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Confused Traveller

"Coming Out" Before a Diagnosis

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I'm 6 months into a supposedly 10 month wait for a diagnosis. I feel I need to know either way to help me make decisions about important things in my life. A couple of months ago, I decided I needed to put a project that has taken over my life for the last 6-10 years on hold until I know, and that I wasn't up to restarting the business I had until some years ago at the moment. Then I pretty much switched off for what I thought would be a couple of weeks, but is still going on.

 

A lot of my connection with the outside world has been through Facebook. Cute cat pictures, friends' game scores and mindless gossip are banned in my Facebook world, as it's my main source of news and discussion on the serious stuff going on in the world, since I gave up on the mainstream media. Most of my friends are involved in climate change, environment, politics and other serious stuff. Cute dog pictures are OK though, as I post them!! I also run groups and pages for my big project, and am an admin for other groups. So switching off from it for a couple of months is no doubt leading to some problems, and blowing my credibility. I keep looking at the Facebook bookmark in my browser and wondering if I should click on it, but I can't face it yet.

 

Another concern I have is with what's left of my family. The only close family who are still alive are my two half brothers who are around 20 years older than me (and their adult children), so are around 80. I've hardly spoken to them since I moved to Wales over 5 years ago, and often don't reply to phone calls. The stuff that's happened since I've lived here has been stressful, and I don't have the energy to keep in regular contact. One of them got the police to come round a few weeks ago to see if I was OK. I really ought to get in touch, and tell them something about what's going on.

 

So what do I say, or do?

 

- I could just stay in hiding, but that's building up problems that could make things harder in the future.

 

- I could just say I'm on an NHS waiting list without giving details, and finding the wait stressful, but I'd probably be pressed to say more, or people will think it's something life threatening, and maybe overreact.

 

- I could say exactly what's going on, and how it could explain why I have been able to come up with original ideas to help people and make the world a better place, but haven't been able to make them work. And that it explains things I've struggled with all my life. But until I get a diagnosis I won't be sure.

 

I prefer the last option, but would rather wait until I'm certain, than do it now. Once I'm sure, I think I'll be happy to "come out" and tell the world the benefits of being an Aspie, but how in return for giving those benefits to the world, we need some help to deal with the stuff we find difficult.

 

I may well have Facebook friends who will be supportive. It wouldn't surprise me if someone says it was obvious to them, and they assumed I already knew so hadn't said anything. But it might put people off who follow me because of my big project.

 

I don't know how my half brothers would react. I can see possible mild signs in one of them, but if there is Aspergers in the family, I'm sure the other one is NT. He's often commented on how he's the black sheep of the family, and in more recent years has told me that he thinks there's something odd about the family. He's quite angry about lack of support with his disabled son, and I can relate some of that to how I've read Aspies handle certain situations. At around 80, does telling them give them peace of mind that something odd may have an explanation, or freak them out? If I tell Facebook but not them, word may get to them as my niece and nephew are friends (although I don't know what they see of my posts, as I block their posts due to clogging up my newsfeed with game scores!).

 

Any suggestions?

 

 

 

 

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Note for admin/mods - it's double-posted for me twice today, again this first post was incomplete and ended with "%2".
Edited by Mihaela

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I'm 6 months into a supposedly 10 month wait for a diagnosis. I feel I need to know either way to help me make decisions about important things in my life.

 

I can well understand your need to know, but I can't understand why you have to wait so long.

 

...mindless gossip are banned in my Facebook world, as it's my main source of news and discussion on the serious stuff going on in the world, since I gave up on the mainstream media. Most of my friends are involved in climate change, environment, politics and other serious stuff.

 

Mindless gossip is banned from my entire life! Although not actively involved in those subjects (apart from endlessly signing petitions), climate change and the environment are close to my heart, and probably the most serious matters there are at present. (I have no interest in the party political system, except from a philosophical or psychological point of view. I see it as an expression of neurotypical and psychopathic power struggles).

 

Cute dog pictures are OK though, as I post them!!

This is flagrant discrimination against cats! Didn't you know that cats are furry Aspies, and are the thinking person's dogs? Although I'm always petting cute dogs (and would like one again) cats have an elegance and aesthetic appeal that dogs generally lack - hence their popularity in art and the proliferation of cat books and cute cat photos (several times more than those of dogs). I've written at length on feline-human psychol

I'm 6 months into a supposedly 10 month wait for a diagnosis. I feel I need to know either way to help me make decisions about important things in my life.

 

I can well understand your need to know, but I can't understand why you have to wait so long.

 

...mindless gossip are banned in my Facebook world, as it's my main source of news and discussion on the serious stuff going on in the world, since I gave up on the mainstream media. Most of my friends are involved in climate change, environment, politics and other serious stuff.

 

Mindless gossip is banned from my entire life! Although not actively involved in those subjects (apart from endlessly signing petitions), climate change and the environment are close to my heart, and probably the most serious matters there are at present. (I have no interest in the party political system, except from a philosophical or psychological point of view. I see it as an expression of neurotypical and psychopathic power struggles).

