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aspergers 8 year old got in my bed while i was asleep and looked/touched

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for background information: my son went through a long phase of staring at people when they were naked-more curious than my other 2 children ever were in that regard. it became so uncomfortable that when he was 4 i put a ban on anyone being naked around him. i would then find him spying on us (he would quietly open the door and peer through the gap.) i twice found him playing/touching his younger brother sexually. he got in big trouble for that and i fully explained why his behaviour was inappropriate and how it makes people feel. he hasnt done this again as far as i know. he has flashed himself at his brother and i worry as they share a room, what else may be going on? he is very often fondling his anus-and putting toys in that area-i see him in the bath sometimes purposely sat on a toy and he has put toys between his buttocks recently. he actually went over the top with the whole privacy thing. he would seek privacy for himself when getting changed even though he wasnt planning on changing his boxers etc. we recently explained to him that it is not okay to stare at someone-if we happen to see another person naked we simply avert our eyes. it is never ever okay to touch another, but if we want to touch/explore ourselves we can do that in private as it is our bodies and our decision. it is fine to see others in their underwear as we are family-if i am comfortable to be seen in my underwear and it doesnt make him uncomfortable to see that, then there is no problem-i told him this as his siblings and me and my partner are very much more open about these things. his siblings only have natural harmless curiosity-simply asking questions etc.

 

today: it was hot last night do i went to bed naked-it was around 3am and i got undressed in my bedroom so no one but my partner knew i was naked. my partner leaves at 5am for work and i woke when he left but fell back asleep again after a few minutes. the next time i woke it was because i felt someone touching me-lower back between my buttocks (right at the top where they meet) SORRY FOR ALL THE DETAILS! i knew immediately that it wasnt my partner as i had seen him leave for work already so i quickly rolled over and saw someone disappear over the side of the bed. then my 8 year old stood up and i asked him just what the hell he was doing. he said he was looking at me. clearly he was doing more than that though.

 

i am absolutely sickened. my son doesnt know this but his father (my partner) isnt actually his father. his father is a man i had a year long relationship with and he was sexually abusive towards me resulting in his 5 year imprisonment. this fact makes me all the more disgusted. can these things be genetic? i may be over reacting but due to my past and having been touched etc sexually, in an abusive manner, i cant even describe my feelings. i dont care if he is only 8, i dont care too much if he was just curious-all i know is that i feel disgusting and dirty all over again. how could my own son do that to me? i am terrified for my other children.

 

again, i am probably over reacting but i cant help the way i feel. i am horrifically sensitive and uncomfortable at the best of times with being touched due to my past experience. anyone would be.

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i can understand how frightening and upsetting this experience has been for you. Have you received any therapy for the abuse you suffered?

Feel free to PM me as ive been trying to get EMDR therapy for my PTSD for a while now and im still waiting.

 

You can ask for a copy of the sex and relationships policy from the school.

 

Ive just googled "inappropriate sexual behaviour in autism" and came up with a few articles on the subject, Heres some extracts;

 

http://www.mugsy.org/connor90.htm

 

Accordingly, she sets out 5 basic philosophical principles :

  • There is no correlation between access to knowledge about sexuality and (inappropriate) interest or behaviours.
  • Adolescence is marked by curiosity and exploration, including about sexual issues, and this is appropriate, normal, and healthy.
  • Ignorance breeds fear both in the individual and among his peers. Education and discussion about sexual feelings and behaviours have the potential to evoke more appropriate actions and reactions on the part of someone with ASD.
  • Recognising and accepting rather than forbidding a behaviour will be more likely to lead to appropriate and non-excessive forms of that behaviour.
  • Drives and desires are not to be repressed, but directed towards appropriate expression.

What is the school teaching him about sex education?

 

file:///C:/Users/Alfred%20Green/Downloads/NASAT%20016%20Sex%20and%20Relationships%20Policy.pdf

 

http://www.alternet.org/are-some-men-born-pedophiles-new-science-says-yes-sexologists-say-not-so-fast

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I think he's home-educated, Trekster... By the way, I strongly agree with those five points.

I started on a reply here tonight, but never finished it, as I'm very tired and my brain isn't at its best. I'll try again tomorrow. It must have been so very distressing for you. :(

Edited by Mihaela

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i can understand how frightening and upsetting this experience has been for you. Have you received any therapy for the abuse you suffered?

Feel free to PM me as ive been trying to get EMDR therapy for my PTSD for a while now and im still waiting.

 

You can ask for a copy of the sex and relationships policy from the school.

 

Ive just googled "inappropriate sexual behaviour in autism" and came up with a few articles on the subject, Heres some extracts;

 

 

thank you for the links-they were both very interesting reading. my children are home educated and have a variety of books at their disposal regarding sex and ppuberty etc. i fully accept they will naturally explore their bodies-i remember doing so myself at a young age. i have sat down with all 3 children today and had a discussion regarding what is appropriate/inappropriate behaviour. then we had a question/answer session at the end and i feel it has really made a difference but i have moved my son into a bedroom on his own as i aren't comfortable with him sharing with his siblings any more. i feel much calmer now some hours have passed and am sure my son will not be doing the same thing again. i feel as though i did something wrong as a child and adult should never look/touch like that even though i know i didnt do anything wrong. thank you, again.

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I think he's home-educated, Trekster... By the way, I strongly agree with those five points.

I started on a reply here tonight, but never finished it, as I'm very tired and my brain isn't at its best. I'll try again tomorrow. It must have been so very distressing for you. :(

thank you anyway. i think i will just keep pushing the points that it is perfectly acceptable for him to explore his own body as long as it is done in private, and that it is never okay to touch another persons private parts. also that if he has any questions at all he can come to me and i am more than happy to help-curiosity is a natural thing. thank you again.

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You didn't do anything wrong that's the excuse abusers use to control their victims. Pleased you managed to have a discussion with your children and have given your son his own room.

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