I Always Knew I Didn't Fit In

[StMartin72]

hi there,

I'm new here. I recently came to suspect that I have Aspergers from years and years of trying to understand the cause of my poor mental health. I've identified myself as having numerous things, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc. Its only within the last month, with my American wife's help, that I saw autism as the overhanging cause that explained all these conditions. The depression doesn't explain my poor lack of social skills, my dislike of small talk, my withdrawal from people in general, and my inability to understand people's humour with my incredibly defensive, emotional mechanisms always at red alert. In my worldview, its me against everyone else. So I always knew something was wrong but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.

Since exploring Aspergers as a possible cause, I've had a number of responses. First, a sense of helplessness because Aspergers is incurable, and I doubt my abilties to overcome it. Secondly, a regret over the wasted years of my life, because had I made this discovery in my 20s rather than now when I'm 43, my life might have been more productive. Thirdly, resistance. Because of my dislike of the 'neotypical' world dominated by extroverts who dictate our societal norms, I see Aspergers as a label and stigma dreamed up by the majority to discriminate against certain 'anti-social' behaviours that fail to fit in with the norm. The lack of medical evidence for Aspergers tends to influence this type of thinking. Along with my distrust of psychiatrists and counsellers who have failed to help me, and missed all the signs. I tend to see psychiatry as a guessing game, ie psychiatry is to the mind what metereology is to the weather.

Currently I'm reading up on the Aspergers literature that's out there to get some help. I live in Seaford, East Sussex, and would like to seek out a support group in my local area to help me with this process of 'self-discovery'.

[Confused Traveller]

Hi. I can relate to a lot of what you say. I was 60 a few weeks ago, and am stuck on the waiting list for a diagnosis (I hope, as all the evidence I can finds points to Aspergers, and I need it confirmed).

 

One thing that has really struck me though, is that a lot of the discoveries and inventions that the neurotypical world rely on, and love, were, or may well have been, discovered by Aspies. So the world needs Aspies! My big frustration is not knowing decades ago, so I could have made better use of any rare talents I have, and worked out ways to compensate for the weaknesses. As it is, I've got into a situation I can't seem to get out of, that I hope I wouldn't have got into if I'd known. I may still have done what I've been trying to do, but done it differently.

 

When I was little, doctors said I would "grow out" of my "nerves", and in more recent years they (and other so called experts) have been trying to apply "cures". Interestingly though, Aspergers experts like Tony Attwood strongly recommend CBT for Aspies, but it must be done with someone who understands Aspergers. So maybe they were applying the right solution, but with the wrong practitioners.

 

The idea of a support group is great. The ASD advisor for my local council has been trying to get one together, but without success so far. One of the most useful experiences I've had so far was a two hour conversation she arranged with someone with Aspergers, who gives public talks about it. At the end of the meeting he said that he was sure I'm autistic. But the difficult step is the one where the right boxes have to be ticked to fit the official definition.

[trekster]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I know there have been groups in London but unsure about your area. You could try an Internet search "adult autism support groups: east sussex". Your local councils website might have an idea as well. Hope you find some support soon.