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Emma

Advice required please

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Firstly, hello to everyone, what a wonderfull forum for people to help one another!

My name is Emma and I am mum to two beautiful girls aged 9 and 6 :wub:

 

I'm not sure where to start really or if any of this will make any sense as its quite hard to put into words :rolleyes: I will start right at the beginning although not sure of the relevance of it, M(6) has always been a crier, even when she was born the midwife commented on her constant crying, this carried on all through babyhood and as a toddler which I guess is perfectly normal. However, shes 6 now and is still crying at the slightest thing, be it frustartion that she can't do something or sulking, she sulks a lot :unsure: She refused to go to any birthday parties too, for some reason she just didn't like them! When she started school, we attended a parents evening, the teacher told us that M is very very shy in school and doesn't talk atall. She told us it could be that she is taking longer to settle in than the other children and not to be too concerned just yet, which although worried we went along with.

 

M moved up to year 1 and again we went to parents evening, where we were to be told that she was still not talking and would just nod or shake her head accordingly, we also were told that her work was below average, she struggled reading and writing and was extremely quiet in class even answering the register she wouldn't say yes, she would just nod to the teacher :tearful: The teacher was wonderfull and when I told her that my father has dyslexia she thought perhaps this could be the reason behind it all, she agreed to watch her closely and we would meet again in 3 months time to discuss her progress, she said if there had been no breakthroughs, then she thought perhaps M has a learning disability and would call in the Educational Physcologist to assess her. I tried and tried with her at home to read with her and to get her to do her homework, she wouldn't do it she would just cry. Anyway the three months passed and we went in, she had started to make small progress and after watching her closely the teacher was happy that she does not have dyslexia, however, shes stilll to young to know for sure. She had begun to make a little progress with her communicating in class too and had started talking to her friends in class, but still just a nod at the teacher, infact the day I went to see the teacher M was with me and the teacher was almost in tears as M actually spoke to her :clap:

 

At the last parents evening, we found out that M now talks to the teachers and is gaining a confidence with them, her work is still below average though, but the teacher said she has made outstanding progress over the last 6 months B) In fact she got an end of year certificate for "talking" :thumbs: Which of course I was delighted with. This all is a step in the right direction and I really thought things would improve from now on. However, things are still difficult at home, we live in a small close and there are a handfull of children all around the same age and a bit older M and her sister play with, you can guarantee, that when playing out M will come in crying at least half a doxen times, some of it is justified and some is purely when she sulks. This has become a problem as now the children have realised that M cries alot they have started to tease her, which is making things very difficult for her and worrying for me as I don't want her confidence knocked back again.

 

Shes been very tearful over the holidays and has mentioned that the children at school are teasing her as she gets easier work than they do and that she thinks shes stupid and rubbish :( which absolutely breaks my heart to hear :tearful: My sister has just been to stay as he was emigrating to USA and she also mentioned about M behaviour, about how she completely ignores people in social situations, she won't sit in a corner or anything but she will just ignore people when they are speaking to her, just turns her back, I can't really explain it. This has brought me to a cross roads really I don't know where I go from here, or what I do, should I worry about her, my mum often says that M seems "different" to other children, she has little quirks, that I can't really explain very well. For istance, she won't take any praise of any kind, she hates it, we have to be very carefull, if we say for example aww brill M what a clever girl riding your bike, she will say no i'm not i'm stupid and start crying :wacko: Just to add too, if its any relevance that my nephew has been diagnosed with Autism, I think its quite severe as I know they recieve a special payment for him because of it. I don't think M has autism, but I know there is something thats holding her back and I just need your input and your stories to help me pursue a diagnosis for her, I just want my liitle girl to be happy and I want the best for her, it breaks my heart to see her being teased and I trully don't know what to do next?? Please help me, to help her.

 

 

I fgorgot to mention, that at times she goes very hyper, I do watch her diet carefully, shes not allowed sweets, but has chocolate so it can't be down to E numbers.

 

Thanks xxx

 

Ps: sorry if none of this makes sense and please feel free to ask any questions, like I said, her behaviour is hard to explain, it sounds like i'm being silly when I type it out, but you have to witness it to understand :rolleyes:

 

A worried mummy

Edited by Emma

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Dear Emma

 

Welcome to the forum

 

Big >:D<<'> >:D<<'> to you at the moment. Must be hard not knowing what is the right course of action for Maddie.

