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MiddleEarthNet

Suddenly everything just makes so much more sense

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Yesterday I had one of those moments when just everything about my life just suddenly made more sense. And it actually felt like a relief. With diagnosises of Asperger's and dyslexia but with difficulties that never really fitted properly under those headings and the general feeling I'm more towards the autism end rather than Asperger's end of the spectrum. There are lots of little bits that (until yesterday) were previously disconnected problems - I had trouble sleeping, I was continually late for morning acivities (no matter how hard I tried not to), I've always been hyperactive, needing to burn off huge amounts of energy, I can't sit still for long, I'm a definite fidget and all the way through school I was classed as a troubled child.

Whilst searching on the internet for things to help with my sleep before I loose my job, I came across a website about adult ADHD that listed the exact sleep problems that I have been struggling to put into words, even right down to the 'can't shut my mind up'. From there I read through the rest of the descriptions. Aside from quite obviously I haven't been to the GP, it seemed to really make sense. Even the little things - my support worker has noticed that I fidget and has suggested deliberatly using something when I am stressed. I ordered a tangle hairy (and I love it) and was playing with it whilst playing a computer puzzle game at home. And straight away I noticed that I was consistantly getting better scores that I ever do normally.

I know Asperger's/Autism and ADHD are linked but I now think maybe I have ASD, ADHD and dyslexia. Even though in a way its a bad thing, it feels like a relief that there may be an answer.

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Mihaela   

No it's not a bad thing at all. The better we know ourselves the more content we'll be. Discovering that I was on the autism spectrum was a great relief for me too, for everything made sense about my life and my difficulties - as well as my talents. It was like the final piece of the jigsaw slotting into place.

I had to look up tangle hairy. I love things like that, and can't stop fiddling with them! Very relaxing. I stroke my cats a lot maybe for the same reason. I don't think I have ADHD but I do think I have ADD. My brain's hyperactive, and my body less so, although I've always liked quite energetic activity. I don't have dyslexia but I do have dyscalculia.

 

You said in a way it was a bad thing - but equally it's a good thing! It's the way NT people treat us that's bad.

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Someone I used to know and respect... (who had more emotional problems than anyone I've ever met) ... used to say (or rather manically shout) to me .... 'you understand, but you don't REALISE'.

Some of his insights will stick we me forever.

There's the thing. Its nice when we have revelations where things 'slot into place' and we 'realise'.

Often we think we understand ... but occasionally, its as if the stars line up ... internal circuits switch on ... and we know we have seen something or are experiencing something life changing.

I think the 'answer' is fluid and different for everyone at different times, but involves appreciating / enjoying being oneself and as much of the world around us as we can ... or at least trying our best to.

I'm quite wary of my tendency to hyperfocus - so post diagnosis try not to look for problems as I know I'll always find what I'm looking for ... which may not be what I want!

Right now I'm investigating little bits of happiness wherever I can find them, knowing that they will all add up to something.

Never been into diagnostic labels, but if the insights can provide knowledge about yourself that makes you happier, more secure and your life better ... thats good :)

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True, its the view that many people have that ADHD means the person is a trouble maker (which isn't always the case). I've also heard so many people say it is made up and an excuse and it just means the parents haven't disciplined the person. So even though there is the relief that there might be an explanation there is also the worry that if I proceed with getting a diagnosis that people (employers) would make assumptions. But then again it could also help with attempting to explain to people why I do certain things.

 

I love stroking my cat as well and in my hands at least I love stuff with a texture that moves. By the sound of it, you'd love a tangle hairy. I reccomemnd trying to get one.

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Ooh, didn't spot the second reply whilst I was typing.

 

Often we think we understand ... but occasionally, its as if the stars line up ... internal circuits switch on ... and we know we have seen something or are experiencing something life changing.

Thats a great description of how it felt.

 

Its not so much a diagnostic label, for me its the though that instead of there been sleep problems, attention problems, hyper problems etc as separate problems that are difficult to explain, it the thought I could say four letters and its an answer that I don't need to try and (generally unsuccessfully) explain.

 

Also, I used to get told off so often for fidgeting, playing with things whilst people were talking. And no one listened when I said I was still paying attention. So I tried to stop doing it but obviously that made it worse.

Edited by MiddleEarthNet

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I think the thing is alot of people do not understand labels ... or have a very different (and likely negative) understanding... so for example, me quoting aspergers to a future employer is not necessarily going to help. Maybe better that they just get to know and trust me as a person first.

 

Traits that have got me in trouble have centred around me doing things properly in a pedantic way, like following policy or (god forbid!) telling the truth!

Believe it or not, things like walking across the top of meeting tables rather than asking people to let me through were accepted.

 

We can only carry so much on our shoulders, I'm keen to let go of what troublesome / useless baggage I can and focus on positives.#

 

Also, I used to get told off so often for fidgeting, playing with things whilst people were talking. And no one listened when I said I was still paying attention. So I tried to stop doing it but obviously that made it worse.

 

 

They didn't understand that fidgeting can be an aid to concentration and sometimes its an alternative to internally falling apart.

 

I used to have a thing for woolly jumpers...meetings allowed me to pick off all the bobbles, and every now and then I would be able to say something very intelligent, useful and pertinent ... which demonstrated I was listening carefully and taking part. Also my jumpers always looked like new! :o

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