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jayjay

knives and forks

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Hi everyone, wondering if u can help me on this one, my 5 year old son still doesnt use his knive and fork, i put them out for him every time we have dinner but he eats with his fingers constantly and when i tell him to use his knive and fork he does until my back is turned then eats with his fingers again. Not sure if it is co-ordination and double jointness problems or he just cant be bother with knive and fork, he does struggle with his writing but does try really hard. thanks :wacko:

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My sons is 6. I just mentioned on another thread, my son calls any form of cutlery 'Hard Work' as he finds it difficult to use, he still needs his food cut up as he can't use the knife at all, just leads to meltdown, he will eat a lot more if I feed him as he finds the cutlery so difficult. At home more often than not his fork doesn't get used, and he will try to drink yoghurts as he finds the spoon such a 'pain' to use as he puts it. Personally I see no need to force my son to use them if he hates it so much, I did try desperately at first worrying what people thought if we were out etc, but now I think stuff them. I am awaiting a specialist ASD Occupational therapist referal and I am going to see if she has any ideas to make it easier, until then, he can do as he pleases.

Edited by lil_me

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My son is almost 8, and he hates using a knife and fork. He is perfectly capable but just doesn't like it. He was food phobic when he was younger, and would pick up and inspect everything on his approved list to make sure there was no hidden marks, or crust etc.

 

I have to be honest I'm so grateful that he is no longer food phobic and will eat just about anything, that not using a knife and fork just doesn't bother me like it might otherwise. For him I think part of it is he likes checking the texture of the food, and maybe even a dislike of the fork in his mouth, a spoon doesn't seem as bad in his case. If we are sat at the table with a cooked meal with gravy or sauce then because it could be messy I remind him to use a knife and fork or offer a spoon, but I try not to make too much of an issue of it. He usually finishes up using his fingers, but with him I think its ts a sensory thing.

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One of the children in the school that I work in uses special cutlery with chunky handles and the fork and spoon are tilted in a way that makes it easier to get the food into his mouth. They were provided by occupational therepist and have made mealtimes much more comfortable and less messy for him :)

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Alex always had trouble using a knife and fork, he always found it much easier to use a spoon and have us cut things up for him.

 

Even now at 16, he still has problems with cutting meat (we sometimes have to cut it for him) he does use a knife and fork all the time.

 

I always felt it was due to his lack of co-ordination.

 

Annie

XX

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L has always hated using cutlery as she finds the coordination difficult and will take any opportunity to eat with her fingers. She makes an effort in front of other people but prefers to eat alone so the issue doesn't usually arise. If we went out to a restaurant it would be for a pizza, and it's OK to eat that with your fingers.

 

As she has been quite a picky eater all her life I have turned a blind eye as long as she's eating and enjoying her food.

Edited by Kathryn

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Given the choice, he'd use his hands everytime with foods that can be eaten using hands I guess, like dry foods such as chips, sausage etc BUT he hates getting messy foods or anything on him and so will use a sppon for that such as spaghetti or beans etc.

He can use a fork but chooses not to and has only just mastered using a knife apparently in school. Yet to see that at home though! :blink:

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Same here. He's perfectly capable of using cutlery but you can tell it's a bit of a bind for him and he'd rather not. He needs loads of reminding every mealtime.

 

Karen

x

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Thanks for all the replies, our son will use a spoon at times like for puddings but other than that it is a fight which in the end i let him eat with his fingers, i think his must be a co-ordination prob as he needs special scissors and a special pen the scissors are great but cant have the pen as only adult size and to big for him :angry: u would have thought that they would have made one for children but no silly me for thinking the obvious the pen he needs is way to big for his hands bless thanks again :thumbs:

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Mine was the same for years wouldn't use a fork, spoon, or knife, just his fingers, he still doesn't use a knife, he will use a fork or spoon 'though, and I cut his food up and he's 10 now. Nothing has worked with regards to him using a knife, even his school couldn't do it, I still put it there and in his hands, but he can and will then refuse to eat, so....... we push on ! Nearest I got was him 'spearing' his food with a knife and using it like a fork, and sticking it in his mouth which was rather dodgy ! but he won't cut with it. I am confident that in another 10 years....... :wallbash:

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Com, 13, is dyspraxic so motor control is problematic anyway.

 

eating with a knife and fork requires using 2 tools together each doing a different things at the same time.

Com can't do this. Try to think of any other activity that requires 2 tools at once - there really aren't many of them and I can't think of a single one Com does.

