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Amanda32

Emotional day

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My son had a bit of a discussion with me yesterday about dying yet again but very different to what he usually talks about. When my hubby got home from work I told him and to be honest he had to walk out the room he started... :crying: I went out and asked him is he ok but all he said is my son is making him sad and he's worried about his future as an adult, age 9 at present. Well he kept saying Why do we have to die?.......Do monsters live?....Do pencils or paper live or when they get used what happens to them then, Do invisible ghosts exist?.......... :tearful: He wants to live forever and I told him he would be very unhappy after a while.... :unsure: He kept a straight face no tears and I bottled it all up to be strong for my hubby the best I could. Yes we all worry about our kids future but it can be very stressful, emotional time with our kids and some people dont understand what we have to deal with with what things they say etc. Not sure why he has come out with things that dont exist and say things why they dont live but this is new to me. Lets hope things Ive told him about the living and the the things that haven't got a heart beat gets through to him........ :unsure:

 

Thanks for listening

Amanda >:D<<'>

Edited by Amanda32

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many kids develop a morbid fascination with death and dying - I think it is one of those things that most explore, it's an absolutely fascinating area of life, what does happen to you? what does it feel like? what happens to your mind and thoughts, do they stop too? does an inanimate object feel the same way? does it feel at all?

 

some start this earlier, some don't express their thoughts, some may never think this way - my NT brother felt the need to kill insects in various ways :sick: around the age of 8-10, he was almost scientific about it, I think it was partly my horror he enjoyed, my parents were quite worried for a while but he did move on and there's been no sign of an unusual attitude since.

 

in some ways it is positive - kids with AS usually don't like to discuss feelings and emotions, this is a definite sign that your lad is exploring them, even if it is disturbing.

 

I think it is only really a difficulty if it becomes an obsession - which is obviously an issue for an AS child - otherwise it is probably quite healthy, might even be the beginnings of some great philosophical insights :huh:

 

try to be matter of fact and to give straight answers where you can, I think playing it down is probably good but don't dismiss it and put the emphasis on valuing life

 

sorry if that's not so much help - this is not an easy topic

 

Zemanski

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Hi :)

 

There is a book"a mind apart" from Peter Szatmari who describe the case of a ASD child with obsession about death and conclude that ASD children tend to be worried about death because it does imply a change in life and some of them deal with this by making it a subject of study in the attempt to gain controle of it. :ph34r:

 

My son had a period of time when he realised that people change as they get older (seing picture of his granny when she was young) ;) and kept saying that he did not want me to get old because he wanted me to stay the same as now.

 

May be the best way to deal with it, could be to try to reassure them and explain even if somebody die manythings remain unchanged.

However when I told him that for our believe people go to paradise after death but there everything is nice and people are young again he started crying saying that he wanted paradise to be the same as here and people to be the same. Which confirm to me that it was the implication of change which was worrying him. :tearful:

I just talk to him about things at the present and how people change very slowly in the way that he would not notice it he was quite alright with that and eventualy droped the subject. :thumbs:

 

Hope this will help.

 

Malika.

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My son also has this unusual fascination with dying. He appears not bothered about dying but that could be the reason he talks about it so much. At about the time this started (several months ago) he developed and obsession with the bible. (It made a change from the usual electrical items).

I think my sons fascination stems from his need to know about everything (it will be a blessing for us when he can read). He can't understand why we can't give him lots of information about heaven. In the meantime i have got used to him telling me what will happen when i'm dead!

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Both of my ASD sons can obsess about death and dying. I have to say that i believe it is part of their fear of change. Let's be honest dying is the biggest change that we ever have to encounter and we do it alone.

 

Both of mine have worried about growing - that to I believe is a fear of change. Right now Matthew wants to stay just as he is and does not want to grow. He likes the way he is now. I had all of this with David. What they do not understand is that because we are growing all of the time when we are children they never actually see the change. Just the here and now.

 

It is a very difficult topic and it upsets me greatly when my two start. I have yet to find a way to calm their fears.

 

 

Carole

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hi my daughter who is 5 can go on and on about death if we pass a funeral car she wants to know who is in the box and expects me to know and then goes on to be upset about me dying and i cannot die as she will be alone and she is staying at home forever so i cannot die as i need to look after her at home its upsets me because she gets so worried about it and it bothers her so much and i think you shouldnt be worried about this at your age i try to comfort her and explaine she has her brothers and sister but she says no i hate them mummy look after me forever :wub: if only i could jenny

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