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7 Year Old Son

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Hi everyone

 

I hope it's okay to post. It's about my son but I don't have a diagnosis.

 

I was wondering if you could help me with traits/symptoms that would suggest he is on the autistic spectrum. I have finally decided to take him to the GP after a really strange conversation I had with him two nights ago.

 

The only thing is he doesn't really present in a typical way. He's very engaging, chatty, uses eye contact. He's not exactly socially awkward but will often choose to play alone, even to the point of being quite stand offish (e.g. sweet girl from his old school "DS1 do you want to play dragons" DS1 (nonchalantly) "Maybe later" sweet girl shrugs philosophically. He had a lot of these sweet little friends and it was like he deigned to join them at times then other times totally ignored them.

 

He is sensitive to sound and his environment and has Irlens. His behaviour suffers if he is tired, hungry, overstimulated (or bored!) if the routine is lacking (although this is not a serious issue). Transitions aren't great but not as bad as tantrums or anything, although he can kick off if the plan changes.

 

He can be very selfish and fixated on what he wants to do and he is very bad if he is disappointed.

 

I'm not sure if he's just a difficult character - certainly he struggles to process his emotions re. his Dad and I splitting up. He thinks in a very black and white way, seems empatheic and perceptive beyond his years, but you get sucked into answering endless questions and telling him too much about a subject then you can't make it alright. Other children would accept the first or second level of what you say, he won't accept it until you've explained it to the nth degree.

 

The other night he told me it would be fine if I wasn't here. He didn't need me except for practical purposes, and me hugging him didn't help him feel better....ever.

 

He is very unhappy. He wants me and his Dad back together (we seperated 4 1/2 years ago and his Dad is remarried) he holds onto things for a long time.

 

Do you think it's enough to take him to the GP? I don't know how to distill all this down into something meaningful to get a referral and who would I get a referral too anyway?

 

Thanks so much for reading

Love Gem

x

 

 

 

 

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Hello, Gem! Welcome to the forum :)

 

The only thing is he doesn't really present in a typical way.

I presume you mean the typical male way. He could well have female-type Asperger's - not as often diagnosed due to its more subtle traits and less-challenging behaviour. There's also a possibility that he has a PDD-NOS - a sort of catch-all diagnosis used when the others don't quite fit.

He's very engaging, chatty, uses eye contact.

 

This could apply to female AS. Aspie girls use copying techniques in social situations, and eye contact is much more likely.

 

He's not exactly socially awkward but will often choose to play alone, even to the point of being quite stand offish (e.g. sweet girl from his old school "DS1 do you want to play dragons" DS1 (nonchalantly) "Maybe later" sweet girl shrugs philosophically. He had a lot of these sweet little friends and it was like he deigned to join them at times then other times totally ignored them.

Does he have any special interests? If so what are they? This would be clue to possible female-type AS.

Did his 'sweet little friends' tend to be girls?

 

He is sensitive to sound and his environment and has Irlens. His behaviour suffers if he is tired, hungry, overstimulated (or bored!) if the routine is lacking (although this is not a serious issue). Transitions aren't great but not as bad as tantrums or anything, although he can kick off if the plan changes.

 

He can be very selfish and fixated on what he wants to do and he is very bad if he is disappointed.

 

All these could suggest AS generally.

 

I'm not sure if he's just a difficult character - certainly he struggles to process his emotions re. his Dad and I splitting up. He thinks in a very black and white way, seems empatheic and perceptive beyond his years, but you get sucked into answering endless questions and telling him too much about a subject then you can't make it alright. Other children would accept the first or second level of what you say, he won't accept it until you've explained it to the nth degree.

And so does this. It reminds me very much of myself as a child! The crucial fact that you say he seems empathic and perceptive suggests a female-type profile. The trauma of you splitting up with his Dad could well have added to his emotional difficulties.

 

The other night he told me it would be fine if I wasn't here. He didn't need me except for practical purposes, and me hugging him didn't help him feel better....ever.

I wouldn't take this seriously. He's clearly very upset about not having you both together again. Does he often see him? This would make a big difference.

 

He is very unhappy. He wants me and his Dad back together (we seperated 4 1/2 years ago and his Dad is remarried) he holds onto things for a long time.

I would have been too, had this happened to me. I wouldn't have been able to handle the overwhelming emotions (still can't, such as when my parents and even my pets die, and it shows in many strange ways).

 

Do you think it's enough to take him to the GP? I don't know how to distill all this down into something meaningful to get a referral and who would I get a referral too anyway?

 

Your GP should refer him to a specialist in Asperger's who is experienced in diagnosing the female-type. Obviously I can't say with any certainly that your son indeed has this, but from all you say, it seems quite possible. About 10% of Aspie girls and women have the (classic) male type, and probably a similar number of boys and men have the female type. As it becomes increasingly understood and recognised more and more people are being diagnosed with this lesser-known type.

Hope this helps.

x

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