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Lynden

But he doesn't seem autistic

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:angry: Annoyed today at our phsyio, she said that he doesn't seem autistic because he's really cuddly and affectionate. Well yes he is, but just to me, he's like a third arm and is attached to me 80% of the time. And of course we can just ignore all his other traits because he's cuddly?

 

I hate that generalisation!

 

Lynne x

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Should be filed alongside 'He can't be autistic because he can make eye contact' or 'He acn't be autistic because he has an imagination'.

 

It's amazing how many people who know nothing about Autism feel they know more than the experts!

 

Simon

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This is why we need ASD specialist people contributing to diagnosis and education, not these un-educated and ignorant morons that pass as professionals :angry:

 

Best wishes

 

HelenL

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Grrr. Doesn't it make you angry when people respond like this?? :wallbash:

 

My son is cuddly (with us) and has good eye contact and is autistic.

 

Wonder what she'd have to say about him? Don't they realise that, being a spectrum, the way autism manifests itself varies from person to person?

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:o I have a cuddly, imaginative eye gazing ASD kid..............squeezes the life out of you, can only imagine tractors, and stares too long! :rolleyes: ...........but I love him..............hate it when people say things like that..........the worse was..........he,s nothing like Dustin Hoffmann in Rainman :wallbash: .

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Both my boys are cuddly (with me!). Neither of them are much good at eye contact but they do attempt it. I get the same comments... can't be autistic because....

 

The whole bleedin' thing makes me sooooo mad

 

Lauren :wacko:

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alicia will tell me she loves me and i have to give her a kiss and a cuddle when she goes to bed or at school but she wont let me hug her ive just had an inspection today at school for her as they are assesing her at the moment and they have said they suspected asperges and pdla back in march now they dont know if she fits into the autistic catagory :wallbash::wallbash: she has all the symptoms, obsessions ,routines ,repeating if not done right ,no sense of danger ,split personality ,stares in to space,tantrums ect.....i could go on and on i feel like im just headbanging all the time and they say this after 45mins with her :lol: they should try living with it sorry for rambling needed to get it out , >:D<<'> so do know how you feel >:D<<'> >:D<<'> teresa

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My son was 16 last week and still gives me cuddles :)

 

So many teenager's don't even want to talk to their Mum's in public let alone give them a cuddle. I think its great!

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Me too - J isn't very affectionate but I always get "he can't be THAT autistic as he has really good eye contact" - he is on the more "severe" end of the spectrum :wallbash:

 

Denisex

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:angry::wallbash:

 

Don't even get me started!! :angry:

 

"But, he just smiled at me...." :blink:

 

"He doesn't look ill......" :wallbash:

 

"But he's a nice person..." Eh???!!! :angry:

 

The best by far was the very wet behind the ears student, sitting in on the consultants meeting. He was gawping at M - never seen 'a real live one' before... :hypno: . The consultant left the room - to get a leaflet or something - and he said, "he speaks well, have you been in England long" (M gets an american accent when stressed :wacko: ). It was the 'speaks well' that got me....???!!!!.....at that moment, M got up and walked over to him. Poked him in the shoulder "Excuse me man, i have got a bionicle toy, it's this big, this colour................natter, natter, natter". I usually distract M when he begins talking to (or should that be AT :D ) other people that arn't used to it. I chose to leave M to it - as the student blokey seemed to love his chat :devil: .

 

We left 15 minutes later, and M was still going :wub::lol: Think i got my message across :whistle::P

 

Suze - I am going to have bomfire type burning session of all the bloomin' rainman dvd's i can find - wanna join me :devil:

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My friends kid loves cuddles - from anyone and everyone, stranger and friend, male and female (causing some problems with Com who has tolerated it in the past but at 13 is a bit too aware to want kisses in the playground any more), even animals

 

yes, he's cuddly

 

and autistic

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C (my dd) is the same, can be very cuddly, if only on her own terms when she chooses, and is loving our new game of 'give us a kiss' :wub:

 

I've had the clueless ones who say stupid things and make pathetic platitudes too :rolleyes:

 

'Oh I know someone who had a kid with that and he grew out of it, he can talk now!' :wacko:

 

'Awwww and she's so pretty too' :fight:

 

'But she looks normal' :wallbash:

 

'Ohhhh she must be good at painting or maths or something!' :wine: (I need one by now!)

