BuntyB Report post Posted August 17, 2005 Hi, I hope it's okay to ask a question on personal issues. I have come to terms with the fact that I have undiagnosed AS. One of the problems I had with relationships was the sensitivity of my skin. Doctors put my reluctance to be touched as some deep psychological problem from my past! but I understand much more now and have been able to explain to my husband what is okay for me and what isn't. However, since getting married, I have wondered why my husband has been so evasive when it comes to talking about personal issues and it is hard to get close to him. I suspect that I love him because he also has aspie traits, but they do differ from mine. It's hard to know what is okay for him as if I bring up our relationship, he responds with 'I don't know what you're talking about'. I think he does, but feels embarrassed. I have swung between showering him with affection in a hope to improve his self esteem, and trying to give him space and not smothering him, in the hope he will respond in his own time. When you get no feedback, it's hard to know what to do for the best! I am unclear about his physical needs- on the face of it, he doesn't seem to have any! (although I definately do) I am hoping that others have found ways of communicating on personal issues and might be able to have some tips for me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted August 17, 2005 Hi Shona, This is a tricky one, it looks as if the problem could be in communication, which is common in any relationship. It could be that your husband really doesn't understand what you're talking about or is just unable to communicate on this level. You could try communication in writing or try Relate counselling (I think a lot of them are trained in ASD now, but worth checking first. Some links, apologies if you have already read them. AS / Relationships and Marriage, Information on family relationships. http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=727 Tony Attwood. Workshop for Partners of People with Asperger?s Syndrome http://www.autism.org.uk/content/1/c4/36/18/attwood2.pdf Nellie xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lesley Report post Posted August 17, 2005 We found the best help was reading as much as possible about AS (hubby self dx, me with traits) There are some good books about living with AS; 'An Asperger Marriage' and AS - Re-defining normal' You'll find them on the NAS website - I bought mine from Amazon We found the more we read about how other people cope the more we could talk about it My husband is now going for formal dx & has even found the stregnth to talk to his boss about it A year ago if I'd sked him 'what's up' he'd have said 'I dont know, leave me alone' Hope its useful Lx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
