Addicted to gaming

[Strange girl]

my son has become totally addicted to computer games. I contributed to this because it was the one tool I had to work with. It became both a punishment and a reward. Good behaviour meant game time, or I could withold it until he did something he was supposed to, or as a consequence for an undesired behaviour, etc. It seems to have become the only thing he lives for, He hasn't touched any of his xmas presents- games, puzzles, books, etc. He only wants to go on the computer, morning noon and night. I'm sure he even dreams about it. It has got to a point that when I ask him to get off it he behaves like a desperate junkie, even going into tantrums or meltdowns or hitting, and swearing & throwing things if I turn it off. He gets so intense and involved in the games and so frustrated and upset- even crying when he loses, it's just not fun anymore! It has become a pinnacle for life outside school and what used to be a convenient bartering tool has become an obsessional interest to the exclusion of all else. I have had to pretend its broken at times by unplugging it, but he's cottoned on to that now so its a begging battle to keep him away from it. If he was using it for homework or something it wouldn't be so bad, but he has lost interest in all the ed sites on the web and is caught up in games, esp the runescape site.. which I am sure is quite addictive gameplay but.. its just out of control now. He walks into school talking about his runescape characters and the first thing he says to me afterschool, is can I go on runescape- I've been good at school.

 

I don't know what to do. Does anyone else have any experience of this or how I proceed? I don't want to have to get rid of the computer (I use it every day myself) but its become a source of stress I could do without.

[jb1964]

My daughter is like that over her computer - although she is exactly the same if it is her xbox/ps2 or ds that she is currently obsessed about. She doesn't go out and has no social life to talk about. If I manage to persuade her to invite someone over she usually ends up going on the computer/game etc and totally ignores them or asks when are they leaving because she wants to do something on her own.

 

I try to have some sort of structure to it - that she is supposed to follow although very often for my own 5mins I will not stick to this which causes immense grief and I have been really trying to make sure she sticks to it.

 

She is supposed to have breaks after 1hr play and no later than 8.30pm - if she doesn't go to school because she feels well then she's not allowed on there until school finishes 3.15pm - however, I also use it exactly the same for punishment, reward and if she's very anxious and I can see a possible escalation into a meltdown will allow her on there as her 'comfort zone'.

 

We often say that if we didn't have the items in the house would it be any better - although unless she's reading or drawing/writing she doesn't do much else so I can imagine it being hell with her being so 'bored' all the time. I also feel like you can't win whichever route you take.

[Tylers-mum]

You've just described T to a te except his obsession is with his playstation and not the PC.

The minute he comes in from school and the time he wakes up (at the crack of dawn) he is on the PS2.

It was like you said, both a treat and a pinishment buty he gets soooo verbally violent and throws hugh meltdowns if I tell him to turn it off.

Used to be peace for me when he was on it but now it's more of a hindrance.

 

Sorry, no advise I'm afraid but I will be looking out for the responses to this thread.

[alibaly]

Just switch it off, yes it will mean meltdowns etc for a while but it will be worth it. To soften the blow you can tell your son prior to it going off why it is going off, that he can use it but only at certain times and for so long each day.

 

hth

[lynyona]

Wow phsychic folks.lol i had just logged on to post the same,i am sat her in my living room on my laptop.Now my groundhog day is this.Kieran doesnt go to school or even out.Today........ he got up at half 8 straight to the xbox aghhh fifa 2006 oh dear he s losing swear swear rant rant, now he will be on this untll 7 o clock tonight then he goes upstairs quiet you may think oh no,we now have ps2 soul calibur blasting rant rant swear swear,or dvd on headphones on walking around floor squeeking and singing loudly or loudly talking to himself, i ll go to bed he still have got tv on i turn it down and i can still hear him muttering to himself and if we are lucky he might turn his light off by half 1 ish oh joy cant wait for tomorrow.He cant take his xbox in his bedroom as for some reason now it wont run on his tv,i think itd have a tragic accident but the meltdown after the event would be mega...oh dear what are we all going to do.?he s not so bad on the computer but he looks at sites unsuitable for him(maybe not a normal 19 year old) so my youngest as put a content blocker on and he doesnt know the password so he doesnt bother with it now the plus side is we dont get half as many viruses we used to.Like tylers mum i ll watch this post with interest.

