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abi196946

Really needing help with son's behaviour

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Hi All,

Don't really know where to start as am very stressed at the moment..my son will be 10 next week and has a diagnosis of autism and a speech and language disorder.The problem I'm having is his frequent tempers and outbursts.. usually triggered when things don't go his way or you say no to him,As a mum I'm ashamed to say i really don't seem to be able to know how to handle these tempers. I have stopped the medication he was prescribed to calm him as really wasn't making any difference and just wanted some ideas of what to try ?

With Many Thanks

Abi

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Hi Abi and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble you're having.

 

Although I've no children of my own, I'm on the autism spectrum and know children with autism, I can only speak from my own experience. Have you ever suspected that he may have Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) syndrome? Many psychiatrists seem to know little about it, but it's a distinct variety of autism often simply diagosed as Asperger's syndrome. It shouldn't be, for it needs to be handled in a very different way. This links may help you.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_demand_avoidance

http://www.pdasociety.org.uk/

http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-an-introduction/what-is-pathological-demand-avoidance-syndrome.aspx

http://understandingpda.com/ (I've met Mollie quite recently. She's turning into a lovely little girl now, thanks to getting the right kind of treatment).

 

Alternatively, I you feel your son doesn't have the characteristic PDA traits, all I can suggest is to leave him in a calming place until his meltdowns have gone. The more you increase his stress level by the things you say, the worse he will get.

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Hi Abi, and welcome.

 

Have you spoken to your doctor about changing the medication dose before giving up on it completely? It could be that the dosage just needs adjusting. I would def go back to your GP to discuss alternatives first.

 

Other than that, the key to dealing with the behaviours you're describing is consistency. You need to come up with a plan of action that will work with your particular child, i.e. what does he really love, what could you use as an incentive for good behaviour or take away if behaviour is unacceptable. Once you have worked out what you can use, you need to be very consistent and don't give in no matter what. If you have agreed that such and such will be removed if behaviour is bad, then you have to follow through and not give in even if the behaviour gets worse. If he sees that behaving worse makes you give in, he will continue to behave badly to make you crack. Once he understands that you won't give in, his behaviour will improve, but his behaviour could, unfortunately, get worse before it gets better; ride out the storm and stick to your guns and it will start to work.

 

I would sit down with him and draw out a chart showing what will happen if he behaves badly and what will happen if he behaves well so that he understands before you start.

 

He is still quite young and it is very important that you get his behaviour under control before he becomes too big and possibly aggressive for you to handle so now is a good time to start.

 

Good luck.

 

~ Mel ~

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Hello and welcome

 

In order for a behaviour to be defined as bad there has to be intentions of being bad behind it. Autistics dont understand others points of view (hence my objection to 'things not going his way') at times vice versa.

 

i do however agree that consistency is the key to prevent confusion which in turn can lead to more anger. i used to get angry because i asked "what would you do if i did x (action)?" the answer was "i would tell you to stop". i did the action during a meltdown and he didnt tell me to stop getting me even more upset and wound up. This was an autism professional who wasn't consistent and often told me he wouldnt or would do certain things then the opposite happened.

 

You mentioned a speech and language problem in your son, what alternative methods of communication does he have apart from speech? i use cards when im stuttering or cant explain what im trying to tell someone.

 

Anger can be a sign of anxiety and can be triggered by almost anything, change in routine, new school, new teachers, even new shampoo or washing powder or formulations in medications, food and non food stuffs.

i had a few meltdowns before realising gluten had been added to my b vitamins. i almost got excluded on mental health grounds from university because i was so wound up. Removing the b vitamins from my diet had an immediate calming effect. No amount of reward and punishment system would have worked for me at school i must have annoyed the teachers because i enjoyed the 'boring' jobs of detention.

 

If he will read books there is a book called "when my autism gets too big" which is aimed at educating autistic/asperger kids about anger.

 

hope you find something useful in my post.

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