 

Cute dog pictures are OK though, as I post them!!

This is flagrant discrimination against cats! Didn't you know that cats are furry Aspies, and are the thinking person's dogs? Although I'm always petting cute dogs (and would like one again) cats have an elegance and aesthetic appeal that dogs generally lack - hence their popularity in art and the proliferation of cat books and cute cat photos (several times more than those of dogs). I've written at length on feline-human psychology, art symbolism, etc. It's a fascinating subject.
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Edited by Mihaela

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I'm 6 months into a supposedly 10 month wait for a diagnosis. I feel I need to know either way to help me make decisions about important things in my life.

 

I can well understand your need to know, but I can't understand why you have to wait so long.

 

...mindless gossip are banned in my Facebook world, as it's my main source of news and discussion on the serious stuff going on in the world, since I gave up on the mainstream media. Most of my friends are involved in climate change, environment, politics and other serious stuff.

 

Mindless gossip is banned from my entire life! Although not actively involved in those subjects (apart from endlessly signing petitions), climate change and the environment are close to my heart, and probably the most serious matters there are at present. (I have no interest in the party political system, except from a philosophical or psychological point of view. I see it as an expression of neurotypical and psychopathic power struggles).

 

Cute dog pictures are OK though, as I post them!!

This is flagrant discrimination against cats! Didn't you know that cats are furry Aspies, and are the thinking person's dogs? Although I'm always petting cute dogs (and would like one again) cats have an elegance and aesthetic appeal that dogs generally lack - hence their popularity in art and the proliferation of cat books and cute cat photos (several times more than those of dogs). I've written at length on feline-human psychology, art symbolism, etc. It's a fascinating subject.

I also run groups and pages for my big project, and am an admin for other groups. So switching off from it for a couple of months is no doubt leading to some problems, and blowing my credibility. I keep looking at the Facebook bookmark in my browser and wondering if I should click on it, but I can't face it yet.

I've had several specialised (as opposed to special) interests - which satisfy the polymath criteria, for they are unconnected with one another. All but one have outlived their time for various reasons, and my need to do further research has reduced. They're all as relevant as they ever were, and they remain important to me. With the help of those who followed in my footsteps, they have virtually completed what I set out to do alone. Sometimes they make silly errors which irritate me, but on the whole I'm happy not to be in the driving seat any more. Often I don't get the recognition I deserve, but I do get the private satisfaction of knowing that I have an influence for the good.

I'm saying all this because I've effectively switched off myself, at least from my public research into those particular areas. A few people may have felt that I'd abandoned them. A few asked to have me back. However, I felt that time was right%

 

 

GRRR! This is all so frustrating. I've lost the rest of my post due to a fault on here. Very briefly : choose option 3 but do it now, not later. I'm sorry for I'd explained why but I don't have the time to rewrite all I said.

Edited by Mihaela

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Thanks for trying Mihaela. I'd like to have read the rest of what you wrote, as I'm sure it would be helpful, but the important thing is some help with which option to choose, or suggestions of other options, and you've done that.

I can well understand your need to know, but I can't understand why you have to wait so long.

I thought a 10 month wait was rather shorter than many people have to endure.

I have no interest in the party political system, except from a philosophical or psychological point of view. I see it as an expression of neurotypical and psychopathic power struggles

My only interest is in being aware of, and trying to understand, what they're doing to screw up the planet and the lives of the rest of us, and trying to find ways round it.

This is flagrant discrimination against cats! Didn't you know that cats are furry Aspies, and are the thinking person's dogs? Although I'm always petting cute dogs (and would like one again) cats have an elegance and aesthetic appeal that dogs generally lack

 

30kg of bouncy German Shepherd wins over a fluffy kitten any day :thumbs:. She can be very empathetic at times, seems to read people and dogs better than me, and doesn't chase cats unless they're on her land! She likes to eat what neighbours cats deposit on my land though :sick:!

 

Regarding my big project, people love the idea, but I haven't been able to get anyone to make the serious commitment needed to get involved and help make it happen. I think this comes from being able to think differently and come up with new solutions, but not being able to communicate it well enough to really engage people. I put out a call to action for someone who's a good communicator and people person, but it appears that I need to be good with people and communicating to be able to find them! So at the moment, the last 10 years has been a failure, which has a serious effect on me, as I'm stuck with having spent a lot of money on a house and land to use for a pilot project that has gone wrong, and I'm stuck with. So I can't just walk away from it, as my future depends on resolving problems I've been gradually realising I can't deal with on my own. Getting deeper into this has run in parallel with gradually discovering things about myself that if I'd known before I started would have led to me either not starting, or doing things differently. I suppose it's been my special interest for a long time. Anyway, I'm trying to catch up the lost years of my earlier special interest at the moment as a coping/avoidance strategy, but building model railways won't save the planet!

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