Any other alkies out there???

[matti]

Hi!

 

This is my first post in this chat-room, so hello to everyone!

 

My story is that I joined a support group for alcoholism back in April to deal with my drink problem. This has been going well, and I am really enjoying my time in that group. Also, since I have got sober I have been encouraged to explore the background to my problems with drink, not least by the fact that others I meet in the group talk often of their own (various) psychiatric problems.

 

Research on the web has led me to the strong suspicion that I had Asperger's Syndrome as a child & teenager, and that this continued into adulthood, although the condition seems to have gradually become less serious with time.

 

As a child I was VERY awkward and nervous, with no self-confidence and only one or two friends (interestingly not from my age group) who I lost contact with later anyway. At university I had NO FRIENDS AT ALL, until my third year when I moved in with some friendly people, which was nice until we all graduated and lost contact with each other.

 

The next few years saw me drift in and out of casual employment, still in social isolation, until I finally got a decent job in the IT Dept of a big company. My geeky appearance & awkward behaviour got me into many difficult situations in my job, but I just about managed to pull through those and do well enough to achieve some professional status & security.

 

As I result my confidence increased, I improved my appearance & found that at last I could form frienships with "normal" people, especially if I had a drink to settle my nerves! Life was great, until dependance upon alcohol started to become a real problem, and friends started to drift away again.

 

Now that I am tackling the alcohol dependance I am making new friends and life again seems good. But I am still interested to learn about AS - in particular are there any anonymous support groups for it like there are for alcoholism?

 

Also, I have read somewhere that it is quite common for AS sufferers to become alcoholics, so I wonder if any one else has had a similar experience?

[helenl53]

Hi Matti,

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

There are a number of adult ASD persons on the forum and I know you will get a lot of information and support.

 

Best wishes

 

HelenL

[big mamma]

Hi Matti,

 

Welcome to the forum. This is a topic i'm interested in - my daughter is 3 with Autistic Spectrum Disorder. On my mum's side there is rampant alcoholism through most of the family- mainly my uncle's but one of my aunt's also had a drink problem. My brother is undiagnosed but knowing what I do now he is definitely on the spectrum somewhere - he doesnt have a drink problem but needs a drink to be able to socialise on any level - it obviously reduces the anxiety.

 

I've often wondered if that's why there is such a drink problem in the family.

 

Also, when you did drink but not to extreme did you find social contact much easier ?

[matti]

Yes, In my mid-20s when I was still very nervous if found that when I drank social contact became easier. In the next few years drinking became a habit which I thought I would never be able to quit, having convinced myself that I needed alcohol to socialise and even to relax / sleep.

 

Happily to report I have not had any problems socialising since cutting back on my drinking - in fact quite the reverse.

[ceecee]

Hi I think I may be able to help on this one.My father is an alcoholic.I have no contact with him but have been told this.Many years ago when he was with my mother he had many problems socially.She just thought he was very shy.He never really went out.He didnt like anyone to come to the house, he hated christmas wouldnt go to any parties etc.He is apparently very controlling, has been known to stalk people and has obsessive interests eg trains etc.I also have been told he has problems with emotions.However once he started drinking he started to be able to overcome his social problems and frequent the pubs picking up women!!This would probably be harmless if he didnt happen to have a wife and baby daughter(me !) waiting at home.Its obvious to me that in fact what he was suffering from is aspergers and also ocd.I think the drink was his way of getting through his problems.He didnt know what was wrong with him.He is in his sixties.In his day aspergers wasnt even heard of.But there was two children who suffered badly in all this.I have to ask myself sometimes should people with fairly bad aspergers have children who they have little interest in because they are too busy doing what they want to do, obsessions etc?

[mossgrove]

Matti

 

Welcome to the forum!

 

I recognise much of what you post, I am the father of fout children (two children on the autistic spectrum) and have often thought I may have Aspergers but I have never been diagnosed. I certainly drank too much in my teens and twenties to enable (as I saw it) better social functioning. Mercifully it never spilled over into alcoholism and I now only drink in moderation. I also work in IT for a large corporation.

 

Aspergers is a lifelong condition in the sense that it is always with you and doesn't get better or worse. What changes is your ability to deal with day to day life and other people. Many people with Aspergers learn social and other skills in their teens and twenties that other people seem to instinctively 'know' without having to be told, and hence they can appear to have 'got better', but in reality they are simply coping better with day to day life.