 

lynn

[LittleRae]

Also have this problem with the PC, but not playstation. The playstation was a Christmas present and Santa sent a note to say it was for weekends only & school holidays - DS has never even asked to play during the week (unless it's a special occasion, e.g. when friends are over). Good man, Santa.

 

It never occurred to me to limit his time on the PC as he had lots of educational games at the time, which he loved. For the past 2 years however all he has played is Operation Genesis (Jurassic Park) and the new craze is Earth 2190, which he plays for hours each day.

 

As he's so quiet when he's playing, it's easy to forget about him

 

I'm currently on the look-out for more educational stuff for him, particularly Maths, if someone has any ideas

 

A

[Strange girl]

My daughter is like that over her computer - although she is exactly the same if it is her xbox/ps2 or ds that she is currently obsessed about. She doesn't go out and has no social life to talk about. If I manage to persuade her to invite someone over she usually ends up going on the computer/game etc and totally ignores them or asks when are they leaving because she wants to do something on her own.

 

Thanks all, we'll all watch for ideas together. . jb1964 -We used to have a ps2 but I gave it away for quite similar reasons to this computer prob. He had a GBA too but during a frustrated impulsive moment he threw it to the floor and broke it. I was relieved and never replaced it. If he has a friend with a ps2 he will ignore the friend and play with the game. If there is a computer he will get so wound up he will fall out with his friend to gain full access to the machine. He does TRY to share but its sooo hard for him. He sometimes says to me, mum do you want a turn on the computer game? I accept to go along with the sharing turn taking learning thing, but very soon after I am on it he will be telling me I am doing it wrong and getting upset if I do it a different way to what he expects . .. Its so difficult. Part of me feels mean, that I want to put an end to anything he really seems to love, but it gets so destructive in his level of intensity and attachment that it can't be healthy. If he would just say, aww, ok I'll shut it down now. Then it wouldn't be driving me quite so mad at the mo. He always promises in advance that is how he will get off when the time comes. (8:30) but so often it's a conflict waiting to happen. He's shooting himself in the foot, but he can't seem to help himself.

I have no idea what I would use to motivate him without it, he would be moping and bored no doubt, but isn't that misery better than his present explosive addiction? ..I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

alibaly- I do tell him why it is going off and when, then I do turn it off, if he doesn't. but it means aggro. Not just for a while. He has had the computer taken away on several occassions as a consequence to not cooperating at log off time but it has not made a difference to future usage. He gets so wrapped up in it, that he can't seem to help himself.. but thanks anyway.

 

D's mum- its easy to forget about my son until the computer is turned off. I truly think if I didn't time it he would be on it til 5am! When he's at home I just plug him in and forget about him. (or in actual fact I 'nag' him. Nagging is when I say anything to him that isn't directly related to the game )

 

What age is yr son? I might be able to point you in the right direction for some education/ maths sites.

[LittleRae]

Thanks SG

 

DS is 10. He's quite good at Maths according to teacher, but he has himself convinced he's useless as he's not quite as good as in other subjects. He had a problem with compound multiplication last term, and now hits the roof whenever he's asked to do Maths. I thought games with Maths might help. When he was younger he used the Jump Ahead series which he loved.

 

Any ideas greatly appreciated

 

A

[alibaly]

Strange girl I mean for you to just switch it off and lay down new ground rules, basically say, " enough is enough as this is taking over your life and its time it stopped." Re-negotiate the whole thing but remember you are the parent and you make the rules, I know that sounds hard but maybe if you put a reward system in place for when he does it your way he'll see that this can be to his benefit. Buy a couple of cheap alarm clocks with different sounds and set them to go off at certain intervals so he has fair warning before he is supposed to finish his game. I wouldn't worry too much about finding other things for him to do at this stage, I think that once you have switched the machine off you'll be able to find things for him then. Desperation can work wonders at times Also, I really do think you'll just have to ride the meltdowns out, it won't be pleasant for anyone and they may get worse before they get better but it really will beworth it in the long run.

