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Eustace

Do You Have This Occasionally?

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Greetings,

 

I feel a need to pose a question towards people similar to myself, but I fear it may be hard to express. Actually, now I'm typing this, there are two questions I need to ask, but I shall start with the original.

 

1: When you are laying in bed, turn the light out and are waiting for sleep to clasp your consciousness, do you ever get a very peculiar sensation comparable to what seems to be shrinking and expanding simultaneously? Hmm. I'm finding this hard to type. Okay. In my experiences, one must be in a perfectly dark room with not one dot of light around. When your eyes are closed and thoughts start to drift as you enter the hypnagogic stage, it feels to me as if my legs stretch an infinite distance away from my head, and also, if I try to imagine some kind of mental image, object, or environment, the image is but a pinprick; a minuscule existence profoundly far away but ... there. All of my thoughts are visual, but when I experience this, it takes a tremendous effort to ... "see" them, but they are there. All of this happens entirely consciously, for I understand I'm in bed and that I am alive, and mentally healthy ect. I have studied dreaming and the physicality of sleep stages in detail, and have come so far as to acknowledge that when I encounter this, I have not entered the first stage of dreaming, thus, am fully conscious. I just wonder if any other people have encountered this also?

 

2: The second question I wish to ask you, is whether anyone on occasion finds it simply impossible to translate what they are thinking into words. I was asked in a car journey home recently why I was smiling ludicrously, and I could ... not at all or in any way ... tell my mother why. After thirty minutes of thought, I managed to say these words: 'Gods, religion affecting level of wellness, do Gods get ill if not worshipped?' But during those thirty minutes, I stood on the opposing grounds of my own viewpoint - this something I do if I struggle to understand somebody else or some aspect of opinion, - and managed to ask what I believe to be some important questions. I asked myself the following questions: 'What language does one speak? One's native language. Then, what language are your thoughts? English. Then, what were the thoughts you were just smiling at? Untranslatable. Then, what language were they? Something between image and sensation. Then, describe them? Indescribable. Why? There is no method I hold to transcribe them.' Does anybody else have these kind of thoughts?

Edited by Eustace

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1. Fascinating! No I don't, possibly because I never sleep in total darkness. I always have a night light - the very same bulb has been lit continuously since the mid-1950s, apart from a few very short breaks when moving houses. (Switched on 24hours a day, 365 days a year!). I say possibly, for I frequently have lucid dreams, always enjoyable and totally under my conscious control, but these tend to take place before 'waking' (hypnopompic state). However, I do have hypnogogic hallucinations - fractal-like imagery that I see when my eyes are closed and can control to a certain extent. These only occur when I'm very tired. I always sleep well, and have never had a nightmare.

 

2. The philosophy and psychology of language interests me. Language can never be entirely perfect. When describing emotions it is often very inadequate and we find it impossible to convey how we truly feel. But it's when we try to describe mystical experiences that the near total inadequacy of language becomes obvious. If we are not careful language can also be easily misinterpreted, sometimes as meaning the opposite of what was intended. Language is a tool we humans have developed over millennia. Our verbal and written skills differ enormously. Those of us unable to talk or write are locked in their own minds unless they have developed another means of communicating, and even then those who interact with them need to learn that language. It's similar to being in a foreign country where nobody speaks your language.

We think using words, and without them we are only capable of feeling, intuition and flashes of insight that seem to come from nowhere. This must be how the primal human mind worked before we acquired language - similar to an adult animal's mind but less so to a human baby's. Sometimes my thoughts are running so fast that I couldn't possibly express them in words, although the words do exist, the ability to process them quickly enough does not. In your case, it seems that you reacted to a strangely ironic thought, and needed time to put that thought into words, which suggests that it was an intrusive thought that surfaced unbidden and already reasoned from your subconscious - but in advance of your conscious reasoning. I've never heard of this kind of 'cognitive delay' before, so I'm only theorising as I go along. I may be totally wrong.

By the way, something a bit like this happened during my ADOS test when I was asked about a picture of flying pigs. I simply couldn't answer the simple question. The words just wouldn't come out and I broke down in tears. Maybe it was stress that caused the mental block, but I can't be sure.

