The Batcave

[Kris]

He'll never be able to keep it up!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Nellie, thats the perfect excuse for a joke but this is a family forum so I cant.... wont...... musnt...... aaaargh!!!!

[bid]

There is a flurry of sparkley spangles and Fairy Godmother#2 sidles onto the stage.

 

She teeters slightly on her Emma Hope silver velvet embroidered kitten-heel mules, and adjusts her big knickers unobtrusively (wot, no thongs??).

 

Her Amanda Wakely(?...it's late, I've been on the gravy...Running Gag 4) silver, bias-cut sateen dress swirls delicately around her shapely ankles, and the strains of 'I'm evryyyyy womaaaannn!' billow forth

 

Cinders, I'll help you get to the ball

But it won't really help at all

You may get off with Prince Charming

But I know something quite alarming

When you are clad in just your trousseau

Charming will obscure the view so

You can't see (and here's some shockers)

'He' has got a pair of...

 

 

CURTAIN DOWN

 

(Can I just state that this last piece of doggrel had nothing to do with me at all!!!! Thank you Jesty!)

 

The Female Inquisitor

[Kris]

<Enter BUTTONS, stage left>

 

"Hello boys and girls"

 

The theatre erupts with the sound of cheers, applause and more than a few wolf whistles (though mainly from the grandmas he notices) It was never like this in Eastenders.

 

"I'm Buttons" More cheers, more applause, rapture, hero worship etc etc You get the picture.

 

<Buttons moves to stage right, avoiding the drunken and dribbling Ugly Sisters who seem to have collapsed onstage>

 

"Has anybody seen Cinderella? She went mountain climbing yesterday and nobody has seen her since. Can you help me find her? I'm soooo worried" <wipes a tear from one eye, loses contact lens, frantic 5 minute search assisted by the backstage crew>

 

"Is she over here?" <walks over to a large boulder (papier mache and badly painted)>

 

The audience shouts a resounding "Noooooooooooooooo" (despite the fact that they cant possibly see behind the boulder. Poor mites just get so terribly carried away)

 

"Is she over here?" <walks over to a fake wooden tree (and very obviously fake it is too!)

 

"Noooooooooooooooooooo"

 

<Buttons stands centre stage, with hands on hips, feeling butch, looking camp>

 

"Well where is she boys and girls"

 

<Cinders can be seen, behind Buttons, bungee jumping!!!!! (Flippin typical)>

 

Kids: "She's behind you"

 

Buttons: "Oh no shes not" <turning round just as Cinders ascends into the rafters>

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is"

 

Buttons: "Oh no shes not"

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is"

 

Buttons: "Oh no shes not"

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is"

 

Buttons: "Oh no shes not"

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is"

 

Buttons: "????..... (forgot line) ummmm Oh no shes not (phew, they'll never notice)"

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is"

 

Buttons: "Oh no shes not"

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is"

 

Buttons: "Oh no shes not" (Getting bored now)

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is"

 

Buttons: "Oh no shes not"

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is" (small kid in front row is sick.. too much popcorn)

 

Buttons: "Oh no shes not"

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is"

 

Buttons: "Oh no shes not" (And to think I spent 3 years at the RSC for this!!)

 

Kids: "Oh yes she is" (even the kids are beginning to fall asleep now, the adults dropped off ages ago)

 

<With a blood curdling cry Cinders appears as if from nowhere (the bungee cord broke) dressed in a wetsuit, cycle helmet, climbing harness, parachute and sporting a natty set of blue skis>

 

The theatre erupts again with applause, anything to relieve the boredom!

 

.... and so, our story continues ....

 

[oracle]

There was silence throughout the theatre. This was the last thing that the audience expected to happen As a hush fell over the theatre the silence was broken by a voice booming across the stage.

 

'Cinderealla this is Big Brother will you please come to the diary room'

 

Cinderella looked stunned The voice repeated

 

'Cinderella this is Big Brother will you please come to the diary room!'

 

Suddenly as if by magic (well it is a panto where anything is possible) the Big Brother diary room appeared before her very eyes.

 

'Well Cinderella' the voice continued 'And what do you think you are doing coming onto the stage dressed like that? You are Cinderella not Wonder Woman why on earth are you dressed like that?

