laughing at other people's misfortune

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Kai (7 ADHD/ASD) has always found it funny when people get hurt or told off. His talk is sometimes very violent, which really worries me. He's been doing it since he was about 3 or 4, but it seems to be getting worse.

 

He's just started at a new school and i wondered if it was stress making him worse?

 

He says things like, "Wouldn't it be funny if a train crashed and everyone died?".

 

Yesterday, he said that if anyone ever hurt his cat, he would "Chop their head off and chuck their body in the brambles."

 

When he sees the advert about smoke alarms (where the man's family has died), he laughs.

 

If we're on the motorway and he sees a crash, he thinks it's great.

 

I don't know why he says such awful things, or if he means it. I find it really distressing. I explain to him why it is not funny or nice, but he just says, "yes it is."

 

On the other hand though, he loves animals and is very caring towards them. I don't understand it at all.

 

Does anyone else's kids say things like this?

What should i do about it?

 

Loulou x

Edited October 6, 2005 by loulou

[streamdreams]

Laughing does not always mean funny, if you tell my son off he will start laughing, it involentry and stress related - it's self defece abet social inaprobriate.

 

when my brother and I went to grandma's funereal, we ended up makinf the most dreadfully in apropriat witasisums between us just he help each other cope.

 

Julian

Edited October 6, 2005 by streamdreams

[rainbow queen]

hi loulou, my son also finds upsetting things funny too,[he has no dx at present-so im just going off stuff ive read] but apparently this is normal for children with aspergers,as they dont understand the different feelings that come with different situations like we do,-or they can not learn the social behaviour thats approperate to say like a upsetting thing, where as we learn this from young,its like they can not learn this naturally,the best thing is to just keep explaining why its not right to laugh at it,just like your doing.

my son finds it really funny to hurt his younger brother,the other wek he had a pillow over his head and was giggling about it,at the time i thought it was macarbre and i felt disturbed by it- but the more i learn about aspergers the more i relise he isnt actually doing it on purpose,and that makes me feel a bit better over these things.xxx

[streamdreams]

I should alo so point out the the roots of comedy lie in missfortutne , see the silents charlie chapli , harold loyd, laural and hardy etc.

[LizK]

My son is younger than yours, nearly four, but he is exhibiting some of these tendencies too. He finds it funny and gets very excited when he sees other children being told off. If another child hurts themselves he often laughs too especially if it is in a 'physical' way. At nursery recently a child fell off a chair, the other children stopped what they were doing and looked in silent concern whereas DS started started giggling . He gets times when he won't leave his younger brother alone endlessly poking and harrassing him with great pleasure seemingly oblivious to the fact that his brother is getting increasingly upset. I sometimes wonder whether I'm bringing up a psychopath His language isn't developed enough to say the sort of things your son is saying but I guess this is an extension of the same.

 

DS is a conundrum too as at other times he can be loving and caring, shows great concern if his baby brother hurts himself or bumps his head. He hates seeing me upset particularly.

 

I've put this down to the fact he doesn't really have a good grasp of emotions and doesn't understand the emotional or social context behind these sorts of incidents. I suppose to him a child falling off a chair is simply that, an example of slapstick humour to be laughed at, it's not clicked that they've actually hurt themselves and are upset. Same with his brother, he enjoys the response his actions gets though I expect a degree of sibling tormenting is normal behaviour too Maybe not so much now but in time spreviosuly he's also not been able to deal with emotions and puts up a manic front to cope with his confusion. When DS2 was born DS1 would run aroundmanically laughing when the baby cried simply because I think he actually found the whole idea of him crying distressing and couldn't process it

 

It does worry me for his future if he can't see appreciate the emotional consequences of his or others actions. I try to deal with it by reflecting back to him the emotions of the person involved in language he understands so 'X is sad because she fell over' or 'Y is angry because....' He's quite good at learning rules once he understands them. I'm trying to help him understand his emotions too so if he's sad or angry we label the emotion for him and talk about it a bit. Not sure whether this will make any difference but can't think of any other way of dealing with it. Will read your replies with interest

 

Lx

[DaisyProudfoot]

Our Martin says some really shocking things as well - sometimes I wonder if it's just to get a reaction and the death threats come thick and fast when he's upset. We know it means nothing but worry about other peoples' reactions certainly.