 

'Spoilt brat!' :angry:

 

ahem, rant over :oops:

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That one really winds me up too :angry: The number of people who have said but he can't be autistic/aspergers because he's affectionate/lively/loving/talks/ etc delete as appropriate! Talking to my mum about the possible diagnosis the other night and she said 'but he's not properly autistic is he, after all he's got all his lemon drops' FFS!!!!! Once again if DS isn't like Rainman he can't possibly be on the autistic spectrum. Why the hell do people think it's now called autistic SPECTRUM :wallbash: !!!

 

When it is friends or family I can partly understand it as they think they are being reassuring. Goes along with them trying to give false reassurance by telling me how their NT child does similar things to DS, again they mean well even if very annoying. When it's someone in a more professional it is very annoying.

 

Lx

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I've also had the "do you know that they are VERY clever and have special skills at certain things" (probably watched Rainman :lol: ).

 

"He must only have it very mildly because he can talk and he doesn't look any different". :wallbash:

 

"He does look at you, he just looked at me". :wallbash:

 

"But he can read so well". :wallbash:

 

"I would never have guessed, he looks normal to me" (yes, he is bl**dy normal thanks). :wallbash:

 

"But he's such a nice little boy", (why wouldn't he be) :wallbash:

 

I could go on and on and on, it really grates me when people actually start to tell you

what autism is and normally they come out with a load of old b******s :angry:

 

I think the one that left me absolutely gobsmacked was last week when a friend said to me "I dont know why you worry, someone told me that most people with ASD go on to get married and have kids, also have brilliant jobs". :blink:

 

Brook

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Lynne,

 

I was told my son wasn't autistic at 10, one of the reasons they gave was because he was cuddly. He eventually got a diagnosis of autism at 19. You would think that things would have moved on, it appears not. :(

 

Ask for a second opinion from someone with a good understanding of ASD.

 

Nellie xx

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An extension on the same theme. I actually had someone say to me the other night during a 'heated' discussion about whether my boys are autistic are not (apparently this friend... who has NO children.. never mind ASD... thinks that my AS son uses his dx as a way of getting his own way). She then said something like 'it's as if you want them to be autistic'... :shame::o I couldn't believe it.

NO NO NO I don't want that; I attempted (and probably failed) to explain that these things have a long history, that I'd spent years trying to find out why my boys weren't like other kids and to find what was making them behave in this way or that way, that when the dx eventually comes it is both devastating AND a huge relief that it's not caused by the parent but there is something else going on and that there may be something that can be done to help them with their difficulties.

 

I probably haven't explained that one well but really what people don't understand is the trauma, crisis, frustration, heartache and sheer hell that most of us go through long before there is a diagnosis; We don't just wake up one day and decide to label our kids as autistic. And also I spend alot of time trying to explain that the reason why some of the autistic traits may be in remission is that we've spent hours, days, weeks months and years teaching, nurturing, helping and intervening to help our children make sense of the world. Then we have to deal with this ignorance from people who are supposed to be our friends and family :crying:

 

Lauren

Edited by Lauren

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Me too - 5 years old, cuddly, talkative, imaginative, sense of humour and autistic. The best one I had was "but he is such a lovely boy" as if autistic kids are NOT lovely. :wallbash:

 

Fortunately I had been exposed to comments like this previously and it didn't upset me as the previous ones had, so I smiled sweetly and said "yes, he is, isn't he?".

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I get the he can't be autistic because

 

'He's lovely'

'He's so intelligent'

'He can talk'

 

:rolleyes: List is endless, most of the time I just choose to ignore it

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Thanks for the replies everyone! We've had a lot of similar comments from friends /family - he looks so normal etc etc but when its from a professional it drives me up the wall - especially since our consultant, who heads up the team the physio is in, confirmed only two weeks ago that he is autistic!

 

Thankfully we only have one more appointment with her (physio) so I dont need to worry about her input - not that she did much in the first place ;-)

 

Lynne x

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My son loves cuddles but on his terms! Best one was his Ot at school who had been on a recent talk about aspergers by Tony Attwood. She informed me that my son was mild AS! Both hubbie and I tried to explain no such thing. She then proceeded to talk about her son who I believe at the time was approaching Alevels. She told us that he had asked whether he should seek a diagnosis of Aspergers as it would get him more time in exams. She then when she was supposed to be discusing my sons progress proceeded to tell us all about her sons uni applications. As her son has symptoms of dyspraxia she feels that he might also qualify for a dx but obviously believes that parents only do so for ulterior motives. Funny that since son has seen loads of proper experts who agree with dx. She should see him at home after a bad day at school.