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Greetings Mihaela, (I think I have your name implanted now)

 

I too sometimes like to fall asleep with a light on, yet, this mainly happens if I awaken in the night due to nature's call, or if I wake myself up from a dream that seemingly runs outside of my control. After midnight, there comes about a sinister feeling; something I can't quite understand, and seemingly something beyond what I understand of human safety instinct. Thank you for your information; it seems you are rapidly becoming a staple of information for me. I too experience the hypnagogic imagery, not every night, but most, and have learned to lucid dream whenever I have the time, energy and patience to do so. In dreams, it seems that realm as it were is the only one wherein I can feel and understand feelings and sensations I never do in reality. The hold of another human is not abhorrent not threatening, it's comforting, the spoken word is not hard to understand nor dissonant, it's enlightening - it's as if dreams are my subconscious providing me what I understand I would like reality to be like. Sorry about my grammar today, I have just awoken from an eleven hour sleep, you see, in Norfolk, in a strange place, in a home that is not my own, and with people I don't know, insomnia grasped my core for five days ... I needed to catch up.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with your entire paragraph about language, and it seems you hold a vast level of knowledge on the subject. I fear I may begin to pester you, for knowledge is the thing I crave most in this world, if you don't want that to happen, tell me; I'll understand, I have learned that's something I have to accept on occasion.

 

Your third paragraph is profoundly insightful, and I too experience thoughts that simply cannot be communicated before their dissipation. I like to describe my mind using a generally accepted metaphor - I do not have a train of thought, I have many, and whereas one can lose a train of thought, my mind is more comparable to Waterloo Station. "an intrusive thought that surfaced unbidden and already reasoned from your subconscious - but in advance of your conscious reasoning" A fascinating sentiment! Taking this and what I listed about my lack of sleep during that time, this seems entirely applicable. When fatigued, I continue on as I would, but things become very ... numbed, dull and blunt, thus, perhaps the lacking of mental acuity I have in times of peak performance caused a ponderous response to a certain ... abstract thought. Fascinating! Thank you so very much, I think I will be reading more from this site in the mornings, I feel wholly awake now.

 

I can't way I know what an ADOS test is, I shall just look it up. I wonder if perhaps I will have to do one of these, I suppose I shall in time. Stress can creep up like a Lynx in tall grass - or perhaps, a rarefied simile for us ... a Bittern in a reedbed - and so too can stress culminate in any number of ways. It's a dreadful thing, but an unfortunate necessity; a precipitation not of matter, but of response and variety.

 

Thank you,

 

Eustace.

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You can spell my name any way you like: Mihaela, Michaela, Mihaila... :)

After midnight, there comes about a sinister feeling; something I can't quite understand, and seemingly something beyond what I understand of human safety instinct.

I've always had a fear of the dark, I mean when you can't see a thing around you. I can scare myself witness at times - if I let myself, and fear my own subconscious powers.

Thank you for the compliments. I'm only a staple of information as far as I hold that information. There's still so much to learn and life is far too short for the like of me! I've never actually learned to dream lucidly for it comes naturally often enough, although it certainly is possible to learn it, and perhaps I could learn to do it more if I tried.

 

"In dreams, it seems that realm as it were is the only one wherein I can feel and understand feelings and sensations I never do in reality. The hold of another human is not abhorrent not threatening, it's comforting, the spoken word is not hard to understand nor dissonant, it's enlightening - it's as if dreams are my subconscious providing me what I understand I would like reality to be like".

Very interesting. I wonder if Aspie dreams differ in certain ways from NT dreams. As far as I know, no research has been done on this, but it would seem that it could be quite likely. Do we have more pleasant dreams? I never have nightmares but often have beautiful dreams - more pleasant than reality.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with your entire paragraph about language, and it seems you hold a vast level of knowledge on the subject. I fear I may begin to pester you, for knowledge is the thing I crave most in this world, if you don't want that to happen, tell me...

 

Language and languages count among my special interests. I don't mind 'pestering' if it has a serious and sensible motive. I don't see that as pestering.

 

...my mind is more comparable to Waterloo Station.

 

...which happens to be the busiest station in England! My time of peak mental acuity is early morning. My mind is very active as I'm going to sleep, but it tends to be disorganised and randomly jumps from one thing to another.

 

The ADOS test is suitable for all ages and is supposed to be one of the most accurate.

 

Stress can creep up like a Lynx in tall grass - or perhaps, a rarefied simile for us ... a Bittern in a reedbed.

I used to hear them booming away at Leighton Moss. Being so secretive, I never actually saw one there.