 

Com can use one tool at a time pretty efficiently, even a knife - he will quite happily chop tomatoes for his sandwich - but only if the other hand isn't doing much more than guiding or holding things down.

 

however, efficient though he is, he still chooses to eat with his fingers - when we don't want him embarassing us with his manners we just eat tacos :lol:

 

Zemanski

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When I started at residential school I had to battle with a new piece of technology - cutlery. Mealtimes were supervised by carestaff that had no SEN training and tables were headed by prefects who in most cases were nasty thugs. The school was not one bit sympathetic towards kids who were messy eaters and imposed Victorian style etiquette and table manners. It seemed incomprehensible that a 12 year old who could program computers and knew more about nuclear power stations the the physics teacher was unable to use a knife and fork properly. The only rational explanation at the time was bad parenting.

 

On my first day I picked up a piece of food with my fingers that could be eaten using fingers. A prefect blasted me and told me to use the cutlery. I then cut the food into several small pieces before eating it. A member of carestaff then had a go at me for eating like a baby and questioned my upbringing. Barely a mealtime went by during the first term without somebody having a go at me for breaking some poxy stupid rule like how to cut bread properly or putting my elbows on the table.

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I was always mindful to be wary of creating any issues at the table because some aspies develop eating issues if forced. As for worrying about how others would see his table manners, that bothered me at first, now, I am only interested in that he does eat. What occured initially when we insisted he use the utensils, was he stopped eating outside the home, it took us a long time to understand that was partly creating a problem, and he worried we would take him to task outside the house, so that was his response to it.

 

Put it this way, in many parts of the middle east using your fingers is essential (say it's part of his or her religion if you have to !), you can't let others determine how your child approaches things, aspies have their own agenda, all you can do is adapt to it, not, adapt them to you, some have a middle way, a lot don't, if they could achieve 100% they wouldn't be aspies would they ? We are winning this battle, but there's no quick fix, and certainly any uncaring or forceful stance will backfire.

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the problem isn't our embarassment - that was just tongue in cheek - it's the way others respond which he feels bad about,especially when they comment, at 13 Com is very aware that he is a messy eater and can't use the tools everyone expects.

 

the joy of tacos is that grandad insists on eating them with a knife and fork - now who looks stupid!!!! :whistle:

 

I can't imagine making Com have school meals, he just wouldn't eat - the wrong things would be touching each other, how could he guarantee the veggy meal hadn't been contaminated with meat? (fiercely vegetarian, only not vegan I think because we haven't dared mention it to him), all that jostling in the queue ...... so many issues.He did try in primary school but it was such a disaster, there are so many rules and senory things to deal with.

 

Zemanski

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Do kids or staff serve the food at Com's school?

 

A few days before I started at residential school I had asked them if they would provide me with vegetarian food. The headmaster seemed somwhat surprised at my request and told me to write a letter to the school explaining in detail why I wanted vegetarian food and he would consider it. Yes, consider it but not promise anything. I then told him that I had a right to vegetarian food and he replied that I didn't because the school was privately owned and therefore exempt from having to provide special diets unless they were for medical reasons backed up by a doctor's certificate.

 

My request was honoured but the food was served up by kids rather than staff and cross contamination was an issue. The attitude of the carestaff and the prefects was "sit down and shut up" and penalties were harsh for making a fuss in the dining room. One day when I was served cross contaminated food I threw it into the prefect's face!

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My AS little fella whos nearly 7 has same probs with knives and forks, will also use spoon fine.

 

We have learnt that this is cos of sensory issues to do with his hands, cant stand things touching the palms. If you think about how you hold a knife and fork, usually the end will touch the palm, or your other fingers will, whereas with a spoon, (unless its grasped) it doesnt touch the palm as much, mainly the fingers.

 

He also has this problem with holding pencils, again the way he's been told to hold a pencil, his other fingers touch his palm.

 

We're trying to de-sensitise his palms, little by little, but its working. (Brushing them every night with soft and rough things, electric toothbrush, hot and cold flannels) His writing is improving and we can get him to use a fork for some of the time now without meltdown, still not a knife though......

 

Know how frustrating it can be to be stared at as well!!! :tearful:

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http://www.benefitsnowshop.co.uk/shop/sect...Id=659&area=586

 

They do some pen gripper adaptions and the one at the top is a putty type stuff you shape yourself round things to suit the person using them

 

http://www.mabels.org.uk/writing-aids.htm

 

My son has used something similar to these, they fit over standard pens and pencils, there is a lot of similar things available if you search disability aids/pencil grips etc on the google/ask etc

Edited by lil_me

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