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[Jennifer]

hello to everyone here, i'm vipers eldest and possibly most 'normal' child! I've resisted the urge to join for a while now, but i think i need to be on here now!

As u probably know from mum, one of my sisters and my little brother are both on the autistic spectrum. But thats not really the reason i'm here, i'm here because i now think that my boyfriend of 6 months may also be on the autistic spectrum. I seem the attract 'em! lol

 

some of the things that have lead me to think he may be autistic are, he has obsessions, one from before i knew him was with the band 'placebo' i don't know much about this obsession because it was before my time so to speak! Currently hes obsessed with his computer, and especially a game called World of War Craft, which gets more attention than i do, grrr! Hes very fussy about his food and lives on a diet of pringels, pizza and scotch eggs! When we have an argument he always with out ail runs off somewhere, and i have to go and coax him back. He cant express his feeling at all, and if i push him to he will get really worked up and upset. Hes terrified of doges, and doesn't really like any animals apart from hamsters and fish (which i can see being his new obsession, since i bought him tropical fish for christmas!)

i didn't realize this until mum pointed it out earlier but he finds it very hard to hold a conversation, hes fine with me, but people he doesn't know so well he seems awkward and uncomfortable, and fidgets a lot.

the thing that really got me thinking was something he said the other day, his mum was in his room and was trying to talk to him about something, and keep shouting at her to go away, and said that he doesn't like people around him, and then he said that he wished he could go and live on a island on his own, with just his computer, when i asked him if he would get lonely he said no.

 

sorry its so long, i just feel i need to say every thing for people to understand!

any advise or opinion would be greatly appreciated

[Tylers-mum]

Hi Jennifer.

Have you asked your Mum's opinion on this??

Without seeing him or being around him myself, it is really hard to tell. I only realised my son's father was possibly on the spectrum after we split and I was then researching it for my son (as my ex's brother and nephews are on the spectrum) and that was when everything my son's father did and the person he was, made me realise that he may well be on the spectrum also but I haven't seen him for 6yrs (since before son was born) so can't really confirm this as he actually never told me himself that he was. Whether he knew himself I'll never know.

On the other hand, I'm definately NT but I hate socializing, am a loner, love computers (well, it's my only social life where I don't have to actually see people! LOL), not a very good conversationalist other than with family, can't really express my emotions at all not even for myself when alone etc etc but I've taken test after test online which proves I'm not ASD. Must admit I had considered it but now I know for sure I an't!

 

Basically what I'm trying to say is, everyone on the spectrum is different as you know I'm sure and without your b/f being officailly tested by a certified doctor who specialises in ASD, then it's really hard for me to say or for anyone really b/c if you look at both my ex and myself, you'd say we were both on the spectrum! Hmmm!!! It's a tough one but I hope you get the answers you are looking for and that your b/f can seek some kind of assessments to confirm if he does or does not have an ASD if he wishes.

 

((((HUGS)))) to you both.

Edited January 1, 2006 by Tylers-mum

[barefoot wend]

Jennifer

 

Welcome. It is difficult being with someone who is 'on the spectrum' but you are certainly more clued up about it all than most people and the fact that you're here writing about your man shows that you care.

 

I think most people involved in a relationship with someone have to take the good bits and ignore the irritating bits, so in that sense, it's not unlike any other. My Dad had AS and he and my Mum were together for over 50 years. Yes, it took a bit of work, but then most relationships worth anything do.

 

Good to talk with you. Keep posting.

 

Barefoot

[Viper]

Just bumping her back up.

 

Viper.

[Guest flutter]

hey and welcome

i sometimes wonder if we see too much in things after living with what we do

as long as you like him how he is and you enjoy each ohters company i would go with that at the moment

u have a very cool mum btw, u are lucky

C xxx

[something_different]

hello and welcome

[nikrix]

Hi jennifer and welcome,

I have no answers concerning you boyfriend, what I will say is that all the male NT in my family have obsessions with computers and other things. My 12 year old like his own company and is shy in company of others, perhaps it a man thing, sorry all you guys

[madmooch]

I second the man thing

My brother is terrible with obsessions, he's also into fish and his computer

 

Welcome Jennifer, try not to dwell on it and as you get to know him better you might find he's just a typical boy and if not you have all the info to help him.

 

 

Madmooch

[ceecee]

Welcome to the forum.I think above all else you nedd to tread carefully here.For someone to be on the spectrum they need to tick quite a few boxes.

 

I have only recently realised I have A.S> I have taken two on line tests which shows in all probability I am right.

 

Yet i don't have any probs with eye contact or have any obsessions(apart from coming on here

 

I am sure I am teaching you to suck eggs having two siblings on the spectrum, but I would say to you just keep quiet at the moment and see how things pan out.

Edited January 1, 2006 by ceecee

[DAS999]

Hello and welcome <'>

[rainbow queen]

<'> <'> <'> welcome

[OPooh]

Hi there and welcome.