 

He regularly laughs at other peoples' misfortunes (but sadly, I used to do that too and I'm still no good at funerals or when people have died.)

 

He also seems to get pleasure from teasing our youngest (20 months) and just can't understand when the baby is crying that he has to put him down!

 

Daisy

[Brook]

My son (7), also laughs when kids get told off, he'll also shout with a big grin on his face 'ha ha, in your face children'

If someone so much as raises their voice to him, he becomes quite verbally aggressive, with things like 'I hate you youre evil, I'm gonna punch that lady in the neck and suck out her brains' , the thing is he is not a physically aggressive child and I have never seen him go for anyone physically, his reaction is to get down on the floor and bang his head.

But it does bother me what others may think when he is going off on a verbal attack.

Also alot of what he picks up is of those dam cartoons .

 

Brook

[loulou]

Hi everyone,

 

Seems like i'm not alone.

 

Brook, i think our boys sound so similar!

 

Kai picks up alot of his stuff from other kids, but doesn't know when to stop. It really worries me what he'll be like as he gets older .

 

Loulou x

[Malika]

Hi Loulou

 

I think it is something to do with theory of mind that our children do not develope until much later an probably in a different way like working things intellectually and not from intuition.

The theory of mind is to understand that people have different feelings than yours and that they do not necessarly understand your feelings if you do not express them, as nobody really can understand and see what is happening in another human being mind except if there are some form of expressions.

The fact is that our kids are impaired and do not pick up clue to help them understand others feelings they are in many occasion left wondering about all sorts of reaction which for them are like a secret code.

It seems to me that when they repetedly hurt a sibbling they are like studying the way they react to things, they are like searcher looking for clue to understand something which is alien to them ---> other people feelings and expression of feelings. ASD and AS children are often said to lack emphaty I think this is just because they cannot understand that others have different mind than their own.

 

What I have notice as well with my son is that sometimes he will do something repetedly because the repetition in itself is fun to him as well as making something happen because of the noise which he find exciting or funny

.

The other day while he was playing Zoo Tycoon I could hear him gigling loudly and when I went to his Room he had done something I found so chilling he had put toghether in the same enclosure lions and gazelle and watch them fight, when ask why? he said like "it's nothing Mum there is no blood and it is like real life" when I pointed out to him that in real life at least the gazelle can often escape because not contained in an enclosure he seems quite upset but then just said "I think I just like the noise and how they move" (like roman watching the gladiator I suppose) then he added "you know Mum how boys are they like fighting"

I decided not to take it further and he eventually stopped and played normaly again trying to makes animals happy.

I thought that he was just studing all the possibilities of the game and got caught in something he found exciting because of the noise. In fact he often do this with every game and toys he tend to explore all the possibilities and mechanisms then get bored with them afterward, if ask why he does not play with them anymore he would just says "I have grown out of them or they just piece of plastic they are not real...!!!???"

 

In fact while H has now developed or partialy understood some Theory of Mind he is still unable to do much pretend play his playing experience is to "study" every functions and mechanisms of a toy then he loses interest the other thing he does his to collect toys (cars ) or stones or shells and to classify them by size or colour or type, when he does some pretend play it is often something he has picked up from a video or a computer game.

 

I things that you have to try again and again to make your son understand that others have feelings too I remember once when I told H that he had upset Dad (his step-dad) he would not seem to get it, so I gave him an example of something he was upset about earlier telling me then that his heart was sad and said to him now Daddy's heart must be very sad , it seems at the time to be quite a revelation to him and since then he often ask me if this or that can make somebody sad?? when I explain social things to him he often tells me "Mum you are the best you really understand me"

 

Sorry if I have been on a bit hope this will be usefull in a way ASD children do not have social intuition their way if to work things out through their intellect and learn social codes.

 

Take care.

 

Malika.