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Hello Mihaela,

 

Yes, the subconscious seems to enjoy scaring you sometimes; endless possibilities and the human inability to disprove certain ... myths culminates to create a scary environment sometimes.

 

I could talk about lucid dreaming for hours on end, but I shan't. But it's interesting that you say it comes naturally to you, how often do you dream lucidly?

 

Indeed, I have searched extensively on the subject and have never encountered any information regarding dreams and their relation to the individual's essence. My dreams are occasionally pleasant, yet they mainly consist of highly surreal situations. I keep a dream journal and have numerous documents of such dreams, and bask in the attempt to decipher any meanings.

 

I only meant by "pestering" that I like talking to people whom hold a high intelligence and knowledge base; communication to me is difficult, thus, when I do it, I do it for purely selfish means - to learn what I can. Is that not the object of language? It's hard to follow that ideal though, because when I must communicate with "normal" people, the things they talk about make me ever so angry and frustrated... I'm actually working on a series at the moment which details this as a sub-topic. If you would be interested in reading what I have done so far on it, honestly, I would be honoured... ever so honoured. Of course, I understand it's heavy reading, and each individual has commitments, thus, if you feel this would be inappropriate, I will wholly understand.

 

Interesting, I have never consciously gauged my cognitive activity throughout the day, perhaps I shall have to do so. I would say it remains level throughout the day, yet on occasion, in bed my thoughts are so forceful and erratic I fail to sleep, which in turn ruins my routine for the next day.

 

Ah yes, Bitters are the definition of secretive; inconspicuous little indeed. I wish I saw one in Norfolk, but alas, I shall have to try again sometime. Saw a Water Rail however, which too are somewhat shy.

 

Thank you,

 

Eustace.

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...

2: The second question I wish to ask you, is whether anyone on occasion finds it simply impossible to translate what they are thinking into words. ... But during those thirty minutes, I stood on the opposing grounds of my own viewpoint - this something I do if I struggle to understand somebody else or some aspect of opinion, - and managed to ask what I believe to be some important questions. I asked myself the following questions: 'What language does one speak? One's native language. Then, what language are your thoughts? English. Then, what were the thoughts you were just smiling at? Untranslatable. Then, what language were they? Something between image and sensation. Then, describe them? Indescribable. Why? There is no method I hold to transcribe them.' Does anybody else have these kind of thoughts?

After several years of watching myself (after my DX), I've come to the conclusion that formulating my thoughts in my "mother tongue" is as easy (or difficult) for me as it is for a NT person to formulate her/his thoughts in a foreign language.

I often get "why do you look like that", and I cannot answer it in words. I.e., I don't find the word for the emotions I have.

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I often get "why do you look like that", and I cannot answer it in words. I.e., I don't find the word for the emotions I have.

I'm not surprised you're lost for words after someone has said this to you! I would be really insulted if someone said that to me. I would probably communicate with my fist

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Eustace in answer to your original post.

1. Floating, drifting, self is just an image, maybe it extends into the surroundings.

2. Thoughts need not be in spoken language, colours, images, taste, smell, touch, emotions, pain. I know no real way of translating these, I get 'what sort of pain'? I can answer in 'programming language'.

 

Shnoing I quite often get a strange look or comment, a toddler exclaiming to her mother "what is that", her father an odd look at me, my response, I take no notice and cary on as if nothing had been said. I never have been a conformist.

Edited by Waterboatman

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Greetings all whom replied,

 

I feel as though I cannot reply to Shnoing's and Laddo's replies.

 

Waterboatman, I'm not entirely sure how to respond to your replies. They make sense, but the wording of them is making it hard for me to reply. Yet, I do understand about answering in an ulterior language, mine is usually computers too, occassionally musical forms, but mainly Philosophical metaphors.

 

Thank you for the replies,

 

Eustace.

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Eustace have you ever been part of a machine, such as a motorcycle or perhaps another being such as riding a horse? I find that myself, my consciousness includes, extends over and includes that which I am part of. I now spend a lot of time in a wheelchair, it has in effect become an extension of myself.

Once something becomes hard wired in the base brain, it is part of self.

When eyes and visual information are lacking, the self looks for its boundaries, we grow that is normal, so self looks where do I extend to now?

I am very short with words, we are different types. Yet differing types can be useful to each other. An old phrase yet good, "opposites attract".