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Guest flutter

i have an extremely affectionate daughter

she chooses who tho

dont let this doubt where you are at

it is easy to be swayed

>:D<<'>

C x

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As a baby and toddler, Luke had great difficulty with affection. He did not like being held, cubbled or kissed. He also had gret difficulty sustaining eye contact.

 

It has taken a great deal of persistance (we are naturally a very affectionate family) that we have managed to turn this around, and he is now a very affectionate little boy. Trouble is, he has gone too far the other way - he is now too affectionate. He will ty and cuddle anyone anywhere. This is causing him a lit of trouble in school because he tries to cubble the other children and does not understand that they do not like it. He does not understand the boundries, or understand the signals when his affection is not appreciated.

 

The eye contact has also taken a lot of effort. I have lost count of the number of times I have had to say 'look at me' while I have been talking to him. The result is that his eye contact is much better.

 

It is when we hear comments like the above, that I wonder if we should have just left him to develop in his own way. If we had, maybe we would not be having the problems we are now getting someone to agree to do a proper dx :wallbash:

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>:D<<'> I know exactly where you are coming from with this. My son M loves a cuddle with me and my husband (not so keen with others though) and yes he makes eye contact with us (not so good with strangers though) I had a comment from CAMHS several months ago when the psychologist said to us 'he's showing autistic traits but he made eye contact with me once '- WHAT - she needed to read up on autistic spectrum disorders :wallbash: Because of her lack of knowledge it took her 8 weeks to decide if he needed a diagnosis. His teacher is another one who even though his Speech and Language assessment came back with poor understanding of language (he is five but scored for a three and a half year old) looked at me and raised her eyebrows as if i was lying :angry:

Why is it that we are faced with all these stupid comments and lack of understanding when our lives are hard enough as it is. :angry:

Glad we are all in this together

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Bevalee - SNAP! Phas jr was 16 last week as well. He gives cuddles - bear hug type 'cuddles' that is! Being 6ft 3 (with no idea of how strong he is) they hurt!

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Lewis loves to give us cuddles, when he decides but he is always telling us he loves us and his eye contact is getting better all the time.

My Dad, the best (apart from an old woman on the bus "Just needs a clip round the ear, wouldn't have happened in my day.." type ) " Send him up to me, i'll sort him out, he just needs taking in hand..." so we did :devil: mwah mwah mwaaaah. We went on holiday and my Dad was on his knees when we got back! ha!

The one i hate the most, "Well he looks alright to me..." AAAARGGGGGH, who ARE these people??! :angry:

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The best one I had was from a mother at the school. "but he is such a quiet little boy, I never would have guessed." Did she think he should be running around screaming or something and what did she think made him so quiet? I constantly feel I have to convince people, like they think I make it all up or something.

 

Another thing I hate is when someone says "he just needs a good slap" (I had this from a GP) "if he was mine he would have to get on with it" (eat what he's given etc). :angry:

 

Viper.

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M is & always has been very cuddly & affectionate, always hollers across the playground at me that he loves me before he goes into school :wub: he also tells his teacher & his teaching assistants that he loves them too & hugs them lots :lol:

 

I think people make the eye contact presumption about M too, to be honest I hadn't noticed his avoidance of eye contact until as was mentioned, then I realised how clever he is at looking like he's giving people eye contact at the correct points in conversation!! :lol:

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oopppssss .... better tell T that he can't be autistic as he was in bed with me this morning giving me a lovely cuddle (snuggle as he calls it), oh and that because he cuddles up on the sofa with me, gave me a kiss goodbye infront of SENCO at school today, hugs boths his grandparents, used to hug complete strangers ... thank goodness that has now stopped, could be a bit awkward at times! Oh and lets not forget the fact that he loves the stage, has been in several drama productions, and will perform to an audience of 'strangers', and as for that ###### rain man film ... how many times have I had to tell people ... no no not like dustin hoffman - he doesn't have a special gift with maths etc ...

 

I didn't want him to have labels, I resisted them for years, other people need them to understand him and then there are other people who don't even understand the ###### labels and not just the non-professionals!

 

Oh and hang on ... what about me ... and my AS, hmmm, to many people I am not autistic in the obvious sense, and have learnt to control my rigidity, I still have HUGE problems with change (usually making me angry and short tempered) and the OCD has its good points if I don't let it get out of control. Flexibility has been the hardest thing for me to learn, and the hardest for my partner to come to terms with. I do have an imagination, been a writer and painter all my life .. and I am very very affectionate to those that I care about, as well as loyal. I am however considered very blunt, and this does scare people, but hey that can have its up side too, ever seen a SENCO go pale and wish she could crawl under her desk ... I have!

 

HHxx

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