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felines are superior

saying i love you and showing affection with words

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how comfortable are you with someone says they love you or calling you darling, honey, sweetheart, baby, that kind of thing? and how do you feel about hugs?

 

i hate it when people say i love you, and i find it very difficult to say. i used to say i get along with my brother, i dont hate my brother. i couldnt say i love him, although i felt a the sibling connection i felt with no one else, maybe becaue he's an aspie too.

 

all this darling stuff is annoying when said with feeling, but i like it when people say this to strangers in an easy, effortless, and non committing manner. not in a loving manner, but more flattering. i've seen costomers talking to the waitress this way, "can you bring a cup of coffee, darling?" this is nice. i like this.

 

as for hugs, i communicate through touch, and i love it.

 

but as for all those nasty soap operas when people blubber, "Have i told you how happy you make me, how you are the meaning of my life, how important you are to me." this just makes me sick.

 

Do you have any explanation as to why we have such a hard time with these words?

Edited by felines are superior

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how comfortable are you with someone says they love you or calling you darling, honey, sweetheart, baby, that kind of thing? and how do you feel about hugs?

It depends very much on who it is and the context. Too many people say these things and give hugs simply out of habit. They don't really think about what they're saying or doing. It's all rather superficial and trite. This can sometimes make me feel uncomfortable.

 

i hate it when people say i love you, and i find it very difficult to say. i used to say i get along with my brother, i dont hate my brother. i couldnt say i love him, although i felt a the sibling connection i felt with no one else, maybe becaue he's an aspie too.

I don't hate saying it any longer, although I did until quite recently. If I mean it, I'll now say it. It means just one thing to me: that that person means a lot to me - so much that I feel very protective towards them and would 'move the earth' to make their lives happy. I'd still be there when all others had adandoned them. To me it has no sexual connotations, and transcends such things as gender, age, religion, etc. It's what being human is all about. I feel it towards animals too., and although I don't tell my cats that I love them, I do talk to them lovingly.

 

all this darling stuff is annoying when said with feeling, but i like it when people say this to strangers in an easy, effortless, and non committing manner. not in a loving manner, but more flattering. i've seen costomers talking to the waitress this way, "can you bring a cup of coffee, darling?" this is nice. i like this.

Same here. I don't mind this. It's unaffected and endearing and puts me at ease. Many feminists of a certain narrow-mindset complain that it's sexist. Sometimes it is, but usually it's perfectly innocent and just a way of being friend. (I identify with genuine equality feminism, rather than this counterfeit, mean-spirited and joyless version).

 

as for hugs, i communicate through touch, and i love it.

I love it too, but I don't do long hugs. I touch hands, stroke hair. I just can't help it. It's only occasional but I do tend to touch when parting with a close friend. It's almost like an OCD quasi-magical-thinking thing, for I associate it with good luck and protection.

 

but as for all those nasty soap operas when people blubber, "Have i told you how happy you make me, how you are the meaning of my life, how important you are to me." this just makes me sick.

 

Yes!! For one thing it's not real, and we know it's all an act in these 'soaps'. I can't stand watching that kind of thing. The trouble is that people imitate, and do it real life too - because unconsciously they feel they must, and that it's part of being 'normal'. People who overdo this tend to suffer from histrionic personality disorder, and I have bitter personal experience of this.

 

Do you have any explanation as to why we have such a hard time with these words?

Words are never sufficient to describe our feelings. 'Emotion words' will only ever amount to approximations, but they're also mere symbols of something very abstract. This applies both to neurotypical people and Aspies, but for Aspies it will be even more difficult to understand exactly what is meant - especially where the reading of emotions is involved. This is partly why poets use words differently. A poem can get closer to our true feelings than simply saying something like "I love you". To those of us who are 'tuned in' to poetry, a short poem can often convey so much more than a long conversation. The American poet, Emily Dickinson, was undoubtedly on the spectrum. I share many traits with her, and suspected she was an Aspie long before I discovered that she had been widely recognised as such. Like myself, it would seem that she found expressing emotions difficult, although she does it so well in her strange little poems with their unique style. Like me, she felt uncomfortable with most adults (no doubt NT adults), and never married. (Typically for Aspie writers, her work was only published after her death, and now she's classed as perhaps America's foremost poet).

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I don't mind affectionate words if I feel there is some genuine warmth behind them.

 

If its disingenuous however, such as the "thanks Honey, xxxx" twaddle a lot of people write on Facebook, then that's annoying!!

 

I like occasional hugs from very close friends ( I have one or two) and from my young daughters, but I don't much like physical contact with anyone else. This has caused huge problems for me in the past with relationships, as partners have thought I don't care enough about them, or have left me because I'm not that keen on intimacy!

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