 

LOL alot of that sounds like my bloke too.

 

Hope you get some answers either way hun.

[baddad]

Hi Jennifer -

 

Couldn't possibly comment one way or another, but what i can say is that most of the stuff you mention is fairly typical teenage boy stuff - and some of it is just typical 'bloke' stuff fullstop, I'm afraid

 

One thing I would pick up on though is that comment about 'attracting them'...

I think people who live around others with ASD's or ASD traits are often less 'fixed' in their ideas about social ettiquette and stuff, so things like eye contact/body language - all the things people with ASD's may have problems with - aren't noticed or picked up on. If only ALL of society could be like the, eh?

The other thing is, if you have people significant to you who do have problems in those sort of areas, they may be traits that you unconsciously respond to and seek out, because they remind you of people you care about.

It is definitely a trait that I've noticed at support groups and stuff that couples attending often each seem to have a smattering of traits, and often i think that getting a 'pinch' from two mildly (sorry to use that word, but YKWIM) affected parents may result in greater difficulties for the child...

 

Hope that's helpful,

L&P

BD

[Steve_colour-se7en]

Hello Jennifer,

 

Welcome to the forum,

my son and myself are both AS (mild) and we both have what i prefer to call - intense interests (obsessions-apparently) one of the most amazing things to me yet, I suppose one of the most difficult for NT's in general (outside of this forum) is the fact that no two autistic people,( I refer here to everyone on the spectrum in this sense as autistic AS included) present the same traits. This is why i think the whole autism concept is difficult for the public at large to apprieciate and understand. My son shows certain things that i do not and visa versa. I truly feel if one was to look long enough and hard enough at a certain person, traits attributed to autism will possibly be there even though that particular person might not be on the spectrum at all.. Far too many people make to much of the DSM IV Criteria, good if it is used in the way it was intended, which was basically to give professionals a basic guideline, I've spoken (e-mail and forums) to so many people before who try so hard themselves, to meet all of the criteria laid down in this paper (an alarming thought )in respect of trying hard enough they will possibly condition themselves to the fact that they are, what actually they are not. Also by the same token I feel some professionals in the past have mis-diagnosed because of this very reason, for instance the person they assess may not present all as laid down, as such they cannot be - alarming thought though don't you think.

My advice to you is dont try to look to hard if it is apparent you will find out soon enough.

I have placed a link to a picture on my own website, of my son and myself if he looks like we do on here then that's the time to really start to worrry hit the link then scroll down the page a little.

 

http://www.colour-se7en.co.uk/kids.htm

 

Let me know what you think, don't be offended / it is not my intension to be so, its just my AS humour!

 

Steve..

 

I think the boy means well but he is distinctly inclined to be inattentive......

Tutor of Winston Churchill to Lord Randolph Churchill,

Winston's father

Edited January 1, 2006 by Steve_colour-se7en

[lindy-lou]

hello jennifer!!

 

cheesey smiley

[niki]

velcome ya ha ha! now u r here u can neverrrr leave ya ha ha

[Viper]

oops! jennifer posting as mum! lol

Edited January 1, 2006 by Viper

[Jennifer]

thanx for ur warm welcome and all ur help!

[reuby2]

Hiya Jennifer,

Pleased to meet you!!

I know that you are concerned about your boyfriend and want to understand him, but how does it make YOU feel. Don't let yourself get swallowed up by your boyfriends problems, I know that you have close experience of loving and caring about people on the autistic spectrum but your boyfriend could just be immature or stressed.

I say that because when i was in my late teens i got involved with someone who had problems and for 5 years i made excuses for his behaviour, in that time i lost my self respect and confidence. Also since my son was dx in november with an ASD, everyone i see has some "autistic" feature.I don't know whether i am looking for it or what!

 

Anyway I just wanted to say look after yourself and if your boyfriend does have ASD then some of these things can be worked through.

Have a look at some of DAS999 posts as he has a girlfriend with ASD and is very supportive of her.

 

Take care x

Edited January 2, 2006 by reuby2

[kirstie]

<'> Hi Jennifer and welcome.

I always say that its great to have our asd members as it helps us better understand our kids with asd, but it is also the same for the siblings who don't have asd. It isn't always easy to know how our children are feeling about life with an asd brother or sister. My eldest son at 13 isn't always keen to talk about his feelings so i don't always know what his life is like in his eyes. I may call on you sometime and ask your opinions, is this ok?

As for your boyfriend, you obviously care very much about him. i think asd or not he just needs to be accepted for who he is, and it sounds like you do anyway. He will know he has found a gem!

hop you keep posting

take care,

kirstie.

[Jennifer]

I may call on you sometime and ask your opinions, is this ok?

yeah, i'll help anyway i can!

[Viper]

How come my daughter has been on here for 5 min's and can do the quote thing already and I still can't?

 

Viper.