 

 

Simon

[Amanda32]

Hi Matti..... Welcome to the forum and I think you have been very open about the drinking not many people are, good for you.... and you sound like you are doing really well with it too...Well done...

I can understand some people very well in having to drink to be sociable as it must be very hard talking to someone without calming your nerves when your out and about. My dad was an Alcoholic but since died last year (hope you dont mind me saying)... He was more than less the same, loner and drank I think to be sociable and certain things have come up that make me think he could of had some of the traits... I have not long tried to access his medical files myself but nothing have come up that links ASD but never mind. I have been going through the process of having Genetics testing done to find out about the family history. I have just been today to see a Clinical Geneticist it was uncomfortable being observed myself, well it looked like that anyway. Have you ever told anybody about your concerns with ASD/AS such as your GP etc, friends or relatives?....Have you been open about it at your groups? You should be pleased with yourself in talking about your problems as that's a start.. I myself think I have problems deep down like anxiety, social problems, low self esteem some of the problems I have are similar but not getting any answers as im an adult and dont seem to be getting any support for any therapy unless I pay private... My son as a ASD he's 9 and only found out about it after my dad died, I'm really sorry to go on but lately I have been thinking about him and wish I could of said more to him, helped more as never told him that I loved him but cant go back in time. If you ever wanted to chat or a moan ask away. We are all here to give each other support and I can assure you they are all lovely in this forum and they have put up with my moaning....

By the way I have been going on a forum that is for Alcoholics so that I can try and help others if I can as I let my father down and tell them what it can do to them.

Take care

Amanda <'>

Edited August 5, 2005 by Amanda32

[nellie]

Hello Matti and welcome to the forum,

 

Thank you for bringing up this subject it's a very interesting one.

 

My husband was diagnosed with AS a few years ago, he found life easier after a drink but if that drink became more than one, he found he couldn't cope, I think he found he was too drunk to remember his normal coping strategies. He never drank enough to have a drink problem and since his diagnosis just drinks enough to relax him without becoming drunk.

 

My youngest son (24) was diagnosed with AS a few months ago. I think he could end up with a drink problem, luckily he becomes sick after a few drinks which seems to be putting him off!! Let's hope he doesn't persevere.

 

My father in law (undiagnosed AS) drinks a lot, he's probably an alcoholic, he drinks only in the evening in the privacy of his own home after 5pm after locking the doors for the night.

 

My mother was an alcoholic she didn't have AS.

 

I think it's recognised that people with AS are prone to alcoholism and drug abuse.

 

It's good to hear that your life is now better. This forum is a great place for advice and support, I hope you find it useful.

 

Here's some information on other sites.

 

Websites for people with ASD., NAS information on websites.

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=756

 

Nellie xx

[matti]

Thanks for all the replies so far they have been great!

 

My reaction to points arising from the replys is:

 

Mossgrove: you say that people like me "learn social and other skills in their teens and twenties that other people seem to instinctively 'know' without having to be told, and hence they can appear to have 'got better'". Being relatively new to the topic I am curious to know in what sense this is different from actually "getting better". Please don't take offense at the question, I merely wish to know why people are saying this condition is life-long.

 

 

Amanda32: yes I have told people in my groups about Asperger's, and I am on a waiting list to see a psychiatric specialist about it too. From what I have heard it is difficult to get officially diagnosed with AS as an adult, but that doesn't worry me too much as the cure is more important than the diagnosis.

 

One other thing I am finding helpful is the "Psychology of Mind" approach to mental health (see http://www.psychologyofmind.com) - when I practice this I seem to get better (not that I always practice it!!!)

[Amanda32]

Hi Matti

Just tried the link but its saying cannot find server....

Amanda

[punky]

Hi my boyfriend was a huge drinker, understandably now I realise why, he has AS and he found he could talk to people if he had a drink, I didnt see the problem to be so much alcoholism, it was more the content of what he would say to people, his behaviour was inappropriate and could be quite abusive, he did eventually knock it on the head.

[lil_me]

http://www.psychologyofmind.com/

 

Try that Amanda , it was including the brackets in the clicky

Edited August 5, 2005 by lil_me

[karin]

hi matty welcome to the forum if you read tony attwoods book about aspergers syndrome it tells you that 90% of alcholics are diagnosed with aspergers syndrome my father was one unfortunatley he died when he was 38 im sure im an aspie as the more i find out bout my twins the more i realise i was like them as a child good luck to you it is never easy to give anything up im going to try and give up smoking soon keep smilin luv karin xx

[Amanda32]

Hi Karin

Goodluck in giving up on the fags as I know it must be hard for some people like my hubby got to have the will power, like me with chocolate....... Dieting etc it is hard for lots of people to give up many things. My hubby said he needs less stress that would be nice....easy said than done...

