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Perfect in school? But not at home

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I have brought up two children with autism/aspergers.  I am bringing up 4 grandchildren.  The youngest (9) shows traits of ASD but not enough for a diagnosis.

A few years since we went twice to CAMHS and were told that after observing her in school there were no problems, she was doing really well at school, was quiet, never caused any trouble.  If she had ASD she would show traits at home and at school.  So I dropped it, despite disagreeing with this.  My reasons were that my daughter's diagnosis wasnt made early enough as she was very quiet in school and caused no trouble.  She got to 21 and had 4 concealed pregnancies before a diagnosis was made, despite her being seen by CAMHS at 14.  I explained this to CAMHS and told them that girls have different ways of showing the symptoms.  But I couldnt get beyond the young psychologist, and she kept saying there were no problems in school, only what I reported, she hadnt observed anything.

At the moment the most troublesome problems are sensory with clothing,  she wont respond to my repeated requests to do things, she is very loud.

I have been through her refusal to get dressed in a morning and got to the bottom of it.  The school uniform was too uncomfortable,  she couldnt bear shoes and socks either, and at one point wore sandals in winter.  I got round this by asking school permission for her to wear a plain white cotton t shirt, no cuffs, no collar binding.  They allowed this.  I also got permission for her to wear cotton bamboo lycra leggings in school colours.  Instead of the school cardigan or sweatshirt she wears a soft hoodie and takes it off in the classroom.  I order her socks from Israel, they are bamboo with no seams. (after trying every type of sock from UK stores).  When searching for school shoes we have to ignore what the Clarks lady says and buy them too big so she cant feel them pressing anywhere.  This is how we get to school on time in a morning.  The above took two years to achieve, and at one point involved me carrying her to school and her getting dressed in front of the SENCO.  I now make her clothing for out of school use, choosing soft materials and techniques.

She will never tidy up or put things away, when asked.  Most of the time she wont do homework when asked.  If I withold treats, she does without.  Her bedroom she shares, is always a mess, as she has to have the bed arranged a particular way.  I am through with star charts.  They dont work for her.  Nor do marbles int he jar or whatever.

She falls out with her sisters frequently and is very very loud.  She wants to dictate the games they share.  She has a special soft throw that she wraps herself in and finds comfort from that.  She is very interested in gymnastics, and performs different gymnastics routines daily for around an hour, very minimally dressed.  She is very bright for her age and does well in maths and English.  At school she is very very quiet and some teachers cannot get a response.  Like her brother, she sometimes responds with a sound.

Right, I can understand that all that isnt a diagnosis for ASD.  But in my opinion the sensory problem with clothing is bad enough to require treatment somehow as it gets in the way of everyday life.  When she goes to comp she will have to wear a full uniform.  Is it worth my pursuing this, or shall I just do what I have been doing and placate her with special clothing?

 

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Hello

Have you considered pursuing an alternative diagnosis for 'sensory integration disorder' or 'sensory processing disorder' since those are the symptoms that stand out both at school and at home?

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