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paulfoel

Teenager, 16. On the spectrum. Dealing with lying/bad behaviour

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Always a problem with this - determining whats bad teenage behaviour and whats aspergers....
 
He plays on his PC a lot. More than we'd like but its his safe zone and calms him down - mostly. In the past, hes got very annoyed and smashed cupboards, thrown chairs etc in his bedroom. We moved the PC downstairs so we could keep an eye on.
 
Hes been good for about a year so we let him move back upstairs to his bedroom. HOWEVER, he told us a few weeks ago (before he moved) he'd broken a glass. Theres more to it. We found pieces of glass the other side of the room, all in his little sisters (whos 6) toy box. Also, there is a strange dent on the wall. There is more to this glass breakage and 99.9% certain hes thrown it.
 
If hes lost his temper thats fine. But he's left glass everywhere. 
Also we asked him about it and he immediately started getting VERY VERY aggressive. Thats his way. He feigns indignation that "no-one ever believes me" and then tries to front it out - but if I had a pound for every time we'd had this and hes later been found out I'd be a zillionaire.
 
Of course, hes made it 10 times worse now by not only continuing to lie about it but get aggressive (this is a big NO in our house - we've had VERY bad experiences with him getting violent in the past)
 
Thing is what do we do? Speak to him again and it WILL escalate. Let it go and it WILL happen again. He'll know he can "front it out" by denying all knowledge because he knows if he kicks off we'll back down.

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autistic people seem aggressive rather than are actually aggressive. for me a number of things cause me to 'kick off' (something that's rare for me nowadays), 1, being in physical pain from my fibromyalgia and elhers danlos syndromes 2, having something with sodium or similar benzoate in it (a yukky preservative found in drinks like Pepsi max and a number of liquid meds) 3, having a cptsd flashback without realising that I'm too scared to talk about it is often the result of an inappropriate joke. 4, angry depression (which resolved itself within a year when I could communicate my physical pain better as a result of going off dairy, gluten and pineapple (last one is for my elhers danlos syndrome)) hope you find a solution soon and that no one gets hurt by the broken glass. could you have a "plastic or paper cups only allowed in your room" rule? that would prevent further incidents of broken glass.

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thanks. Alas, it seems every single "disagreement" results in him going from 0 to 1000 in literally 2 seconds. There is no in between.

In the past, hes assaulted me 3 or 4 times and has put his mother in hospital once (shoved her over and broke her arm).

Yes non-glass cups would be one less thing to break and throw of course. BUT it'll be something else. In the past we;ve had office chairs thrown at the wall, walls punched, glass doors smashed, etc etc. 

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He may not be able to remember what he has done if it was done in an autistic meltdown which is why he's appearing to lie. He has this time come to you about the broken glass which can be encouraged. The cause of why he's throwing things or breaking stuff needs to be found and removed. Thank him for coming to you about the broken glass.  Has anything in particular set this off with going into his room to escape from the world? I do agree with getting a counseller would be the best way forward especially one thats trained in helping families that have autistics that display challenging behaviour. 

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