 

hth

[DaisyProudfoot]

I hate to say it guys - but we're the ones who've got ourselves into this mess.

 

My AS son is also obsessional about the PC and PS2 and I know it's my fault. Anything for the easy life, when he's occupied with these things he's not running riot and destroying the house.

 

However we have started giving him time limits and he's fine with that. We have three computers in our house and one PS2, we also have four kids of computer age and one who is addicted to trains and will happily sit watching Thomas go round and round and round, puffing steam and peeping (and he's supposedly NT!)

 

We all know what to do - start limiting the time and reducing it bit by bit, better than cold turkey I think

 

Daisy

[jb1964]

Strangegirl

 

With reference to the PC/Games - I do find very often her behaviour is different depending on what kind of game she's on or what she's doing on the PC.

 

If she's on a site like Neopets or a gaming forum or something, or playing a game on her PC/PS2 or Xbox like the Sims then although we have the same old problem of dragging her off there - it is worse if she's playing a game that has levels in it that can only be saved at certain stages. We then have more of the but I can't come off now because I haven't saved the game - although I probably told her 10mins before the time up and 10mins before that warning that she only had XX amount of time left - if she can only save the game after she finishes a stage then that causes the biggest sort of aggro and the worst kind of frustration when she's actually playing it - with you not even being able to talk to her (ask a question) without her getting very nasty.

 

I've started to put together a list for her (well I've got to a page full of things I want some structure to including the PC etc) which has to be completely watertight but will allow changes for special reasons (which only I will give!!!) - although I know she will always find a little loophole somewhere because I said so and so and the list says so and so...

[lynyona]

Well i have to definately agree with daisy as my eldest says ofen a lot of theses situations have been created by me "letting him get away with it" as he puts it.In kierans case i think idhave to hve a lead sheild to hide behind from the ranting and throwing things of a 6ft 19 year old. Hark what is that sound i hear Kieran walking round talking to himself in his bedroom at least the xbox is quite for a while

 

lynn

[Strange girl]

Strangegirl

 

With reference to the PC/Games - I do find very often her behaviour is different depending on what kind of game she's on or what she's doing on the PC.

 

If she's on a site like Neopets or a gaming forum or something, or playing a game on her PC/PS2 or Xbox like the Sims then although we have the same old problem of dragging her off there - it is worse if she's playing a game that has levels in it that can only be saved at certain stages. We then have more of the but I can't come off now because I haven't saved the game - although I probably told her 10mins before the time up and 10mins before that warning that she only had XX amount of time left - if she can only save the game after she finishes a stage then that causes the biggest sort of aggro and the worst kind of frustration when she's actually playing it - with you not even being able to talk to her (ask a question) without her getting very nasty.

 

I've started to put together a list for her (well I've got to a page full of things I want some structure to including the PC etc) which has to be completely watertight but will allow changes for special reasons (which only I will give!!!) - although I know she will always find a little loophole somewhere because I said so and so and the list says so and so...

 

I know exactly what you mean. These are the ones that cause the most bother. If he has nothing to lose by quitting wherever/whenever I ask, it is much easier to get him off. I know I have been very contributary to the problem, and I know I have to be the one in charge whether he flips or not. I can see if you are playing a game and you get so far and have to lose it to start all over again because you haven't made it to the right point to save & quit, that it would be frustrating- but I do give him countdown warnings which he should be able to use to get to a safe place before shut down. Instead the forwarnings seem to stress and panic him more- in a race against the clock? I dunno. I guess I just plod on sticking to guns and cut off time is cut off time. The only other thing I have been doing, is if he comes off it nicely on time he gets a sticker on his chart and to use the computer the next night. If he doesn't come off nicely the next day he is not allowed on it. The problem with that is that I also use computer time as a reward for doing well at school (which does actually seem to be working v. well) but if I have taken away computer for not coming off it, I have nothing to reward his school day with on that day? I know it sounds a mess, but he doesn't have enough other interests to sanction. The computer covers a lot of bases..

