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Dandy

Developing a friendship.

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Hi everyone.

 

There is a guy at work who to begin with I thought was just very shy and a little awkward. He would come into where I was working and sort of hang around, make a few brief comments and then leave. At first I thought he was trying to get one of the young pretty girls who work there with me to notice him.

 

When I mentioned this to them they said he only ever came around when I was there and rarely when I wasn't. The next time I saw him I decided to try talking to him. He responded but it was obvious he wasn't comfortable but he was trying. He continued to come over though and After a few weeks he became more and more at ease making small talk with me.

 

One day I mentioned how I loved to play computer games and before I knew it we were having an in depth conversation about what games we both like to play and what we thought was the best one etc. I'd never seen him so talkative, after that day talking became much easier for him.

 

After a few more weeks we had started walking home together and he told me he had Aspergers and didn't really get on with people and didn't have any friends.

 

I'm not sure what it was about me that made him want to talk but if there is something I do understand its loneliness. Looking back I can see he had been trying to make a connection but I simply didn't realise.

 

I'm happy to be his friend and I've done some research so I know a little about Aspergers and the social issues it can cause.

 

I'm not sure what's the best way to go about things though. I know he hasn't had much experience in socialising and I feel like he is waiting for me to take the lead but because he doesn't give much away I could have it wrong and he just wants someone In work to talk to.

 

An outsiders thoughts would be very welcome.

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Hi Dandy,

 

It's really nice of you to do this for your friend!

 

It's probably best to start small - something like perhaps a gaming session on xbox? That way you guys can chat over the network and slowly get him him the habit of socialising with no pressure. When you both feel more comfortable, one of you could go to the others house to game etc

 

Wee things one bit at a time tend to work best.

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^Agreed. Small steps are the best approach. Too much may overwhelm him and too little may lead him to think you don't really want to be his friend.

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That's very helpful.

 

My friend has even given me the perfect opportunity, i have just started playing a game that he has played for ages and he has said its possible for new players to buddy up with experienced players over the internet. I might suggest we try it. This game is a real passion of his so sharing would give a good starting point.

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Glad to hear it! I hope it all goes well - sometimes someone showing they care can make such a huge positive difference to an autistic person's life

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Loneliness is a prime driver in the stronger. He may have spotted you were lonely, and so mustered the strength to approach. Be gentle. However strong they may appear, be gentle. Lions are just playful kittens, just larger and a lot stronger.

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I suppose all my 'socialising' revolves around shared special interests and the mutual enjoyment of sharing and discussing them. It's important for our self esteem they we all get noticed and that we share time with one another. Even though I don't get lonely, I'd hate to feel isolated and shunned. You're doing the right thing, Dandy, and yes, start in a small way.

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