any ideas

[mici]

getting really paranoid picking cos up from school, hes like a walking time bomb .

kicked off again today, asked me if we were going to get his halloween costume , told him we were getting it 2morrow, well that was it threw his bags sat on the floor ,just ready for a big sceen then my freind came over and rescued me , everytime i pick him up he plans his night out , its hard work trying to keep im occupied but if i dont we have a fully blown night of it . throws anything and everything .

my hearts in my mouth everytime i go to pick him up, what relly aggrivates is that everyones stood round watching like its a peep show, oh look its c again.

what do i do do i keep giving into him just so he doesnt cause a scene and i can get him home.

ive tryed to explain things to him but he doesnt seem to listen to me, hes a gorgeous little man , well far from little really , quite the little when in that mood .

felt bad tonite as mate come and interveened, as she knows him well . but felt like i was failing him cause i was strugglin to handle the situation, mates fantastic with him , just felt really bad cause i feel like i should be managing him better.

anybody out there have simular eppisodes could do wit sum ideas:

thanks everyone for the support up to now ,would just like to say this site is a god send, kinda keeps u sain

[mel]

hi mici,

I find its easier for my mate to deal with my son because she is one step removed. it doesnt really matter to her if he throws a tantrum because she is not his mum. one thing i tried with my son, we sat and discussed his evening before he went to school in the morning. we decided what we were going to do/ where we were going to go. that way he knows what to expect and you dont have to dread what he has come up with for the evening. dont know if this will work for you but it works pretty well for us

 

 

 

<'>

 

MEL

[jools]

plan, plan, plan!

 

this is the only way we can keep peace in this house.

G needs to know exactly what he will be doing when he gets home from school.

we have rotas and timetables up all over the house.

 

of course it doesn't always go to plan but it has helped.

i find it quite hard work to be so organised all the time but the effort is more than worth it

[oracle]

I hesitate to suggest that your son explodes the moment he comes out of school because he has been battling to control himself all day? It is a huge effort for our children to remain in control in situations that are alien to them. Are the school meeting his needs? How is he in school? If the answer to the second question is OK then he is probably using every inch of self-control that he has in school just to get through the day. Imagine what that must feel like

 

He insists on knowing what is going to be happening when he goes home, because that gives him a sense of control. He needs things that happen after school to be predictable so that he knows what is happening and when. This may be because he feels he has no control at all over his school day and things change when he is not expecting them to change? Knowing what is coming next and for how long is a security blanket that says to the child 'at least I can be sure that I know what is coming next and I do not have to worry'. Does that make sense? Of course he is in such a wound up state this comes across as a demanding child just wanting his own way

 

Many of our children are like this - exploding out of school - quite literally - and then looking as if they are extreme control freaks, when actually they are stressed and anxious and really saying now please can we have the rest of the evening knowing what is happening and when.

 

If you have not already done so, ask the school what could be happening to send your son into meltdown the moment he comes out? What strategies do they have in place to help him feel comfortable and safe while he is in school?

 

Sorry if I am sticking my nose in and you have already addressed issues that may be going on in school. I have sort of gone in head first from your post. I know things are very difficult for you right now.

Carole

[alibaly]

I've heard of this kind of problem so often over the years and Carole is spot on with her answer.

[loulou]

Hi mici,

 

Carole has given you some sound advice

 

My little man does the same too. When he was in mainstream school, he did literally "explode" through the door into the playground, chuck his bags at me and then run around like a maniac, usually knocking a few kids flying in the process . Sometimes he'd hit me, or kick the car, or scream ...... the list goes on.........

 

I used to wish the ground would swallow me up. Looking back now, i can see that it was due to the stress of the day. He would be a little bu**er after school.

 

Now he's at a special school, and he still goes crazy at home time, only now it's less embarassing because there's only a bunch of taxi drivers and escorts around!

 

If you haven't already done so, i think you should look into any problems at school (like Carole suggested).

 

All the best <'>

 

Loulou x

Edited October 7, 2005 by loulou

[jools]

just wanted to add that carole has described our situation perfectly.

G bottles everything up at school and lets it all out with us

 

i'm still new at all this and forget which bits might help others

[jomica]

Carole has described my eight year old son very accurately! He controls himself really well at school and explodes on the way home at anything that is slightly different than he thinks it should be.

 

School staff find it puzzling because he's been a little angel all day. It makes re-negotiating his statemented hours a nightmare every time because if the so-called "experts" can't see it, they think it doesn't happen. Or worse still, they think we're bad parents who don't know how to look after our son.

 

I always think that they should spend a few days walking in our moccasins before they come to their daft conclusions!