Take care

Amanda

[witsend]

Hi Matti and welcome to the forum. I have a son recenlty diagnosed with AS and his father was (? still is) an alcoholic. His Dad left when son was 6 months we split up because of his drink problem and because he had violent outbursts when drunk. When he wasn't drunk he was the funniest loveliest person, but these times became very few and far between and ultimately I did fear for my safety. Looking back now with hindsight I am convinced he had AS and it just makes me sad to think I didn't know about it at the time because maybe I could have done something more to help him, am certain he did not know anything about ASD's. I have wondered myself if there is a link between alcoholism and ASD and now having read these posts it seems obvious there is. Also when I think it through it does seem to make sense why someone withh all the difficulties associated with ASD woud use alcohol for many reasons.

Anyway to you for recognsing and dealing with your problems I wish you so much luck. Take care - luv witsend.

[Imposter]

Yes I drink - possibly more than I could.

 

And it helps in a number of ways...

 

It helps

 

a) the socialising thing - when people are nervous and aren't good at things like eye contact - and also sensory overload. When I'm in a social situation with a lot of people like at a pub before a football match or at a family "do" - I often get aural sensory overload unless/until I've had a few drinks - if people are talking left right and centre - all the conversations can get mangled and can have trouble jumping from one conversation to another - so I'll say the wrong thing to the wrong person - or more likely just withdraw and watch from the sidelines.

 

it can help the stress, frustration and anger that AS/HFA brings sometimes - we on the spectrum can find things in "normal" everyday life so much harder to deal with and alcohol can make us feel better.

 

c) Unlike NT people we're not naturally very sociable often so we're not likely to go to the gym or for a swim etc... when we need to calm down, get over stress/frustration.

 

d) It can just make you feel happier and normal for a while. We all know (even the NT's amongst us) that when we drink, everything goes much faster, we suddenly think we're miles witter than we are, we lost inhibitions etc... etc...

 

I try not to drink so much, I just curl up on my bed with a good book/the television and some chocolate instead.

 

But it does help in social situations. Just have to keep a lid on it. And stop it from developing into a proper outright problem.

 

Both my uncle and aunt (married into my dad's side of the family) died from alcohol abuse - as did my paternal grandmother. But with the exception of the Uncle - the alcohol abuse was never officially acknowledged.

[ScienceGeek]

I'm quite lucky in that I don't go out regularly. The only way that I can cope with the sensory demands of a night out is by getting terribly drunk. Like I said it doesn't happen very often though as I don't have an active social life. Went out this evening and realised that I drunk about twice as much as everyone else alcoholic volume wise to be barely what everyone else would class as "NT" social. Even so I still managed to have a nicely symmetrical line of glasses and crisp packets lined up. I'm definitely not cut out for the "NT" social world". *passes out*

[warrenpenalver]

LOL sciencegeek!! remember a pint of water before bed!!

 

The thing i used to really hate about social things in pubs etc is even though i was playing no active part in the talking and wasnt there mentally, people still notice when you try and do a runner. Dont they realise how hard it is to listen to like 20 conversations at once and actually then try and concentrate on the one in front of you??? Usually on top of booming loud music thats making my ears hurt!!!!!

 

Booze used to help me with this but not to socialise but create my own alcohol fuelled world within the pub/club!!! clubs are ok if you can shut off and its got music i like (specific tracks) because then i am in my own world with a overload of sound i like and just shut off from everyone else.

 

Flaw with this behaviour is it brings unwanted attention from mates who think youve lost plot and try and shake me when i was quite happy on my own. Doesnt help that having a totally vacant look on your face and being pretty unresponsive to whats happening around youmeans the thugs (sorry bouncers) think your on drugs or too drunk and like to throw you out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Problem then is ive been thrown out when sober too that always shocks the bouncers after theyve thrown out a "smackhead drunk" who then gets in car and drives off.

 

I decided booze and me doesnt work as it hides the social problem rather than me learning new skills or accepting what i am capable of and comfortable of rather than forcing myself to fit into the socially accepted norms for my age.

[Canopus]

I became severely depressed when I was 10 and ended up turning to alcohol. I was more of a secret drinker rather than a social drinker and regularly went to school carrying bottles of fizzy drinks mixed with vodka. The problem lasted through my young teenage years and I was given no support.