it would be great for us all to meet up and discuss what we want to change and how we're going to do it

 

Er...I might be one of them! :D ...and, yes, that little geographical problem has dogged my life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Laddo   

People do love stereotyping, yes. It's pretty sad.

 

I think lack of empathy shows in different ways in the different sexes. Men tend to show a lack of empathy by being violent, while women are more likely to show low empathy through spreading rumours and gossiping about people. Lord knows I've frequently been at the receiving end of both types, from both males and females. It's very rare for people of either sex to show no empathy towards their families though - empathy for family is a basic biological instinct based on preserving one's own genes. Regarding crimes being committed by men more than women, I wonder if this is anything to do with the pressure society puts on men to be stereotypically 'manly'? Men with depression are much more likely to react with anger as showing sadness is portrayed as 'weak' and also because society hints that men should not seek help for such things, so either men lash out or (as is becoming increasingly more common) commit suicide. I don't like to think that men are just inherently bad people or the worse of the sexes.

 

Your 'friend' sounds like she might have been hurt very badly in the past, especially if she treats herself badly as well as other people. As much as I despise my ex for all the horrible abuse she put me through, part of me does feel sorry for her as she had a very difficult family life when she was younger and I think that is mostly to blame for her actions - when someone is shown so little love, they find it difficult to show love themselves.

 

Yes, unfortunately narcissists rule the world. Kim Jong-un, Vladimir Putin, David Cameron... I see very little distinction between them. Top government figures never - and I mean never - admit they have made a mistake. This is a common trait in psychopaths. Arguably one must have some degree of narcissism to have good leadership skills - after all, to think of yourself as a leader you must think of yourself as somehow above those you are leading - but a lot of politicians take it to ridiculous levels.

 

Very true about people not questioning why they do things. I think it is one of the things that makes autistic people so special among humans - we often question little 'rules' that other people take for granted. One could say that we drive society forward. Many of history's greatest minds are thought to have had autistic traits. I just don't understand how people can be resistant to change that is obviously for the better. It is ironic that autistic people are often cited as having little empathy, yet it seems that a huge proportion of society are the ones with no empathy. Just look at how popular UKIP is getting - one must have a compromised sense of empathy to think that immigrants and muslims are destroying the country, the worst people ever and don't deserve a chance to contribute towards our society (as the vast majority of immigrants do - much more than a lot of UK citizens, in fact!).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mihaela   

I fully agree with you on all points, Laddo. :)

 

Regarding crimes being committed by men more than women, I wonder if this is anything to do with the pressure society puts on men to be stereotypically 'manly'?

 

Certainly, and masses of research has backed this up.

 

I don't like to think that men are just inherently bad people or the worse of the sexes.

 

Of course not. I've met some absolutely awful women! I know feminists go on about women getting raw deal, but men also get a raw deal - but in different ways to women.

 

Your 'friend' sounds like she might have been hurt very badly in the past, especially if she treats herself badly as well as other people. As much as I despise my ex for all the horrible abuse she put me through, part of me does feel sorry for her as she had a very difficult family life when she was younger and I think that is mostly to blame for her actions - when someone is shown so little love, they find it difficult to show love themselves.

 

From all she's told me, she had a quite dysfunctional family. I know it's not her fault, and that's why I feel so sorry for her and still have a lot of affection for her. She actually shows pride in saying she has no empathy (complete with 'psychopathic gaze') and even boasts about it. She endlessly calls herself 'delightful' because she latched onto the fact that her psychologist had said in her Asperger's diagnosis that she'd been 'delightful to interview'. True, she can be delightful, but only with 'authority figures' and when she's trying to manipulate. (The psychologist was looking for AS traits, not a serious personality disorder nad would have had no inkling of this during the interview). As soon as she gets to know somebody well, her narcissistic/sociopathic traits become very obvious. Due to her AS, her manipulation skills are thankfully very poor, but even so, she's left a trail of unhappy people in her life.

 

Top government figures never - and I mean never - admit they have made a mistake.

 

True, and nor would my friend, ever. In her words: "I don't do gifts or apologies. I just receive them" She demands them too.

 

I just don't understand how people can be resistant to change that is obviously for the better.

Cognitive dissonance, special pleading, apathy, 'brainwashing', conformity, peer pressure.... all seem to play a part.

It is ironic that autistic people are often cited as having little empathy, yet it seems that a huge proportion of society are the ones with no empathy.

 

The NT masses notoriously shy away from 'uncomfortable' facts when they go against their agendas or pose a threat to their sacred cows and cosy, cherished beliefs. I'm an unrepentant iconoclast and see mass society as sick and dysfunctional... wrong in so many ways.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Laddo   

I am so glad you agree that men get a raw deal too! On other forums I got into a lot of arguments about this which continued even after I freely admitted that women do generally have a harder time than men. The people I argued with seemed unable to comprehend that just because I acknowledge society makes things difficult for ordinary men as well as for women, it does not make me a misogynist in the slightest. I mean the best friends I have ever have always been women and I absolutely despise inequality for either sex! The problem was that they saw men as the 'enemy' because they had been hurt by men in the past. But us men are not all the same!

 

She sounds like a very complicated person. I wonder if she truly has no empathy or if it's just a front - a 'mask' to hide her vulnerability? Her manipulation attempts sound a lot like a bloke I used to be friends with, although as far as I know he has rarely had to deal with abuse of any sort. You should keep showing your friend love and compassion though - maybe she will realise there is more to live than receiving gifts eventually.

 

I am in total agreement with your views on society my friend! Both women and men are objectified, celebrities with horrible personalities are idolised and minorities are vilified. We are constantly told how to look, think and feel. Politicians lie, cheat, steal and cover for their criminal friends. Money has become the new God and materialism is encouraged everywhere you go. However, I think more people are finally starting to wake up to this - look how many protests there have been recently. The internet has been a blessing in this sense - people are now able to share their negative experiences with the government and authority figures publicly without it being covered up by the mainstream media.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×