 

Cinderella went a very bright shade of red and growled at the voice

 

'This is a pantomime and I can wear what ever I want!' She said stamping her very pretty (not so little) foot - minus slipper cos we have not got that far yet! The ski thudded onto the stage and she almost fell over

 

The voice interupted her 'You most certainly can not wear what you like Cinderella. In Act one you wear your rags and in Act two you wear the Ball Gown because this is Cinderella and it's also what the audience expect OK?'

 

'Well it's not OK actually because I am fed up with sticking to the script and fed up with sharing the stage with aload of wimps and men dressed up as women.

 

Voice 'May I remind you Cinderella that when you entered the Cinderella Panto you signed a contract to say that you would go from rags to riches and NO WHERE in that contract did it mention skis!!!!!!! Now Cinderella may I have your nominations for this Panto's evictions from the stage?

 

Cinderella 'How many nominations can I make?

 

Voice 'Two'

 

Cinderella ' Only two you must be joking? Take a look at who I am sharing the stage with - I want them all gone. That way I may have the chance to live a little. I can picture it now free to be who I really want to be FREE at LAST - FREE AT LAST!

 

Voice 'OK Cinderella don't push your luck'

 

Cinderalla ' You call being stuck on the stage with this bunch of no hopers every night luck? I want to live a little Who am I kidding I want to live a lot : Now how many of them can I get rid of PLEASE?'

 

Voice 'OK Cinderall seeing as it's you - you may make three nominations but that's all.'

 

Cinders to audience 'OK you lot who should I vote for?' There is lots of shouting

Cinders 'I can't hear you who did you say?' Buttons? NO The Ugly Step Sisters? NO MEEEEEEEEEE OK which one of you said ME! My nominations for tonights show are Buttons - because he's a drip who is dripping with sugar - I just can't take him anymore. My second nomination is The Ugly Sisters - there is something real strange about those two - and finally Prince Charming'

 

Voice 'Prince Charming Cinders you can not nominate him. Who will you marry at the end of the show?'

 

Cinderella 'No One and that's the BIG idea oh wonderful one. If I can get rid of him I can live Hey I may even meet someone that I REALLY like a man with some real power So there you go you have my three nominations'

 

Voice 'OK ladies and gentlemen,boys and girls, who is it going to be? Will it be Buttons - who might be a lot better if he could find a better suit to wear - but will he suit Cinderella? Or will it be The Two Ugly Sisters - and if it is will they take it like a MAN!!!!! Or could it be Prince Charming - which would ruin the show and leave you all asking fro your money back. The choice is yours?

Edited December 17, 2004 by carole

[baddad]

Sterling work Carole, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ignore it completely...

The reason: I'd just popped in to post my own post which picks up from Kris's, AND NO WAY AM I GOING TO CHANGE IT ALL AROUND NOW!!

SO apologies for intruding on all the Voting Fun - you'll just have to continue it AFTER this.

 

Oh, 'n' as far as voting goes, It'll all end in tears, you know...

 

[TRINNY enters stage right, and performs 1st inversion of running gag #1; takes pistol from UNION JACK bloomers and shoots BUTTONS?]

 

TRINNY: I could just about live with his acting, but his scriptwriting? Thought I was stuck in an old Harmony Hairspray advert. [she moves to centre stage, where she is subsequently joined by SUSANNAH. Both bustle around stage, ?picking? things from the forest floor].

 

SUSANNAH: Found any good ones yet?

 

TRINNY: Just a couple of Shitakes

 

SUSANNAH: Probably that vindaloo you had last night?

 

TRINNY: Oh look, there?s a nice pair of oysters and a cluster of buttons ?

 

SUSANNAH: - Oohh they?re my favourites?

 

TRINNY: Yes I heard you were partial to a mouthful of buttons [wait for (adult) laughter to die down. Not a titter!]

 

SUSANNAH: Ohhh, look; there?s a Greek Urn

 

TRINNY: What?s a Greek Urn?

 

SUSANNAH: It?s a type of mushroom shaped like a goblet, you thick cow {Oh come on, even I wouldn?t stoop that low!}.

 

TRINNY: Oh. Are they edible?

 

SUSANNAH: Well they better be ? you had a dozen with your breakfast

 

[both straighten up and play from hereon to audience, arms crossed a?la Les Dawson and Alec Gilroy. Lots of gurning {NB: Must ask Jester if he?s got all his own teeth. If yes, is he willing to have them taken out? If yes, will Bid do it and save us a few quid?}]

 

TRINNY: Hmmm. Talking of Breakfast, have you seen that new chef Mother?s hired?

 

SUSANNAH: Yes, funny looking chap, isn?t he? Straight hair and curly teeth? One eye looking at you and the other looking for you? Walks with a lisp and talks with a limp?Long black hair all the way down his back; none on his head, just all the way down his back. Etc etc etc etc etc etc etc?

 

TRINNY [interrupting]: That?s him. Well yesterday I went in to the kitchen and there he was stood standing there stark boll?stark bollimming naked ?

 

SUSANNAH ? The naked chef ?

 

TRINNY ? The naked chef? Stark bloomin? naked, rolling his spotted dick out on the trestle?

 

SUSANNAH: He wasn?t ?

 

TRINNY: He was-

 

SUSANNAH: He wasn?t ?

 

TRINNY: He was-

 

SUSANNAH: Well I never ?

 

TRINNY: ooh, you liar. Anyway, I says to him I says, �?ere�, I says, �?ere, what you doing there then?� ?n? ?e says, �I?m makin? a duff�, ?n? I says, �I can see that, I can see that� I says,� but a duff WHAT, exactly?�, an? ?e says, �a plum duff�, ?n? I says, �well where?s the plums then? I can only see a couple of shrivelled up old sultanas�, ?n? ?e says, �they?re magic sultana?s� ?

 

SUSANNAH: Really?

 

TRINNY: Really.

 

SUSANNAH: Truly?

 

TRINNY: Truly.

 

SUSANNAH: Well I never ?

 

TRINNY: Ooh, you liar. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, no, yes, no, no, yes, so - anyway, �they?re magic sultanas�, he says? �Just blow on ?em, and they?ll swell up to the size of oranges�-

 

SUSANNAH: Oranges?

 

TRINNY: Oranges.

 

SUSANNAH: oo-er ?

 

TRINNY [sybil Fawlty]: I know??

 

SUSANNAH: So did you?

 

TRINNY: Did I what?

 

SUSANNAH: Did you blow on his sultanas?

 

TRINNY: Did I ?eck as like ?

 

SUSANNAH: Well what did you do?

 

TRINNY: I crushed his nuts for him and got out of there sharpish, I can tell you?

 

SUSANNAH: You had a lucky escape there, me girl, you know what these chefs are like. Slave drivers. Next thing you know he?d have had you popping your cherries on the top of his macaroons?

 

[They are interrupted by the sound of two coconuts being banged together; Enter FGM#1 and FGM#2 wearing the traditional PANTOMIME HORSE costume. FGM#1 has the speaking part, so she is at the front {Sorry, Bid!}]

 

TRINNY: Oo- er, look at that funny looking? thing.

 

SUSANNAH: Oo-er. What is it?

 

TRINNY: What is it? It?s an ?orse, of course ?

 

SUSANNAH: An ?orse?

 

TRINNY: Of course! What do you think it is, a camel?

 

SUSANNAH: Well it?s got an ?ump!

 

[bid scrunches down so the �?ump� is minimised]

 

TRINNY: You?d have the ?ump if you ?ad what she ?ad.

 

SUSANNAH: Why, what?s she got?

 

ALL TOGETHER (except Trinny): JESTER!!!

 

TRINNY: Jester?

 

SUSANNAH: Yessir, Jester

 

TRINNY: Jester who?

 

SUSANNAH [singing]: Jester song at twilight?

 

TRINNY: OOOOOOOOhhhh! That was awful.

 

SUSANNAH: Yes, Kris wrote that bit!

 

TRINNY [prepping audience]: Oh no he didn?t

 

SUSANNAH/AUDIENCE: Oh yes he did.

 

TRINNY: Oh no he didn?t

 

SUSANNAH/AUDIENCE: Oh yes he did.

 

TRINNY: Oh no he didn?t

 

SUSANNAH/AUDIENCE: Oh yes he did.

 

Kris [Offstage]: I ###### didn?t. I really, REALLY didn?t?

 

 

To Be Continued? Probably? If I can be arsed!

[oracle]

deleted

Edited October 30, 2006 by oracle

[Jericho]

BRW casts aside her zimmer-frame and leaps with wanton abandon at the news that she is to be a Baroness.

 

 

Okay, so she may now need to be stretchered on stage...............

[baddad]

I think Baroness Hardup can afford a sedan chair

Four strapping, bare chested, oiled greek Gods any good to you?

Thinks: Poor beggars - like lambs to the slaughter!

[Lisajb]

Yes, I know he's not Greek (well, his missus is of Greek descent) but .....

 

ONLY IF ONE OF 'EM LOOKS LIKE BRAD PITT IN HIS FIRST SCENE IN "TROY"

Phoarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh!

 

Lisa

[Jester]

Hi

 

Alas for those of us whose bodies are more 'Greek Tragedy' than 'Greek God'.

 

Jester

 

PS Mind you ... I know a couple of blokes whose physiques are more 'Greek Restaurant'

[baddad]

Sorry - some serious typo's...

It was supposed to read "four oiled geeks, God!"

I didn't think she was fussy, just so long as they couldn't make a quick getaway, which was why the oil was there...

 

Ps: Does anyone know the plural for "Adonis"? Adonoids?? - S'all Greekl to me! (sorry)

BD

[Lisajb]

Baddad

Malaka!

Ti kanis? Kala? Poli kala? Etsi ketsi

Ena boukali retsina parakalo?

Efkharisto,parakalo

Po po po! Brad Pitt! Adonai!

 

(work that lot out!)

Lisa

[bid]

Hee hee hee...

 

The last time I heard Greek like that was when I was digging in Makedonia 16 years ago!

 

Happy memories!

 

Bid

Edited December 20, 2004 by bid

[baddad]

Bid -

So that's where you dug Jester up, then? And we thought you called him treasure because he had a sunken chest (groan! Old'n's are best...)

I haven't a clue what Lisa's on about, recognising only, Retsina & Brad Pitt. I'd hazard a guess though that she's asking if I've been on the p*** and advising that Brad's a bit of alright. On the former - no, on the latter, well he does nothing for me! Can't remember where i heard this, but supposedly a true story about two Northern lasses overheard in a London wine bar:

1) I was outside the premier for TROY last night...

2) Did you see all the stars?

3) Yeah

4) Oooooh. Well what about that Bradd Pitt then?

5) Hmmmm. Well he'd be nowt at the bus stop...

 

Lisa - Dun't do no more o' that 'bubble' lingo; I've only just abaht got me 'ead rand English, treacle!

L&P

BD

[oracle]

Well worra boot geordie then Badad? We tark propper up ear ye na marra. We even ad a book written like called larn ye sel geordie. It's canny al reet an all - why eye man.

 

Carole

[Lisajb]

Bid ..... grrrrrrrr!

Digging in Makedonia - wish I could do summat like that!

 

Bad, you can always have some krek bristole or properrr glawster if you like

How bist doin then me old ######. Cassn't thee unnerstan me?

 

 

I still maintain

Brad ..... PHOARRRRRRRRRRH!

 

Peace all

Lisa

[baddad]

One of my favourite 'dialect' jokes:

 

Eeyup vitnary - Arve com to see yeh aboot me ol' cat - reet sick it is...

 

Oh, Is it a tom?

 

Nay, I've brought it wi' me.

 

Sorry!

 

Now, to make thing even worse...

 

Do you know what I really hate about Christmas? You always get some sad little office ?Colin? who thinks he?s funny inflicting his tedious poems or crappy song lyrics onto everyone, just because at this time of year people are too polite to tell him what an absolute wet end he is and to get lost?

So, here?s one I wrote earlier?

It?s to the tune of �Air Hostess� by BUSTED, which has been swimming around in my head ever since Ben discovered it on one of his ?Now That?s What I Call A Clever Marketing Strategy? compilation CD?s. This will hopefully prove to be a successful exorcism?

 

[1st Verse]:

I logged on

To Krism dot

Expecting ?

Well not a lot

But what I found was really rare

A site with

Nothing to sell

No spam-mail

No pop up hell

Just virtual friends who really care

 

[bridge]:

This site is so inspiring

Neat links for those enquiring

And loads of great first hand advice as wellllll?

 

[Chorus 1]:

Oh Elefan

I love the way that scans

But to find a rhyme isn?t quite so easy

Cos the rhymes I find are all so cheesy

And listen Kris

Although we take the p***

You know we really do appreciate

All the hard work that you put in, mate,

(Oh Yeah?)

 

[2nd Verse]:

Then there was Pook?s ?n? CarolJ

They got the batcave underway

THE place for nutters to unwind

Then Bid and Jester came along;

Bat-loo, Hob Nobs and Uberthong

Guest list is growing all the time

 

[bridge 2]:

Then of course, BRW

Just think of all the trouble you

Created just by beeeeeing over sexxxxxxeddddd?

 

[Chorus 2]:

Oh Elefan

I love the way that scans

But to find a rhyme isn?t quite so easy

Cos the rhymes I find are all so cheesy

And listen Kris

Although we take the p***

You know we really do appreciate

All the hard work that you put in, mate,

And Nellie too

You know that without you

The fact-files here would really stink

Cos you really are the strongest link

And all the rest

Be you member or guest

I?d like to thank you all for reading this

And I hope your every Christmas wish

Comes true????

 

SORRY! SORRY! SORRY!

Oh, the pain, the pain?

Bad dog, naughty dog, back in your basket?

[Kris]

:lol: :lol:

 

Brilliant! Truly Brilliant!!

 

Merry Krismas BD

 

Kris

[Jester]

Hi all

 

The advantage of marrying an archaeologist is that the older I get, the more interested in me she becomes.

 

Endaxi

 

Jester

[Lisajb]

Kala christougenna

Chronia polla

 

 

Peace

Lisa

[Jester]

Well ... I'm in the Batcave with gallons of mulled wine and some advocat-sick.

 

Where is everyone ...surely they don't have lives?

 

OK - best get started.

 

 

[nellie]

How I wish I had the time to enjoy you ... join you, but I hear the out laws arriving.

 

Best wishes to you and yours.

 

Save me a drink.

 

 

Nellie

[Jester]

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

 

Outlaws are wanted!

 

[pookie170]

FINALLY!!! back in the Batcave at last!!

Oi! Pass me some of that mulled wine, Jesty!! S'a bit fancy for me, I'm more used to the like of snakebite, but any alcohol will do!Amidst the wreckage of frantically ripped off wrapping paper and already-broken toys, and having scraped two much over-excited children off the ceiling and deposited them in their respective beds at long last, some 'me-time' feels very much in order......

Is the panto still ongoing? Can I still be in it??

The role of the third fairy godmother sounds right up my street!......I could be the frazzled,scatterbrained,disorganized one!! Kind of in character for me, sadly....still, they do say method acting is the way to go, and I live it every day!

Well done, Bad, that little ditty was rather amusing......my lad's right into Busted too.....he plans to learn their songs in order to play them on the electric guitar Santa brought him......

'Shouldn't take you too long, then!..'said I......

 

Hmm....Hob-Nobs dunked in mulled wine......interesting!

Bottoms up!!

Edited December 26, 2004 by pookie170

[baddad]

PAH! CHRISTMAS!

All I got was this hideous sweater

(and what I really wanted was a beautiful moaner and groaner)...

 

L&P

BD

[Jericho]

That was just too awful for words!

[Jericho]

Blue Rinse Woman shuffles into the Bat-Cave wondering why it is so dark and cold in here. She is just about to light the fire when just in time she remembers the perils of naked flames the morning after eating brussel sprouts soaked in vodka.

 

She reaches into the Bat-Cupboard.

 

NO HOB-NOBS!!!

 

 

Not even the cheapo own-brand variety that a certain cheapskate had once tried to smuggle in!

 

 

She shuffles into the Bat-Loo and hopes that someone has remembered to buy the quilted extra-strength toilet paper. If not she would be forced to use some of Jesty's discarded elbow patches. Personal experience told her that they had the texture of sandpaper on her ample cheeks.

[Jericho]

Blue Rinse Woman sniffs cautiously in the direction of the Bat-Loo.

 

 

 

Perhaps it wasn't her new lavender spray keeping everyone else away after all.

[Jericho]

Aha! Just as she'd suspected. The Bat-Cave was looking as abandoned as ever.

 

Blue-Rinse Woman peered into the gloom and saw no sign of life. Well, if no-one else was interested she would be forced to add a little 'decoration' of her own.....

 

 

"Come on in, lads!"

 

Blue-Rinse Woman's personal harem hobbled into the Bat-Cave. Never had it been populated by such a stunning array of walking-sticks, zimmer-frames. dentures and whistling hearing aids. There was also probably enough ear and nasal hair to weave a small rug.

 

And speaking of rugs, she had to admit that her latest acquisition (an octogenarian by the name of Herbert) had a truly spectacular hairpiece. Who cared that its purple and crimson shades didn't quite match the wispy grey strands protruding from his ears?

 

 

It was time for a cave-warming party!

[nellie]

The old bat, De-Mystification Woman, peers into the gloom, she gets on her hands and knees searching for something....oh no! What on earth is that?!!! It feels like a rat, maybe it's Robbie..........nope, too skinny!! She peers through the gloom...purple and crimson....and the smell?!!! No that's not Robbie, she throws it away and carries on searching. My sense of humour must be somewhere!! Where on earth did I leave it? I'm sure I had it in here last....it wasn't great, but it's the only one I had and I miss it!! I bet Blue Rinse Woman has found it and using it to impress the fella's!!!!

 

There's a couple of old dears dressed to the nines over in the corner, sparkly shoes and a red handbag, ooooooooh!!.......very posh!! Too posh for me... I'm outa 'ere!!

[Jester]

Greetings one and all

 

The Jester stumbles through the Batcave a little the worse for wear after a fancy dress party. <Thinks> "What is a superhero supposed to wear at a fancy dress party ...normal clothes?"

 

Pausing only to wonder why BRW seems to be hosting a SAGA meeting, he heads for the changing room and its full length mirror.

 

Following a recent newspaper article and rather too many vodka martinis (it was a 007 theme party) the Jester has been thinking. Apparently everyone these days is fundraising by doing a "Calender Girls" not-quite-nude-calender....why not us?!?!?

 

It is only a few moments later that the answer presents itself. The reflection in the changing room mirror is not kind. It comes to something when a chap not only no longer fits into his wedding suit...but when, apparently, he no longer fits into his birthday suit things are bad.

 

"If only I didn't need to breathe out occasionally...oh, and move my arms ..er..and my legs sometimes, I could pass for 39 in low light." He thinks.

 

The 'Novelty Jester Cap' protecting his modesty doesn't seem as much of a good idea as it did three martinis ago either.

 

Ho hum ...never mi.....WHAT!!! WHAT IS THAT?!!

 

The Jester foolishly breathes out and makes a sudden move at the same time. The 'Man Mountain' suffers a fleshly landslide but he cares not. What is that mysterious patch of blue on his left shin? What is that bulge behind the left knee?

 

Surely not varicose veins??? <Gasp>

 

Sobbing gently he clothes himself and - all thoughts of the new naked modelling career gone - shuffles outside to join the assorted Ernies and Arnolds at the BRW Institute for Broken Men.

[Jericho]

A nude calendar?

 

Blue-Rinse Woman pondered the possibilities. She could re-launch her modelling career. Okay so she had only ever modelled nail-varnish but this was still a career.

 

The question was how should Robbie pose? It was after all a nude calendar so shouldn't Robbie's fur coat be removed?

 

 

BRW grabs Herbert's nasal hair trimmer and sets off in search of that elusive wabbit.

 

Oh Robbieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Here boy!

 

[CarolJ]

ASM burst thruogh the revolving doors of the crusty looking batcave excited about the prospect of seeing her partners in grime!

