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TylersMum

Self Help - Feeding

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Tyler is HFA and is perfectly capable of feeding himself but is too damned lazy to do it. Therefore, every time we sit down as a family in the evening (which is every night), I end up feeding him. I do this for 2 reasons - firstly I want to make sure he has eaten something, but mainly because if I feed him, I know he has had a good load of veggies and protein as well as the carbs, which he WILL feed himself.

 

Is this common with anyone else? How can I make him feed himself without forcing him?

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I still fed my son when he was 4 but primarily because he could,nt manage it.He used a spoon alot ,as a knife and fork was too difficult. If it was me I,d be so pleased my son was eating veggies I,d feed him myself every day. :rolleyes: ..........he,s 10 now.

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Hi Tylersmum,

 

Jaden is 3 and I am still feeding him :blink: About 6 months ago jaden started feeding himself :dance: He did this for about 2 weeks and then just refused everytime his food was put near him. :whistle:

 

He won't even allow hand on hand feeding now and throws a HUGE tantrum until I feed him :wacko:

 

Although he will feed himself crisps!!!

 

His fine motor skills are poor so holding a spoon and hand to mouth co ordination is quite difficult for him.

 

I'm not sure what to do either. I don't force the issue as he eats very well and still doesn't sleep at night so I don't want a hungry child who doesn't sleep at night!!!

 

Sorry I couldn't be any help- but I do know how you feel >:D<<'>

 

Denisex

Edited by Jadensmum

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Its so frustrating because he CAN feed himself perfectly well but just won't actually do it! He sleeps well and I find that cauliflower is the best veg because he loves potatoes and mashed cauli can easily be hidden in a forkfull of potato!!!!!

 

I'll stick with it - better he gets his 5 a day than not I suppose.....!

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My sons a nightmare at meal times, have to usually constantly keep on at him to finish his food, which he rarely does. Its almost impossible getting him to use a knife and fork, tends to use his hands.

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Max, 5, will feed himself, but only dry foods, only if they are cut up. He won't bite anything. Ive just accepted it, and carry trusty scissors in my handbag for nugget cutting at McDonalds, get some right funny looks, but Ive got a thick skin :P

 

Can give you any suggestions, Ive never got any where with Max.

 

Jo

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Update: We have started a star chart (ala supernanny) for his younger sister and he is VERY keen to have his own chart. I've knocked one up in Word if anyone else wants to give this a go - to get their 'treat' at the end of the day (comic or very small easy-to-dispose-of-later toy) they have to eat 2/3 of every meal and there is also 5 boxes for their five-a-day veg/fruit.

 

Works with NT dd, fingers crossed for Tyler !!!!

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Star charts worked for us for years to handle loads of issues. If we perservered it literally never failed. We just needed to make sure the chart was heavy on the visuals which was a challenge given my complete lack of artistic skills.

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Good luck with the star charts - refusal to do things a child is perfectly capable of is called "demand avoidance" and in autistic kids can become chronic and lead to 'passive aggressive' behaviour in adulthood (according to an adult who wrote about this on a forum). There even is a suggested sub-category of ASD called "Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome" which is an extreme form of this behaviour.

 

While I understand that you care about what he eats, you also have to remember that such manipulative behaviour can quickly become a habit (which is even harder to tackle once he's got it into his head you will always give in!), and could potentially spread to other areas where he can't be bothered.

 

http://www.pdacontact.org.uk/noframes/whatispda.shtml

http://www.pdacontact.org.uk/noframes/pdacomparisons.shtml

http://www.pdacontact.org.uk/noframes/criteria.shtml

http://www.pdacontact.org.uk/noframes/guidelines.shtml

Edited by Noetic

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I honestly feel that he just can't be bothered, I've looked at the links - thanks for those - but he doesn't actively avoid, he just wouldn't bother to eat otherwise, unless it is something he likes - smiley faces, chips, ice cream (which he eats beautifully with a spoon and doesn't spill a drop), yoghurt, fish or chicken.

 

Maybe I am amking a mountain out of a molehil - it has been known!!!! :D

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my ds, 4 is just the same. Dh gets annoyed that I still feed him, but like you if I feed him he'll eat vegetables and anything I give him. But if he has to feed himself, which he is capable of, he'll only eat chips or certain foods. He eats ice-cream beautifully with a spoon himself. But he can't use a knife and fork. But I thought I might tackle it after Christmas when he starts school, when he comes home for lunch. As now I would worry if he hasn't eaten anything before he goes to nursery. He used to eat breakfast by himself, which he has stopped. I know this is not much help just that my ds is the same.

 

 

pim

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