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Hello Waterboatman,

 

In honesty, I cannot say in reality I have ever advanced my being into that of another, and bypassing all sexual puns, not even during intercourse did I ever feel anything synonymous; that is only carnal desire that arises a couple times a months. I don't miss it. Nevertheless, I believe I understand what you mean, or at least can grasp the concept you state. In my fantasies (thought tangents I get all the time that normally progress into fictional works) I have encountered similar things, most recently, I had a - I reiterate, fictional - character commit (not technically) suicide in a New Forest river, and during himself he felt himself become it. I believe this is what you intend to suggest?

 

"Once something becomes hard wired in the base brain, it is part of self." Yes, I understand this.

 

"so self looks where do I extend to now?" I believe an example of this is when one looses a certain ... ability, be it physical, or any of the senses. Usually the being makes up for the lacking sense by improving the ability of all other, or certain senses that are remaining. A fascinating example is the boy from America, whom had to have his eyes removed at birth, and he led on to develop sight through a combination of creating "clicks" with his tongue, hearing where the sound echoes, and mentally plotting the locations of things.

 

I've heard this "opposites attract" statement also, I suppose we shall see in good time?

 

Thank you for the reply,

 

Eustace.

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A fascinating example is the boy from America, whom had to have his eyes removed at birth, and he led on to develop sight through a combination of creating "clicks" with his tongue, hearing where the sound echoes, and mentally plotting the locations of things.

 

Whoa! A boy learned to echolocate? Seriously? That is incredible!

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Whoa! A boy learned to echolocate? Seriously? That is incredible!

 

Indeed he did. I believe my friend sent me a video after I had read about it somewhere. I'll see if I cant find the link.

 

Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeFRkAYb1uk.

 

It's somewhat incredible.

 

Eustace.

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Incredible! ...and his hearing is even measured as normal.

In honesty, I cannot say in reality I have ever advanced my being into that of another, and bypassing all sexual puns, not even during intercourse did I ever feel anything synonymous; that is only carnal desire that arises a couple times a months. I don't miss it.

 

As I never once enjoyed my few sexual experiences, I don't feel I've missed out at all by steering well clear of anything like that for decades. Instead, I've gained.

 

Usually the being makes up for the lacking sense by improving the ability of all other, or certain senses that are remaining.

 

We go to great lengths (often subconsciously) in redressing loss - hopefully re-achieving an equilibrium of sorts. Some of us succeed better than others in this,

 

I've heard this "opposites attract" statement also, I suppose we shall see in good time?

 

They do and they don't; it depends on other factors too.

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Hello Mihaela,

 

Yes it is indeed incredible, I like his essence too.

 

Indeed, I do believe the subconscious holds a great power over individual change, especially considering the changes I have gone through. If I look back at who I was ten years ago, I'm wholly different, but never did I acknowledge myself changing, which is beneficial, for if I knew, I would become highly uncomfortable.

 

Other factors, such as the olive theory?

 

Eustace.

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Hello everyone,

 

I thought I might just update this post. Having stumbled across some information related with what's being discussed here, I thought I might detail the info here. Two days ago I could not sleep, but this only because I became hooked on certain videos, and did not wish to sleep. The videos and information I found a fascination towards were that by A man named David Icke; a man with some interesting ideas of this world. At around three am in the morning I came across this video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yCbcu1OkO4. In this video, during the TED talks with Jill Bolte, I learned about areas of the brain closing down, and the effects of this upon one's perception. You will see during the talk what I'm talking about, but in regards to the topic I brought up - about my "expanding infinitely when falling to sleep", I find it both interesting how these precise words are spoken by Jill and by the correlation between her description and what I feel. I think it's important to add that I don't claim to have a brain haemorrhage when this sensation occurs, I shall explain what I intend beneath.

 

Perhaps I was incorrect in saying that I know the sensation is wholly not related to stages of sleep, perhaps the feeling arises not as a stereotypical acclimatising of sleep but as a premature physical shutting down of my left hemisphere, that happens before my consciousness has itself entered a state of repose. If this is the case and my left hemisphere does in fact begin shutting down early yet I remain conscious, this would indeed affect my spacial reasoning, even in a completely dark room, which could actually exacerbate the effects. It could make me feel both infinitely long and short simultaneously, affect my ability to picture and recall images at the size I would like, alter my ability to understand information on a whole, and change my understanding of my current situation and of time. The correlation between Jill's words and that which I experienced are remarkable, and just thought I'd share my take and also to share the video which I find is very fascinating in and of itself.

 

Thank you,

 

Eustace.

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