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branicles

Advice on potential partner

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Hello all. I am hoping you can give me some advice. For the last 6 months I have been spending my free time online with a lovely lady who happens to have aspergers. We both share a deep love for complicated video games and seem to get along quite well talking about anything and everything (via voice chat) that comes to mind as we play. We have spoken about our lives, our thoughts on the world and even our deepest secrets. After realising I have fallen for her I have begun to struggle to find out if she feels the same way but of course she avoids answering me by changing the subject. When I told her about how I feel about her she answered with thanks and a few smilies and then the conversation swerved in a different direction. After that I decided to look deeper into Aspergers and realised how much emotion to her is expressed so differently to me. She lives quite close but in a different country to me. This summer she is planning to visit my countrys capital city with her mother for a minibreak and I asked her if we could meet up. She has agreed and will tell me when the dates are set. I am still not sure how she feels about me. Will I find out when she is ready? Should I already know how she feels? How should I proceed? Thank you to anyone spends the time to reply.

 

PS We are in our 20s.

Edited by branicles

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gelofogo   

Hi, branicles,

 

The avoidant behavior suggests to me that she's not comfortable with the subject. If you don't chase her, she may feel more free to approach at her own speed. If she's already agreed to tell you when she's in town, it may be a good idea to keep conversation live without asking her for her feelings--feelings are private, until the other person wants to disclose them. And that's not really about Asperger's, that's just about people. If you love something, the only way to know if it loves you back is if it chooses to follow you. Snaring it in a net of words doesn't do much for that. Being in your 20s can make that a little harder to sort than for some older folks, in my experience.

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Thank you so much for your reply. I have figured that much, i shall leave it develop at her pace and just hope for the best. Very wise. It does seem harder at my age to just keep quiet and let live. ^^

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gelofogo   

I'm so glad it was helpful--and I do hope things turn out well for you both. Let us know what develops! I was in my thirties before I married (amd I'm still married).

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