smadams11 Report post Posted July 18, 2015 hello, my son is 8 years old, 9 in 2 months. he used to have a rather inappropriate fascination with nudity and i would often find him peering through gaps in doors, trying to sneak a view of me getting changed, or staring at his siblings during bath time etc i used to be able to dress and simply ask him to turn away when i got to changing my underwear but i couldnt trust him not to peek.....so, because of this i decided to stop allowing him the opportunities of seeing us nude. i never said anything to him but i made sure he used the toilet before i had a bath and i changed while he was occupied and made sure the door was closed etc, he was no longer able to bathe with his siblings (this was also because he had twice touched his brother inappropriately). anyway, that happened when he was around 6, so 2 years ago. he has matured a lot since then and has since proven he can be appropriate around others nude-both being naked around others and being around people who are naked. but i fear i have damaged his perception of privacy. when i am in the bath, instead of being able to look in my direction and simply avoiding looking at private areas (as i do for him and his siblings), he 'crab walks' to the loo so his back is to me the whole time; he looks directly ahead at the wall while he does this so often trips on the bathmat or bumps into the sink. he has a mini tantrum at bath time as i or my partner will be seeing him naked, but we have to be there as, due to his clumsiness (the bathroom is a dangerous place), our distrust of his antics while we are gone (he has proved time and again that he gets up to all sorts of silly/risky behaviour when we are not around) and as he is unable to wash his own hair, we simply dont feel able to leave him yet. so while he bathes (with plenty of bubbles) i sit on the toilet seat and read a book-its not like i can even see him. he acts as though i am staring at his privates, when in reality i arent even looking in his direction. we have explained so many times that it is perfectly fine for us to see him naked, and that doesnt mean we are 'looking' at him, if you see what i mean. that, while we would try to avoid seeing his privates, if we do happen to, it is nothing to make a big deal of-just 'oops' and look away. we have asked how he feels when seeing his siblings naked (he says he feels fine with this) and we have said that is how we feel seeing him naked-no big deal. also, we are family so it doesnt matter as much. we have pictures of them naked from when they were babies. just this morning he came into my room without knocking and caught me naked; i quickly managed to cover my breasts and it really wasnt a big deal at all-just something that happened. i cant think of how to make him feel better about this and get him to a good place regarding nudity/privacy. he really has taken privacy too far. not only that, but he is also being overly secretive about certain things. when we play a card game and i cant see his cards, he goes to great lengths to hide them completely and has quite scary panics if i do. i have pointed out that if i do see his cards, i wont cheat and he quite often sees my cards and it doesnt bother him but....its like he has just muddled up the whole message i was trying to give him. to him, secrecy and privacy are one and the same. i am trying my best here, and it doesnt help that we were never a particularly nudey family to begin with. i am fairly private (but dont care too much if accidents happen) and i have never allowed the kids to run around naked as some do as i dont feel very comfortable with it to be honest. but having said all that, my other kids (aged 6 and 4) see me and my partner naked often when we are in the bath or getting changed. its fine as it clearly doesnt bother them and so it doesnt bother us. i have compared this to his other obsessions-that he has an idea in his head and he is taking it way, way too far and upsetting himself in the process. like, he has this survival book and in it, it encourages you to dissect plants to see if they are poisonous, then eat a tiny bit and avoid eating for 8 hours afterwards.....he did all this without me realizing until he refused his tea. he ate a rose petal. i pointed out that it is extremely unlikely he would find a dangerous plant in our garden here in england, that he should have asked before eating a plant and the reason the book says not to eat for a further 8 hours is to avoid confusion over which plant was poisonous if you ate anything else. of course, this is if you happen to find yourself in the middle of some endless jungle. he has just taken the books message too far.... so, how do i get my 8 year old to just calm down about it all? i hate to see him so upset over something so....normal. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MiddleEarthNet Report post Posted July 19, 2015 No idea if this will help or not. I've always been really keen on privacy. I couldn't bear the thought of mum seeing me in the bath when I was too young to be in the bathroom alone (I had a thing for locking the door and blocking the water overflow holes). Mum tried allowing me to have the bath in my swimming costume and it seemed to help. Now I won't wear a swimming costume at all because of privacy but it did get me though to the point where I could left safely in the bathroom. Maybe swimming trunks might work for your son? Or would he feel happier if it was a male (is his dad) bathing him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smadams11 Report post Posted July 19, 2015 No idea if this will help or not. I've always been really keen on privacy. I couldn't bear the thought of mum seeing me in the bath when I was too young to be in the bathroom alone (I had a thing for locking the door and blocking the water overflow holes). Mum tried allowing me to have the bath in my swimming costume and it seemed to help. Now I won't wear a swimming costume at all because of privacy but it did get me though to the point where I could left safely in the bathroom. Maybe swimming trunks might work for your son? Or would he feel happier if it was a male (is his dad) bathing him? its the same story with his dad unfortunately. but you have helped a lot, thank you. there is no reason at all why he cannot wear trunks in the bath; i could simply turn around or leave him for a few moments while he washes his privates, then pop back in when he is done and covered. i was worried that i shouldn't 'encourage' his behaviour as i thought he might continue being this way into adulthood and felt sure that it would affect him negatively, but i also worried that this may just be a part of him and i obviously shouldn't force him to be nude if he doesn't want to be. i will try this out tomorrow, but already feel sure it will work. he will be much happier and more comfortable. thank you so much for your help, its much appreciated! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MiddleEarthNet Report post Posted July 21, 2015 It might well continue into adulthood, but then it's less of an issue anyway so long as he can at some point be safe in a bathroom on his own. I won't wear a swimming costume at all because I don't like anything fitted and I don't like people being able to see my body (it got worse as I developed). But as an adult it's simple, I don't go into swimming pools and if I'm in the sea, no one would stop me wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Anyway, how did it go? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Waterboatman Report post Posted July 23, 2015 I am 55 and well this does not come from no where ian Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
