Jump to content
Pinebunny

help with daughter 19

Recommended Posts

My daughter has had a tough time with bullying at school and ended up at a special provision for students with anxiety. She did well considering the amount of school she missed and passed her GSCEs. She started her A levels but dropped out as she couldn't cope with the number of people there.

She signed on for a time but this was traumatic for her being sent on courses etc. Eventually she decided to a different college. We thought it was going well and we're proud of her achievements but clearly it was not. She had a suicide attempt and turns out she was struggling at college but couldn't face signing on again.

I've told her that he's health is more important and not to worry about that for now. I am worried sick about leaving her alone but also realise that she needs some space as an adult.

I don't know where we go from here. We've discussed work but all require contact with people and some sort ofssocial skills. Currently she stays in her room a lot and avoids talking. She doesn't want to pursue any mental health help and I can't force her too.

Has anyone had similar experiences and found a way forward?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The only thing that helped me was going off gluten and dairy altogether. Then I added supplements like omega 3 mag and b vitamins 1 per week to see whether the changes were worth it.

 

my anxiety is a lot less now I'm off gluten and dairy and also most medications.

 

Also meeting other as peregrines folk has helped me regain my self confidence. I've just been 2 see a film with 2 of my friends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi pinebunny, sorry to hear about your daughter's troubles. My son is 20 and in a similar position, in that he dropped out of college and found it very anxiety-inducing looking for work and couldn't face going back to college because of the social aspects associated with it. At the moment we are quite stuck also. A positive is that my son does help out in a charity shop regularly now. It has been good for confidence-building but is not a long-term plan and we're unsure how to move on from this now. Would your daughter consider volunteering, as it is a lot less pressure and a good way to establish a routine and get out and about mixing with people, or at least it's a start?

 

All the best to you both.

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i really enjoy my volunteer work and they value my contribution. im sorting stamps for oxfam and as a collector (bristol shop is one of a few who wish to specialise in stamps) they value my input. i even take the stamps home to sort :-)

 

What sort of interests does your daughter have?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

why is youre daughter haveing to sign on.

 

i ask because my son 21 claimes esa and isnt required to sign on for job seekers allowance.All i did was phone up the benefit people ie the job centre and explaine my son had a learning disability and was aspie and i was his mum and what did we do and they said hed to claime esa.He doesnt have the pressure of singing on and haveing to justify hes looking for work all the pressure is of him.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My daughter has had a tough time with bullying at school and ended up at a special provision for students with anxiety. She did well considering the amount of school she missed and passed her GSCEs. She started her A levels but dropped out as she couldn't cope with the number of people there.

 

This sounds so familiar. I too was bullied at school (daily for about 5 years) and dropped out of A-levels (after a year) entirely due to the social aspects of school life. It was an intellectually gifted child and school did me great harm.

 

She signed on for a time but this was traumatic for her being sent on courses etc. Eventually she decided to a different college. We thought it was going well and we're proud of her achievements but clearly it was not. She had a suicide attempt and turns out she was struggling at college but couldn't face signing on again.

 

I feel for her, for I have felt just the same in the past. My parents were also proud of my achievements too, but it wasn't long before their hopes were dashed, time after time.

 

I've told her that her health is more important and not to worry about that for now. I am worried sick about leaving her alone but also realise that she needs some space as an adult.

 

I agree. Her health must always come first. I was dependent upon my parents, right until the day my mother died aged 94 in 2012. It was only after that that I learnt that I just couldn't cope, and that I'd been on the autism spectrum all along (recent diagnosis). Although 'protected' by my parents I was given my own space. I suffered many traumas in my life, possibly because they allowed me 'too much' freedom. It must be a difficult balancing at for you, as a parent.

 

I don't know where we go from here. We've discussed work but all require contact with people and some sort of social skills. Currently she stays in her room a lot and avoids talking. She doesn't want to pursue any mental health help and I can't force her too.

 

I too stayed in my room a lot, and had many silent periods, and I still tend to keep to myself, enjoying my own company, mixing only with a few others on the spectrum. We don't really change, but as time goes on we tend to adapt to the outside world a little better, and 'imitate' neurotypical behaviour. This is slow, and can be very stressful. I really don't know what the answer is. Ideally she should find work that makes use of her talents and special interests and that involves minimal socialising. I find working with animals very therapeutic,

I'm sorry I can't help you any more, but I really do understand how your daughter feels.

Edited by Mihaela

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for your reply. She did do a bit of volunteering at a disability charity. They were very understanding that she didn't like talking and gave her filing to do. She doesn't want to go back as it's 'boring'.

She likes to write scripts and her brother has started taking her to a writers group which meets about once a month. Her special topic is American presidents! Not sure what work would relate to that ;-)

I have tried talking to her about volunteering elsewhere but she mostly ignores me. The only time she is animated is if he's little sister plays Mario with her. It's tricky.

I looked up about esa. It tells you to have a medical certificate? I don't really want to encourage her to believe she is incapable of work. She is actually a lot like me. My difficulties were shadowed by my strong sense ed any injustice. I volunteered as an adviser and although talking to people was hard, I got a buzz out of helping and it got easier with time. She doesn't believe that I am like her at all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are many people that feel this way myself included everything does seem too much to overcome at times and that there is nowhere to go there is so much pressure to achieve what in a lot of cases is simply impossible.

From experience the thing to do is not rush to find a solution or put any kind of pressure to achieve anything at least in the short term not that I'm saying that is what your doing.

Claiming ESA is a good start though there is a huge backlog I've been waiting since last September with still no appointment for my review but I am getting the basic rate.

Due to my diagnosis and problems with daily living I was awarded personal independence Payment which has taken some of the financial pressure away which in itself has been very helpful.

There are support groups that can help and if you struggle with the social aspect they can call on the telephone if that's easier but I struggle with both but the option is there if it's helpful in your case.

Have you considered home working, a lot of people work from home these days sometimes there is some outside contact but for the most part you are in your own home a lot of the time. This would have a dramatic impact on the anxiety and fear of having to go out mixing with people in a world that quite frankly I don't belong in. It would be different if there was understanding and people excepted us but in general they don't it's unfortunate and not as it should be but that is the way things are.

Giving somebody space to think is important but as long as it's not used in a negitive way which just makes you feel worse and gets you feeling like there is no point to things.

It's a hard thing to judge but you need to be active in encouraging positive things and make sure the bad are not the only things that are considered. If you need to change everything in life to create something workable then do so no matter how hard and traumatic it can be to find a place that is more suitable to need.

I would concentrate on the home working even undertaking surveys from the computer is a start small rewards but it does give a purpose something else to consider besides endless problems. Build from there enforcing what you find works, it won't be easy and there will be problems but having been there it's the best advice I have.

Nothing's perfect just do the best it's possible to do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...