Paula Report post Posted September 1, 2015 My son is 21 I've been posting on here for a long time since he was 11 life doesn't get any easier.He went into a rage last night over nothing stomped to his bedroom locked the door and stayed in there all night occasionally shouting abuse if he heard me or his dad on the landing.We've the second phenology appointment today but he's got up stormed out the house ranting and shouting.She said he didn't need to attend so that's not an issue.He's left the house scruffy,stinking,unshaven unwashed for a week.I'm left in tears at his utter unreasonable behaviour and outbursts. I think thankgod he's gone he shouted he was of into town,I'm thinking god he looks a mess and stinks,I'm thinking I hope hedoesnt come back,I hatemyself for thinking that I love him but I'm worn down after 21 years.I'm sick of dealing with a grown man a largegrown man over 6ft and 16 stone who treats me like . I want to run away far away I want my life back. So fed up and sad. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) He returned home as if nothing happens … I went to the physcology appointment we haven't even got through the form yet and she says he's very very autistic. … tell me something I haven't known for 21 years least she's nice and friendly and approachable ended up telling her things I'd not ever told anyone ever it was hard putting it into words out there for someone to hear but she didn't blink an eye she just couldn't believe I'd managed with him for so long without help or a diagnosis … she said I'd done a good job Edited September 1, 2015 by Paula Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reppac Report post Posted September 1, 2015 Done a good job? You've done a great job! My heart goes out to you. I am low on the spectrum and high functioning and I know what I put my parents through, so you must be shattered. Do you get any down time? Is there anyone else to care for him, groups, etc?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted September 2, 2015 I was just his mum doing what any mum would do and no he never goes into respite I was told by the council there was nothing wrong with him even though they'd never seen him even though he went to a special school and claimed dla and esa I didn't qualify for support,he won't go to grandparents and a few years ago social services sent a social worker to assess situation and said get on with it services are stretched .You couldn't make it up but I bet I'm not alone in this situation. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mihaela Report post Posted September 2, 2015 I feel so sorry for what you have had to go through, Paula. I thought my parents went through a lot with me, but my outbursts now seem mild by comparison. The council have let you and your son down very badly, just as they did with me over a different matter. I'm still having difficulties due to my support worker being unable to visit because a social worker is holding her up - and at a time when I really need her. It's all so very frustrating and annoying, and as you say, it must be going on all over the country. If the system is 'stretched' it's not fit for purpose and people will suffer as a result. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted September 2, 2015 I've suffered myself with depression for years and was diagnosed with bi polar at 30 even playing that card didn't get my son acess to services you push and push and kick of but you get worn down and exhausted by always having to fight a system staffed by people who on the whole know nothing about anything and work of a check sheet I just hope when we get the diagnosis finally they'll listen.Its a miracle me and my husband are still together the stress over the years guess we're made of tough northern gritt. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted September 26, 2015 Hi Paula, i am in the same boat as you, my son is 22 and sounds just the same as yours. We have also been battling to get support over the last 10 years, and we do have a diagnosis. You are notnalone in wanting your life back, it is so hard, especially when people say "he's 22 let him get on with it". His room is a disgrace, i actually left it for 3 months without intervening, but it got to the stage where i thought we could get rats, so i ended up cleaning it!! My son is now in trouble with the police over inapropriate behavour, especially with girls, it looks like due to this we may finally get support, however i went to CAMBS 5 years ago with concerns for the future with girls, but they did not listen, so i won't hold my breath!!! Stay strong, you are not alone. x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sigmund Report post Posted September 26, 2015 I think unless you have a intellectual disability as well as ASD your pretty much left on the scrapheap and services don't want to know. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted September 29, 2015 My son has an obvious learning disability also so hey our lucks in we may get help.The psychologist has been out to observe him in his volunteer placement just waiting now for her to get back in touch with her draft of the report so we can check I'm in agreement ect.She was very nice and supportive I'm hopefully once we get the diagnosis some help will come. My son also behaves inappropriately towards woman and girls if he likes them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Waterboatman Report post Posted September 29, 2015 Hormones Male and Females have those in great abundance We can be normal in that ! He is young, I was too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sigmund Report post Posted September 29, 2015 My son also behaves inappropriately towards woman and girls if he likes them. I imagine that makes him more vulnerable especially if his inappropriateness is directed towards children. It can make him very vulnerable indeed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gold MD Report post Posted October 24, 2015 So sorry your son treated you like that but a lot of people on the spectrum can be saying nasty things they do not mean out of frustration. It clearly upsets you. I'd say you should not put up with this. Draw up some lines. Get a bit of help. Are there support services for parents of kids on the spectrum? Maybe you cannot handle him alone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites