Melba Report post Posted October 7, 2005 Am feeling crushed for my little girl (NT), age 4 and a half - her little brother (likely ASD currently undergoing working diagnosis) is getting more and more aggressive towards her and I find myself less and less able to think of things to try. She tries really hard to interact with him, help him etc but it is as if she doesnt exist - the only time he takes any notice of her is if she is too close to me or something he wants and then he hits or headbutts her. I am making regular 'special time' for her with me and/or her dad but I just wish I knew of something that could improve the situation rather than just making amends for the fact that she is constantly having to be patient or move along or give him the toy, etc.... I'd be grateful for any tips, anything thats worked - good books you;ve read - the behaviour management stuff I'm looking at all requires the child to have some sort of communication/understanding and my little boy has virtually no communication or social understanding at present, I really need to find ways of increasing his tolerance of her but am completely out of ideas..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted October 7, 2005 Oh Melba, I am so with you on this one so here's some big <'> <'> <'> <'> . Haven't got any advice unfortunately as I'm struggling with the same problem. The youngest (20 months) is getting to the point where he's scared stiff of my AS son because he just doesn't know what's coming (he's 9). I have four other kids apart from Martin and they all get their fair share of aggression thrown at them, thankfully two are older and can cope with it and one is his twin and gives as good as she gets . . . . but the baby! Just to let you know you're not alone although I'm not much help I'm afraid. I'm trying to get some behavioural help for Martin but it's not speedy. I look forward to seeing if anyone has any tips for you as it will help me too! Daisy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jomica Report post Posted October 7, 2005 We're struggling with this too. He doesn't attack his oldest brother very often because he's learned from experience that he comes off worse. But our middle son is very soft, spends lots of time with his younger brother trying to help and encourage him and, for his pains, gets beaten up regularly. Like you, we make time for the others and one of us will spend time doing something with them that they'd like to do, whilst taking the youngest off to do something different. That way everyone benefits from some "me" time but, sadly, we spend little time as a family. I'm not sure what to suggest. Generally we withhold something that is important to him as punishment, but he really doesn't seem to learn from it ... we just have to put up with the meltdown that happens immediately after withholding it. So I guess that strategy is dead in the water! I'd be genuinely interested to hear what has worked for others too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sharron Report post Posted October 7, 2005 l have the same problem with my asd 9 yr old attacking his 5 yr old sister, my son does not like his sister invading his space because she used to go up to him wanting to play but he did not want to but she has learnt the hard way that it is best just to stay away from him, my son has a little speech so most of his frustration comes out towards his sister. i also try to do special things with her to make up for the fact that she does not always have an easy life with her brother. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mother in Need Report post Posted October 7, 2005 mmm, probably should not be saying this, but as a single parent there is no option of sharing, and of anyone else having my AS son, so every so often I keep my youngst NT son home from school (as off sick) so we can spend a bit of time together. He loves it, the only thing is he is now trying that bit harder to 'be sick' if you know what I mean.... Haven't found a way to make up to my eldest yet though, other than sitting down and watching his favourite programmes once his brothers are in bed, though he does not like all their interruptions, which seems to take it all away again... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Elanor Report post Posted October 7, 2005 Hi That's a really tough one. My ASD son is older than his brother (by 2+ years) which gives him a height/weight advantage that he uses. You can't compensate for the difficulties - but you can explain them, and recognise them. I think the sibling gets a huge amount of benefit from being confided in about ASD - and involved in the management strategy - and simply having his problems acknowledged. We have a formal system of rewards for our children, and the younger son get marks (stars/points) for specific behaviours that avoid problems, or are helpful to his brother. The other thing is that you probably can't leave the children alone together - until this last year ( my eldest is 11) we hardly ever left them alone in a room. It's really difficult, and one of the hardest parts of having a child with an ASD. Elanor Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
