Feeling really stressed out

[FlorenceD]

I've felt really stressed out the last few days. Its got so bad that I've started self harming again which I haven't done since december. I hate the feeling of being so out of control but being unable to express myself to others.

I was sick saturday night and my dad had to pick me up from my sisters house. I'd told my mum on the phone already that I wasn't sure if I was sick due to my sertraline. Dad comes to pick me up and in the car casually asked what meds it was that made me sick. When I told him they are antidepressants, he told me that I need to stop taking them and get my act together. I told him that the dr insisted I had them and he said that the dr will only give them to you if you tell them theres something wrong.

 

He doesn't get it. There is something wrong. He keeps asking me if my nephew will grow out of his aspergers or asks me if he will ever be 'normal'. Sometimes I want to scream "look at me, I'm the same as him. Thats why I get him"

 

I'm struggling at work. Today a child had just woken up so I gave them a cuddle. They then began crying but wouldn't stop so I said (as everybody I work with does) if uou don't stop im going to put you down. I had other babies sleeping and this was a slightly older child who understands. I put him down and explained that he would wake the others up as he wouldn't stop and sent him back through to his room.

I could then hear a colleague talking about me saying that I put him down near the door and hes really upset and that hes not long moved up rooms and that I just expect him to cope with it. That wasn't the case at all and then I found myself feeling like I had to justify myself to them. I explained and they all said they do the same with him. I didnt understand the problem then if what I did was the same as them?

10 mins later, I walked into the kitchen and 2 of my colleagues were in there clearly talking about me as when I walked in, they both went "oh" looked at each other and suddenly went silent. The thing that hurts most is that one of those colleagues, I confided in last week about how much I struggle and how low I get sometimes. She was really understanding and supportive and told me to talk more about my feelings so I don't do anything stupid. Sometimes I really feel like I'm rubbish at my job and today I'm questioning everything I do and am.

 

I had a really bad day yesterday and felt so low. I was worried I might try something stupid I felt that bad. Then I finally managed to sleep and woke up this morning feeling a little more postive but not much. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it at work but obviously not.

I then felt angry at myself for not doing a good enough job at hiding it.

 

I went for an assessment at the wellbeing centre and she didnt even acknowledge the fact I think I may have asd. The thing I find hard to explain is that all my depression, stress, anxiety, ocd and sensitivites come from asd. I worry that I'll never get referred to the right people who will be able to asess and diagnose me as nobody ever seems to take me seriously.

[trekster]

How long have you been on sertraline? i couldnt tolerate it or any other type of antidepressant it's a side effect of my autism.

 

I've just been on your councils website and looked up autism and found these links

 

http://www3.hants.gov.uk/as-autism-strategy-hampshire(autism strategy check to see what it says about adult diagnosis)

 

There are other links on that page but i cant get them to work as im a resident outside of hampshire.

 

home page for autism on hampshires website;

 

http://www3.hants.gov.uk/as-autism

 

Theres also mental health links like Saneline or the Samaritans to talk mental health needs through.

 

Also consider asking for a mental health advocate

 

http://www3.hants.gov.uk/adult-services/adultservices-professionals/mental-health-strategies/imca.htm

[FlorenceD]

Thanks for the links.

 

I've been on Sertraline for nearly 3 weeks I think. I'm wondering whether the change in my mood is a side effect or not. A few days after initially taking it, my mood was amazing. I felt happier than I have for a long time and my mood wasn't up and down. Now I'm feeling rubbish again, though not as bad as the other day.

 

I have an appointment at the wellbeing centre next week to start my sessions with a wellbeing practitioner. I also have an appointment with a doctor at the end of the month so hopefully will start sorting out all this mess and chaos in my head.

 

I'm considering going private for an initial assessment/ possible diagnosis. Does anyone have experience of this or is better to wait for the NHS? Nobody seems to be taking me seriously and my mental health is suffering because of it. I have heard that if a private diagnosis is sought then you may not be able to access certain NHS services, is this true?

 

Thanks

[trekster]

Has the brand of sertraline or the dose changed since you 1st went on it?

 

Hope your appointments go well.

 

It is true that services might claim you "paid for your label therefore you can pay for your other services" if you go down the private route for diagnosis.

 

Is your local/nearest NAS branch supportive?