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paulfoel

Teenager out of control and violent

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Posted about him many times I'm sure....
15 now, big lad. Got a diagnosis of Aspergers.

Not sure if its related to Aspergers or just general bad teenager behaviour. Like most he doesn't listen, makes a mess, is moody and stroppy. Normal I guess. One thing is he generally believes hes so hard done by and thinks we pick on him. In all honestly, he gets away with murder.

We try not to get into arguments with him. We warn him then we remove PC priveleges. But he wont take and gets VERY aggressive. He just cannot control himself. In the past, hes been violent towards me.

Today, after some typical lazy behaviour that he'd been warned for, he got a 1 day ban. Then he got in my wifes face in a very threatening way. Thing is he would have been back on there by tommorow but hes made it 1000x times worse now.

Hes a big lad. What do I do here? Yes understand teenagers can be a nightmare but surely being aggressive towards your mother is just a bit too far.
Ultimately, I can see me calling the Police one day and getting him arrested.

How to deal?

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Feel for you my sons 25 a nightmare I can't take it anymore so no advice I wish I had, it gets worse as you get older weaker ect and they get stronger and bigger

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A lot of 'behaviour that challenges' is due to hidden pain. 98% according to John Clements author of 'people with autism behaving badly, moving on from emotional and behavioural challenges'.

But asking us "are you in pain?" When we cannot comprehend what pain is or means (even us highly verbal people cannot comprehend) is gonna be tricky.

It's a bit like being a detective; what triggers off the 'problem' behaviour; what can be done instead.

Have a timetable for when your kids help with chores and when they have downtime, autistics need a lot more downtime than neurotypicals.

Yeah I get it we're a lot harder work than neurotypicals, I had running away behaviour as a teenager, school stuff, others emotions etc was all too much to cope with. I still need a flow diagram to get all my shower stuff in the right order, or my home help to "verbally prompt me at every stage", plus dealing with the sensory issues, any distractions from the umpteen comments I may have heard online etc.

Think of asking one of us to do the dishes and the number of steps it takes to do the dishes. Then once you've worked out or remembered those steps, you realise the washing up liquid has run out.... After the shops have all shut.

Gaming is a way of hiding from the unpredictable world. The more predictable life at home can be the easier it is for us to prevent meltdowns, shutdowns and brain overload.

The challenging behaviour foundation could have some other ideas;

https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/

Although it's aimed at those with severe learning disabilities, the principles can be applied to any form of challenging behaviour.

Ps, I have been both the 'getting in your face' and on the end of someone 'getting in my face' sides of the fence. I've people close to me, that deny they're autistic so take it out on me. I've now got better resources to help me be less in one's face and normally intervene to help the situation no longer escalate, living on my own and having home help I've found a way to interact with helps, as does controlling physical pain, recognising when hungry or tired can also help.

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