[rainbow queen]

hi guys,i too am having this problem,he only started school 3 weeks ago,and from day one ive had the same carry on with him when i pick him up,its like jekly and hyde he leaves the teachers arms smiling then he starts on me asking what r we doing next?ect,,,,,question,question then BANG all hell breaks loose,everyone staring looking at me like sh*t,as if tut cant u control your kid

then this mon he was so aggresive with me [4],i managed to drag him down street to me mums he pulled me through door,and i cut all me legs open had to go drs for antibiotics and tetenus jab.

so marched up school ,ranted at teacher,said i cant take this no more,so she said she would ask head if i could pick him up 5 mins early before others come out[swear its all the crowds of people and noise that triggers him off].

got news back this week off head she said no cant do it-its evading the issuse-but u can come in at 3 through main entrance take him out that way,so tried it [big scene followed as to why we r now going other way],done it couple times was ok,but TODAY, he was hitting me ,refusing to walk and screaming past the head teachers office,she came out told him off,we got outside he refused to walk, head came out again telling him off,and told me shes going to do a sticker chart with him to behave well on his way home [i thought YEAH RIGHT sure that will work NOT and ive told my sons teacher that i think he has as.

[lil_me]

I had to start a sticker chart with my sons to get them home safely and within an hour (we live 5 minutes from the school max) They got one everytime they walked home without fuss, and it worked a treat. But we didn't start it again this term and I am regretting it Must point out my idea of sticker/reward chart is probably very different to the one the school will be doing, learn't from my mistakes what works with my kids and what doesn't

 

I also have to set out with a calendar what we are doing and on what days or my son will start getting upset. If we are going to the beach for example, my son knows on the morning before he goes to school that we'll 'probably' (I never make promises incase I can't keep them) be going to the beach unless something happens.

Edited October 7, 2005 by lil_me

[mici]

to be quite honest the scool knows were havin bad times, they seemed to be quite helpful, till stament was mentioned, now there denying theres much wrong wit him telling dct that hes well behaved ,week previous told me n hubby he has to be constantly reminded on how to behave, how contridicting ah; told someone else he would benifet from being in reception as hes working at that level when we went in told us hes slightly behind , there really doin my head in , outreach are starting a program with him next week for 12 weeks hopefully it may help a little until the behavioual team engage .

luv 2 hear from anyone that has had the outreach programe to giv me a little insight

that sounds really gud though maybe tryin to make a timetable bless his little cottons.

hubby as just sent off for a copy of the consultants notes, then a vol orginisation is setting up a meeting with everyone so theyll have to tell the truth then ah .

think your pritty lucky there wit the scool doin the sticker chart as his school thinks its a home issue his behavoiur there not really interested ,this is ow bad it is took im shopping actually plucked up the courage to take him shoppin on my own all doom n gloom im affraid , played up somethin cronic at the checkout , but guess what one of the teachers was on the next checkout heard n seen it all not once did she offer to help didnt even acknowledge us how sad is that ah.

im full of pitty for her ,that just reminds me of how im so not gonna be like her

[oracle]

Rainbow Queen do you have an autism outreach team? They should be into the school and sorting these problems out for you. Many of our children do not do 9am starts and 3.15 finishes because of the noise and crowds. It's a sensory issue. But making your son come out of a different door is not the answer either because he does not do change happily

 

So what if the other Mum's see him coming out 5 mins early your son has a disability. The Mum's should be aware of this to. Surely inclusion does not mean that you are treat like dirt and sent to Coventry because your child os different? It's not something to be ashamed of and just because he looks like their kids does not mean that he does not have problems. He does. This make my blood boil because you are both being treat dreafully in my opinion. I get sick and tired of hearing that our children have to be treat the same as the other kids. They are NOT the same as the other kids and their disability needs to be given the same respect that any other disability would be given.

 

Sorry for the rant but it does make me angry

 

Carole

[lil_me]

My sons headteacher has agreed to allowing me to take my son in later so he doesn't have as long on the yard, which he hates with a passion, but I think when it comes to finishing times they think oh well its not our problem if they kick off when they are out of our hands sometimes. I would be doing as carole said and not giving up on it if it is affecting your son so badly.

[Brook]

My son would be like this too when I picked him up from school, but it was not just confined to hometime, he would be very anxious all day.

If he came out of school onto the playground to meet me and suddenly realised that he had forgotten something he would go balistic, once he had forgotton his water bottle, he screamed as loud as he could, went running through the school to his class, laid flat out on the floor screaming, his teacher looked at me as if to say whats this all about, I rather sheepishly said 'he's forgotten his water bottle', then they could not find it, this went on for about fifteen mins, all the while my son was getting more and more stressed.

 

This actually happened quite a few times with coming out without something, you would have thought that someone would have checked to make sure, knowing how stressed he got.

 

Also when he realised all the other kids had already gone, this would set him off again, screaming for them all to come back.

 

But I know just how much he had to give just to get through a school day and I'm sure come the end of the day, he was so drained he could not cope with anything going wrong and like your son he would say 'what we doing, are we going to KFC'? 'are we doing this or that?', he really needed to be structured after what he percieved as a very confusing day.

 

I too had the looks of horror, the playground packed with other parents, the ones that I was friendly with would come and ask whats up, when I replied he has forgotten his blah blah, they would look confused. But I know that it was not the forgotten item that was really bothering him.

 

I think the idea of letting him know in advance what he'll be doing is good, but beware as sometimes arrangements have to be changed.

 

I wish you well

 

Brook