 

I would take her to your GP (or go yourself) and point out these problems and ask to see someone at the Child Development Centre (usually attached to the local hospital). If there are any problems they should be able to tell you what they are. Of course it may just be that she is really really shy.

 

There are lots of people here who will be able to point you in the right direction and hopefully put your mind at rest.

 

Sorry not much help really

 

take care and try and keep smiling >:D<<'>

 

Caroline

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Hi Emma,

 

Do you suspect some form of autism? If yes then this is the right place to be. You could simply spend some time reading the threads and see if anything you read reminds you of your daughter? We do have parents here who have daughters with ASD - I have two sons with it - and often girls present differently? There is a great deal to ASD and all children are different. Most children with autism also have many sensory issues. This can include their clothes, their food and their sensitivity to light and noise and smell.

 

Make a list of the things that realy worry you and post it back here. If there are things on the list that we can identify with in our kids we will soon tell you.

 

Carole >:D<<'>

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:D Thank you for the replies so far, yes I do suspect something, but not sure what. The sensitivity thing is a definate with her, she is very sensitive to noise, one of the reasons she hates parties, if other children are shouting or clapping or cheering like recently at school sports day, she starts crying because of the noise, sometimes she even shakes :( Although saying that, she can be very noisey herself :rolleyes: She can dress herself fine and has no real problem with food, will try anything but she is constantly hungry, she can eat her brekkie and want something 20 mins later, infact she goes through the whole day, saying shes hungry, even after eating, shes not overweight though, I give her mostly fruit between the meals, she can get quite cranky, if she doesn't eat for an hour :wacko:

 

I will have a godd read through the posts and see what I can find, I appreciate all children are different, but there is just something with Maddie, its hard for me to pinpoint.

 

Thanks again >:D<<'>

Edited by Emma

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Hi Emma, >:D<<'>

 

Welcome to the forum, you will find lots of support here from people who understand. My son, now an adult, cried a lot when he was young, it wasn't just normal crying it was a painful cry. He was fearful of most things.

 

Carole has given you good advice, writing a list of your worries and also noting 'behaviours' when you see them is a good way of getting a fuller picture. It's also a good source of information to give to professionals if you decide to ask for an assessment.

 

Best wishes

 

Nellie xx

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Hi Emma, >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

My son too is sensitive to noise, and a sudden one will have him shaking,

but he is very noisy himself, I suppose because he knows its coming, and he can

control the level of noise himself.

 

You said that Maddie was only untalkative in certain situations, this made me think

of 'selective mutism', this is a name for a specific type of behaviour, and not a diagnoses in its self. I have a book that mentions selective mutism, this is a little of what it says:

A small number of children talk in one situation (for example at home) but remain silent elsewhere (for example at school). Reluctance to speak in strange situations is fairly

common in toddlers when first beginning to speak, but if it goes on until school age it should be looked into. 'selective mutism' as this behaviour is called, can be associated with a variety of speech and behaviour problems including autistic disorders.

 

I'm not saying this is what it is, but as you are exploring different avenues, I thought I would bring this to attention.

 

I hope you find some answers.

 

Take care

 

Brook >:D<<'>

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Hi Emma,

 

Welcome to the forum - you will see lots of information in the various threads here.

 

I have a 31/2 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder. If you were to see a videotape of her at home with me you would probably think she was a 'normal' little girl. She is very bright, extremely articulate and vocal and very much a drama queen !!

 

Take her out of her comfort zone and her extreme anxiety causes her to ignore anyone who tries to talk to her, cry if other children aren't playing exactly by the rules , become very upset if you praise her too highly and basically all the other things that you mentioned. That doesn't mean that your wee one is on the spectrum but I'm trying to explain ( probably very badly ) that autism presents itself in very different ways.

 

My daughter has sensory integration dysfunction which causes her problems due to her heightened sense of smell, taste, hearing etc. We have worked very hard on various play exercises with her over the summer ( read the book The Out of Sync Child ) and she has improved tremendously. This problem in itself can cause avoidance of social situations without autism being present.

 

Best advice is as the others have said - trust your gut reaction and ask your GP to get you a referral to a local Child Development Centre who can help you get to the root of your daughters problems.

 

Good luck with that and if you have any other questions then fire away.

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:D Thank you all so very much for your kind words and advice, I will be researching all I can and hopefully can get to help my little girl.

 

I will no doubt be picking your brains somemore, thanks again x

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Emma,Iam new and not as knowledgeable as other mums here.What you said and your mother said about maddie being differant is exactly what I and my mother said about my 5 yr old girl.she has had diffulculty with friendships which has not improved with time,very sensative with sounds, long list.

