I'm rather angry!

[Gold MD]

I got lied to over two female support workers I got attached to who work for this support agency I have been involved with for a long time, so I got angry from not having both of them reinstated. Then eventually, I got arrested for being disruptive one day in July and I was presented with an undertaking to court. Rather than stay cool, I emailed them vulgar things on Facebook out of frustration which caused me to be arrested two more times and I ended up detained in a remand prison prior to a hearing.

 

In fact, I went to prison twice. When I was just out of jail the first time, I contacted them to apologize. That was all. The police arrested me again, because I am pretty sure I was set up by a senior member of staff when a police officer saw me boarding a bus. But I foolishly emailed them again, to say sorry, so the cops arrested me yet again after my mother fooled me into going into a park where I got surrounded. So I was arrested five times in the space of just a few months.

 

I had been out all night frightened they would come get me, so I had to run off. She just said it was not smart to hide from them, which is her excuse for gifting me over to the pigs that fateful morning.

 

Furthermore, I keep being told over and over again that I will never get the two women back for support, which is what all this garbage is about. They just make the non-harassment orders a scapegoat not to undo their blunders. Sure, they admitted lying to me was wrongful, but they could have gave me a chance with the two ladies. One of them used to be my key worker as well. Do you not think they meant something to me?

 

Now, I am due to be sentenced in the morning by this judge and I was told no seniors are going to court because I do not want them for support, I just want to assign blame to them. Gee, I reckon they are just leaving me flat because I dumped them and rightfully so. Then this guy had the cheek to say to me on the phone that he will reinstate my support, if I agree to do so.

 

What mother so and so traitors they all are. My butt is on the line and they are not even going to court tomorrow to have my best interests at heart, despite causing all this anxiety to begin with.

 

Flipping traitors.

 

 

[Laddo]

This is probably not what you want to hear, but do you not think it is possible that your behaviour is the cause of all this? I say this because I have fallen into the trap of thinking everyone else was out to get me in the past, but I realised how untrue it was when I really thought things through.

 

From an outsiders' point of view, it really does sound like you had been very upsetting and threatening towards the two female support workers if they have taken a harassment order out against you. I know you may want to apologise, but if the harassment order says you must not contact them, you really must not contact them for any reason whatsoever, in order to avoid being arrested again. As much as I detest the police, in this case it sounds like they were only doing their job. If you have been deemed a threat to other people, they have to do everything they can to ensure the safety of the public.

 

Please don't take this as me having a go at you, because it's not. I just think you would benefit from trying to see things in another perspective as I'm all too aware of how going down the path of blaming everyone else can go

[Gold MD]

As long as your name does not have 85, Broken or Star in it, I will welcome anything you have to say, Laddo. It is not against some fictional law to disagree with what people post on here, after all. So feel free to post your opinions as you wish.

 

Yes. Of course they felt uncomfortable, but I only sent some measly text messages being inappropriate (at least in the very beginning). That was unacceptable, sure, but I hardly saw it as being very sinful to show a caregiver some affection, but I should have taken a step back before I made a fool of myself. There are important rules for a reason. And it hardly helps knowing I am quite infamous for being reckless.

 

All I wanted was redemption. Then I got cross when nobody listened or even treated me with any fairness. They took them away from me and told me lies. Lies that I saw through. How could I really go around seeing the ladies helping other service users in Number 6 or anywhere else, but not supporting me any longer? Much jealousy would ensue. It would just get me worked up. Therefore, I got highly frustrated. There were other options here.

 

So they are 'just support workers' to other people and will never be anything other than that it seems, but to me - I thought they were special and I naturally only ever wanted to correct all my flaws.

 

I found out in court yesterday, I cannot reside at the supported flat again. My stuff is still there, but I want to fight it. The court also deferred my case until in March. That caused me to blow up today, because I have really had enough. My mother called the police after I got mad and broke a cup.

 

Now if the court really has booted me out of my flat and it really is goodbye, that will break my spirit. None of the seniors bothered coming to court either because they assumed I only required them there to play a blame game. But to me, it just feels as if they lost interest and ditched me because I chose to cancel my support. Because it is all in the hands of the law now, they do not have to do a thing any more because they are not being paid to once one chooses to end their support with them. Gee, cheers for this. It is nice to know there are people I can actually count on. Yeah, right.

 

I did not want this to happen. They even admitted the situation could have been handled better, so why not handle it now? Why come out with that excuse after all this time? And I believe they could find a way to resolve this matter regardless of all these restraining orders being in place and whatnot. That way, the court would finally see we are making some progress, instead of carrying on locking me up or deferring the outcome over all this garbage to a future date that is just under 3 long months away. Otherwise, I can see this destroying my life more and more, with me getting absolutely nowhere. This has been reflected back to the director of the agency in an email.

 

Think about it, really. Would anyone want petty drama like this to affect their mindset for the rest of their life? Before you reply, I know that in life, certain actions have consequences. All they had to do was give me another chance long before all these incidents happened. It has been so stressful for me and 2014 will always be remembered as a prime candidate for the worst year I ever lived through. It will get to a point where I will just "snap" again and that will be met with even more dire consequences. Once you do something dumb, you cannot "undo" it later, so it is much better not to have done it. However, sometimes the anxiety can take over and when it builds and builds inside of you for a long time, eventually some of that stress can get to be way too much to cope with. So you cannot blame me for throwing more temper tantrums and harassing people.