 

The vision that confronts the newly arrived ASM was a rather red-faced BRW chasing poor robbie around the cage, a strange device of torture (or pleasure) clasped in her gnarled hand, sporting new Bright Red chipped nail varnish on nicotine stained fingers, in her other hand she clutches a rather shriveled looking carrot (is this Herbert's (her latest latest late beau (who still happens to be breathing) lunch one wonders?). God ASM hopes so - the alternatives are too horrible to contemplate).

 

Well ASM has just arrived back from her holiday in the Bermuda Triangle, Barry Manilow and cocktails on the beach have left her recharged and ready to fight the enemy both within (BanMan) and without - LEA u know who u R!

 

BRW is sooo intent on trying to de-fur poor robbie who has a look of horror stricken panic in his eyes she does not notice the bermuda shorts and hawian shirted clad ASM. Mind u her eye sight aint what it used to be the poor dear.

 

She has now mistakenly grabbed the saggy ###### pile poouff - the favourite perch of the beloved and manly Jester, BRW sniffs the pouff to make sure it is indeed poor Robbie, but alas she realises her mistake and takes another sniff - her eyes closed because she is estatic to be so close to something that is closely associated with her Jesty (watch out uberthong woman).

 

ASM sees the door of the cyber bag bog ajars and a wave of nostalga and nausea over comes her because BRW has again fumagated the interior. However ASM is despate and decides to use the loo while the coast is clear.

 

Turning her back on the daydreaming BRW and briefly glimpsing robbies rear end disappearing out of the revolving door ASM disappears into the batbog.

 

The lock clicks and the engaged light illuminates. ASM has time to ponder the fate of the rest of her trusty companions. Has Captain Commando lost his medal for bravery in the face of danger and ran away from BRW's advances and tenner lady inco pants.

 

And Jesty what a man. No matter what he remains a superhero to the bitter end. He knows his duty lies with justice no matter what BRW throws at him.

 

Ahhh, all will be revealed soon no doubt.......

[Jericho]

BRW peers at the Bat-Walls. Someone had recently put up an entire gallery of Barry Manilow posters. Had all those beach-side cocktails with Bazza gone to ASM's head?

 

Aha! Robbie may have escaped his de-fuzzing

 

but at least the Bat-Cave had finally been restocked with real HobNobs.

 

BRW handed one to Herbert and left him to it. Without his dentures it would take him at least an hour to suck his way through a HobNob.

 

In the meantime, what shennanigans could BRW find to get up to............

[Jester]

Greetings Superdudes

 

The Jester has been considering (it was swimming today and I either get lost in my thoughts or watch robust PE types yelling at my kids as they slowly turn the water grey).

 

How about : 'Batcave - The Movie '?

 

Next question...casting. So, Superchums, this week's challenge:

Who would you like to play you?

Who would you accept playing you?

And, most importantly,

Who would probably end up playing you?

 

To set the ball rolling I'd want Viggo Mortensen to play me. I'd accept Bill Bailey but I'd end up with Johnny Vegas

 

Your turn

 

Edited February 10, 2005 by Jester

[nellie]

Greetings Jester!

 

I won't show my ignorance by asking who Viggo Mortensen is....oh dear! I just did!!

 

I'd want Kathy Burke to play me, I'd accept Kathy Staff but I'd end up with Catherine (Cathy) Zeta Jones!! And no.........I haven't got it the wrong way round!!

 

Nellie xx

[bid]

Well, of course it would have to be Liv Tyler!

 

I'd settle for Kate Bush...

 

But I'd probably end up with Steve Tyler!

 

Female Inquisitor

[baddad]

I'd like it to be Mel Gibson, I'd settle for Matt Le Blanc, and I'd end up with Mel Blanc...

HAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAHHHHHHH OK WABBIT

Seriously, haven't a clue, just so long as it wasn't Joe Pa-*******-squale!

 

Bid - Steve Tyler? Didn't know he could act as well as play snooker

Edited February 12, 2005 by baddad

[nellie]

Nice one BD!!

[Jericho]

I'd have liked a demonic version of Thora Hird (RIP), would settle for Honor Blackman but will probably end up with Mollie Sugden.

 

The trouble is that as BRW is of ...ahem...advancing years, there'd be no guarantee that the actress playing her would still be around for the sequel. Come to think of it, is Mollie Sugden still alive??????