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averagegilo

Aspergers and OCD

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Just to forewarn everybody this is exactly the same posting I posted on the OCD-UK forum (I didn't have the energy to rewrite it)

 

Hi

 

Thought I'd post a topic. I'm new to this forum - I used to post messages in the OCD action forums, but haven't been active there for a number of years. I've been mixing counselling up until a few months ago with some breathing. I wasn't coping particularly well, so got back on my saddle again and am now re-engaging CBT, this time more positively. So, my current approach to intrusive thinking is CBT and mindfulness, the latter has been really good for relaxing me and dealing with thoughts in a more rational mindset i.e.with much less stress.

 

I've come to post as I need some advice. Recently, I was also diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD), namely Aspergers Syndrome. It explains a lot about me. I lack trust and find it incredibly difficult to make friends and meet new people. I am also very introvert and have social anxieties. I cannot read social cues whatsoever and have my own way of chatting which is unconventional and off-putting to the majority. Also, when I go out with work colleagues to a Christmas party, for example, I become very sad and hide away from people. My Pure-O takes over (not mentioning the nature yet) and I have to hide. I had no way of getting back from the party last year, so I had to hide from everybody until it was time to get the coach home. I cannot be in crowded and noisy places.

 

This leads to days, even weeks of ruminating as though I will never be happy again. I haven't actually been out socialising since Christmas and before then, few and far between. I dread going out when I hear people walking down my street drunk after a night out and many behave abusive and violent towards one another.

 

I do go out. I walk and generally function without the fear of contamination type worries (this isn't the focus of my OCD, after all). I love playing computer games in my spare time and have the loveliest Cat, who has recently turned 2 (I had him since he was just 4 weeks old).

 

I have trust issues with people and draw the wrong types of people into my life i.e. seem okay on the outside, but will stick a knife in and turn it when you're not looking metaphorically. I've had much of this in my life and I'm very guarded when it comes to interacting to a point where I don't like other people and am on my own because its easier, less tiring and the humiliation of failing to get sexually excited is avoided.

 

So, I would like to start meeting people, maybe a special lady, but I need advice that'll work for me, based on my limitations as a person.

 

Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

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Hello and welcome

 

Mines a overspending and hoarding type of OCD which im tackling with CBT "anxiety and depression workbook for dummies". My trust issues however stem from post traumatic stress disorder when i was younger.

 

As for the humiliation of not getting excited, you could be asexual where you dont feel attraction in that way. This isnt something to be humiliated about.

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Asexual - There is always that possibility, although I have explored that area and I'm 99% certain that isn't the case, because I do get erections and have lost my virginity, but it was a tough experience. The sexual stuff is quite complicated and taboo, so unless I know I'm in a safe place and can trust people, I won't be mentioning the nature of my OCD.

 

I'd love to date asexuals, mainly because its safe, but I've been rejected from that community

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Just a quick comment for now on the asexual topic. (I'll come back tomorrow to comment on the other points)

I'm asexual but it took me a long time to realise this. Many asexuals have had sexual experiences but we don't find them enjoyable, and usually we're just pretending to be sexual beings in order to appear 'normal' - just as many Aspies try to imitate NT behaviour for the same reason. It never quite works though, and the effort can be very stressful. I find the ABCD asexual classification quite useful:

Type A have a sex drive but no attraction.
Type B have attractions but no sex drive. (This one is me)
Type C have attractions and sex drive but don't see them as being linked.
Type D have neither.

 

Attractions are usually emotional and romantic, but needn't be. They can be aesthetic, intellectual or spiritual or mixture of these.

 

And yes, it's safe and unthreatening, and that's what I really like about it. I've always felt a little scared and threatened by sexual approaches - extra vulnerable. Sometimes I just can't read the signs and I've ended up feeling exploited.

Edited by Mihaela

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I struggle with OCD too. My colleagues at work always joke with each other about OCD as others I work with are a but anal about things. It stresses me out when they laugh about it because for me it is a real struggle. The last few days have been especially hard for me to keep it under control. I have a fear of germs and contamination. I wash my hands several times a day even if they're not dirty (I think they are). I have to wash with soap then rinse again at least twice but often 3 times in one go. I don't touch doors or walls when I'm out, I don't use public toilets, I hate touching stuff in shops (clothes, food etc) I won't touch raw meat at all when shopping, I hate touching trolley handles, I don't like touching chip and pin machines or cash points. I use alcohol gel several times a day when out and about. The list is endless as to what I won't touch or where I won't go for fear of germs. I went to a theme park at the weekend with my sister, her 3 kids and her friend and 2 kids (who I'm comfortble with). I couldn't enjoy myself because after every ride, I was using alcohol gel, I felt dirty. I wouldn't touch the animals (I love animals) because they looked dirty. I wouldn't put stuff in the bin because the bins dirty. It goes on and on and on. I can't stop it. I shower twice a day, I change my clothes if I think they're remotely dirty and put them in to wash. Its ridiculous I know but I can't seem to stop it or reign it in.

 

I'm glad others on here have OCD too and that its not just me.

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Hello And Welcome

 

Yours is a familiar account and there are a lot of kind caring and understanding people here who can empathise with how you experience life.

Just being apart of a community such as this gives you an identity with others that it's very difficult to find anywhere else.

I have no experience of asexual and have no understanding of such things and what it means although others have so that's all that matters.

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I can identify with a few of your OCD traits, but generally my traits fall into the magical-thinking and hoarding categories. They are not particularly about purity or cleanliness but more about security through preventing loss. Loss has haunted my entire life and my thoughts ever since I was small. I have a close friend with OCPD, the personality disorder characterised by OC traits, and she is obsessed with cleanliness and order to such an extent that it interferes with her ability to keep friends, and involves most of her time.