 

 

D's mum- Yes, my son also loved the jump ahead series. This site should have something to play at to get started, I am sure I have a few more sites kickin around, if I come across them I'll pass them on.

http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/ma...able/index.html

[jb1964]

Strangegirl - if you manage to get some sort of system to get him off these type of games let me know the secret. I can remind my daughter every 5/10mins for the last 1/2hour before the deadline - and she'll still come up with the same answer. We also try very hard to stick to routine and structure over these but sometimes it's so hard - especially if you're in the middle of something else to keep checking and then they've gone over their time and you didn't say and...but.but.but.but - aarghhhhhhhhhh - just thinking about it makes me get a stressed neck!!!!!

 

We use the PC/Gaming consoles as a reward too because there's nothing else she does (except if she has started to read something which turns into an obsession - like the whole set of 'Series of Unfortunate Events' read in a week). All she will do then is watch TV/DVD's - the Simpsons/Futurama and Third Rock from the Sun.

[Strange girl]

jb1964- It's like the twilight zone around here It all sounds so familiar. It sounds like our children have a lot in common, inc series of unfortunate events, simpsons, & futurama. (none of them pull enough weight to use consequentially, but they make good rewards or minor incentives. )

[microsoft_admin]

sounds like me till a year ago i was much worse though

 

if i lost a game i used to feel like i had dies and i would depressed for a few weeks i would cry through tantrums melt dowen (as u call it) this would happen every time i lost

 

when i won i would go running doen the main road shouting things like we won the war

the battles over

no more monsters

 

if i had to come off the computer i would just explode with rage i used to smash all the plates and bowels and china every time i had to come of the computer

[jannyk]

my son j was totally addicted to ruinscape for about 4 years it was like he totally lived for this game he talked about it all the time even drew pictures of his person and his body armour etc we just butcouldnt get him off this game then sombody hacked into his account we did everything possible to get it back for him but we couldnt and to j it was like his life was over he kept saying he couldnt go on without it might as well just die now but now hes found world of warcraft and is started to get obsessed with this game he will be on for hours then go upstairs has rediscovered the ps2 be on this till about

10 then into bed to watch dvds or tv for hours x

[microsoft_admin]

im totally addicted to gaming and caffiene

[Strange girl]

but now hes found world of warcraft

 

hi, i just had a look at that site and found an option for parental control. It sounds good if it works. If it does work- ALL addictive games should have it. It says the parent can set the log in times and outside these set times the child will not be able to log on. That would be good. If the computer itself could say, ok time to go to bed- I'll save your game for you- see you next time..

[LittleRae]

D's mum- Yes, my son also loved the jump ahead series. This site should have something to play at to get started, I am sure I have a few more sites kickin around, if I come across them I'll pass them on.

http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/ma...able/index.html

 

Thanks for this SG. DS has no school today, so I'll try them out

 

A

[Strange girl]

No prob, I found a few more, my son quite likes:

http://www.funbrain.com/math/

http://www.aplusmath.com/games/index.html

http://www.whizzeducation.com/ (haven't tried this one yet..)

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/index.shtml (there's a few maths bits on here)

 

HTH

[DaisyProudfoot]

Has anyone ever read the Otherland series by Tad Williams.

 

It's fantasy/sci fi all about a virtual reality internet world and the evil which spawned it. It follows the fortunes and falls of a bunch of people trapped online and some it's quite horrid (not for kids really)

 

Now that is totally scary and the reality can't be far away

 

Daisy

[SallyM]

DS is 10. He's quite good at Maths according to teacher, but he has himself convinced he's useless as he's not quite as good as in other subjects. He had a problem with compound multiplication last term, and now hits the roof whenever he's asked to do Maths. I thought games with Maths might help. When he was younger he used the Jump Ahead series which he loved.

