lizj Report post Posted March 23, 2016 Is there anyone out there can give me some helpful advice please? Our adult son (24) still lives with us, is long term unemployed and receiving JSA and DLA. This makes him slightly better off than his "normal" friends. Some of these so-called friends have sussed that he has more cash than them, and have been asking him to give them money - about £50-£100 at a time - so that he has had his bank account cleared out by them several times. They spin him sob stories about needing to pay vets bills or buy food, and he falls for it every time. Sometimes they say it's a loan and they will pay it back but they never do. He has ASD and learning difficulties and is afraid of losing their "friendship" if he does not pay up. We have tried talking to him, getting angry, offering help and even taking his bank cards off him, but we cannot get through to him that he is being exploited and that he needs to take better care of his money. We also despair of him ever being able to live independently while he is so easily exploited. Has anyone any advice that we might try? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gmboy Report post Posted March 24, 2016 Sounds like he is a victim of "mate crime", where someone pretends to be friends with another person so they can manipulate and take advantage of them. Persuading the person to give money, always by the drinks when socialising and threatening to end friendship are common examples of mate crime. My first thought was that you could speak to the police, and to social work about the possibility of financial guardianship (as I've called in Scotland, but I think it may be called something different in England). But if your son is able to be upskilled to recognise that what's happening is wrong and to stand up to these so-called friends that would be a way of him gaining more independence. There is a webpage about Mate Crime on the Association for Real Change website, explaining mate crime and contact details for a Project Officer. Obviously they will be dealing with these issues all the time, so are likely to have more suggestions and possible solutions than I can think of. The web page for the project, called Safety Net, is at http://arcuk.org.uk/safetynet/examples-of-mate-crime/ I'm sure it's worrying for you. Also worrying and confusing for your son, who probably wants both friends and to be independent. Keep in mind that he is an adult and adults sometimes make bad decisions, which he has a right to do, although (without knowing your son) it does sound like this particular situation isn't just a bad decision which he has control over. Good luck with getting this resolved. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
