lindy-lou Report post Posted January 3, 2006 i have a friend who has a little boy of 4,the little boy is a lovely little fella but to me and my sister he has very obvious signs of being on the spectrum,he never sits still,he never stops talking,he's always in your face and saying inappropriate things,he has no concentration span,cant mix with his peers other than aggresively and has an real obsession about cars,ive known him since he was nearly 3 and for as long as ive known him he's been able to tell you the make and model of every car,he also taught himself to read with no help,but cant write a word,i have tried very nicely to suggest to my friend that she should maybe talk to her health visitor about getting him assessed,but she refuses point blank to talk about it and i dont think its right for me to push the issue but on the otherhand i dont want her or her son to go without the help and input they may both need,she's aware of indias AS and also my nephews and what it means,i personally think she may also be on the spectrum too,she is very alone with no family and no support,she had a very difficult time bonding with R and this has only started to happen recently,do you think that could be more to do with R's problems than a spectrum disorder?i think im seeing AS traits in people because im so aware of it so i dont know if im doing the right thing in trying to help her go for an assessment,will the school automatically pick up these problems and refer him themselves?i dont want him to just get the "naughty child " label if he's struggling to cope,what would you do or suggest if this was your friend? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phasmid Report post Posted January 3, 2006 You can do no more than you have really. You have expressed your thoughts - she has chosen to ignore them. But the seed is there, all you can do now is leave her to chase it up or not. Then, if she does decide to look at it just be there for her if she needs you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ameretto Report post Posted January 3, 2006 Lindy-lou, I have been in a very similar situation to yours a couple of years ago. I think the worst thing you can do with a resistant or defensive person in any situation is to push too hard. However, your instincts are well worth listening to. I understand the concern about 'seeing ASDs everywhere' but you haven't raised the issue for your own entertainment; i am sure you have thought it through thoroughly before speaking and if you think you can see Autistic traits, then it is more than possible that they are there. As far as i am concerned, the parent of an ASD child ( i mean you!) is as good an 'expert' on ASDs as any professional, purely because of the nature of the spectrum. I'm afraid that all i could honestly reccommend is a softly softly approach; you are clearly a conscientious and much-needed friend. If the issues you can see so clearly remain (and they will if they are ASD-related) then the mother will be forced to recognise/address them in time, and then she will need her friends, especially the intelligent, clued-up ones such as yourself. Natasha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ceecee Report post Posted January 4, 2006 Lindy-Lou I too have been in a similar situation to you and have pushed too hard through worry and concern.From what I have read being able to know the name and make of each and every car and things like this is common in people with A.S. You hae done what you can voiced your concerns i would leave it there and be there for your friend when and if she needs you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy-lou Report post Posted January 4, 2006 im not going to push my friend anymore,i know she must know deep down and she's frightened,but she's also very stubborn,what i really want to know is what the school will(or should)do if they suspect a child to have any sort of learning or behaviour problems and what happens if they meet resistance from the parents??is there any sort of legal obligation for you to have your child assessed on a schools recommendation? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lancelot Report post Posted January 4, 2006 Hi LL, I've seen this from the other side. When C was 2, a good friend met him from the first time and hesitantly asked if we'd considered that he might be autistic. No, no, we scoffed, he's a little shy with strangers, nervous, rather stubborn perhaps, but ever so bright, affectionate and rewarding, so he can't be (I guess we had all the old misconceptions, then!). Then he went to school and the sh*t hit the fan within hours. At the time, I remember bristling with indignation at the idea that C was autistic and taking it almost as a criticism. All the same, when we started to look at getting a diagnosis, we had autism in the back of our minds from the start, and it came as less of a shock for that reason. DO tell your friend what a lovely child he is (she may well feel very defensive about this especially if she worries about her relationship with him); and be around for her when he starts school, if you can, because that might be when things escalate... Hoipe that helps? L x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