 

Any ideas greatly appreciated

 

Have you looked at Zoombinis? I'm not sure whether they would be too easy for your DS but they are maths based for older children. My DS1 is 7 and he finds it a little hard yet although he is good at maths. Amazon have them if you wanted to take a look.

 

HTH

 

Sally

[Lucas]

I need to jump in here because games are close to my heart and so-called 'common sense'(known to the wise as 'ignorance and presumption with better PR') when applied to games never ceases to make me annoyed.

 

As a child I would play games 4+ hours during weekdays and 10+ on weekends. I played whenever time allowed from my point of view, though about two-thirds of that time was not 'time allowed' but time that I just used anyway from my mom's view. There are a number of motivators to play games:

 

Fun- In my opinion, Autistic people actively seek out any form of comfort they can find and cling onto it. Freedom, control and stimulant which can include resting, stimming or having fun. Being taught is not fun, but learning is and the permenant learning enviroment is where I would love to go and stay, even if the learning is not considered learning by others or what I am learning is thought of as useless by others.

 

Time on a game may be excessive because it's a new game and there are things that need to be learned about it. Multiplayer games always go on for ages because other people provide sponteneity. If there was any proof that lack of Theory of Mind is absent in Autistics, play a game against one that owns some. They suddenly develop spectacular mind-reading skills Professor Baron-Cohen.

 

The second cause for excessive play is purely comfort: If I play a game for so long I deprive myself of food and sleep, I'm playing the game because I have a problem I'm unable to deal with myself and attempts to get help have failed.

 

For the past twelve months I've been having an awful time, I can't begin to count the amount of hourse I've spent playing World of Warcraft to cope with it. Now finally Connections has decided that in fact I DO fall under their remit because of learning difficulties(meaning the definition of 'young person' gets extended to twenty-five years for me, but they didn't want to acknowledge this for three years now) and now I'm actually getting some help. What a suprise that I'm out exercising more and not playing WoW so much.

 

But had I not had a games platform to cope, what would I have done? I'm a moderate drinker(not the Charles Kennedy definition) and never take drugs but who's to say that wouldn't change without a med-spec PC and broadband connection?

 

Games are predictable virtual enviroments where everything does what it is supposed to, real life could be very similiar with just a tiny bit of effort from everyone but they reserve their right to change their mind without notice, without given reason, demand things from others whilst refusing requests to themselves, etc.

 

No game character ever called me names unless it's in the script.

[Kathryn]

Time on a game may be excessive because it's a new game and there are things that need to be learned about it. Multiplayer games always go on for ages because other people provide sponteneity. If there was any proof that lack of Theory of Mind is absent in Autistics, play a game against one that owns some. They suddenly develop spectacular mind-reading skills Professor Baron-Cohen.

I was thinking along these lines yesterday, Lucas. My children finally persuaded me to play Starwars Battlefront. I usually shy away from games as I am so bad at them - I usually get wiped out in the first 60 seconds. But I was playing against my 8 year old son and my AS 16 year old was giving me a running commentary and telling me what to do. Thanks to her I was able to kill 3 stormtroopers and keep going for a good 15 minutes - not bad against a very competitive 8 year old who doesn't make allowances for a novice! I was amazed at my daughter's ability, not only to foresee situations, work out strategies and keep several different visual perspectives in her mind, but to be able to explain it all to me with great clarity AND at a level her poor ignorant mum could understand - that requires some mind reading surely? These are skills she struggles with in many real life situations: the contrast is striking.

Games are predictable virtual enviroments where everything does what it is supposed to, real life could be very similiar with just a tiny bit of effort from everyone but they reserve their right to change their mind without notice, without given reason, demand things from others whilst refusing requests to themselves, etc.

 

No game character ever called me names unless it's in the script.

That sums it up, really, especially your last comment. I think one could draw parallels with fiction and drama. They are attractive to many people for the same reason. They offer an escape into another kind of virtual world which may be full of danger or chaos, but there is the satisfaction in knowing that someone (the author) is in overall control and there is a direction and purpose to the whole thing. As you say, real life is very different.