My daughter is on the spectrum,the educational assessor came to her nursery when she was 3 and said I was under stimulating her,she is five now and when I told them something I could not put my finger on was wrong IT WAS.Trust your gut feeling you are her mum and nobody knows her like you.A mothers instinct is stronger than I think any of us realise.Like your daughter mine cannot read is behind at school and shows little interest in learning although loves being read to.Trust what you feel. :wub:

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Does your daughter see a SALT? I would have thought with such difficulties with talking whilst at school that the teacher would have requested that your daughter be seen asap by a SALT.

 

You can self refer yourself to see a Speech and Language Therapist. Ask the school for the name of your school nurse, contact her and tell her you wish for your daughter to be referred to a SALT due to her significant speech and language difficulties.

 

I know how worrying it can be. my son was non verbal from the age of 2yrs and 7 months until he reached 7. He is nearly 10 now and we still have non verbal days....Im pretty good at Charades, as miming is his only way of communicating with us when he chooses to stop talking.

 

What other signs does your daughter show for you to suspect ASD?

 

 

:robbie:

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Thank you Margot :) My daughter sounds very similar to yours, infact I have just spent the evening trying to chat to her about friends and she got upset saying she has none :( She has a little friend in our close, but its a difficult friendship, the other little girl is very confident indeed and M will come in crying at the slightest thing :rolleyes: Interestingly, she gets on quite well with a little boy who is autistic :)

 

Rabbit, sorry I may have mislead you with my post, my daughter speaks absolutely fine and has excellent language skills, shes very conversant at home and with people she knows and loves. Its just in the classroom that she won't speak ;) and to family members that she only sees every couple of months. So no she has had no help from a SALT, she had improved at the end of term and had starting speaking to the teacher (think I said in my op) that this was a massive step, I am a bit worried though that after such a long holiday, she may have gone backwards again when shes goes back in September.

 

I don't know why I suspect Aspergers I don't really know that much about it which is why I am trying to learn all I can from this board! I guess I have heard somewhere along the line that an aspergers child has difficulty in social situations and thats probably what has led me here :) I do feel its much more than just shyness with her, its so very hard to explain.

Edited by Emma

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Verbal ability rarely matches comprehension for children on the spectrum. So how do you feel she understands things? Does she ever take something said in a literal way? Even though our kids have good verbal abilities that does not mean that they do not require input from a speech therapist - of course that does not always mean that they get the input either. My sons teacher could not understand why my son was putting the farm animals back in the wrong place all of the time, until I listened to her. She was simply saying put the animals back under ther table. She did not say which table and so he simply put them back under the nearest table. She said yes but he know they are kept under the red table. But she was not saying this so he did not do it.

 

Do you have a real conversation with your daughter or is it more like a question and answer session? This is another classical ASD trait. Also they are more inclined to want to talk if it is something that is of interest to them. Both of mine can talks for hours on their chosen subjects. I have one 8 and one 18. They both struggle at turn taking in conversations and just continue to talk until you stop them. These are classic pointer for ASD along with MANY other issue.

 

Carole

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Emma,my daughter cries saying she has no friends but it is because she does not treat them well is dominant and very self involved,my daughter cannot talk out of her line of interest.eveything is about her what she can get and how it effects her.

my daughter is very cuddly and affectionate and wants to have friends and in her own way loves them as long as they do as she says and if they dont to her they are being horrible,actually that applies to me ,her dad and her sister.She is very verbal but talks at you and does not talk to you.

As I said if you feel there is a problem there proberbly is.Trust your instinct and talk to gp.Wishing you love as i know how worried and frustrated you must be right now.

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:) Hi Emma, i am relatively new to this forum but it has been a lifesaver to me and my hubby. We have a little boy(5) who we think is absolutely fine as he is at home but has probs at school with communication like your little girl. I would advise you to see your GP and tell him your fears etc he may recommend that you see a paeditrician who specialises in autism and AS. This is what we did and are now seeing a paeditrician every 4 months, we dont have a diagnosis as i think it is really hard to diagnose AS at a young age but at least we are getting some support and the help is there should we ever need it. Good luck :D

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:oops: PS Emma, you are already in a good situation as your child seems to be in a good school with a great teacher, we are not all so lucky we had to remove our little one from his school 2 weeks prior to the big hols as they are near useless, and at this moment in time he does not have a school!! Debie

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