I hate touching trolley handles, I don't like touching chip and pin machines or cash points. Nor do I, nor do I like touching anything that strangers have touched. But not as obsessively as you, for I don't find the need to use alcohol gel. Most of all I don't like touching money, and always carry coins in a small plastic bag rather than my purse, for I don't want my purse to become dirty inside. (The bag very soon becomes filthy, which just shows how dirty money can be). But I also have an aversion to money which is getting ever stronger. I detest everything it stands for in NT world - greed, exploitation, poverty, weapons, materialism, etc. It is created by large companies run largely by wealthy 'successful' psychopaths, and I see usury as unethical. Money symbolises everything that I am not, and by using it I feel guilty that I'm contributing to this.

This symbolic nature of money relates to my magical-thinking OC traits, for they are entirely symbolic and made up by my myself. They affect me whenever I'm away from my home and involve many rituals and words that I must say. If I forget them I retrace my steps back to the place. If I don't perform them correctly I feel that something awful will happen - the death of my parents. I still feel this even though they're no longer in this world. One special OC trait of this type revolves around monkey-puzzle trees, and has become highly obsessive. Luckily they aren't too many about, but I can guarantee that I can recognise the shape and know the location of every single one that I see on my travels (about 75). I even plot them on maps! The ritual itself is similar to that which I use when I see lone birds, animals, flowers, etc. when I'm out. If I don't verbally 'greet' or 'bless' them they will suffer and die. The same applies if I see sad-looking children. I feel that my ritual will protect them and make them happy. I speak to and touch certain statues, ornamental lions, owls, etc. obsessively whenever I pass them, putting down my bags. I go through intense phases of avoiding cracks in pavements. I could go on and on. :(

 

Indoors, I have a few rituals with my cats, the two sugar bowls, positioning of ornaments, etc. but my main OCD trait is hoarding - not only my 3000 or so books, but very many collections of various kinds. I even hoard information and thousands of pictures. Childhood ephemera, and any scrap of paper bearing my parents' handwriting are perhaps the most valuable things that I hoard, yet of no value to anyone else. Much of my hoarding has a strong sentimental value. I won't change the position of furniture pictures and ornaments, or the garden arrangements from the time my mother was here. If I lose or misplace things it can be a sign of bad luck, depending on what it is. I pick up leaves, cones, shells, pebbles, etc. and bring them back. I even rescue dead creatures that I find on my travels - as long as they aren't severely damaged. The back garden is full of buried animals, my cats in boxes with toys. I have to be very careful that objects don't take over my two houses, and I must try to be ruthless when I eventually move all my things over here, for I won't have room for it all.

I have rituals in the garden when feeding the birds too. Like you, my list is endless.

 

As well as all that, I carry out all the old superstitions that were followed by my grandparents, so yes, I live a very full life. :D

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I am borderline autistic/aspergers(as in I just fall into the category and no more) despite that I have a lot of similar problems as yourself but also quite a lot of "normal" needs and fascinations such as I want to socialise but I get uncomfortable in the same way as you do and relationships are off the cards so I dont even try as I cannot get it up so to speak as I am either too nervous, or too relaxed!

 

When I go out I have a plan in my head to flirt with girls and chat to friends but when it comes down to it I either get nervous or just cant be bothered(and as I get older more towards cant be bothered/cant think of anything than shy)

 

I have a few habits but I think most people do autistic or not such as I need complete blackout when sleeping and heavy light when awake(otherwise I get sleepy so of the same I need pitch black to sleep as even a standby light on tv keeps me awake) but also a lot of that goes back to when I was a kid as my brother used to try and scare me such as saying ghosts come through gaps in curtains(so now I pin them back and use clothes pegs in the middle if they are short)

 

I am a little bit of a hoarder in the sense I have stuff I buy and never use but at same time there is actual good reasons for this, one is that either if I sell them they will be worth nothing, or they will be hard to find such as non mainstream film and tv boxsets or imported video games(as I like a lot of games never released in Europe) and yes I know I can pirate them but theres a good feeling with collecting them.

 

I always think if I could sell a lot of what I had bar the most rare stuff I wouldnt mind getting rid of it and that would mean I can downsize from a 2 bedroom flat to a bedsit or something.

 

I also have the signs of depression its linked to facts I like to socialise but I have not got the skills too plus even if someone invites me to a party or something I get bored as its just standing about drinking for hours and I want the whole package i.e have a few drinks a chat, then maybe a walk around, maybe even to bar then on days off meet friends just to go around shops

 

I never used to think about sex much till a few years ago now I have it on my mind most of the time unless I am having a good day, and on a good day I only think about it when its bedtime and I am half asleep(so its a energy thing in my mind) now I have a almost permanent tingly feeling in my entire body which i cant do anything about as I dont like touching myself and unable to perform with a woman(though thats a vicious cycle because if I knew I could perform I would just have a one night stand which would boost my confidence and also prove I can actually perform so it wouldnt be on my mind!)

 

When it comes to touch its strange, like many autistics I cant let anyone anywhere near my neck as I freak out, but also if anyone tries to touch my ribs it physically hurts me and I have a conflicting idea of sensuality, I love the idea of touching hands and face and the girls i have been with have ALL told me I am the most romantic guy they have met as I like to touch everywhere such as eyes, ears, lips, hands, feet, arms, legs but after being intimate I feel uncomfortable and want to curl up, even worse after sex I feel very dirty of myself and also find the other person disgusting(even if I like them a lot)

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