[jayjay]

hi all this was exactly like my son he used to be on the PS2 from the minute he got up to the minute he went to bed and the anger and frustration he went through was unreal, in the end i posted on this site and they advised me to buy a timer which i did and it has worked it did take about a week and he can get anxious when the time is nearly up but now he sticks to it, i allow him 60 minutes on the PS2 then he has to come off. Only thing is i have caused another problem cause now after the 60 minutes he goes and puts the telly on and watches that on a timer for the 60 minutes then jumps back on the PS2 but he is not as tempemental as he was so its not that bad. ( if anyone is interested in the timer i bought it from Argos for about ?10.00) hope that helps.

jayne xx

[lainey]

god i wish it was just playstation and pc because in our house it's get ready for it dvd on in bedroom playstation and computer in back room cartoon network front room and game boy in hand and he flits between each room and wont let u turn anything off if u try to turn the tv over he shouts leave it alone and takes the remote control with him it's like a mad house

[Canopus]

Fun- In my opinion, Autistic people actively seek out any form of comfort they can find and cling onto it. Freedom, control and stimulant which can include resting, stimming or having fun. Being taught is not fun, but learning is and the permenant learning enviroment is where I would love to go and stay, even if the learning is not considered learning by others or what I am learning is thought of as useless by others.

 

I 100% agree with this. I never enjoyed school and I wouldn't say I enjoyed many university lectures but I love learning stuff. My parents and teachers were dismayed at the things I was interested in including computer programming, electronics, astronomy, and nuclear power stations because they were not part of the school curriculum. They thought I was wasting my time with these subjects and that I should read books that were more appropriate for someone of my age. My parents naively think that the school curriculum is the most important stuff to learn as a kid, and that one should specialise after they finish school. Perhaps this view is a result of them enjoying school and taking little interest in anything academic or intellectual outside of school as they preferred sports and watching popular television programmes.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Well, well, well - here's a turn up for the books - Martin has just asked me to cancel his subscription to Runescape

 

He says it's boring now and he'd prefer the pocket money back.

 

Wow!

[raelien]

OMG

 

This is scary - reading these posts are like seeing into a window of my own life......

 

C is obsessed and we use computer for rewards -

 

He gets half an hour each day allowance for being good - And he has to try hard at school - But hes getting wise - he now asks to go on the computer in the morning so he can get it over and then he thinks he can behave how he wants but we take it off the next day of he does that - but reading your posts has made me think -

 

C is only seven and its not out of hand yet -Apart from the fact when not playing then the computer is all he talks about... but I am now concerned about it becoming too out of hand - I suppose I will have to keep close tabs on it and stop it from becoming too intense -

 

Thanks for this thread - made me think abit about how I should handle this obviously big issue with my son when he reaches teenagerhood!

 

Suppose I should be gratfeul - My brothers obsesison as a child was to draw maps! - He was never diagnosed ASD but its plainly obvious - He was deaf so they put his social issues down to that - and never looked into anything further. - he had to draw a map of every single place we went to! and the were acurate too - he could have worked for the ordinance survey poeple before his obsession turned then to trains and train spotting!

 

He now works for the railways and spends weekends travelling the country so he can ride on every train ever built! ( sorry - off thread a little then) -

 

But anyway - yes - given me a lot to think about - how I handle the computer thing - thanks guys!

[virtualvisual]

Our house looks like a branch of Game, theres an xbox or playstation in every room and various pcs as well but it hasn't become much of a problem. My lads use the consoles to wind down mainly after school but the house rules always have been no electronics before school, after 5pm or on Sundays. As the rule has been a constant most of their lives it doesn't get questioned (yes we still have days where someone moans that they haven't saved or they want to stay on longer but no meltdowns worth mentioning). I honestly believe that they hide in the games as they know what to expect and exactly what is expected from them, there's no having to work out whether they have missed a social clue and if they do make a mistake then it can be "done over".

[lynyona]

Its just caught my notice Kieran as extended his obsession to gaming.when he s playing Fifa 2006 0n the back of the settee he has all his football shirts lined up and he changes the top to the relevant team he is playing at the time bless

 

 

 

lynn