[Mihaela]

Yes. Of course they felt uncomfortable, but I only sent some measly text messages being inappropriate (at least in the very beginning). That was unacceptable, sure, but I hardly saw it as being very sinful to show a caregiver some affection, but I should have taken a step back before I made a fool of myself. There are important rules for a reason. And it hardly helps knowing I am quite infamous for being reckless.

 

I agree - not all that sinful. You need help over your impulsivity, and they should be providing it. No amount of punishment will help at all.

 

All I wanted was redemption. Then I got cross when nobody listened or even treated me with any fairness. They took them away from me and told me lies. Lies that I saw through.

 

Understandable. The system is inherently faceless and cruel. Human feelings are never taken into account, and should always come before blind adherence to 'procedure'. The system will always use lies to protect itself, yet condemns other for lying for exactly the same reason. They should behave as role models at all times, rather than hypocrites.

Much jealousy would ensue. It would just get me worked up. Therefore, I got highly frustrated. There were other options here.

This happens all the time. It's happened with my own dealings with a faceless inhumane system. They rarely bother exploring common-sense options, even though they know perfectly well how their attitude can affect vulnerable people. They talk about caring, but don't practice what they preach.

 

So they are 'just support workers' to other people and will never be anything other than that it seems, but to me - I thought they were special and I naturally only ever wanted to correct all my flaws.

It's common for aspies to become more easily emotionally attached to people than for NT's. We're not good at readineg emotions, trust 'too much' and put too much faith in people - only to be betrayed and abandoned. They should treat cases like this with great sensitivity - and so should the legal system. More and more is being done to help judges and magistrates understand the unique difficulties of dealing with people on the spectrum - but it's not being done fast enough or well enough. (This is an area I'm studying closely).

 

I found out in court yesterday, I cannot reside at the supported flat again. My stuff is still there, but I want to fight it. The court also deferred my case until in March. That caused me to blow up today, because I have really had enough. My mother called the police after I got mad and broke a cup.

Who wouldn't blow up?! I know I would. I detest rough justice, and all rough justice is true injustice. You must insist on gaining your property back as soon as possible. Have you got a good advocate who who can speak for you? Breaking a cup is hardly serious - it just shows how frustrated you are. I think your mother is a bit too quick at calling the police. She needs to try and understand you more and understand how to handle meltdowns. Show her this post.

 

Now if the court really has booted me out of my flat and it really is goodbye, that will break my spirit.

The system often works to break our spirit, and many of employed by it certainly get an unhealthy enjoyment out of seeing others suffer. They're in the wrong job, but such work attracts these types. Don't let them win. Don't let them break your spirit, for that would make them happy. I've seen this happen so many times.

 

None of the seniors bothered coming to court either because they assumed I only required them there to play a blame game. But to me, it just feels as if they lost interest and ditched me because I chose to cancel my support. Because it is all in the hands of the law now, they do not have to do a thing any more because they are not being paid to once one chooses to end their support with them.

They probably see you as 'refusing to engage' but don't want to look too closely at the reason why. Even so you're still legally entitled to support. have you got a good solicitor whose passionate about minority/disability rights?

 

I did not want this to happen. They even admitted the situation could have been handled better, so why not handle it now? Why come out with that excuse after all this time?

Have you got this in writing? It can be used against them.

 

And I believe they could find a way to resolve this matter regardless of all these restraining orders being in place and whatnot. That way, the court would finally see we are making some progress, instead of carrying on locking me up or deferring the outcome over all this garbage to a future date that is just under 3 long months away. Otherwise, I can see this destroying my life more and more, with me getting absolutely nowhere. This has been reflected back to the director of the agency in an email.

Good! The court need to be told that the procedures they've been following are damaging your already fragile mental health. We don't live in dark ages any more. You need help; not punishment! You are a vulnerable person!

 

So you cannot blame me for throwing more temper tantrums and harassing people.

 

No I can't and as a fellow aspie, I find your post well-reasoned and sensible. Keep in touch.

Edited December 21, 2014 by Mihaela

[Gold MD]

My lawyer help me? Ha-ha. While he is helping me in court, outside is a different matter. The last time one of the seniors called his secretary, he / she says he is not very 'computer literate'. WTF? I have sent him emails and never once gotten a response. There are still our laptops to be returned too. The police have those and now I will have to fork out money on another one because this Xbox 360 Internet app is rubbish. Many solicitors are just incredibly busy.

 

Trying to get him on his mobile is a nightmare. He is in court most of the day and is almost unreachable. In fact, he was supposed to send a letter ages ago about me going back to the flat. It kept being delayed despite it allegedly already being sent out, so I went to see him one morning in his office. He just said he was really busy, but he would not look at me as he was speaking. Just 2 days ago in court, he could not see me on the bench outside court 3 so he left a message on my mobile saying to hurry to court, but I was already there with my mother.

 

Oh...my...God!

 

And them admit to anything? You must be joking! When they eventually come out and admitted it, they just said it to me in the agents dept. in the jail. That was during the first time I got remanded, then my butt ended up back in there the next month all because I breached my bail terms by apologizing. Seriously!

 

This guy assaulted me too, just because I asked him to turn the TV off. The screws (prison authorities) were all jerks too. One of them said 'you can just feel the vacantness in the air' before I was rushed off to court on a Friday back in September.

 

And if I go to an advocate with support workers from that agency, they will act like spies and relay all the things I have said back to the seniors. Maybe it would be wiser not to have any of these support workers from that particular agency helping me, but other than them, there is only really The Action Group. To be quite frank here, I do not think I have any hope in hell of gaining a great outcome from any of this, but I must try.